Reviewer: poppunkpadfoot Signed
Date: 02 Mar 2020 · Title: Chapter 2: Gryffindors (September 1971 - November 1971)

Hello lovely! Here for CMDC round 3.

 

There was so much in this chapter that was totally unexpected to me. Obviously I am aware that you love Peter, so I was expecting to see more depth from him than usual, but you really took his character in a really unique direction! But I totally thought it worked. He was a little more bold than I expected, and he stood up for himself/his interests - like he sort of told Remus off a bit after their Sorting, and then he approached James and Sirius himself at the end. That's definitely a lot more confidence and bravery than I usually see from him in other Marauders fics.

 

I thought it was an interesting tidbit about Peter being related to the Yaxleys. Is that canon (from Pottermore or something) or from your headcanon? Just out of curiousity!

 

Poor Remus. He is (obviously) trying so hard to keep his lycanthropy a secret, but he's hurting himself and hurting Peter in the process. I'm assuming that this will follow canon up to a point, which means I'm assuming (hoping) that he'll get to unburden himself of this secret eventually and get some comfort from Peter.

 

Your love and care for these characters really comes through in your writing, Chiara! Good work.

 

-Kayla

Author's Response:

Hi, Kayla! <3

I'm happy that I surprised you a little! :P Well, Peter was a Gryffindor, after all, wasn't he? I'm conviced that he could be fierce/brave when he wanted to, although he preferred to stay on the sidelines most of the time. I'm glad you felt my characterization worked, even if it was a bit unexpected! :)

Peter being related to the Yaxleys is something I came up with in the Jimmy-verse and was totally an accident. I only wanted a recognizable surname for his mum. Only later I realized the tie with the Death Eaters and that it could come in handy... :P Anyway, no, it isn't canon (not that I know of) but it is now 100% my headcanon! ;)

Ah, yes, poor Remus... keeping the secret is so hard for him and so hurtful for both boys... :( of course, the secret will come out and Remus will get all the support he needs eventually! ;)

Thank you so much for the lovely review! <3 <3 <3

Reviewer: poppunkpadfoot Signed
Date: 02 Mar 2020 · Title: Chapter 1: let the golden age begin

Hey Joey! I'm here for CMDC round 3! 

 

I really liked what you did with the idea of "wrong owl" here. Florence receives an owl that was intended for someone else, but rather than it leading to some dramatic misunderstanding or a romantic tryst or something, it leads (somewhat indirectly, but still) to a scientific breakthrough. I thought that was a really interesting approach to the challenge and it worked really well.

 

I really enjoyed Dr. Andrew Brocklehurst and how committed he was to his invention, to the point of basically throwing out the partner he'd been working with and throwing himself behind Florence instead. That scene where Henry was being a jerk and Dr. Brocklehurst and Florence stood firm against him was one of my favourites. I kind of like to imagine that the incomplete/incorrect potion he insisted on taking left him permanently disfigured :P which I guess is very rude of me, but oh well.

 

I thought the dialogue was really good, I wasn't sure going in exactly when this was set but I definitely got the sense that it was the Olden Times. So when I got to the A/N at the end that said 1896 I was just like, ah, that checks out! So I thought that was spot on.

 

Great work Joey!

 

-Kayla

Reviewer: poppunkpadfoot Signed
Date: 01 Mar 2020 · Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Hey Pix! I'm here for CMDC round 3!

 

So I'll admit, when I first read the summary for this story, I assumed that it was going to be about Hermione post-War being afraid of Apparition, after what happened to Ron in Deathly Hallows. I'm not sure why, but that was just the first place my mind went. So I was just a tiny bit surprised when this was about Hermione being initially afraid to learn to Apparate. But it was a really great story, and I liked seeing this side of Hermione where she's sort of irrationally afraid of something. Or, I guess irrational isn't quite the right word, because I'd say it's rational to be afraid of splinching, but she's afraid to an irrational extent.

 

But then, of course, after all that fear and working herself up into a panic, not only does she not splinch herself but she's one of the only people in the class who quickly manages to Apparate - because she's a brilliant and powerful witch. I really loved this line: "Hermione wasn't ready to die, but she wasn't ready to look the fool and excuse herself from the class either." I thought it was so perfectly in-character for Hermione. You really did a great job with her in this piece! Awesome work.

 

-Kayla

Author's Response:

Hey hey!!

I can't believe I never responded to this wonderful review!  Shame on me. I'll try to make up for it now. 

Uh, surprise?  Lol. Everyone has a first time, and I thought it would be fun to play with Hermione's insecurities about getting it all right. She's so much a perfectionist, isn't she? Also, knowing and understanding the intricacies of the risks would probably drive someone like her crazy as well. It IS a dangerous thing, like getting behind the wheel of a car for the first few times. I wonder if they show movies to first-time Apparition students about the dangers of splinching. That would seem terrifying to me!

Thanks so much for your words!

Pix

Reviewer: poppunkpadfoot Signed
Date: 01 Mar 2020 · Title: Chapter 1: More Than a Reputation

Hey there, Madi and Pix! I'm here for CMDC round 3!

