Bravery comes in many different forms, even for a Ravenclaw like Rose.
(transferred from hpff)
Oh my god. "Such an emotional chapter" honestly feels like an understatement. This was devastating. I could picture it all so clearly in mind and honestly I really thought I was going to lose it and start crying. Albus especially got to me because his reaction was just so viscerally upsetting.
What really heightened the whole chapter was the tension. Rose needing to stay hidden and being prevented from immediately going to Selenia, and just the overall pandemonium going on around her, made the very beginning of the chapter so impactful.
Rose was so strong. That she was able to continue doing her job and go around to treat all those other patients was astounding. Not in a way that it was unbelievable though. You conveyed so clearly her state of total shock and grief. It just made me very impressed with her as a person.
There were definitely parts of this that hit particularly hard, such as Rose thinking about how Selenia had always had such bright eyes and now they were lifeless. It was just so horrible to come to that realization along with Rose that there actually was no hope, there was nothing to be done, and Selenia was gone.
This was so horrible but I'm very very impressed with how you handled the subject matter and made emotions come through in this chapter.
Dedicated to FireOpal/Epikoinos
2017 Golden Chalice Award Winner: Best Description; Hufflepuff December 2016 Story of the Month
Inspired by You Don't Own Me by Lesley Gore for toomanycurls' challenge | Banner by .amaris
I'm young and I love to be young
I'm free and I love to be free
To live my life the way I want
To say and do whatever I please
- A Hannah Abbott Story -
(transferred from hpff)
Hi Sam, here for CTF.
Man, I really need to read more F/F. And here is a great place to start with that project.
I really enjoyed this first chapter. It was so beautifully written. The way that you described Hannah's emotions, everything that she was feeling upon seeing Susan again, was really moving. To me, it was almost a little bit melancholy, because it had been so long since they had seen each other and the whole chapter had a sort of quietness to it.
It was interesting that Hannah's new feelings for Susan were, well, new, because the way Hannah described Susan gave me such a vibe of familiarity. I mean, obviously they were friends at Hogwarts, so there's that element to it, but the tone here just sort of made me wonder whether Hannah had had feelings for Susan while they were at Hogwarts and had been repressing it. Or maybe I'm reading too much into it :P
Either way I thought this was totally gorgeous, and the way you described the scene really got at how all-consuming seeing Susan again and feeling these new things for her was for Hannah. That's best exemplified by the line about Susan's voice being soft, yet resonating through every cell of Hannah's body. Another great example is "There is a light in her eyes that keeps me searching - it is buried deep inside, beyond twists and turns, but it is there and it is glowing for me."
Again, I really enjoyed this and I'll definitely be back sometime to read more!
Ack, I didn’t respond to you on here or on hpff? For shame!
I like that you said that the emotions in this chapter almost felt melancholy in a way. I am not sure that I intended that exactly, but I did intent for it to be a complicated mix of emotions. When you have an encounter so meaningful, you don’t feel just one thing. I think one of the aspects that I was going for, was that sudden realization that they had both been missing out on something in their lives by not having each other in their lives during those years, so yes, melancholy does fit in a way. There is also another layer of why Hannah may be feeling that way, but that’s kinda a spoiler for the next chapter.
I don’t think you’re reading too much into it. I think Hannah had feelings for Susan, but hadn’t quite had the words for them. At the time she thought they were just close friends, but with maturity and feeling the force of those feelings again after time apart, Hannah realizes what they really are. I don’t think Hannah was ever really repressed sexually, she just hadn’t always considered all of her possibilities.
Thank you very much for the lovely and thoughtful review!
Amazing banner by callisto@tda | For Frankie05's John Green Quote Challenge
Three of us were privileged enough to know her,
Two of us were fortunate enough to be loved by her,
But only one of us was lucky enough to hold on to her.
I was not the lucky one, but I was one of the fortunate ones.
(transferred from hpff)
MEG! I cannot BELIEVE it has taken me so long to get here and read this story. I know I've told you how much I ADORE the concept, and I've been so excited to read the rest of this since you sent me that snippet. /hangs head in shame
Anyways, I'm here now, and I have SO MUCH to squee about!
First of all - I'm so honoured that you would dedicate this chapter to me. That really means a lot (I can't put hearts but imagine there's a gajillion of them right here).
Second of all - I recognize so many of Mary's feelings and emotions about Lily, and I just want to hug her and tell her it's all going to be okay! You wrote it all in such a real and vivid way. It honestly hurt my heart :( I really hope she'll be able to move past the feelings of "wrongness/badness" soon.
Third of all - omg I'm running out of coherent things to say. I just loved this. I think it's written so fantastically, I loved all the descriptions and I thought your word choice was really excellent. There were a couple of very minor grammar/spelling mistakes, but they were few and far between, and didn't detract from the story at all.
