Hey Meg! :)
So I had to stop by this one - I think I've started Fortuitous, and I thought about going back because it is such a great story - because it's one I've thought for ages looks interesting and never stopped by so it seemed like it was about time :P
I like the premise of it - that it's Hermione and the time turner has been kept to do something which has already happened, you know? Dumbledore knows she's going to go back, because she already has, and so everything is prepared to make sure the loop continues. I'm curious now to see whether or not you close the loop in the end or go off AU, but that's a way away :P
You write Hermione so well in this - she's so intuitive and so logical and so curious, and all her thoughts about what Harry tells her and Ron (about the Hallows and Snape being a double-agent and him being a Horcrux) and reactions to it are just so perfectly in character. Of course she'd have had suspicions when she found out about the Horcruxes, of course she'd have wondered about Dumbledore trusting Snape (and she's very like Remus in character, who trusted Dumbledore, and thus Snape, implicitly), and it makes so much sense for her - who hated Divination - to be so sceptical about the Hallows :P It's so good, and she's such a hard character to get right, and it's so impressive :)
Your writing, as always, is so lovely :) You have such a great style - it reads effortlessly, and your description and dialogue are both so natural to you and so beautiful. It's a real gift, honestly. I loved how you set this up, too - with it starting from just after the end of the canon series, and how it takes off from that last conversation Harry has with Hermione and Ron, and how immediately Hermione's going back in time. It works so well, and it all makes so much sense (which is so good - and rare - for a time-turner story :P), and I love the whole idea of Hermione - passionate, moral Hermione, doing something so dangerous on her own because she shouldn't put the others in any more danger. And her thoughts on Snape are lovely, too, even though I'm not a huge fan of his character :P
Also, I gotta say, I was super impressed with how well you captured all of the other canon characters you mention - Harry, Ron, and Dumbledore - because even though they're not in it much, they're all done so well and are so close to their canon selves. It's amazing, really.
This is a great start and a really clever idea and such a great set-up. I may have to come back :P (Though I'm sorry for the rambly nature of this review - it's a bit late here :P)
The battle of Hogwarts can be seen from more than one perspective. Here's how Molly Weasley experienced it.
linked oneshot Always on my mind by Marauder Lady
Hey there, Anja! :) Dropping by for the BvB review tag! :D
I hope it's okay that I stopped on this, but it just sounded so interesting and so sad, and I always love reading family/grief fics because there's something so real and so raw about them when they're done well, you know?
And really, this was so, so good - it's so beautiful and so sad, and, really, just encapsulates the whole genre-thing of it so perfectly :)
I loved the way you characterised Molly. You got all of the emotions and her mindset so right: the determination to protect her children and her family, even if they weren't hers by blood, against the fact that she's not a violent person by nature, the fear that she'll lose one of them and the passion with which she protects them, and the utter devastation when one of them does go, and then she thinks, for a moment, that another one has too - only that turns out not to be.
Also, that moment at the end when she asks Lily to look out for her son in the afterlife, wherever that is, because she needs to know he'll be looked after, is just so, so heartbreaking and sweet. It's so fitting, though, because their children were always both of their top priorities, you know? They were mothers first, and everything else second, and it's such a beautiful sentiment :)
Your writing in this was so beautiful, too - you really bring every bit of emotion out of this, and it's so good and so real and so true. Your description is so beautiful, and the way the scenes flow together is so perfect and really makes it all feel like time is just slipping by, like she's not really aware of exactly what's going on at times, which works so perfectly with the events in this and Molly's mindset. It reads so easily, too, which is no mean feat when a story is 5k long ;) Really, this is absolutely beautiful writing, and the fact that this is your second language is just mindblowing. Like, seriously?! :P It's such a talent, and you should be so super proud ;)
This is an amazing, amazing one-shot - and now, imma go listen to some upbeat music to cheer myself up because this was so devastatingly beautiful :) :)
Aph xx (transferred from HPFF)
I can't believe I didn't reply to this on HPFF.
Also, wow, you're transferring reviews... that's so, so amazing!
I'm almost embarrassed to say that I didn't even remember this review. It must have been from around the time when I stopped checking the Archives....
And now I'm absolutely speechless and OHMYGOD THE QUEEN OF DESCRIPTION JUST SAID SHE LIKED MY DESCRIPTION. THIS IS AMAAAAAAZING!!!!!
I'm really glad you enjoyed reading this. Molly has always been a character I found easy to relate to. She's just so loving and caring and that's something I admire and aspire to do, too. The amount of love she has for all of her surroundings is just simply beautiful, and yet she's still the most fierce warrior of them all when someone she cares about is threatened. She's really easy to write for me.
This review was also EXACTLY what I needed tonight. I've got an exam in 8 hours and I really needed something positive, so thank you sooo much for that!!!
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In his corner Harry was happy and safe, and no one yelled at him.
A gift for LooneyLizzie
Hi Renee! :) So I came to this story fully prepared for heartbreak and more than a little bit of anger - because, yk, anything about Harry and his relationship with Petunia and Dudley, is going to involve this kinds of emotions, given the situation they had there in Privet Drive, and I wasn't disappointed - but, I wasn't really prepared for how, well, sweet it was too. How innocent it was, and the reflections on the potential relationship which was there, between Harry and Dudley, in particular, which never materialised and wasn't allowed to materialise between them.
I love the way you write them, though - children are hard to write and writing Harry and Dudley as kids is even harder; Harry because after a seven-book series in his voice, it's a very distinctive voice, so it'd be very easy to lose it and to sound unlike him, and Dudley because I think it'd be easy to make him a caricature, yk? But you do so so well with it - not that that surprises me :P Honestly, they're both so sweet: I love how they're kids so they're excited by the tv show with Merlin and the knights of the round table (I assume :P) and the wands and swords and flashy magic tricks - it's so typical of kids, to see something exciting and unbelievable like that and to just love it, to dream about it and immediately leap to - let's play that, at magic and knights. It's so realistic that when they were small there might well have been moments where they played together, happily and reasonably contentedly, before Petunia and Vernon stepped in and taught Dudley that Harry was weird and freakish and something to be avoid and shunned.
It's so cute - and then Petunia ruins it for them, with her fear (and I love how easily that comes across, too - that it's a real, deep-rooted fear of magic. Fear of what it would mean for Harry, a reminder of the real harm magic can do to people (what it did do to Lily). She's not usually even slightly a sympathetic character, but you capture the nuances of her perfectly). It's such a sad moment - and that kinda stays when Harry's in his corner.
(Who puts a kid in a corner, anyway? Who does that as a 'normal' basis? It just feels so cruel and so uncomfortable, yk, and just... gah, poor, poor Harry :/)
This is an amazing one-shot, honestly, and it's a real testament to your skill as a writer how much emotion and description you packed into this, the characterisation you gave to two unsympathetic characters in Petunia and Dudley, and the wonderfully crafted kids' voices for Dudley and Harry.
Sorry about the incredibly rambling review, but I did love it! :)
Hello, Aph! Thank you so much for this lovely review!
This story is always a bit weird for me bcs it shows the worst of petunia, and in Beyond Repair I'm trying to make her relatable. So yeah. haha. I guess this horrible evil petunia puts children in the corner and it's monstrous and.... yep. :P
Thanks again! Renee
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With a last name like Weasley, Molly know that she’ll have to work hard to be taken seriously in the Quidditch world. Known for their top training program, Oakshaft Quidditch Academy will give her the push she needs to make the Montrose Magpies’ reserve team. But when another Quidditch Legacy just looks so good shirtless, Molly’s attention and desire to be the best wars with something new. Soon she’ll discover that leaving her last name at the door and her heart on the pitch might be more difficult than she anticipated.