 

I'm generally not a fan of Draco Malfoy, but I really enjoyed this story. I really like the idea of Draco choosing to go into a field where he can help people as a way to sort of atone for the things that he and his family did during the war, but that it was clear that he wasn't automatically forgiven by everyone because of that choice. That's how you write a really good redemption story - you have the character in question start making good choices, even heroic choices, and yet those changes DON'T immediately erase everything that the character did in the past. There's still work to be done to gain people's trust.

 

Obviously Draco's quite frustrated by that here, but what also makes this a good redemption story is that he doesn't give up on doing the right thing just because it's not being appreciated or anything like that. He keeps doing the right thing because it's the right thing, not because he's thinking about how to win everyone's favour but because he's thinking about his job and about the responsibility that comes with it. This of course ultimately culminates with him being willing to sacrifice his life for this patient who has been kind of a jerk to him the whole time.

 

I was glad he survived though. He's clearly a really good Healer, and it's much better for the Wizarding World to have him around doing really good work at St. Mungo's than it would be to have him dead (or in Azkaban) as a punishment for his family's crimes. Imo, anyway.

 

This is great stuff, you guys! Awesome work.

 

-Kayla

Reviewer: poppunkpadfoot Signed
Date: 01 Mar 2020 · Title: Chapter 1: Dragon Scale

Hey Madi! Here for CMDC round 3.

 

I really loved all the little details you included in this story, because they really helped bring it to life. I loved that wizard rock was called "wrock" haha (I know that's a term IRL but I thought it was so funny for wizards to call their own music that), that the bartender would frown on them using magic in the middle of the dance floor, and all the little details about how the wizarding world has changed since Alicia and Katie were at Hogwarts.

 

I felt quite bad for Katie at the beginning of the story - I can totally relate to that crappy feeling of sitting alone at the bar, unnoticed by everyone and watching everyone else have a good time. But then Alicia came along with her terrible pick-up line and the story went in a whole new direction. It was fun to get to read them re-connecting and explaining what they've been up to in the last little while. I like the idea of them each playing professional Quidditch but on different teams.

 

Things were so friendly between them for most of this fic, but I hadn't forgotten about Alicia's terrible pick-up line, so I was pretty psyched that it turned out to have worked and they ended up going home together!

 

Good job, Madi!

 

-Kayla

Reviewer: poppunkpadfoot Signed
Date: 01 Mar 2020 · Title: Chapter 1: Knock Knock Knock

Hi Madi! Here for CMDC round 3.

 

I really enjoyed this story! I was sliiightly apprehensive the whole time because I was nervous that the story was going to end with Pomona being like "I was wrong, Severus is wonderful" and I was kind of relieved that that didn't happen because... well, I hate Snape.

 

I liked how you presented the difference between Snape and Pomona's view of plants, with Snape viewing them more as a means to an end while for Pomona they're an end in and of themselves. I thought that was really well-done. 

 

Likewise, it rang very true that Snape would just let the Slytherin students run amok and that that would be really frustrating for Pomona and the other Heads of Houses. I found it really interesting to see Snape through the eyes of the other professors, and I thought you hit the nail on the head.

 

I think you characterized Snape very well throughout, in a way that was totally true to the books. Pomona we obviously see less of, but I thought you did a wonderful job with her as well. She came off as a very kind and giving woman who genuinely wanted to make good with her co-worker, and who really cared about her students. I love how at the start of the 1991 section she's worrying for Harry's well-being and wanting to protect him! 

 

When it got to the point where Pomona was clutching her wand during a confrontation with Snape, I was so frustrated for her, so I was basically cheering during the last scene when she finally stood up to him and told him off! And even after that she's kind enough to extend him an olive branch.

 

I really enjoyed this Madi, great work!

 

-Kayla

Reviewer: poppunkpadfoot Signed
Date: 29 Feb 2020 · Title: Chapter 1: tower

hey eva, here for cmdc round 3!

 

wow, this is a beautifully written story! your prose is just gorgeous. it has such an ethereal and magical quality to it, and so i must admit that i was quite taken aback (just for a second!) when a kindle appeared! that was clever though, because if you hadn't mentioned a modern technology, i would've fully assumed that this was set in medieval times or something like that.

 

this was recognizable as being very similar to rapunzel from quite early on (specifically it reminded me of Tangled in a few ways) but there were so many ways in which you made it your own, it was engaging and i couldn't wait to see where it was going and if/how hope was going to escape!

 

what really impressed me about this too was hope's complicated feelings towards her mother. there's resentment there and at times she knows that she is being mistreated, but she still feels love for her mother - even right at the end as she's escaping, she refers to her mother as "my lovely mother". It rang incredibly true to me. You also captured that horrible sensation of feeling like someone's love can just be taken away if you step just one toe out of line. obviously that shouldn't be a thing any kid feels re: the love of their parent, but it is a very real phenomenon in emotionally abusive relationships and i feel like you captured it really well.

 

wonderful job, eva!

 

-kayla

Author's Response:

Ack thank you so much for this review! Hahaha, that's very fair, I'm sure the Kindle must've come out of nowhere!