Just. Omg. Mary reading Hogwarts: A History all summer. Bonding with Lily because she did the same. How she wasn't intimidated by McGonagall at home, but was at school. All these little details made Mary such a real and wonderful character.
Also, I had a good giggle at "that rude boy with the long hair, his name was Sirius Black". My rude, long-haired baby :') I swear he grows out of it, Mary! Mostly!
Anyways, you did SUCH a fantastic job with this first chapter, and I absolutely cannot wait to keep reading!
Love and hugs!
Beautiful banner by cat! @ TDA
"Friends til the end, remember?"
2015 Diadem Finalist: Best LGBTQA+ || 2016 Diadem Finalist: Best LGBTQA+ Character - Parvati || 2017 F.R.O.G.S. Nominee: Best Minor Character- Parvati || 2018 F.R.O.G.S. Nominee: Best Family/Friendship- Lavender/Parvati
This sort of argument going on between Padma and Parvati was really interesting because I could honestly see both sides of it. Like I totally understood why Parvati was getting so irritated, but also could sympathize with Padma because she clearly wasn't being malicious or anything, just didn't want her twin sister to get hurt.
Parvati has a point when she reminds Padma that she and Lavender have lived together before, but at the same time, there were other people in the room as well then. This is much more intimate and might be much harder for Parvati...
But (and this might sound weird) I almost hope it does! This is a VERY slow burn and it's driving me mad! I'm more than ready for Parvati to just blurt it out at this point haha. And this new living arrangement is definitely going to prove a huge challenge to her in my opinion, so maybe we'll get that confession soon...?
I really can't imagine Lavender taking it badly even if she doesn't reciprocate (YET!)
I hope living with her best friend will be good for Lavender though, help her heal from everything she went through.
Another great chapter! I'll be back soon!
Oh man why didn't I come back to this story sooner! I forgot how much I love the way you portray these two and their relationship.
God, I just had this horrible sinking feeling in my gut, only one paragraph into the story. Because I very quickly put together what the setting was (that they were in the Room of Requirement hiding from the Carrows) and what it was that Parvati wanted to tell Lavender... and what was coming...
When she didn't get out it I was devastated because when it comes to fanfics set post-battle it's honestly a 50/50 on Lavender being alive. I was so convinced Lavender was going to die without Parvati ever getting to say how she felt.
But you didn't do that to us! Bless you tbh. The amount of relief I felt when Padma said Lavender was going to live was ridiculous ahaha.
I really love the way you wrote Parvati, I felt like I was feeling everything she was feeling. Her emotions came through so clearly; the absolute desperation and then the absolute relief. The way that she couldn't even hear what her twin was saying to her and was struggling like that to get to Lavender... I think I was actually holding my breath. It was so well done.
Fantastic work! I really hope Parvati gets to tell Lavender how she feels soon cause after that close call I feel like she'll want to say it ASAP, and I want to READ it ASAP! Hahaha.
I know I already shared some of my thoughts about this on Twitter, but I wanted to stop by and leave you a proper review as well!
For some reason, the first time I read this I was under the impression that it was the last chapter, and I was SO MAD at you, lol! I'm really glad that it's not though.
I really loved Padma here as the overprotective sister, I thought it was nice and I would probably be acting the same way in her position! But it was good that she respected Parvati's wishes, even if she was worried that her sister might get hurt. I mean, she did argue, but she didn't physically restrain her or come barging out into the hallway, so.
Ugh, their whole conversation was so gutwrenching tbh. After all that buildup, to have everything come crashing down in the last chapter and then have this chapter end with Lavender not feeling the same and still getting married... it's not what I was expecting at all, honestly, but I think that it worked really well. It'll be interesting to see how you build it back up to them inevitably falling into each other's arms and getting together, since that is what definitely is going to happen ;) Right?! Right?!
Another great chapter, thanks Claire! <3 I am eagerly awaiting the next one!
(reviewing backwards, nbd!)
Urgh, I had a really bad feeling right from the first scene that I knew what was coming. I mean, Lavender has been in this relationship and urgently wants to meet Parvati while sounding all excited and happy? I had a hunch, and it turned out to be correct, but it all played out so much worse than I was expecting :'(
The way Parvati reacted to the news - of how she was just struggling to keep it all inside while she tried her best to act normal - was written really well. There was so much tension and you could just tell that she wasn't going to be able to walk away from the situation without some kind of blowout. I'm just glad it didn't happen in front of Wesley, that would've added a whole extra awkward element to the situation :P But oh my goodness. I found it so heartbreaking when Parvati thought about how she'd imagined so many times over the years how she would tell Lavender but had never imagined her not being okay with it. And also when she just blurted it out and immediately wanted to take it back. Because I know as a reader this was definitely not the way I was imagining Parvati's Big Reveal would go, but you make it so clear in the narrative that this wasn't how Parvati wanted it to go either, and I think that makes the whole thing really effective. Heartbreaking and soul-crushing, but effective.