Lesson #1: All’s fair in love and Quidditch
Hey there, Lo! :)
I love Quidditch stories - they're so fun and so interesting, and there's a great potential for clashes between commitment to the sport and to other things, romantic lives or classes or other interests, and, really, this is such a gem of a story.
I love your characters - how Molly's so excited about going to Quidditch Academy, and seeing Puddlemere United there (though I was a little confused as to whether or not they were actually there, and whether Jackie is a professional or what. But that may well just be me :P), and how she's so nervous the evening before. It's so natural and so real, and this gives such a perfect start for character development later on - you've set up such a great platform here! :)
Also, just as a thing: I love the idea of a Quidditch specialising academy - it makes a lot of sense; in a lot of countries (though, tbh, not usually in the UK) kids who are good at sports go to academies to help that, and especially in the wizarding world, it makes sense for them to set it up. And I love how you don't make it too much exactly like Hogwarts - give it its own twist and its own character! :)
Your writing in this is so, so lovely too - you have this way of writing so vividly and yet so cleanly and so well; it has this lovely quality to it I can't really put my finger on, but I love it nonetheless. It's so good, and that first section especially - with the dream where she thinks she's falling - it's so, so good and so emotive. You're so good at pulling absolutely everything possible out of every word you write. Which, you know, is a real skill ;)
I love this - it's an amazing start, such a great set up and world-within-a-world you've built here, and I'm so so curious to see where you go with it - the romance, the competition, the choices... it's so good and I've really, really got to remember to check in on this story again later :)
Aph xx (transferred from HPFF)
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for·tu·i·tous- fôr too …™ d…™s/
happening by accident or chance, rather than design
Hey there, Meg! :)
So, I've been meaning to drop by your page properly for a while now and it's Christmas and with the wishlists and all, it felt like the right time to dive in, so here I am! :)
You know, I'm not the biggest Snamione fan - I dunno, just one of those things - but the way you write them here, even though it's not the longest piece, is just so lovely and so bittersweet and heartbreakingly nervous almost makes me want to ship them. Like, you capture that anxious, terrified kind of bravery you always get when you want to tell someone you like them or you have to tell something important and you don't know how people will take it so perfectly: I can almost feel how nervous Hermione is, but how determined she is to make sure she says it, because she has to, you know? And how angry Severus is for his part, compared to her - their emotions are so clear and so strong, and they really jump so properly off the page. I love it! :)
You've really captured both the characters in this little bit, too - the way that Hermione hesitates and then squares up to the fear of what she has to do and just goes to do it - it's pretty much the same way she faced almost everything in the books and I love that :) Also, the anger and bitterness from Severus - the way he quickly covers up emotions behind the anger and the disdain because it's easiest. You write him so well - it's super impressive!
As always, your writing is so lovely - it flows so beautifully, your grammar is so enviably perfect, and your descriptions are so lovely and so evocative. This was such a great prologue (I hate writing them so much, haha, they're so hard to do!), you make it seem so easy to do, and I'm so glad I read it! :)
Hi again! :)
I gotta say - you go through the time periods so well and so easily. I hate doing transitions of time - they're so difficult to get right! - but you do them so simply, and make them look effortless. It's a talent, my friend, really. Let me know when you start offering lessons on that ;)
I love the last scene with Hermione and Severus - the way how, despite being sarcastic for so long and so antagonistic towards her (that whole snapping out of his old habits thing is clearly hard for him :P and it's so him!), he actually admits something of his own past to her. It's not a hugely comforting way of doing it - it's pretty obvious he's not used to doing that kind of thing, which fits so well with his character from canon, and suits him so well :P But yeah, I loved how he sort of blurts it at her, not really offering any way to deal with it, other than sort of bullying the students, but he just says that it's okay, that other people have also had this kind of thing happen to them.
I really like how you tied in Neville becoming Herbology Professor with Hermione joining at the same time as Defence Professor! It makes so much sense that they'd join at the same time, and I love how Hermione's so nervous and so hesitant at first to take the job, despite McGonagall offering it straight to her and how everyone around her knows she'd make a great Professor. It's so typical :P Getting all flustered and Ron and Harry calming her down, making her see sense, talking her through things.
Ahh I'm really looking forward to see how you develop Hermione and Severus' friendship and relationship - there's a little bit of a thaw in the ice so far, I think, hehe, but not that much :P But I like that it's not happening all that fast - Severus holds onto grudges and personal dislikes for a long time, it's so much of him, and I love that Hermione is calling him out on bits of his behaviour - like when she mentions about the students who were born after he left school, who never knew about 'Snivellus' and things.
Of course, your writing was so lovely in this chapter - I love the little details you put in, they're so amazing and they bring the story to life so beautifully :)
So looking forward to the next chapter! :)
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Mum Friend (n.)- the one friend in the group who is always taking care of and looking out for everyone else; the responsible one
Unfortunately for designated mum friend Lyra Stebbins, she is about to find out that always taking care of everyone else comes with its own set of problems.
2017 F.R.O.G.S. Nominee- Best LGBTQA
Hey there, Claire! :D Dropping by for the BvB! :)
Okay, so I've seen this around the forums the last couple of days, and I really wanted to read it so bad - and luckily uni slacked off on me in time so I could jump in the BvB behind you and grab this :P So I'm here! :)
I love the start of this! I think it's so super true that there are always guys/girls who are the 'dad' or 'mum' of the group, and it's a huge responsibility, you know? I did that for some friends, once, and it was crazy! Helpfully distracts you from your problems, though... but anyway, back on track: I think it's a very real phenomeon and I love that you're exploring it in fic because I think it's very rarely seen outside of real life, you know? It's a part of life which just doesn't get talked about so I'm so excited :)
I love the way you've immediately started it with this, showing exactly what it means, you know? And how she has a job which is taking care of people, too, so it's kinda all she does - it sets up so beautifully and so simply, but not obviously, for something to go wrong and for her to find it getting so much harder :/ She's such an interesting character, with her insistence that it's fine, that she can sort of do anything, and it's such a true and human flaw.
I keep repeating myself, haha, but realism is something I love so much because it makes everything so much more interesting and difficult, you know? :P
Your writing in this is so lovely, and you have such a great set up. I love how you used the different sections - and your writing in this was so flawless, it flowed so perfectly and really, there's not much more to say than that :) I've read bits of your writing before, but I didn't remember it being this good, which is a major fail on my part.
So. Final bit: you're going to have to update this, and I'm going to have to come back. Capiche? ;)
Aph xx (transferred from HPFF)
I'm happy you like the premise of this! I actually started thinking of it while I was watching Sisters in the theater and spent the rest of the movie coming up with a plan!
This was definitely a fun project for me just because it's different from what I usually write. Realism is a huge thing for me in everything that I write, so I'm relived that it comes across as that for you.
Oh, wow, that's such a huge compliment coming for you :)
Thank you so much for the fantastic review!
Hey Claire - dropping by for BvB! :D I was so glad to see you'd updated, and that I could catch you in the battle - it's such a great story :)
I love the way you develop Lyra's character in this - how she's almost always working, how she doesn't survive without coffee (I feel that. Tea for me, but I feel it nonetheless :P), how she's always the responsible one in the group, and how she's so hurt when the girl she liked goes off with someone else. They're all such real things - and I loved how you showed how easy it is to really not be okay when something like that happens, regardless of how long you've known someone. If you like them, it hurts, regardless of how long it's been.