 

Yes -- I think to a less abusive degree parents like Hope's are quite common, where they really hold their children on a tight leash and guilt trip them when they do anything with their lives. I'm really glad that you thought the abuse was portrayed in an interesting way! I feel like it's extremely difficult for children to be raised to be completely indifferent to their parents, even when those parents are horrible and don't really deserve much attention. Thank you for writing your thoughts! It was originally going to be a longer thing, but I might eventually go back to this and rework it to be a standalone one-shot! <3

 

Love,

Eva

 

(for building a sand castle)

Reviewer: poppunkpadfoot Signed
Date: 29 Feb 2020 · Title: Chapter 1: of trolls and nifflers

Hi Eva, here for CMDC round 3!

 

Well, I have to say that approximately nothing about this story was what I expected! I don't think I've ever seen Cho or Pansy characterized like this before. But I appreciated that you took both of them and made them your own. Cho was such a cheerful, loveable goofball - a pretty stark contrast to what we see from her in the books, but it makes sense she wouldn't be like that immediately following Cedric's death. As for Pansy, I feel like I always see her written as quick a hard and cold person, which is basically the opposite of how she's portrayed here. I was surprised by the description of her room, with all the stuffed animals and soft decorations, but I think you made it work.

 

Also, this wasn't really the main point of the story, but I do love the idea of the "eighth-years" getting to sort of... design their own coursework, with each of them having come back to school with an interest and a purpose. I thought all of them were so well thought-out and fit the characters really well.

 

I thought you did a great job with this. The whole premise was really good, with Cho wanting to include Pansy and with the really sweet and fun idea for an eighth-year Christmas party. Cho was so endearing and she made me root for her to get through to Pansy, even though Pansy isn't usually someone I care for. Really good work!

 

-Kayla

Author's Response:

Hi, hi Kayla! <3

 

Thank you for giving this story a shot! I do acknowledge that Cho/Pansy is a somewhat out there ship idea that I'm pretty sure I first thought of two-and-a-half years ago in some sort of half-conscious state. :P But neither of them were meant to be quite like this? I'm not really sure what happened here hahaha. I agree that they're very different from the books (I somewhat threw canon out the window when I realized that I accidentally put Cho into the wrong year). But I really appreciate your justifications for Cho's changed personality -- it would absolutely make sense if she'd been going through a muted phase because of Cedric. Maybe that's the explanation I'll use sometimes. :P

 

Thank you so much for your review! <3

 

Love,

Eva

 

(for building a sand castle)

Reviewer: poppunkpadfoot Signed
Date: 29 Feb 2020 · Title: Chapter 1: egg-tomato soup

Hi Eva, I'm here for CMDC round 3!

 

Wow! This is quite the opening chapter! So on my first read-through, I assumed that the "young witch-to-be" in the very first section was a younger Clementine, but now on my second read-through I'm really not so sure. Maybe whoever's being described in the first section is the same individual who later caused the mysterious rainfall? Hopefully in the next chapter, we shall find out!

 

Young Clementine was so endearing, even though I did feel a bit sorry for her mother :') But I babysit, and I have babysat kids before who have these very firm make-believe situations (e.g. one little girl had a fairy alter-ego and insisted on being addressed only by her fairy name rather than her birth name), so I thought it was quite realistic and sweet.

 

I loved Clementine's mother too! I appreciated that even though Clementine saw her as a bit of a villain when she was a young child, by the time we meet grown-up Clementine (or, I guess, more-grown-up Clementine) she just adores her mom. I thought that her mother's idea to get her involved in picking and cooking the dinners was a brilliant one! I think it's such a good idea to get kids involved with food early on, and in this story it clearly paid off, as now Clementine loves to cook and has all these rituals and traditions around it. I loved all the description you put into the cooking of the food.

 

But omg, what an alarming note for this chapter to end on! I thought it was just brilliantly done. What on earth is going on?! What's going to happen next?! I would really love to find out, so I hope this story will continue!

 

Awesome job!

 

-Kayla

Reviewer: poppunkpadfoot Signed
Date: 29 Feb 2020 · Title: Chapter 1: War and Peace and Peace and War

Here for round 3 of CMDC!

 

This is kind of a joke-y premise, but by the end of this I found myself desperately wanting more tbh. Like, I want a longer one-shot, at least. There is... so much that's intriguing about this, and it was so well written? Like, right from the first paragraph there was some genuine tension, even as I was sort of bemused at Sirius running from a Roomba.

 

But what I think is really intriguing is that in the Harry Potter universe, they don't really use a lot of Muggle technology? So the idea of Muggle technology gaining sentience/going rogue and wizards ending up in a struggle against said technology is very unexpected. How did they get here?! What is a sentry bot?! What would happen if the roomba caught him?! But also this seems to be a modern day AU, so maybe the wizard-technology relationship was different in the first place? I don't know, but I WANT to know.

 

I loved that Sirius transitioned so quickly from "running for his life" to "actively flirting with the dude who saved him", it was just so funny. But I wanted him to be successful! I need MORE!

 

For real though, I had fun reading this and if you ever decide to expand it please let me know.