Really great work with this chapter, it's emotionally heavy but I think you handled it perfectly. Your descriptions are on-point, Parvati's emotions come across so clearly, and it left me on the edge of my seat for what would happen in chapter 10.
Bertie Bott is searching for new flavours for his beans, when one unexpectedly falls into his lap.
Beautiful banner by StarFeather
This was such a fun story, I really enjoyed following Bertie's creative process and watching the story of Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans unfold. I honestly found it really realistic that the idea didn't just come to him and that he started off just making nice, regular flavours - I suppose it's not impossible that someone could just go "Aha! Sock-flavoured beans!" out of nowhere one day, but that would be pretty odd, and I think this sort of happy-accident scenario works a lot better. And like I said, it was a lot of fun to see the journey Bertie's idea went on before it found it's final, novel form!
Bertie and Prudence were both such enjoyable characters, they weren't super well-rounded with extensive backstories or anything but they definitely didn't need to be. We got a very good sense of each of their personalities, and their interactions with each other were great and very believable for an older husband and wife. I found Bertie delightful, especially with the way that he reacted to the sock-beans - with excitement and inspiration instead of anger, frustration or annoyance.
One thing I was curious about - had Muggle jellybeans just not been invented yet at this point, or was Bertie simply unaware that they existed? Or did they come second? :P Honestly I certainly wouldn't find it unbelievable if Bertie just didn't know about jelly beans, but it is interesting how in canon there's this sort of wizarding-Muggle overlap when it comes to candy!
This was really good, thanks for sharing!
banner by amoretti @TDA
"James, do you want to go to Hogsmeade with me this weekend?"
HPFF Best Canon Ship Golden Paw Award (2012)
I'm going to take a stab at reviewing as I read this time, so here we go!
It's absolutely cracking me up that James pulled a Sickle out (or, an even more amusing possibility, scrounged up a sickle from one of his friends) just to use that "Sickle for your thoughts?" line. (I'm assuming it was just for that line based on him immediately pocketing it ahaha)
Poor Lily, feeling all broody on the last Hogsmeade visit before Christmas. I have a feeling I know what's the matter, but I guess we'll see.
As always, I'm so impressed with your characterization. James and Lily are both instantly recognizable as the James and Lily we all know and love. (I feel like I say this to you so much but) I love the way they bounce off each other. The exchange about Lily's hypothetical dead kitten made me giggle and it was so perfectly James.
Oooh. So the reason behind Lily's bad mood is not quite what I thought, but it is close. I was assuming she was feeling some trepidation about going home just because home is generally tense, what with Petunia; and she is indeed nervous to go home, but because she'll be meeting Vernon. (Sucks to know that she's definitely not in for a pleasant surprise :P)
Ugh I seriously love James so much here. It's great to see him as mature and caring, even though he's cracking jokes and acting pleased with himself when he makes Lily laugh. Their interactions really make me smile.
"You were right." "I know. When?" Ahahaha utterly perfect! As well as ""I mean, I don't think I've lost my sense of fun-" "You haven't," she said immediately."
I like Lily's basically immediate realization that she's developing a bit of a crush on James, and her telling herself off.
It was so cute and also really believable that even after sitting there with Lily and having a perfectly pleasant and quite extended conversation, James started blushing and grinning like a fool from a small kiss on the cheek.
This was great, I felt like I was seeing their relationship bloom before my very eyes. It was sweet and (as always) super well written. I'm on to the next chapter!
It was definitely just for that line. James is the dorkiest dork to ever grace the halls of Hogwarts. :P
Well, maybe not quite the dorkiest dork, but still. He's pretty dorky, and I <3 him to death for it. James is legit one of my three favorite characters in the entire HP universe, so I'm thrilled that you think I'm capturing him well. <3
Okay, I seriously LOVE this story.
This chapter was so wonderful. Everything about the characterization was absolutely perfect, down to the last detail. Like Lily automatically rejecting James when he asked her out and then immediately regretting it.
I was so endeared by James. His absolute shock, and how bad he was at hiding it, was perfectly in character and SO adorable. When he dropped the umbrella, got soaked, and didn't even seem to notice? Perfect. Probably my favourite moment in the whole chapter!
Tbh it cracked me up that James tried to touch her butt immediately after finally landing a date with her. Always pushing it, that one.
And aw, I love that he managed to regain his senses a bit towards the end there and showed some of the old James Potter ego, but in an endearing way ("It's the hair, isn't it?" etc).