I'm not sure I like Mai atm. I get it's not a great date - being out with someone who's very focused on making sure other people are okay, but it's not as bad as she's making it out to be, imo. It definitely wasn't bad enough she needed to leave that much - like, whaaa? I felt so bad for Lyra in that moment, especially at the end, when Jessie pointed it out to her. Such a cruel thing to do :(
I like, though, how you've shown how taking care of people is great, and all, but can end so badly. It's a hard job, and someone's got to be the more responsible one, but it's so easy to get wrapped up in it to the exclusion of everything else. I'm so so looking foward to where you go from here, what happens with Lyra and whether she ever meets Mai again, because I'm so curious about what other facets of being the mom friend you're gonna pull out - and mostly, also, because I want Lyra to be happy :P
Your writing in this is so great, too - it's so clean and precise, and the flow is perfect, and there's exactly the right balance of dialogue and description, and really, it's so so impressive. The only thing I spotted was you say at the beginning 'she squinted her eyes' but the 'her eyes' isn't necessary - you can only squint with your eyes ;) But apart from that, this was perfect! :)
I'm so so looking forward to the next update! :D
Aph xx (transferred from HPFF)
Hey, Aph! Thank you so muc for dropping by! I'm so sorry for not getting back to you sooner.
I'm so happy that you like Lyra's character so much. She's definitely one of my favorites to write and I'm glad that her struggles come across as relatable.
I definitely did not intend for Mai to be so awful haha. Looking back at it now, I probably went a bit overboard, but to be fair Lyra can be more than a little clueless. It's time for her to learn that's it's okay to be a little selfish sometimes and put herself first.
Thank you again for the wonderful review!
Hey there! :) Dropping by for our review swap! :)
I was so excited to see you wanted me to stop by on this story, because I love this story - honestly, I'm just so terrible at remembering what I'm still reading and need to catch up on :/ BUT I'm here now :)
I love this chapter - there's something so honest about it, yk, about the conversations they have with each other: about Lyra's worries and fears about whether or not looking out for her friends, which is something she's good at and enjoys doing and is important to her, is somehow holding her back from having relationships, and the way her friends respond to her voicing those. It's the kind of thing which is so familiar to anyone who's been the mum friend, or who's had a mum friend. It's so real and you have such a talent for tapping into that and writing in a way which makes me feel like it actually happened somewhere - if that makes sense :P
Also, I love the way you show Lyra's friends rallying around her: they all want her to be happy, they probably spent a long time before Lyra woke up talking about what happened, wondering and all that, and it's so lovely how they tell her she shouldn't feel guilty about what Mai said to her, shouldn't let it get to her or believe that it's really true - though they're kinda half right :P Like, it's never going to help if you kinda ignore someone, especially on essentially the first date. But poor Lyra, it's so easy to do it accidentally, yk? There are few things I love more than friendship scenes in fic, though, so I loved everything about this.
Rose made me laugh - 'they want to ask you about Mai, but they wanna be obtuse', haha, bless! Though tbf, it's often easier to just say it bluntly and get on with it, I guess :P
Noooooo poor Lyra! I kinda guessed/worried she'd end up thinking again about what Mai and Felicity said about her looking out for her friends being such a problem with relationships, but I didn't think she'd take it so seriously or worry about it so much as to ask Louis for advice and help to actually stop caring/worrying about them so much. Granted, it's probably healthy to worry a bit less and trust that they can do stuff for themselves more often than she does, but it's so so harsh to feel you have to change yourself because of something someone else said :(
Also, I gotta say quickly, you gotta teach me how to dialogue, because honestly I find it so hard but you seem to do it so easily and so flawlessly - it's always witty and real and funny and just... so good. Tell me your secrets? :)
Why can't you just make Lyra happy?! :( Blehhhh, hmm... hopefully next chapter will be happier? More Louis, though (he's hilarious, honestly. Poor bloke, with his last client firing him :P)! :)
Thank you so much for the swap - and I loved this story, as always! Hopefully it'll be less time until I'm back :P
Peter Pettigrew finds himself in Severus Snape's house on Spinner's End. How he got there is a mystery. Whether he'll survive remains to be seen...
Banner by the lovely Elenia @ TDA
Hi Dan, dorpping by for our review swap! :)
So this is really a very, very long overdue visit from me, haha, but oh. my. god. this almost makes up for it. Seriously, I know you said in your tweet that you always have misgivings about this when you read it over (and I completely get that, I think it's human :P), but honestly, this is so so good.
I have to admit, I'm not really a Snape fan - and I don't think anyone's really a Peter fan - so it probably isn't something I'd have picked on my own, but I'm so so glad you asked me to read it, because you capture him and Peter so well. You have this wonderful dynamic between them, with Snape's disdain and drawling and how he's so aloof and terrifying in a way which I don't think many stories make him (despite, yk, plenty of evidence to the contrary) but also with this anger and the loss and guilt and love he still feels for Lily; and then Peter, with how he's so cowardly, how it's so instinctive for him to run away at anything, no matter how big or small, how he's not the cleverest, but is clever enough to work out that Snape needs him alive - that for all Snape's 'you're worthless' comments, ironically perhaps the one person he has a worth to in that moment is Snape himself.
I already knew you had a talent for missing moments and writing canon characters (your trio are remarkable, btw), and this really isn't an exception. I love how it could fit into the canon so easily: we never know when or how Peter arrives at Cokeworth, how Snape feels about it (really, beyond his usual sarcasm and disdain), what happens when they're both there, considering who they are, and it just feels so real, yk? Like it could genuinely have happened.
The way you wrote this was so just so so good - I loved the way you kept the reveal of what was going on until so long into the story, and I honestly wasn't expecting that to be the twist, but it added this violent, grim layer to their dynamic, and I liked how it exposed Snape entirely - it shows a carelessness we don't ever really see from him in the books, and definitely not to that extent. All through it, though, there's this beautiful sense of danger - that something's not quite right, that they're living on the edge, and it's so good. I don't know if it was a stylistic choice for the character or the era (war-time), whichever, though, it works so well for both, and it brings the war alive in a way which I don't often see in fic.
Your writing is always so lovely. You have such an easy, natural style - it feels, reading it, like you're talking to me, and everything flows so well I'm almost jealous! You convey everything you pack into your stories so well and with seemingly such little effort - it's a real, real skill.
This is amazing, thank you so much for asking me to read this, because I'm so glad I did.
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Could rock melt? He wasn't sure.
HPFT Ravenclaw SOTM: Best Comedy (April 2017) | HPFF Ravenclaw SOTM: Best Quote (August 2013)
Hey there, Branwen! :) Dropping by for BvB Tag! :)
So, I loved this. It reminds me so much of Indiana Jones - you know, that whole kind of race-against-time archeology thing, with all the traps and layers, and the riddles - trying to decipher stuff, never entirely sure what it all means, if what you're doing is right, and at the end, going away with a healthy appreciation of sunlight and a box of gold :P
You know I love your Teddy and your Jo, and they're so great when they're together - whether as friends or working together. love Jo's needling, teasing questions and comments about Vic, haha, poor Teddy :P (Though, I am the Jo-friend, not the Teddy-friend, so, like, I would be on her side, haha)
Ofc, your characters always bring out the best in your writing, especially with your dialogue (and Jo. You are so fabulous at writing sarcastic, witty comments - I have no idea how you do it; personally, I can't do it to save my life!), and the description you manage to fit into an incredibly high-pace, action-filled story. It's really amazing, and every story you write feels real in a way which is so natural and so hard to learn, and it's so lovely to read.
I loved the details in this too - the way there was so much latent magic littering the older parts of towns and cities (and I loved the mention of Rome and the Italians, haha, how they weren't bothered about other people picking up magical treasures, because to them they're sort of not treasures at all :P), making them feel so tired and dragging things out, kind of like a light letting them know there's sort of something around. It's such a clever idea, and such a cool idea - reminds me of how Dumbledore said how you could feel magic had happened in places at times, in book 6, you know? It's kinda creepy, and so threatening.