 

-Kayla

Reviewer: poppunkpadfoot Signed
Date: 29 Feb 2020 · Title: Chapter 1: Are you ready for it?

Here for CMDC round 3!

 

Okay, so: Callum sucks. That's honestly my main takeaway from this first chapter haha. He just doesn't contact his girlfriend for a whole month, shows up out of nowhere and dumps all over her huge accomplishment, and then tries to sext her in the middle of the night. Uh, no. Dump him!

 

I did enjoy Felix. Aside from the one comment about how there's only one woman on the team at a time (which is a comment about Puddlemere, not about Nicola) he was supportive. I also really liked that he was straight-up ready to fight Callum, because to be honest so was I.

 

I was so frustrated for Nicola that she's achieved this dream of hers and she can't just enjoy it! First with Callum and then with this horrible article in Witch Weekly. I'm definitely interested to see how she's going to handle that, since Felix stopped her from writing the Howler (probably the right call).

 

You've definitely got this story off to an interesting start, with some unique characters and some conflicts to sort out. Good work!

 

-Kayla

Reviewer: poppunkpadfoot Signed
Date: 29 Feb 2020 · Title: Chapter 2: II. The Dance Foyer at the Opera

Hey Paula, I'm here for CMDC round 3!

 

Not gonna lie, I'm... kind of amazed by how much I enjoyed this story. That's obviously not to say that I thought this was going to be bad or anything, but I just... wasn't expecting the story that I got, I suppose? 

 

I found the protagonist to be sympathetic right from the beginning, with the strict Madame shrieking and being such a ruthless teacher. I was immediately rooting for her. I think it's wonderful how you incorporated the fact that, well, it's a painting. All the details about the pigments, the smudging of pastels, how some dancers were portrayed in greater detail... it was all quite poetic, and somehow wasn't how I was expecting you to approach the story of the people in the painting. I thought it was wonderful!

 

Also - I picked this particular story because I recognized the paintings in question - so it was a VERY unexpected and happy surprise when my boys appeared out of nowhere! (I mean, I'm assuming the "arrogant looking dark haired boy" and the "exhausted, fair haired boy" with a scarred face are, in fact, my boys. I could be wrong, but even if I am, I'm gonna pretend I'm not.) I loved their sudden appearance into the story and that they stuck up for the dancers against the mean teacher! And how thoughtful of I'm-assuming-Sirius to tell the protagonist of a painting where she can be happier!

 

I honestly wanted to cheer when the protagonist left the painting and was invited to stay in the new painting by the other (much nicer) teacher! I got so emotionally invested in this story and it really paid off. I loved the ending and I really enjoyed reading this!

 

Great work!

 

-Kayla

Reviewer: poppunkpadfoot Signed
Date: 28 Feb 2020 · Title: Chapter 1: Ridicule Us

Here for CMDC round 3!

 

Wow, Melanie! Wow wow wow! This story blew me away. I think you've done such an incredible job here with a difficult and emotional premise. And I can completely see why this was nominated for Best Dialogue. I was really struck by Fred/the Boggart's dialogue in particular. It was so hard-hitting, and I thought it was so effective how it started out sort of cheerful and light-hearted and then built and built into this really dark and horrifying conversation. Through the whole scene the tension just grew, until by the time Ron came in I was almost holding my breath.

 

I thought it was really effective that, going into the situation, George wasn't really thinking that this was going to be his Boggart. If he'd been walking downstairs knowing that he was about to see Fred and dreading that, this whole thing wouldn't have worked as well. And with Fred specifically confronting him about not being there when he died, it seemed like George was really suppressing this big part of the trauma of losing his twin, even though he genuinely seemed to have believed that he had processed Fred's death and moved on. Also I wanted to say that I had never put much thought into the fact that George wasn't there when Fred died, but you really were able to communicate the weight of that fact on George's psyche and the tragedy of that detail.

 

Just... wow, Melanie! I'm extremely impressed right now! Really great work, and congratulations on the much-deserved nomination!

 

-Kayla

Author's Response:

Hey Kayla! Thank you for this review! I'm glad you liked how Fred's dialogue and comments progressed; I wanted him to lull George into...maybe not a sense of security, but a sense of suspense, where he just couldn't stop listening to what Fred would say next.

 

My idea with this fic was that sometimes you don't know exactly what your deepest fear is - there are things you assume are your greatest fears, but the boggart would reach into you and grab that thing you thought you'd put behind you but a part of you never really did.

 

I had not always put a lot of thought into George not being there, either, but once it did occur to me, I thought it hugely significant. We almost never see them apart in the books, so it was huge that JKR decided to split them up for Fred's death. I have to imagine that would have been a tremendous source of guilt for George.

 

Thank you so much for your wonderful comments. :)

Melanie

Reviewer: poppunkpadfoot Signed
Date: 28 Feb 2020 · Title: Chapter 1: On Darkness

Here for cmdc round 3!