There was a funny sort of vulnerability to him in this chapter. He was going back and forth between the teasing and the self-confident remarks, and then checking that he was sure he was understanding correctly and asking if he was dreaming. You struck the perfect balance, I think, and made him SO recognizable.
AND THE KISS!! AAA!! I am squealing! I really liked that in the end she was the one to ask him out and she was the one to kiss him, because it really removes any idea that she was sort of caving after years of pressure, or something :P
This story is lovely!
Thank you so, so much, Kayla! <3 I'm really glad that you liked the way James came across here, because I was definitely trying to walk that line between cocky!James and awkward!James, because I just don't see 100% cocky 100% of the time as being realistic. I'm also really happy you liked the whole Lily-asking-him-out thing - I always thought that it was pretty clear that she did indeed like him, but I also felt like especially with how he's often depicted in fics, I really wanted to emphasize that it wasn't just a sketchy "oh fine" yes.
Thank you so so much!
You can feel it, it's growing stronger. What are you going to do Lucius? What are you going to do when the master returns?
beyond perfect banner by Draco_Luva @ TDA
Written for Infinityx's Second Person Challenge (Honorable Mention)
(transferred from hpff)
This was so creepy. The tone of the whole piece was so eerie and malevolent, which I thought was great. I think it was a really smart choice to write this in second person, because then the reader is sort of looking in from the outside on this twisted thoughts while almost feeling that they're directed at them.
I have no sympathy for Lucius Malfoy - he's pretty much an awful dude. But I would want him to face justice for the crimes he'd committed, not this sort of twisted "justice" for the "crime" of abandoning Voldemort. So I did find this quite unsettling, and I wouldn't say it made me feel sympathetic or upset for him, but I did hate to imagine those things happening to him at the hands of Death Eaters still.
I really commend your use of language here. This was so strongly worded and I could practically feel the narrator's hatred of Malfoy seeping off of the screen. It was so sharp and vivid. I must admit that I'm not quite sure who the narrator is - I was guessing that it's the Death Eater mentioned who was in the courtroom as Malfoy was testifying, but I'm not sure exactly who that would be. I don't think it's a huge deal though - really it could be a bunch of people, which I actually think is effective because it sort of drives home Lucius's unstable place in the organization and how many thought of him as a traitor and hated him.
Great work on this, Karen!
"How does kappa produce young ones?" asked Malfoy again.
Albus flipped through the Potions textbook.
Can Scorpius Malfoy save his father? Ron will be back to solve the case with Auror Harry Potter.
banner made by StarFeather
Hey, Kenny :D
Oooh stuff is really picking up now! Malfoy seems to be making some progress in his Kappa hunt, and a friendship has started to develop between Albus and Scorpius.
Ugh! Flint sucks! It's just so cruel to hurt or torment animals, and that goes for magical creatures too. The poor grindylow. :( I'm glad Hagrid was able to help it, and that Scorpius stepped up to help him rather than really participating.
I was so excited to see Scorpius and Albus starting to become friends. Their whole conversation read very naturally to me, it communicated clearly how well they were getting along as well as their surprise that they were getting along so well and their hesitance about talking to each other. I was super bummed when Scorpius decided he didn't want to be friends with Albus after all, I really hope he'll change his mind.
And ooh, Scorpius told Albus, Rose and Hagrid about his father being threatened! That was an exciting development, now more people know what's going on, which is usually a sure sign that we're about to really get into some action! :D Too bad Scorpius regrets it.
I really enjoyed Rolf's description of his travels and of the Kappas he saw. And it was funny to see Malfoy make nice with Luna and even eat her Freshwater Plimpy Soup. I really enjoyed that whole end scene. (Although, I have to admit, I did find Rolf and Luna kissing like that in front of Malfoy a little out of character for Luna. That's really my only criticism here :) )
I'm really excited to see what happens next! Seems like stuff is about to get even more interesting!
Hi, Kayla! Thank you for stopping by and my apologize for late reply.
I guess this chapter has so many packs of magical creature and kid things. I wondered if I should focus on children's POV or animosity between Harry and Malfoy. I might have written much about magical creatures. It was fun to describe about them though. I respect many authors in the den can write angst or depression. I wish I could write like you guys.
I might pack so many adventures or action or fantasy scenes. Me myself might be confused with all things. I wonder if readers here might feel bored with these descriptions. So your review let me confirm my writing style. Thank you for your long kind review and sparing time for this.
We were meant to be friends, Remus. You know it, as well as I do.
Two children who grew up together. Two boys struggling on their paths towards adulthood. Two men faced with darkness too thick for them to get through.
A Peter/Remus story.
Set in the All the truth about Jimmy Portman's universe.