Also, how Teddy doesn't realise there's a small passage off to one side halfway down, haha. So typical of him :P Sprinting a corridor in 20 secs is pretty impressive, though :P
I gotta say, as well, that I love how you used the HP-verse magic in this too. Sometimes, in stories, it can feel like people try to make it too complicated - adding twists and turns which don't always make sense, and aren't always necessary - so it can read strangely and seems disconnected from the books, you know. But the whole thing with the spells - how you use spells counter-intuitively with the Lumos being used to deflect the fire and stuff - was so cool and it made it different without going off in a weird direction, you know? It was so unique, as well, I don't think I've seen it before.
Anyway, imma stop rambling now, haha, but I really did love this! :)
We were meant to be friends, Remus. You know it, as well as I do.
Two children who grew up together. Two boys struggling on their paths towards adulthood. Two men faced with darkness too thick for them to get through.
A Peter/Remus story.
Set in the All the truth about Jimmy Portman's universe.
Hufflepuff Story of the Month - November 2016
Sitewide Story of the Month - January 2017
Golden Chalices Awards 2017 Runner Up - Best Drama
Golden Chalices Awards 2017 Winner - Best Minor Canon Character
FROGS 2017 Nomination - Best Marauders Era
FROGS 2017 Nomination - Best Minor Canon Character
FROGS 2018 Winner - Best Minor Canon Character
Beta'ed by Ysh (princesslily_36/Flaming Quilltips), with some help from Bianca (victoria_anne). Stunning banner by Kristin (Stella Blue). Love you, girls!
Hey there, Chiara! :) So I just had to stop on this because a Remus/Peter friendship/romance story looked so interesting and so unique - I don't think I've ever seen a story with Remus/Peter before (or even, you know, with Peter as part of a romantic pairing). But I do think it's a shame more people don't write about him, so I had to stop by :)
I have to say that I love the way this starts when they're really little kids - how they grow up in the same neighbourhood not long after Remus has been bitten, how their mothers knew each other from school and seem to get along well too, how they get this great friendship growing so early, which then presumably they remember and get back into once they're at school. It makes so much sense as to how they met and how Peter got adopted into the Marauders, and gives this lovely extra addition to Remus and Peter's friendship :)
Ahhh little!Peter is so cute, too - I love how you've given him such a real and 3d personality: how he's so innocent and so loyal to Remus, even to the point of shunning the other neighbourhood kids in response to them hurting Remus, and how he's surprisingly brave in standing up to the kid who was kicking Remus, even though he knows he's so much smaller and only putting himself in equal danger. It makes it so clear how he got into Gryffindor - he is brave, even if he doesn't really seem it later, and he is loyal. I loved, as well, the hints of darker aspects of his nature, with the dark look crossing his face when he said he hated the neighbourhood kids. It's pretty scary, because he's only a kid and he's worrying his mother with that kind of expression, but it's so good, too, because it makes it so easy to see how things go wrong for him, you know? And I love that kind of subtle, simple foreshadowing :)
Your Remus is utterly and completely precious! Poor lamb... I just wanna cuddle him and protect him, haha - but I love the way you wrote him as getting angrier and harsher after the bite, how he doesn't like questions and keeps telling Peter to 'go away' even though he's only trying to be friendly and understand - it's a really ordinary reaction, I think, and one which is totally understandable, but so horrible for Peter, because he doesn't get why he's being pushed away. (I'm expecting some nice apologising when Peter finds out about the whole werewolf thing ;) From Remus, I mean) It kinda shows just how cut-off Remus was or felt he needed to be and how badly it affected him. It's so horrible, but it's so realistic, given how stigmatised his condition was meant to make him, you know?
Your writing is so lovely, too - I love the way you write Remus and Peter as kids. I think I've said this to you before (maybe?) but writing kids is something which is so, so hard to do and do well, because they have a very particular mindset and a way of seeing things that we don't really get as adults, and somehow, you just seem to do it so easily and so naturally and it's a real gift. I love, as well, the way you do your dialogue - whenever I read a line, I just know who's saying it, because the voices of the characters are so strong. Also, the way you change the style of phrase and the language every now and then for the kids is so clever and so good - it makes it feel so real, you know?
Ahhh this is such a cute first chapter, and I'll totally try and remember to come back for the rest of it because I'm so curious to know what happens once they're at school and they meet again and how they both become a part of the Marauders - and then, the romance! :P
Thank you so much for the swap - I really loved it! :)
Aph xx (Transferred from HPFF)
Thank you Laura for stopping by! :) *snowball hug*
Hey, Chiara - dropping by for our review swap! :)
I'm so glad you mentioned this story, because when you said you wanted to swap, I really wanted to stop by it. It's been such a long time since I read the first chapter, and I loved it - it was so good and so sweet, and so unique. I've honestly never read a story like it - with the way it portrays both Remus and Peter, and their whole relationship in general.
I love Peter. Like, seriously. He's one of those characters I've never really wondered about, you know, because he'd mostly sort of been on the fringes of things - but he's so fascinating, especially the way you write him. The way he can be surprisingly brave in moments, even though he's so afraid - how he approaches James and Sirius even though they're intimidating and popular and he doesn't know them - and how he has those flashes of cruelty and sort of malovolence, where he seems almost dangerous. It's a great way of connecting him to his future as a Death Eater, and the way he betrays James and Lily, but it's also a really interesting character trait to give a character, and especially him. Not many people use that kind of violent anger, but it's so real and so human and it fits incredibly naturally with him.
I also loved the addition of Yaxley as Peter's cousin - it's such a cool addition, and I'm so curious to see how their relationship pans out. If Yaxley ever talks to him, if anything happens because Peter was sorted into Gryffindor, or if that has any impact on his future being a Death Eater.
Remus, as always, is so lovely. I just always feel so so sorry for him - you manage to make his backstory, which is already sad enough, almost even sadder, with the way he doesn't have many friends at school initially, how he sits with James and Sirius but they just ignore him. It's so harsh, but it fits well with what we know about both James and Sirius from canon, you know?
Their whole relationship is so lovely - the way they keep secrets from each other, they can't quite communicate the way they used to before Remus became a werewolf, and how strained things get so easily. It's such a real teenage relationship, though, which I love, especially the quick anger and the petty grudges :P
As always, your writing is so good. You have such a lovely style, and your details are so great. You have this real knack of giving each character a distinct voice which I love so much - it's much harder to do than people think; it's a real skill, and you've mastered it completely.
This is a great second chapter - I loved it! :)
Thank you so much for swapping, and sorry for the late reply!
I'm happy to see you back here. I do love how this story turned out and I'm always happy to know people love it too! I'm so glad you like the friendship between Remus and Peter.
I'm so glad you love Peter. He is such a complex and fascinating character and it's great to know that you like the way I characterize him. I think he is brave in his own way or he wouldn't have been sorted in Gryffindor, but I also imagine him to have a strong dark side, to be vengeful and keen on holding grudges. I've always thought his betrayal had more to do with his feeling mistreated and unconsidered by his friends than with his fear of being killed. I'm glad you found that the traits I gave him fit with what we know about his character.
Yaxley will have a role in his future decisions, but you'll have to read on to find out. They won't really interact much during Peter's Hogwarts years, though.
Oh, I love Remus. He's so tragic but also so sweet. I'm glad you liked that scene with James and Sirius on the train, I do think that's how it would go. They don't do it on purpose, anyway, they are just too focused on themselves... glad you found them in character too.
I'm so glad you think the relationship between Remus and Peter is real. They do have some trouble communicating, but at least lycanthropy won't stay a secret for much longer and things will go better then, at least for a bit.
Oh, thank you! Coming from you that's such a huge compliment! I'm so glad you liked my writing and all the details and that you liked my characters' voices.
Thank you so much for your lovely review!