 

Wow, Dan! This is a really impressive piece of writing. Its nomination for best dialogue was clearly very well-deserved. I was extremely impressed by every word of this fic. Slughorn and Riddle are two of the characters that I feel would be extremely difficult to characterize, and I think you hit the nail on the head for both of them here. You really captured the same sort of dynamic that I remember them having in the books, which came across so effortlessly. Because of that I really bought this as a missing moment. Tom was so eerie, knowing exactly how to manipulate Slughorn to get him to keep talking and to keep him from getting suspicious. And Slughorn was just as frustrating here as he was in the books, willing to completely overlook all these red flags and warning signs for the sake of his own piece of mind.

 

In terms of the dialogue itself, I thought it was absolutely brilliant. Not a single word gave me pause as feeling out of place or seeming out of character. Both Slughorn and Riddle had distinctive voices that rang extremely true to their dialogue in the books. I honestly felt like this could have been written by JKR herself.

 

Truly impressive work, and a really good reminder that I need to read more of your stories :P

 

Congrats on the nom!

 

-Kayla

Reviewer: poppunkpadfoot Signed
Date: 28 Feb 2020 · Title: Chapter 1: moonlight

shreya! i'm here for cmdc round 3!

 

i have no idea how i'm only getting around to reading this story now. i've heard such good things about it, and now i see why! this was really stunning and i totally get why it was nominated for best one-shot.

 

i'm really impressed by the OCs that you've created here in this piece. all of them have their strengths and their flaws, and you're able to communicate all of that through describing their actions, attitudes and personalities. You really show us who mingzhu and her parents are, rather than telling us. I thought that was really brilliantly done!

 

the opening scene was brilliant as a setup for the rest of the story. it established how special and important mingzhu's father is to her, and it also introduced the jiaoren in such an enchanting and haunting way. I liked that you had mingzhu's parents explaining the jiaoren from two different perspectives, and so i as a reader couldn't be sure exactly what was true about these creatures and what was just legend/myth. it meant that there was this sort of uncertainty through the rest of the story, and it highlighted mingzhu's bravery and determination to save her father, as she was willing to face the unknown to do so.

 

i thought the description used throughout this piece was really beautiful. in particular the image of the jiaoren's tears crystallizing and turning to pearls was so vivid and striking. 

 

i also thought you did a great job with the journey mingzhu went through in regards to her sexuality. it wasn't overwrought or anything, there was uncertainty and fear there but none of it was overplayed. i appreciated the little moment with hualing the florist. i also appreciated that you did get into the way that many of the men were acting towards mingzhu and towards the jiaoren. oh, and i found it really touching towards the end when mingzhu's mother not only accepted her, but also accepted cho as a jiaoren despite being frankly hateful towards the creatures at the start of the story. i thought that there was wonderful growth all around.

 

i enjoyed this a lot and it totally deserves its best one-shot nomination! congratulations and thank you for writing this and sharing it with us!

 

-kayla

Reviewer: poppunkpadfoot Signed
Date: 21 Feb 2020 · Title: Chapter 1: that sounds like the set-up to a bad joke

taylor... HOW is this based on a true story, i have SO many questions right now.

 

oh yeah, and i'm here for va-lion-tines gift tag! happy (belated?) va-lion-tines day!

 

so, i'll admit - i'm not usually a fan of chat fics. however, i knew that if anyone could write a chat fic i'd actually enjoy it would be you! and i was right! this was really fun and cute, and you managed to communicate a lot without having a narrative around the dialogue.

 

every single character in this story is... such a freakin dork lmao, its very endearing. i mean, james and lily are the biggest dorks of course - i mean, coordinating onesies! and also the whole being-totally-oblivious-to-each-other's-obvious-feelings situation - but all the others are dorks too. i mean, what with them all betting on when their friends will sort their shit out.

 

but it's amazing how well you characterized them all considering they're just texting! it was usually really easy to tell who was saying what even if i skipped over the usernames. i loved sirius's mischevious antics (he gave lily some pretty bold names lmao), remus's sarcasm, and lily and james's....... everything hahahaaa. oh and i LOVED james giving a whole SPEECH about how he's been pining after lily.

 

this was just a really fun story, i always enjoy your portrayal of these characters so much and i think you're such a natural at these humourous modern-day aus!

 

great work!

 

-kayla

Author's Response:

yeahhhhh i really do get myself into the strangest situations. the sheer degree to which some of these lines are more or less verbatim from my chat history is.... well. i'm a mess, and we'll leave it at that :P

 

lmao YES i strive to make everyone a massive dork, i'm glad i've succeeded. but also yeah coordinating onesies are definitely the peak of dorkiness.

 

somehow i swear all these characters have such strong personalities in my head and it makes it so easy to translate into their text messages :P

 

thanks for reading/reviewing, kayla <3

Reviewer: poppunkpadfoot Signed
Date: 19 Feb 2020 · Title: Chapter 1: the plan of action

TAYLOR! i am REALLY sorry for the delay but i'm here for our swap finally!

 

so i really really enjoyed this! and i think i would be remiss if i didn't start this review by saying that i can't help but feel a little victorious, hahaha. i'm REALLY glad and excited to see you finally write a wolfstar - i knew you would kill it and you totally did!