Hufflepuff Story of the Month - November 2016
Sitewide Story of the Month - January 2017
Golden Chalices Awards 2017 Runner Up - Best Drama
Golden Chalices Awards 2017 Winner - Best Minor Canon Character
FROGS 2017 Nomination - Best Marauders Era
FROGS 2017 Nomination - Best Minor Canon Character
FROGS 2018 Winner - Best Minor Canon Character
Beta'ed by Ysh (princesslily_36/Flaming Quilltips), with some help from Bianca (victoria_anne). Stunning banner by Kristin (Stella Blue). Love you, girls!
Hi, here for our swap! Sorry this is a bit belated!
I think this is really unique because I don't think I've ever seen a fic before where Peter and Remus were friends before going to Hogwarts. I actually think that would make for a super interesting Marauders dynamic, because as it stands in canon/fanon you have James and Sirius who are completely attached at the hip, and then Peter and Remus, who obviously the other two care about but not on the same level, and who don't have that sort of special relationship with each other. So I think that giving Remus and Peter a pre-Hogwarts friendship could possibly help even that dynamic out a bit.
Also, Peter/Remus is really a relationship I've never considered before. Obviously it doesn't really come into play in this first chapter, as they're children, but I figured it was worth commenting on as it's a pretty rare pairing and that adds to the uniqueness.
I can definitely say that I've never read a story where anybody knows about Remus's lycanthropy besides the Marauders and the Hogwarts staff. To be completely honest, it did give me pause - why wouldn't the kids who'd found out tell everybody? - but maybe that will be explained in another chapter? It was really interesting to see Peter come to Remus's rescue like that - so different from how he came to be later in life. But I suppose he started out brave, to be put in Gryffindor.
I think you did a very good job of writing Peter and Remus as realistic children. There really wasn't any point where I thought that anything seemed to mature or too immature. An especially sweet moment was when they wanted to build a swing together and were raring to get started, even though they didn't really know how to do it. I can remember getting up to similar antics with my cousins as a kid :') And I really liked how the swing kept coming up, and you had that scene with Peter sitting on the swing after Remus had moved away.
This was a really successful first chapter, in my opinion, because it really left me wondering how this dynamic was going to continue to play out and what would be the same or different from other fics I've read.
Great work! And thanks for the swap! :D
Hey, Kayla! Welcome! :) Thank you so much for swapping and for giving this a try, and sorry for the lateness of my reply...
Glad you like the idea of an early friendship for Remus and Peter. Like you said, James and Sirius are said to be particularly close, so it always made sense in my head that Remus and Peter would as well. And yes, I don't think anyone has ever thought about this ship, but I have to say that I've grown quite fond of it and I'm glad you are willing to give it a try. :)
Oh, yes... that's a really good point, which I should have considered but obviously didn't... Duncan and the other kids must have been at Hogwarts in the same time Remus had, year more, year less, so why didn't they confront him somehow, or tell anybody his secret? I honestly have no idea... Glad you liked Peter showing some Gryffindor bravery in here, he must have had some, right?
I love writing children, and I'm glad you found them realistic. And I'm also glad you loved the bit about the swing, too!
I'm glad this intrigued you so far and I would really love if you decided to come back again!
Thank you so much for the swap and the lovely review!
Charlie Weasley wants to be a Quidditch star. So why should he bother with the Hogwarts careers talk?
This was such a sweet little story. I really enjoyed your characterization of both Charlie and McGonagall. Charlie was super believable to me in his stubborness and his exciteability! To me it was so realistic that he had basically thought of one possibility and settled on it without even thinking too much about the practicalities (like what he would do when he got too old to play Quidditch), and was now almost offended that he was being asked to consider other options. I could absolutely imagine Charlie being like that.
Charlie's reaction to McGonagall's dragon suggestion made me smile so much. You did a really excellent job with that part and I could absolutely imagine him just lighting up with excitement and sort of being in disbelief that he could actually work with dragons! I just found it absolutely delightful, I was smiling so much as I read.
McGonagall was pretty delightful in this too! I always thought that she'd merely offered Harry a biscuit because she was feeling solidarity with him due to their shared hatred of Umbridge, hahaha, but I actually quite like the idea of her offering them to all the students she's having careers talks with. Perhaps knowing that she intimidates them and wanting them to open up a bit? She was so recognizable to me from canon, from her quiet and suppressed amusement to her immediate acceptance that Charlie wants to be Quidditch and her frank assessment that he would be able to do so, to her reaction when he asks whether a Care of Magical Creatures NEWT would be a waste of time.
Really excellent work, Mel! This was so sweet and brought a big smile to my face - I enjoyed it very much!
banner by abhorsen. @TDA
Meeting banshees in the Forbidden Forest, setting the Great Hall on fire, and smuggling in contraband: Victoire and Fred Weasley are trouble with a capital T.