Hey there, Chiara - dropping by for our review swap! :) I'm so excited to return to this story - it's such a fascinating and unique take on the Marauders. I've honestly never seen another story like this one, focusing on Remus and especially Peter, and definitely not their friendship or potential relationship.
I gotta say - I love the way you characterise them all, especially Remus and Peter, of course. It's just so realistic and so good - they're such real characters, they really leap off the page and sound like I could actually meet them, you know? You just make them alive... it's little things like how you mention Peter's nervous habits, Remus' wolf-ish side and how it gives him feelings and senses and emotions which aren't entirely his; how neither of them entirely likes Sirius or James at the beginning (which just makes so much sense to me, yk, since they were meant to be so full of themselves at the beginning of their schooldays), and how badly Peter reacts to Remus lying, and Remus' fears about telling his friends the truth. There are internal patterns of logic to each character and it's just so, so good. It's the kind of characterisation which is so beautifully intricate and wonderful, but is so hard to do.
I love love love how you brought Peter, Remus, James, and Sirius together! It's such an organic way to get them into their little group... and all the names, especially the 'Marauders' moniker! Haha, poor McGonagall, she really does try with them but they're just too annoying and too clever :P 'It's Peter's birthday'... I wish I'd ever been able to use that excuse in school (not that I needed it, haha, I was never in trouble, but yk :P)!
Awww, poor Remus and his confusing feelings when Peter takes his hands :P :P :P That, my dear boy, is commonly called 'a crush' :P :P He'll learn that soon enough, though - I hope?! Please? Maybe? :P
Your writing in this is so, so lovely. You have this gorgeous stripped down style I love - which is also super hard to do (at least for me) and requires so much talent to pull off successfully (which you do). Your description in this and the narrative is just so good - it reads so easily and so beautifully, and you make everything about this story come to life.
I loved it. I'll be back - hopefully it won't be too long! :)
Hi, Laura! :)
Thanks for another lovely review! :) I'm so glad you are enjoying the story and that the focus on Remus and Peter and their relationship fascinates you. I do love the two of them as single characters and as a couple.
I'm so glad you like my characterization and that it makes them feel alive! I'm so glad you enjoy all the details and different aspects of their personalities and all their internal and external struggles as well. (And yes, James and Sirius would be quite hard to deal with, especially at the beginning...)
I'm so glad you enjoyed how the group was formed, too, and the way they took their title. :D Poor McGonagall indeed... (and yes, that was quite an awesome excuse :P)
Ahahah! Well, you already read on, so you already know that... but yeah, he will realize it quite soon, even if he might not be so good to manage it... the poor boy...
Aww, I'm so glad you like the style and the narrative and description, thank you so much!
Thanks for the lovely review and for the swap! :)
Hey there, Chiara - dropping by for our review swap! :) I was so excited to see you say you were up for swaps, because it meant I could stop by this story again, which I keep meaning to get back to. But, yk, life is busy at the moment, which makes it hard to read and review as I'd like to :(
Anyway, I'm back! :) I meant to say last time, but I forgot - but I love how you jump between the different time periods. It's so clever and so good, and you manage to make it feel so seamless, even though a lot of time has passed between the different chapters. It's a real skill - it's really difficult to do right and well, and you've got it so perfectly.
I was so excited when I saw this chapter title, haha - it felt like it was about time after the last chapter, with the hints that they were both starting to feel more for each other, and I'm so glad that you didn't string it out too long - I'm not sure I would have coped with that :P The way you portray their teenage emotions, the first love and crushes and the confusion of it all - Remus wondering what exactly he's feeling, wondering whether he should do anything about it, etc. - is just so, so good, and so real. It's so true to the worries and anxieties about these things that people, and especially teenagers, have about this stuff. I loved the little details you included about the physical touch and Remus' daydreams about what it would be like to kiss Dorcas - they were lovely, as all your details are.
Poor Remus! I think I say that every chapter, haha, but it's true in most chapters! The idea that he doesn't think he deserves love is so unbelievably sad - poor, poor guy. But it does make sense with his character - it's so reminiscient of the mantra he repeats at Tonks in DH, how he's too old and too poor and too dangerous, and I liked that you linked it - and how self-deprecating and self-isolating he is. I'm glad he has people like his dad and Sirius to tell him he's being an idiot, though, and convince him that he does deserve love :P
You made me feel so sorry for Peter in this one - despite his semi-violent jealously, the dark tones, etc. which you know I love as part of his character as you write him - with how he has to watch Remus developing feelings for other people (Dorcas), and struggle with his own feelings for Remus, then kissing him and believing that his feelings are unreturned. It's always hard to have to deal with your own feelings when you think you've been rejected.
As always, your writing is so, so lovely - I'm constantly amazed that English is your second language, because it's honestly really hard to tell in this.
I loved it, as always! ;)
Hi again, Laura, my dear!
Thank you, I'm glad the time jumps work, I'm afraid it feels a bit too fragmented at times, so it's good to know that it flows well.
I'm not very good at stringing things out for long... :P Happy that made you happy. ;)
Oh, it's great to know you thought their emotions felt verosimilar and were portrayed well. Poor Remus is so confused and full of doubts at this point and I'm so glad it all felt real.
It is sad that he thinks he doesn't deserve love, but it's just his way of thinking (like you say, he will do the same with Tonks). But yes, he does have people around who love him and can call him out on that.
And yes, poor Peter too. It is so hard for him to see Remus falling for Dorcas and thinking he doesn't return his feelings... at least they talked it through and got together in the end, even if it won't last too long...
Thank you. Well, I try. There are still a lot of things that give me trouble (like irregular verbs and some spelling and prepositions... I really, really hate preposition...) and written English is much easier than spoken English. Anyway...
Thank you so much for another lovely review! :)
Hey there, Chiara! Dropping by for our review swap! :) Hope you don't mind it's a little later than I intended - though, anyway, I'm here now! :)
I loved this chapter - honestly, your characterisation of the Marauders is amazing and probably the most original one I've ever seen. It's so awesome the way you do it - how they're all so in-depth and real. I love the way that Remus reacts so badly to Sirius' 'prank' in fifth year (honestly, the way you wrote the aftermath of it is so true to how I always imagined it) - how he's so hurt and so depressed, feeling that he's not good enough for his friends and boyfriends, and how he's so irrational, arguing with and snapping at his friends.
The way that Peter is so hurt by Remus' rejection after the wolf incident really speaks to me - it's so sad and so difficult for him. I just wanna hug the two of them, tbh - they're so cute and so troubled, and I love that about them. As frustrating as it is, it really speaks to me, you know, because it reminds me of people I know - not in those exact ways and issues, but the general idea :P
As always, your writing is so, so lovely - your details are incredible, so specific and so good. I love the way that you describe their emotions - Remus' self-hatred and self-deprecation, Peter's anger and irritation at Remus and James and Peter, James' sadness and collapsing. It's also in the little things, how you mention that no one at the party talks to Peter on his birthday apart from a handful of people, despite the fact that it's his party. Poor guy... but honestly, you write it all so beautifully.
I loved it, as always - though you should know that by now ;) Thank you so much for the swap! :)
Hi again, dear! :)
I'm so glad you keep loving my Marauders, I do love writing them so much and I'm so glad I can do them justice. I'm so glad you liked Remus' reaction at Sirius' "prank", the way he blames himself (as usual) and isolates himself.
And yes, poor Peter... he doesn't deserve to be pushed away like that, especially since he only wants to give Remus his support. I'm glad you can feel for them both. Well, not that this reminds you of true situations...
I'm so glad you like all the details and the way I write their emotions and all their different reactions at the events going on. Thank you so much, I really appreciate your feedback!