 

but before i say more about that, let me talk about james! i love the way you write james. he's mischevious without being a dick, and he's genuinely besotted with lily - but it never veers into territory of him being weird or creepy or stalker-ish about it. whenever you write him he just comes across as a really genuine, kind-hearted guy, and that's my favourite version of james for sure!

 

i also love that he's so invested in sirius's happiness that he's willing to both go to completely ridiculous lengths/Carry Out a Scheme and put himself through this whole Fake Date scenario with the girl he's madly in love with. That's a good friend right there hahaha. And it's so funny that she pretty much immediately agrees to go along with it.

 

i have to say - i find it a little ironic that sirius would call james the "world's biggest drama queen". pot, meet kettle! but it's so funny how he just can't seem to stop himself from hitting on remus. i kinda thing the most unbelievable thing in this story is that sirius hasn't just blurted out Everything already by this point, but i guess he has some level of self-control.

 

lily is so gutsy, i absolutely cannot relate at all. but just like james, you always write her so well. i absolutely love the take-no-shit way that you write her. also her answering her door in lingerie is just... if i were james i would have Died On The Spot ngl. the fact that he stayed upright is honestly impressive.

 

remus's section starts out in the funniest way. i totally headcanon him as someone who just blurts out the funniest, awkwardest things. and i love the wolfstar banter!

 

i think you did a really great job with the different perspectives in this. it was so interesting to see how all 4 of them had such different perceptions of their own behaviour, their respective interest's behaviour, and just the situation overall. i also thought you chose really good moments to switch perspective, and that each character's voice was unique and captured really well.

 

i will say that throughout the first bit i was sort of wondering how this scheme was going to end with each couple sharing a bed, given that they each had a whole apartment to themselves. but i think you did a really good job setting up that a) james locks his door and b) remus and lily have a cat, so when it finally came up that they had to share a bed, it felt pretty believable. so good job with that, because i've realized (through desperate measures) that making these ridiculous situations work and seem realistic is really really hard, and i think you're so good at it!

 

i really enjoyed this, and i hope you'll write some more wolfstar sometime soon, bc i am starved for decent content and i know you'll do a good job ;)

 

thanks for the swap!

 

-kayla

Author's Response:

haha you should feel victorious, you were instrumental in this actually happening :P

 

ah yes, james is definitely a sweetheart - i've never liked the portrayal of him veering into creep behavior in his crush on lily, i think he's just a big ol dork about it. but also lol yes sirius is definitely the pot calling the kettle black - hell, everyone in this fic is a pot calling the kettle black at some point.

 

yeahhhh it's definitely a miracle james remained upright in that situation

 

lol yes remus would absolutely be the one with the most awkward funny lines - his opening line there was one of the first things i wrote of this fic and i think i stand by it being my favourite.

 

ah yeah setting up this situation took a LOT of forethought as to how everyone would manage to get locked out and only have access to one bed - it required a lot of mental gymnastics haha

 

thanks for reviewing, kayla!! <3

Reviewer: poppunkpadfoot Signed
Date: 04 Feb 2020 · Title: Chapter 3: An Unexpected Reveal

Ashley! You did it! About time hahaha.

 

Okay, so I have to say something before I say anything else, and I'm very sorry to start off my review with this, but... teeeechnically speaking the terms of our agreement are still unfulfilled! If you recall, I specifically said that I would only write straight Sirius if Marlene and Sirius both landed their respective love interests in chapter 3.

 

Not that I'm not very thrilled with this chapter (I am!) but I feel like I'm owed a follow-up one-shot. A Marlene-centric one! Because, after all... this fake-dating situation was her (brilliant) idea in the first place, so why does she suddenly want Sirius to tell Remus everything? Could it be because... she's finally worked up the courage to tell Emmeline Vance how she feels?! And she doesn't want her fake relationship with Sirius hampering her?! Hmmm.

 

But anyways, whatever Marlene's reasoning is for wanting Sirius to come clean, I can't be mad at her (or you!) for it, because the result is this wonderful Wolfstar conclusion! I've said from the start that I really enjoy your portrayal of Sirius, I think it's so thoughtful. You haven't gone the easy route of just making him this super-confident and suave dude, as a lot of people are wont to do, but instead you gave him anxieties and fears, and this story is much better for it!

 

I liked everything about the conversation between Sirius and Remus so much that I'm honestly struggling trying to figure out what to say hahaha. One of my favourite moments though was when Remus made the comment about how girls are always throwing themselves at Sirius and Sirius's ears started ringing - I felt for him so much there, of course Remus didn't mean anything by it (probably it was something that hurt him and he was jealous of, given the rest of the conversation haha) but to be basically on the brink of this huge confession and then have all those oppressive expectations that have been weighing on you basically thrown right into your face? I thought you handled that moment exceptionally well.

 

AHHHH SUCH A SWEET AND FLUFFY END TO THIS CHAPTER! All the waiting was worth it just for "Do you think maybe you could tell me again?". The two of them are so Soft and Lovely together, I love it so much.

 

Great work <3

 

-Kayla

Reviewer: poppunkpadfoot Signed
Date: 27 Jan 2020 · Title: Chapter 1: the condition is death

It's me again, hello!