HPFT FROGS: Best Family/Friendship Runner Up for Victoire and Fred (2018), Ravenclaw Nargle: Best Ravenclaw Character (2017), Featured Story (June 2018) | HPFF Diadem: Little Claw (2016), Ravenclaw SotM: Best Characterization (July 2015) | 1st in the 'Halloween Fanfiction' Challenge at Shadowplay
I don't read that much next-gen, but I've been meaning to read more, and I figured your AP was the perfect place to start, seeing as you're completely brilliant and everything you write is great!
What I found so immediately intriguing about this is that I've never actually seen Victoire and Fred put together like this before. I really like the idea of Victoire being mischevious because I feel like I usually think of her and see her written as being a bit more like Fleur - firey temper sometimes, but pretty much perfect and a little bit prim. So I think this interpretation is really awesome and unique!
It was so much fun watching Victoire and Fred interact. (I mean... not watching, but you know what I mean.) They bounced off each other wonderfully. They had a super believable friendship. It was also really fun to see them miss the Hogwarts Express and actually do something sensible (rather than... yknow, stealing a flying car) while still trying to stay out of trouble.
When they decided to go to Teddy's I was wondering whether there would be some hints of Teddy/Victoire, and sure enough there were! So I'm excited to see where that goes, as I must admit I'm pretty fond of that pairing!
I think you've done a really good job with this first chapter, establishing your characters, making them super likeable, and creating these great relationships! I already believe that Victoire and Fred are the best of friends after just one chapter, which I think is pretty impressive. I really enjoyed reading this and I'm definitely going to continue!
Oooh, this was really interesting! I love the idea of a magical menagerie. I'd never thought of something like that before, but it makes so much sense. We Muggles have zoos, so why wouldn't wizards have an equivalent?
At first I thought that the Basilisk in the menagerie was meant to be the same one that Harry fought, as Fawkes gouged its eyes out, but then I remembered that he killed that Basilisk. I thought Victoire's reaction to it was very realistic; I think it's definitely a very human reaction to be scared of stuff like that even when you know logically that they can't hurt you.
Teddy and Victoire were so sweet together, and there's definitely something going on between them! I really want to see something happen between them, ASAP. Hahaha. I really like how last chapter focused on Fred and Victoire and this chapter focused more on her and Teddy. I think that was really smart. You've established these great relationships right off the bat and it makes me want to see more from them and see them develop!
Also, something is clearly going on with Teddy, so I'm really curious to keep reading and see if that gets revealed. I mean, I guess the locks and lack of Floo might really just have to do with his upbringing and everything, but the way Victoire took note of how many locks he had made me think it might be more... I guess I'll see!
I'm really looking forward to reading more of this! Great work, Branwen!
:O omg, a cliffhanger! I really can't wait to see where this comb thing goes and how Victoire is going to handle this.
I love how mischevious and adventurous Fred and Victoire are in this. Like I said, I've never seen Victoire portrayed this way before and I am LOVING it! I feel like in the books we never got to see these sorts of mischevious activities taking place because whenever the Golden Trio got up to some shenanigans, there was some kind of Serious Reason behind it, and we only really hear about (most) of Fred and George's antics second-hand. So it's really fun to read something like this.
I really enjoy the idea of Victoire being super into magical creatures. She takes after her Uncle Charlie :D I think you did a great job describing the banshee and how eery she was, and it was enhanced by how obviously freaked out Fred was by the whole thing. It's so weird how she was able to see the comb from so far away (and I mean, it's obviously super weird that it reappeared in her pocket).
I feel like we haven't gotten to see too much of Micah yet and I am eager to know more about him, so I kinda wish he had gone into the forest with them. But I can also understand why you would have just the two cousins go. Also... moms?! :D Does that mean what I think it means? I hope so!
I'm really enjoying this so far and I'm eager to see what happens next!
Beautiful Banner by zorya. @ TDA!
A series of one-shots about different characters and their holiday rituals.
(transferred from hpff)
Hi Kaitlin! I'm here reviewing for Day 15 of the advent calendar :)
There's so much that I love about this story! First of all, I never imagined Demelza as Muslim - in fact, I never really put much thought into her character at all. So I think it's really awesome that you took a minor character and added to her character so much :)
Second of all, I don't know too much about Eid, but from what I can tell you did a beautiful and sensitive job of describing the festivities. It was very much a standard holiday story in that it focused on the caring relationship between Demelza and her family (and their community) and highlighted the joyfulness and spirit of the season, but you focused on a holiday that, unfortunately, gets overlooked all the time.
What really brought this story to life for me was your descriptions of the food! My mouth was practically watering. I don't that's not surprising, given your profession!