Hey Chiara! I'm here for our review swap! :) Sorry it was so late - these last few days have been super busy! But I'm here now, so it's okay ;)
Honestly I think one of my favourite things about this is the way you write Peter. It's incredible - the way he's so 3D and so interesting, with his half-blood background: his Death Eater uncle and cousin, the way he's sort of like Sirius, left out of his family (extended or otherwise) and being pushed to do something he doesn't want to do. Though I loved how he stood up to them - fear is so paralysing, and I loved your description of it: all those things he wanted to do, to protect his mum and to fight them. It's not often that you see a story which actually portrays Peter as anything like a Gryffindor, tbh, so it was lovely to see him getting his moment of courage :)
Poor Remus... the whole thing with his dad being fired from the Ministry, not even allowed to set foot in the department, and then the Ministry instituting bi-annual checks on werewolves.. it's so horrible, but so realistic, yk? Like, it's the kind of measure you could see happening, being put in place because 'it's about safety'. And the whole way the werewolves were all so poor and scruffy, and the Ministry workers were sleek and elegant was such a great contrast. Remus' statement when he said he hoped he wouldn't end up like the werewolves was honestly heartbreaking. Poor guy.
I'm so curious as to what happens next - Remus and Dorcas; will they ever actually get together? She seems super sweet, like she'd be good for him, so as much as I love him and Peter, I do kinda want him to get with Dorcas too :P And Peter... I really want to know what happens to him - do his uncle and cousin come back? Is that how he becomes a Death Eater, they force him into it? What happens to his mum? (I have a horrible feeling she's going to die horribly...)
As always, your writing is so lovely. I always forget English is your second language when you write because you have this really natural fow and such a lovely style.
Thank you so much for the swap - sorry this was so late!
Hi, Laura! Welcome back! No worries for the wait, I'm late with my answer so we are even! ;)
It's always great when people like my Peter. :) I'm glad you are finding his family background interesting, it is similar to Sirius' situation in a way. I'm so glad you liked the scene with the Yaxleys. Yes, fear can be paralysing and I'm glad you liked how I wrote their interactions. So glad you liked Peter showing some Gryffindor bravery, too.
Yes, poor Remus... I'm so glad you found it all realistic, even if it is awful. There's more to the werewolves' law, but you'll see in the next chapter. I'm also glad that you liked the description of the werewolves and that you could feel for Remus in that scene, even if it was so sad...
Oh, yes, Remus and Dorcas... I'm afraid you will have to read on to find out, I don't want to spoil it for you... :P Same goes for Peter and his Death Eater relatives... but I think I can tell you that Peter's mum will be fine.
Aww, thank you! I'm so glad you like my writing! Especially coming from you, it's such a huge compliment!
Thank you so much for the lovely review! Let's swap again sometime!
Hi Chiara! :) Dropping by for our review swap - super, super late, I know and I'm sorry!
Ahhhhh omg, so this is how it connects to your Jimmy Portman world! I love that you kinda redeemed Peter a bit, by having him go and take Harry and run - perhaps it's not the bravest thing because he should really have explained it all to Lily and James, but it's still brave: taking a kid and running to draw Voldemort away from James and Lily, so that they and Harry can all be safe. As much as I like that in canon, Peter isn't really redeemed by simply not killing Harry (at least, not in my opinion, haha), I like that here you show a different side to him, maybe what he would have done if he could have.
And Remus! Poor, poor Remus! I feel so much for him in this, even though he isn't in it for too long - him and Peter's mother. It's so sad for him how he's still in love with Peter, despite everything, how he wants to believe Peter's not evil and not heartless, that he's fine and Harry's fine and that he didn't become a Death Eater out of choice. I love, though, how there's that conflict, though, where Remus wants to believe it but there's a sense that rationally he thinks it's not likely. And the difference in treatment Remus gives to Peter and Sirius: with Sirius it's something he personally suffered, something he's suffered all his life with Sirius believing he was the traitor, whereas with Peter it's not something he personally suffered - Harry wasn't his child, after all. And love changes things - when you love someone or care about someone, you are more inclined to let things go, it's so true. Poor boys.
My heart breaks for James and Lily, though - how they lose a child and a friend on the same evening, how they then find out they're pregnant again but it's so overshadowed by the loss of Harry. It's so so horrible for them - even if it does save Harry :/
And Neville as the boy who lived! :P
As always, your writing was so so good in this. You really brought all of the characters to life and dealt so well with the quick time-skips and changes and how they grew throughout the story into almost exactly who they were in canon. I loved your Remus and Peter and their turbulent, difficult relationship from friendship into love and then beyond that (though never quite beyond :P). This was such a great, great story and I loved it :)
Oh, my! I'm so, so, so sorry this review has been left unanswered for so long! I'm so glad that you followed me till the very end of this story and that you enjoyed the journey! :)
Yes, this is how it connects to Jimmy. :P I agree with you, the way Peter died in canon didn't completely redeem him, even if I think it is a really important moment and I'm still angry that it wasn't showed in the movies at all... (sorry for the little rant here). To be true, I don't think I completely redeemed him either. Yes, he saved Harry, but the way he did it still isn't right and he should have told the truth instead. But that's not something Peter would have done, right?
Yeah, it was particularly hard for both Remus and for Mary. Remus and Peter's bond was very strong and it wouldn't be easy for Remus to just let go and admit that Peter wasn't a good person. I think it is natural that he would cling to that hope that Peter didn't really want to do any evil (which is sort of true) and that he would make excuses for him. As for Sirius... his mistrust really was painful for Remus for more than one reason and it wouldn't be so easy for Remus to forgive him.
Yeah, poor James and Lily, too. Discovering this new pregnancy right after losing Harry must have been so hard for them. But I can promise you that they will be (mostly) happy.
And yes, Neville is the Boy Who Lived. :P
I'm so, so glad you enjoyed the story! Thank you so much for reading it all and for this wonderful review!
Hey there, Chiara! Dropping by for our review swap! :)
You have such a gift for skipping time without the story feeling incoherent or jumpy, you know, as though it's just made of bits which have been pushed together without any real connection between the pieces. It's so hard to do well (at least, haha, I think it is, which may say more about me than you), but you do it so easily, and especially in this chapter - skipping time from the summer holidays to the beginning of seventh year to the end and the leaving ceremony for the Marauders.
And I loved the bits you chose to show: how you gave us another insight into the discrimination and intolerance Remus faces, with the red band he's meant to wear (and I loved the note that Dumbledore would never make him wear it - it was a little thing, but it created that divide between the Ministry and Dumbledore we see in Harry's time, yk?), and Tom firing him because he 'makes other customers nervous'. It really reminded me of racism back in the 40s and 50s - how similar ideas were around then about people of colour, especially men of colour. I don't know if that was your inspiration or the connection was intentional, but I loved it. Poor Remus, though - it's horrible for him to experience, and I thought you showed him dealing with it, the disappointment and the gloom so in-character.
Peter... it's starting to get harder for me to sympathise with Peter where his relationship with Remus is concerned, tbh. I mean, I know Remus kinda drove him away, but Peter had Leander, and he laughs it all off in this one like 'oh it was just a fling' and glares at Remus holding hands with Dorcas, wants to kiss him, but never says anything. It's sad for him, and I get why he'd be reluctant, but equally, he hasn't been perfect to Remus either. Ahhhh silly boys, if only they'd talk properly! :P
I loved the Lily and James set up - how you showed James deflating his head, helping out that Thomas kid (who had such a great cameo, bahaha, poor guy :P) and seeming so concerned when he was told that everyone had expected him to make fun of Thomas. It was so true, though - bullies don't always realise that that's what they are and what they're doing. It was nice to see him grow up, though, and to see him becoming more thoughtful - learning from Remus :P
Also I loved the conversation about the war, how it was the sort of conversation which is too serious, really, for 17-year-olds and how they joined the Order - how Peter was so reluctant to at first, but with everyone looking at him and waiting, he buckled under the pressure. It's such a realistic thing to have happened to him and makes so much sense for his character in canon.