 

This is a short piece, but in my opinion it showcases basically all of the things that make you a fantastic writer. I feel like I mostly praise your dialogue, but you have this ability with your prose that I'm honestly quite jealous of, to drop lines in that are just so... incisive and cutting. For example, with this one line right at the beginning - "Well, the time he offered Remus a job was excellent news, but otherwise he had a spectacularly poor record" - you tell us so much history and so much about how these characters feel about Dumbledore, with just one line.

 

Dumbledore doesn't actually "appear", per se, but I feel that you captured him very well. The framing of the situation as though Remus has a choice, when really he just can't say no to what Dumbledore's asking, really rang true.

 

Sirius and Remus were both characterized extremely well (I know, a shocking opinion). I definitely imagine that even if Sirius managed to hold his tongue in front of Dumbledore, he just wouldn't be able to keep his emotions off of his face - unlike Remus, who is able to be more restrained. But then there's that sort of restlessness for the rest of the day, which I thought was perfect

 

There's some really beautiful and poetic prose in this piece; seriously, your skills on that front are underrated, including by me. (Absolutely criminal tbh, I must find a way to repent.)

 

You know these characters and relationships so well, and everything you write about them comes across as so effortlessly wonderful. Great, great work!

 

Love,

Kayla

Reviewer: poppunkpadfoot Signed
Date: 27 Jan 2020 · Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

This is one of my favourite stories by you, because, as you know, I am a total sucker for Sirius Black Has Childhood Trauma stories :P

 

This is a strange place to start, but you did such a great job with Marcus Bellwater. He's just... so unlikeable right away, in that way that many bureaucrats are pretty unlikeable. He comes into this pretty delicate situation (and it's not just delicate Because Abuse, it would be delicate no matter what - he should know it's going to be delicate!) with such stiffness and routinism. It's just so off-putting without him doing anything like... egregious or over the top. A very well-done character imo!

 

Secondly, I truly love your portrayal of Sirius in this. You know that I'm extremely picky about such things, and that I don't say that lightly! My boy has complex trauma reactions in this story that I find to be very realistic! There are some genuinely heartrending moments as the pressure builds and builds and his panic grows.

 

Which brings me to my final point, which is that Sirius and Remus's relationship is just brilliant in this. It's so clear how well they know each other and that they work really well as partners. Remus may not know exactly what to do (which is very understandable, it's an unexpected situation) but he knows Sirius well enough to know how not to make it worse, which honestly is so valuable in a moment like this. And I love the the brief details of domesticity right a the beginning - the ink on Sirius's nose and his too-small t-shirt. I think you managed to portray a very complete relationship in a story where the romance is in the backseat.

 

LOVE this, love you, sorry I keep repeating that but y'know. I have no choice but to stan.

 

TTFN,

Kayla

Reviewer: poppunkpadfoot Signed
Date: 27 Jan 2020 · Title: Chapter 1: crossed wires

Would it surprise you to know that I think about this story somewhat frequently? I know you know that the Marauders are more my scene than these boys, but I do remember reading this story while you were writing it and it has stuck in my mind.

 

They are all... so hopeless, hahaha. Except for poor Terry, I suppose. He did nothing to deserve this. I loved his internal monologue through the entire first scene.

 

I feel like your comedic skills really shine through in this piece, but in a way that's sort of... lowkey, almost? It never is over the top and it never falls into buffoonery or anything... man I really can't figure out how to say what I want to say here, but what I'm driving at is that I love the tone of this story and I think you're such a witty and wonderful writer.

 

Despite the clear animosity (maybe a bit of a strong word? dislike, at least) between Anthony and Neville, it never feels unbelievable or OOC for either of them that they fall into this sort of... hatesex routine. It just works, and I think you did a wonderful job of playing it straight and making it work.

 

I love how this whole situation just sort of... slowly and methodically spirals, with everyone approaching it badly and all these misunderstandings compounding upon each other. It makes the ultimate conclusion, where everything works out despite everyone involved being idiots, extremely satisfying and lovely!

 

Fantastic job!

 

TTFN,

Kayla

 

P.S. I love Terry so much. "Hope he starts being less of an idiot soon. Bye!" is one of my favourite lines in this - mostly because he didn't even say "hope he stops being an idiot", because that's too much to hope for in this situation. Hahahaha. Icon.

Reviewer: poppunkpadfoot Signed
Date: 27 Jan 2020 · Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Werewolves! In! Spaaaaace!

 

Everything about this universe is so creative - I love the worldbuilding you've pulled off and the alternatives to canon that you've come up with. (Like the machine used to repair bones! Thought that was very clever.) Making lycanthropy a species-specific affliction was I think very clever, because honestly it would stretch believability to have it be an infection that affects every species of alien in the galaxy in exactly the same way.

 

But then on that note - all of this reads so real and so true to these characters, even as you constantly drop reminders that instead of the wizarding boys we know and love, these are Aliens! In! Space!. Like, I thought the way the other three confronted Remus (very excited, thinking about how they can help) and the way Remus reacted to their offers of help (anger, thinking about the worst things that could happen) felt like the way that it could've gone down in canon.