My only bit of criticism would be to be careful with the spelling of Demelza's last name - it's not consistent throughout the story. It switches between "Robbins" and "Robins" (I can't remember off the top of my head which one is correct).
I really enjoyed this, it's so sweet and beautifully done! :)
Oh my god, my heart is simultaneously breaking and melting in my chest. ;~; It's not a pretty picture.
This is so. Lovely. The scene in the books when Harry uses the stone and gets to talk to his parents always has me sobbing, but this just made me smile a lot, even though it was sad. I think part of it is that Teddy has time. He doesn't have to just get his advice and go; he gets to sit down at the end and talk to his parents, and get to know them a bit.
I feel like a LOT of the fics I've read that involve Teddy have had him be an Auror. I admittedly don't read a ton of next-gen, but it seems to be a pretty popular headcanon. I don't have any problem with that headcanon, but I really liked that you did something different. And it was a really sweet touch that Tonks absolutely backed up his desire to be a Curse-breaker and told him that that was what she'd wanted to do, after he'd been worried that she would've wanted him to be an Auror.
I have one tiny, tiny little quibble, and I think it's kind of a personal preference thing, but I thought I'd mention it: it threw me off a bit when Remus asked Teddy if Harry was pressuring him, just because of the way it was phrased really. I think it was the emphasis that threw me, because in my mind it read in a super accusatory way, and Teddy hadn't really said anything that implied Harry was pressuring him. I don't think Remus would jump to accusatory like that, it seems kind of out of his nature and contrary to his relationship with Harry. BUT I know that "accusatory" might not have been your intention so. Yes. Do with this what you will.
That minor issue aside, I really did enjoy reading this! It made me so emotional haha. You're so talented, so it's no surprise that you managed to write a story with sad undertones that left me feeling uplifted rather than bummed out.
Okay so quick note before I get into my actual review - for some reason, all your apostrophes are displaying as Fs? I'm not sure if it's an issue on my end or with the archives or if something got messed up while you were posting, but yeah.
I really enjoyed this first chapter as well as the prologue. I think it was a clever choice to have the prologue be in first person and the rest of the story be in third person. Diana is very instantly likeable. To me it's very clear that she's a sharp and intelligent woman, and that she's being held back by her circumstances/the time period. It would be awesome if this was leading up to her inventing the cure for dragon pox, except I know that was invented by Gunhilda of Gorsemoor, so it doesn't seem like that will be the case.
The fact that she has visions is certainly really intriguing. I was impressed with the way you handled one that you wrote, it was so visceral. And from the prologue we know that Caterina is going to get sick, so the end of the chapter left me with a feeling of dread. I hope she at least survives...
Speaking of Caterina, I thought you described her wonderfully. She came across as very frail and timid, but also sweet. It was totally understandable why Charlus and Diana would worry about her and want to protect her. I pretty much wanted to do the same haha.
I'm honestly invested in this already, so I really hope there will be a new chapter sometime soon! (Plus the Lesbian tag on it helps. Hahaha ;) ) Let me know if there is :D
Great work, Branwen!
(transferred from hpff)
This was a really interesting read. I didn't know that you have a medicine obsession! I do have to say though, that it does shine through in your writing here that medicine is something you care about.
The description of the hospital setting, with all of its uncomfortable little details like the too-short stool and overly-bright lights, was really well done and brought the chapter to life.
I really love that you decided to make Scorpius and James good friends in this! I definitely have nothing against Albus and Scorpius (romantically or platonically), but that was different and refreshing - definitely not something I've seen done often.
I also think it's really great that you tied some of Scorpius's positive qualities - that he's deliberate and determined - to his being a Slytherin. Reinforcing the positives of being a Slytherin is something I've seen happening more and more often and I definitely think it's a good thing :)
There's so much I've been left curious about with this first chapter - like, who is Scorpius's girlfriend, and how on earth did she end up in a coma?! Also, of course, I want to know if this cure is going to work and how Scorpius will make it happen.
Hopefully there will be a new chapter of this sometime!
Amazing banner by Stille Nacht @TDA
The Battle of Hogwarts wasn't just one story. Here, fourteen participants tell theirs.
I adore the idea of Charlie going into the Forbidden Forest to recruit the creatures that live there. It's not something that's explicit in the story (unless I'm forgetting something) but it makes so much sense to me, both in terms of Charlie as a character and in terms of the way the battle went down.
Obviously we see the centaurs and the Acromantula coming out of the forest in canon, and also the giants are mentioned there, but I really think it's realistic that Charlie would take the time to at least warn the creatures in the forest even if he couldn't convince them to actually fight with the Order.