As always, darling, your writing was lovely. I'm looking forward to (hopefully!) coming back soon! :)
Thank you for the swap and for this lovely review! :)
Aww, thanks... Actually, I think it's just the way my mind works, in sections and fragments... I'm glad it felt cohesive enough, though, and that the time skipping didn't make the story too jumpy. It's good to know, because it's something I'm not sure I always manage so well...
Poor Remus... he has to face a lot of intolerance and discrimination... and yes, I guess there is that small fracture between Dumbledore and the Ministry. Actually, I was thinking about the racial laws during nazi-fascism, but I guess the mechanisms of racism are always more or less the same. Anyway, I'm glad you liked my representation of it, and that Remus' feelings and reactions seemed true and in character.
Peter is far from perfect. He's egoist and he's immature, but that's just who he is, unfortunately... yes, it would be all much simpler if they just talked properly...
Bullies don't always realise that that's what they are and what they're doing That's how I've always pictured James. He does bully other students, but without really meaning to do so or to hurt them, he just doesn't realise where the line between a funny joke and being mean to people is drawn. But he's learning and growing up. ;)
I'm glad you liked the conversation about the war and the boys and girls joining the Order, too. I'm glad you liked how I wrote Peter in that situation, I've always thought that he would be reluctant to join, but that he would do so to look good in his friends' eyes. I'm glad you think it makes sense for his character.
Thank you so much for your lovely review! Hope to see you back again soon! :)
Lots of love,
Hey there, Chiara! Dropping by for our review swap! :)
POOR PETER! Honestly, though I'm starting to like Peter less as the story goes on (sorry?), I feel for him so badly after this chapter. The whole way he's still in love Remus, who's happy with Dorcas, how he has to sit and watch James and Lily, Frank and Alice, and even Remus and Sirius, be happy and brave and feel... so out of place. Like, he just seems to be struggling so much: with the Order work, with being so alone, away from his mum and without siblings, with his friends all having lives and jobs of their own. It's so difficult and so real, and I think something everyone can sympathise with, because it's so common, yk? So feel alone and behind everybody else; as though everything everyone else has will never happen for you.
The bravery thing in particular really got me, and I liked seeing Sirius be vicious and rude and so cruel to Peter - how he accused him of going to get them all killed, because Peter's afraid. Things like war and battles and even emergency situations are so different to normal life, and no one can predict how they'll react. You're just lucky, really. It was super harsh of Sirius, but I liked that it showed a different side to his character - how the war's changing them all, really.
Also that's a terrifying cliff-hanger to leave this chapter on - I'm guessing it's a Death Eater; I can't imagine Voldemort strolling through Diagon Alley :P
And Remus, too. I loved the scene with Leander so much. It's such a good example of how people with horrible opinions implement and use laws to denigrade other people 'legally'. I felt a bit for both of them - how Leander's doing it because it's a job and it pays money, but Remus has a point with the whole thing of that Leander doesn't have to do it. He could be nicer or a little more relaxed about it, yk? Also I loved the little mention of Peter - 'how's Peter?'.
I can't believe I'm so far through this story, tbh. I'm so so curious about how you finish this off and what happens next - what exactly happens to Peter.
As always, your writing in this was so so lovely, and your characters are as wonderful as always! :)
Hi, Laura, love! <3
Sorry, I've been so bad replying to reviews recently, I'm trying to remedy now...
No apologies necessary, I don't think I expect anyone to like Peter, I know he has his big flaws (I still love him, but I won't pretend that he is 100% a good person) But I'm glad you feel bad for him here, he is struggling a lot and feeling out of place and like his life is getting nowhere compared to the others'.
Sirius was a bit too harsh on him after the battle, but seeing things through Sirius' perspective... someone who just stands in the way in a battle is a danger for himself and for others, and of course Peter couldn't help it and I'm not blaming him, but Sirius being Sirius, he would have that kind of reaction... and yes, the war is changing them all... :(
I can't help cliffhangers... yes, he's a Death Eater, and of course you know which Death Eater by now...
Poor Remus... his situation is so hard... and I can't really blame Leander, either, but of course he could try to make things easier... I'm glad that you liked Peter's mention, btw.
Thank you so much for the lovely review, I'm so glad you liked the chapter!
Hey there, Chiara! Dropping by for our review swap! :)
Oh. my. gosh. Okay, so this was a hugely loaded chapter! Poor Peter! I've got to say that I've never really thought about how Peter became a Death Eater, but it makes a lot of sense that he would have been, er, well, convinced in that kind of way - with his cousin and the torture and the threats to his mother. I was so worried his mother was going to get murdered, though, so that's a slight relief :P I kinda thought his cousin was going to come back, though - they seemed to give up too easily before :/ And the way you wrote Voldemort in this, with all the cold hissing voice and the disappointment and the demanding, almost emotionless nature is so, so right for him. So creepy :P
And Remus. I loved how you included the others being convinced that he was the spy and why - it made so much sense, yk, that it was because he was on a job for Dumbledore and, well, yk, prejudice is a hard thing to un-learn when you've been taught it all your life. It's so so harsh and so difficult for him - losing your friends like that is horrible for anyone, but especially for Remus when he's fought so hard to convince himself that he deserves them and that he can have friends. And losing Dorcas as well, almost at the same time - ugh. Even though it's horrible, I did like that you included her death, as it really brought the war to life, yk?
As always your writing was so so good in this - I loved how you described Peter's fears and Remus' wolf and that the others thought that he was the spy.
As always, this is such a good story and you've really brought Peter and Remus and their whole relationship to it in a way I would never have thought could be done, yk? I can't believe there's only one chapter left! :(
Hi, Laura, my dear! :) Sorry for taking so long to reply...
Oh, yes, I've always thought that Peter would have been forced into becoming a Death Eater through threats and torture, poor boy... and yes, of course Yaxley was going to come back... Oh, that's good to know that you think I wrote Voldemort well. You are the Dark Wizards' expert, so it's so good to hear coming from you! :)
Yes, poor Remus... it's sadly believable that he would be the primary suspect, being a werewolf and everything... and I agree with you that it would be especially harsh on him since he had such a hard time convincing himself that he deserved friends in the first place... and Dorcas, too... :(
I'm so glad you enjoyed the chapter and the story in general! Thank you so much for this lovely review!
Lots of love,
Banner by a.leksy at The Dark Arts
Chloe is content, if not underwhelmed, with her quiet life. A top student with a Herbology apprenticeship, she shies away from friends and making her mark at Hogwarts, tending her parents' paralyzing fear of magic and a man rising to power who calls himself Voldemort. But after suffering a brutal attack at the hands of would-be Death Eaters, Chloe is thrust into a world both exhilarating and terrifying. Marlene McKinnon and her friends, the Marauders, are rule-breakers. They leave laughter and chaos in their wake. They are everything that Chloe thought she never wanted, least of all Sirius Black: cavalier, reckless and so strangely alluring. But Chloe's infatuation with Marlene and Sirius leads to uncomfortable questions about where her loyalties lie, and to what lengths Chloe will go to uphold her friendships in the shadow of war.
Hi there! :) Dropping by for our review swap! :D You know, I haven't read that many Marauders novels - so this is a lovely, different kind of thing for me to read :)
I love how you opened this: with Chloe on her own, in her parents' Muggle house, cold and tired, scared and hoping that she blends in enough to not stand out, so that there won't be any repercutions. It really brought to life - in my mind - what Sirius talked about when in the books he says how everyone was so afraid, so nervous of other people, not knowing who was on which side, who to trust or believe or tell even simple things - where you bought bread and fruit. Even though at this point (at least, it is in canon - I don't know what you're going to do with this in your AU, but I'm assuming so until you say otherwise :P) Voldemort's dead and the war's winding down, it's hard to move past behaviours you've learned in such stressful, terrifying situations.