 

It's interesting in this universe, because none of them (including Remus, as I understand it?) transform, so it will literally just be a bunch of lads duking it out - but that makes it much less complicated for them, haha! No month-long mandrake leaf situations to figure out. But I definitely think it works, and is very weirdly adorable.

 

Oh, and shoutout to James's antlers. Iconic.

 

TTFN,

Kayla

Reviewer: poppunkpadfoot Signed
Date: 27 Jan 2020 · Title: Chapter 1: your fake name is good enough for me

Hello my friend!

 

Honestly I am of the opinion that this story is criminally underrated. I absolutely love the dynamics in this piece. Sometimes people will ask me if I think Wolfstar could have happened/resumed post-Azkaban, and I think from now on I should just point them here :P

 

I love the opening scene, you painted the first image so beautifully. It makes so much sense that, although this certainly isn't the first time Remus has seen Sirius since his escape, seeing him right there in his living room is another creature entirely. And then the bombshell drops, of course, because nothing is allowed to go right for our boys, ever. Ugh. I hate canon.

 

But anyway, what I really like about this story is that the opening bombshell is actually not really the direction that the rest of the story ends up taking, if that makes sense? Despite the return to war, this story is really about these two characters coming together again, and through each other being able to escape that reality. They are so soft!!! They love each other!!! I swear I melt every time I read this story. One of my favourite lines - and this is such an inconsequential line, so this might seem silly, but I love it - is "Did I say anything? You're too defensive, my love. We could go to the pub?"

 

The other thing I have to say is that every single villager in this story is freaking iconic. I find it so impressive that you managed to whip up several different OCs who, despite making (for the most part) VERY minor appearances in this story, are all unique and fun. I LOVE Mrs Williams, she's so no-nonsense and she really is trying so hard, bless her, even though she... doesn't necessarily have Gay Etiquette down pat. You know me, so it won't be at all a surprise for me to say that I LOOOOOVED the scene with Rhys, and that even though you've written this blissfully judgement-free little village, you didn't shy away from getting real about the reality of LGBT rights during this time period and over the course of Remus and Sirius's lives. Just very touching and it allowed for great character moments for both protagonists.

 

I'll leave it there for now, but seriously, great work! Love this, love you.

 

TTFN,

 

Kayla

Reviewer: poppunkpadfoot Signed
Date: 27 Dec 2019 · Title: Chapter 3: Chapter 3

Hello again!

 

Wow, I really enjoyed this chapter! It might be my favourite one so far. I love seeing Remus and Sirius like this, so familiar with each other even after all that time and distance, although there's still understandably some underlying tension. Once again, I very much loved the way you characterized both of them. It definitely rang true to me that Sirius would be full of energy after sex and Remus would be sleepy, haha. I think the details like that that you have scattered all throughout this chapter really bring both of them to life in a way that I find so wonderful!

 

Also, can I just say that you get big big props from me for mentioning the AIDS crisis? There really is such a prominent timeline overlap but I feel like it basically never comes up. It's a brief mention but I very much caught it and appreciated it.

 

I feel like I don't even know what to say in this review - it was just all so good! The moments from their past that they were reminiscing on... I loved the story of Sirius and his motorbike. You wrote all of it so beautifully. Your prose is just completely gorgeous. I could go on about it at length. It just flows so well and creates such vivid mental images! And the stories from their past that you picked for them to reminisce on did an amazing job of showing who these two characters are, where they're coming from and what they are to each other, what they have been to each other.

 

I loved this chapter, I hope there will be another one up soon! Absolutely fantastic work <3 thank you for sharing.

 

-Kayla

Reviewer: poppunkpadfoot Signed
Date: 10 Dec 2019 · Title: Chapter 2: Chapter 2

Hello again!

 

It took me longer than I wanted to get back to this story, but here I am - and boy am I glad! This second chapter was just absolutely fantastic. I'm really, really impressed with your prose, it's beautiful and it flows so well!

 

I found the opening section of this chapter to be really moving, as Remus reflected on the summers the Marauders had spent in Swansea and how their lives hadn't gone the way they'd wanted them to. I think it set the rest of the chapter up really well and established where Remus is at emotionally.

 

I loved the rising intensity between Sirius and Remus from the moment that Sirius showed up at the door. I adore the way that you characterized both of them. This line about Sirius in particular really stood out to me: "It was a familiar pose: an exhausted variant on affected carelessness, intended to conceal his emotional state." It just fit very well with how I've always imagined him. His attitude towards Dumbledore too was totally in line with my own headcanon (and my own feelings about Dumbledore tbqh). And I enjoyed how Remus was sort of the voice of reason, pulling Sirius back from the more extreme precipices he was going towards re: the Dumbledore situation, while still making it clear that he was very much on Sirius's side and wasn't questioning/doubting his love for Harry.

 

There were just so many little details and moments in this that I adored, and I could just go on and on and on listing them, but that would be an exceptionally long review XP suffice it to say that I'm just SO taken with how you portrayed these two characters and their relationship.

 

Also, in love with the note this chapter ended on. Very much looking forward to chapter 3!

 

'Til next time!

 

-Kayla