The Thestral idea is really clever imo. But I couldn't help but think though that there would probably be people on the ground who'd see a bunch of people seemingly flying on nothing, and then the next second be able to see the Thestrals. Which is pretty much a huge bummer of a thought :( But it really is a clever idea, it would give them a great vantage point (as is explained in the story :P) and them having air support seems only fair when the Death Eaters had giants! I also thought the idea of the Hippogriffs helping in the battle was really unique and smart.
Loved the message of hope at the end. I thought it was great how Charlie and Arthur had very similar viewpoints re: Harry's death and hope. You could see the family resemblence there ;) Both of them were really well-characterized.
Stunning banner by accursed. @ TDA
WINNER - FROGs 2017 - Best Friendship
WINNER - The Pride of Gryffindor Awards 2017 - Best Post-Hogwarts
FROGS 2017 Runner Up - Best Minor Character
2nd Place - Frankie05's Dobby Challenge
A tale of death, love, and the bond that holds everyone together.
Okay so I know this is your baby, and I'm deeply ashamed of myself for not getting here sooner haha. But here I am now, and ready to R&R!
So having just read this prologue, I already feel confident saying that this is your best work. Your description is amazing here. The way you described how Harry was feeling, and how it couldn't be explained in a medical context, but he just knew he was going to die, was so poignant.
This might sound a bit strange (although I'm sure a lot of people have told you something similar), but it's not strange in the context of a story that I knew right off the bat was going to be about Harry dying. I'm really glad he knew he was going to die. I'm glad he was able to tell Ginny and she was able to gather the family and he died surrounded by all his loved ones. There's nothing worse than the thought of Harry dying alone simply because no one had realized it was going to happen and no one had been expecting it.
Harry and Ginny. *sniffles* My original OTP. I absolutely loved the way you portrayed them here - that Ginny was still teasing him and Harry was grateful for it was definitely very believable to me, and very sweet.
Harry specifically was very believable to me. At seventeen he was brave and mature enough to walk into the Forbidden Forest to what he thought was his certain death. It definitely feels real to me that after another 86 years of life, he wouldn't be afraid of dying and would greet death like an old friend.
I'm really impressed with the tone you've pulled off here. It's definitely very melancholic, but at the same time almost a little hopeful? I definitely get the sense that we're about to start a big adventure.
I'm going to devour the rest of this now ;) Fantastic work, Kaitlin!
Hi again, Kaitlin!
I'm with Molly here - it sucks so much that Harry has to pass a test to get to the afterlife D: Don't get me wrong, it's such a creative vision, and I'm impressed but thoroughly unsurprised that you came up with something like this... but it's like Molly said. He's been through SO much and the idea of him failing and not making it to the afterlife is absolutely crushing. Although I don't think you would do that to us. (Or... I hope you wouldn't do that to us?)
Dobbyyy! You captured him absolutely perfectly! He is so instantly recognizable from canon that it's almost ridiculous. How do you do what you do with minor characters?! Seriously!
In fact you did a great job with pretty much everyone here! I'm not gonna lie to you though - I was a little taken aback by Sirius's reactions. However, as you know, I am EXTREMELY biased and there's possibly a rose-coloured-glasses situation going on here hahaha. Everyone else was absolutely perfect and spot on. What stuck out to me was James's neutral face as he proclaimed that he was going to be the one to go get his son. Also, regardless of how I felt about Sirius's reactions overall, I definitely thought the argument between him and Molly was very realistic and well done.
Dobby's reaction to being picked as Harry's guide felt so real and urgh I love him! I'm so excited to see him reunited with Harry and see them complete this adventure together! And I can't wait to see Harry reunited with his parents, Sirius, Remus, etc.
I can't wait to read more!
Heyy Kaitlin! Here for CTF :)
OMG, the opening scene with Dobby rushing to get to the Portkey office gave me so much second-hand anxiety - I'm always having stress dreams about rushing to get places before they close. You captured the tension and anxiety of that sort of scenario extremely well. Add on Dobby's fear of failing Harry, who means so much to him... omg, I wanted to cry when he got there just as the place closed!
The man inside who was closing up turned out to be much nicer than I expected! He was quite understanding of Dobby after he broke the glass, and it was sweet of him to clean him up and show him where to go.
I felt kind of unsettled by Merv just by reading your description, hahaha. And omg - I knew that this test/series of trials was intense, but I either didn't know/realize or just forgot that Dobby loses his soul as well if Harry fails?! And I DEFINITELY didn't realize he wasn't allowed to tell Harry it's a test! Omg. All this time I've been assuming Harry KNOWS it's a test. This is even more intense than I already realized.
You do an amazing job capturing Dobby. He feels so familiar from canon, you've really got his characterization down. I just want to hug him!!
You can do it, Dobby! I believe in you! You're not going to let Harry down! ;~;
Great chapter Kaitlin!