I loved how in that conversation with Chloe and her mum, you really delved into the difficulty of living with one foot in each world: Muggle and magical. She hasn't told her parents anything about the truth of what's been going on - the war, the threat that that brings to her and to them; how Marlene's dead - or anything else: what her job actually is, who her friends are, what her relationship with Sirius is (though that's not specific to any magical/Muggle divide). It's so hard and it's difficult and I love that you portray her mum as being slightly unsure about using magic, even for simple things like fixing the fence. It's not a big thing, like hatred or anything, it's just a discomfort with magic, a reluctance to use it - and I love that. It's so interesting to see in a fic, because I haven't really seen someone use it before.
You drop so. many. hints. about things that have happened and what Chloe, Marlene and Sirius are like, and I'm so so curious - I have so many questions! What happened between Chloe and Marlene? Why weren't they speaking? What was Sirius' relationship with Marlene? Why did he use the Cruciatus Curse on her (or try to)? Has Chloe always lied to her parents about the magical world, or is it something which developed gradually as she got older?
This is such a good, fascinating start - your writing is so gorgeous and so tense and I love it - and I'm definitely going to have to come back at some point to read the rest of it :P
In the interrogation chamber of MACUSA, Gellert has a revelation.
For the 'HPFT Archive Grand Opening Drabble Challenge'.
NICOLE!! <3 So it's been way way too long since I reviewed anything of your work and that really is a shame. So I'm so glad I got that the Magical Menagerie event on the forums gave me every excuse to stop by here :)
You have such a gift with words and it's really remarkable - and it comes across just as well in something like this, with only 500 words, as it does in something which is fifteen thousand words long. It's such a talent, and, for me, even more amazing in how you pack so much into a simple, short story: all the meaning, all the layers.
You know I love your Gellert, but I love how you wove him into this scene from FB - which was a scene I loved, because of all of the implications in it already within the film - and you've just expanded on it hugely in this. I love how Gellert doesn't care about Newt, until Newt's story involves Albus and then, suddenly he's interesting and Gellert seems to come alive again. I loved how you described the way he feels after reading Albus' name like a long-still heart starting to beat again, it was such a beautiful metaphor, and suitably macabre for someone like Gellert :P I love how Gellert seems so fond, so disapproving, so disgusted almost, by Albus' chosen atonement, as he called it - protecting the weak and the vulnerable - and I really love the idea that Albus is fond of Newt because in Newt he sees something of his brother. I'd never thought about that, but it fits so so well. (And, along those lines, you can almost match up Theseus Scamander, Newt Scamander, and Leta Lestrange with Albus, Aberforth, and Ariana. But I digress... :P)
I think, though, my favourite metaphor in this whole thing (and honestly, I don't know how you managed to fit quite so many into such a short story. It blows my mind.) is that by condemning Newt to death, he's condemning a part of Albus. It says something so beautiful about how much friendships and fondness makes people mean to us, yk, how vulnerable caring makes us to things like this. It's such a great ending, too - almost jarring, because it's so brutal, but with this whole kind of finality.
Ahhhh it's just too good, you're too good. And I'll keep telling you until you believe it ;)
Even with the war over and Voldemort defeated, many wrongs remained to be set right. After nearly fifty years of paying for Tom Riddle's crimes, Hagrid is finally ready to clear his name. But there are still those who are not ready to hear the truth.
Hi Dan! :) So I know I've read this story before - and loved it - but it was a while ago and I never stopped by to review, so when I saw it I had to drop by to rectify that :)
I love the idea that Hagrid clears his name and is allowed to a full wizard again, with all the due rights and obligations that that entails. It's one of the things I always wondered about after the war, about all those people Tom Riddle hurt and manipulated and framed, yk - what happened to them? Did anyone else other than Harry and friends find out the truth? It's also such a real thing, yk, people being wrongly accused/convicted of crimes they didn't do and exoneration is such a difficult process to go through and never really - imo - actually cancels out the hurt and the suffering the initial conviction or accusation leaves.
But that's a discussion for another time :P
Hagrid is such a difficult character to write, I think, even beyond the accent - he has such particular mannerisms and such a particular outlook on the world (almost perpetually sunny, so loyal and trusting and genuinely nice) that he's so hard to get right but you do it so easily in this. I love how you emphasised how he tries so hard to look 'presentable' with the grease in his hair, the new clothes and pocketwatch, which actually fit him and aren't, yk, the horrible coat from the books (which I can't imagine he necessarily bought from anywhere and may have made for himself). I loved as well all of the little ways you emphasised kinda the physical differences between him and wizarding society, which really brought home the real visible nature of his heritage and the fact that if people want to be prejudiced, they can see it in him; there's no way for him to 'hide' or to pass as human: how the chairs in the courtroom are too small for him and have to be enlarged, how he can wrestle big, powerful magical creatures back into their dens, how he towers over the room when he stands, how a larder in Hogwarts was adjusted and enlarged for him to live in.
I really love you brought home the political nature of these things: how it's not really about Hagrid and the good things he did, but for some people, it's just as much about 'what' he is and who he is, rather than what he did. It's so true to life, again, and it reminds me of the 'good immigrant/good Muslim' issues, and just how unfair they are. I loved Harry's naiveity, though - he's always had this innate sense of fairness in the books, such a well-balanced idea of right and wrong (mostly) and I loved that you brought that to light here and showed his concerns about what he did, that he doesn't feel its right but does it anyway because it's for Hagrid and he has to, in the moment. Doge's statement in reply was so wonderfully wise and such a good quote - I loved it.
As always, your writing is so so good. You have this beautiful style which makes everything so easy to read - I didn't really notice the length of this at all, I just kept going - and everything about it is so good: your description, your dialogue, how it all flows and fits together. You're probably one of the most - if not the most - complete writer on the site and it really, really shows in a story like this.
Amazing. Loved it. (Did you expect anything different?!)
Slytherins are gullible. Roxanne exploits this.
Hey Branwen! :) It's so hard to pick what to read from your page these days - I swear your author page has exploded while I wasn't looking, haha - but this one sounded so funny I couldn't resist it :P
Awww, bless the little Slytherins! :P I have to admit, I'm kinda torn between finding it really funny, and finding it kinda cruel, given that the kids ended up in the Hospital Wing and that Devil's Snare really is a dangerous plant (because, yk, dangerous isn't really funny...). It's so sweet how easily they were convinced, though - how willing they were to believe that maybe, maybe it was still somewhere in the castle and that maybe it was still guarded by Devil's Snare. Though how they got from that to that obviously it must be hidden behind the Devil's Snare sitting in a greenhouse is beyond me - seriously, you'd think they'd realise it'd be hidden somewhere more intriguing than just behind a few plants :P
I do love your James and Roxanne, though - I think I've read a couple of stories with them in before - they're so clever and so mischievous, definitely inherited from their Weasley parents! The creative streaks you write in both of them, with how they think up the tricks on the spot, taking something someone said and twisting it, is so, so clever and such genius. I don't think I could do that and I'm pretty good :P Also, it's a small thing, but I really like as well how Roxanne is good at Potions - most of the time for the Next Gen kids its DADA or Transfiguration, occasionally Charms, so it's a nice change :)
Roxanne's voice in this is so strong, too, and her character comes across so clearly - from the way she doesn't really bother to learn the Slytherins' names, to her disdain for kids who wear robes to school still, to how she's so aware she's the teacher's favourite. But then, you should know by now that you have a gift for characterisation :P
This is, as always, a great, funny, witty one-shot (but I didn't expect anything less!) :)