Fanfic author in Harry Potter fandom. I use the name melian here and on HPFF, and melian225 on AO3, FF dot net and Twitter.
Bravery comes in many different forms, even for a Ravenclaw like Rose.
*transferred from HPFF*
Beth, this is a really intriguing start. You've set the scene well, with the young adult Rose clearly suffering some type of PTSD following what I'm guessing was an assault, and how she manages to get through each day after this event. Get up, wash, get dressed, class, rounds, study. The repetition works well, because it is that very repetition that Rose is depending on to survive. To show the world that Rose Weasley hasn't been defeated.
Except perhaps she has.
I'm guessing we'll find out exactly what happened and how close she is to collapse further on in the story. At the moment, her anxiety is debilitating, and while Selenia seems to get it, I don't think Dominique does. Interesting, having Dominique the same age as Rose, Al and Scorpius. I think that most people think of her as older, as Victoire is in seventh year (I think) at this time, but then again people have had bigger age gaps between their children. Particularly if Vic was an, ahem, surprise, and then Dom and the brother (I forget his name) came along when they were more ready for children.
Also an interesting twist having them all in Ravenclaw. Of course, this was written before Cursed Child, when pretty much all next-gen was up for grabs with regard to what could have happened. We have a hint that James is in Gryffindor, I think (it's been a while since I read the epilogue), but the others - anything was possible. I never thought of them as Ravenclaws, except perhaps Rose, but hey, why not? It's as believable as anything else.
Anyway, a good start to a story. Well done!
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Introducing: Meghan Abrams, not all that interesting, sarcastic, bit of a misfit, not so much friends.
Enter: James Sirius Potter, who has a problem.
A tale about problems, cats, unlikely friendships, romance and ruddy owls.
** transferred from HPFF **
I thought you'd been doing such an amazing job reviewing everyone that you deserved some of the love yourself. :)
This is a great start. You've established your OC very well - in fact, I feel like I know her already. She's very relatable with her self-deprecating attitude and conviction she has talent at nothing ... though we all know that cant' be the case if she's in Ravenclaw. She's got to be good at something, which is most likely using her brain, even if she can't seem to manage to engage it in the activity of keeping plants alive. I think we've all known - or been - someone like Meghan Abrams. Well done!
And you've also set the scene up brilliantly. We've established how nice and quiet her life is, and how nothing interesting ever seems to happen to her (aside from missing her favourite band play when they tour the UK). And then what happens? James Sirius Potter. I admit I find it amusing that a Ravenclaw who's never had much to do with him knows his middle name, but then I figured that (a) everyone knows it because hey, he's James Sirius Potter and he embodies both people he's named after, or (b) you wanted to establish this is next-gen and not Marauder era, or (c) both. Either way, it did the trick.
My only comment is that a lot of the words in this seem to have been lumped together, missing the space in between. I understand this is very likely a formatting problem but if you've not looked at the published version for a while you may not have realised.
Other than that, a sterling first chapter. Great job!
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She felt less than; she felt defective.
Oh Meg. This hit so many chords with me. As someone who has had difficult pregnancies – and miscarriages – I totally get where Hannah is coming from. My first miscarriage was in my first pregnancy, and I felt everything that Hannah was feeling: that there was one thing I was put on this earth to do, and I couldn’t even get that right. Less of a woman? Totally.
In other words, Meg, this is real. So real. So real that I was sitting here reliving that experience that was so many years ago now. I have memories of sitting alone in the house, thinking, this is how people feel when they slit their wrists. And I considered it, too, but then didn’t want my husband to come home to that. Hannah is every woman who has been through this. And we get her. We really do.
Themes aside, this was also very well written. There are fics that deal with a sensitive theme in a sensitive manner, but the syntax lets it down. That’s not the case here. There are a couple of minor things I might have picked on if I was betaing, but nothing that detracts from the story. And you have a powerful story here.
Oh, and can I just say, good on Neville? I know he was beginning to say the wrong thing, but men never do know what the right thing to say is in this situation. At least, that’s been my experience. But he means well and her worst fear – that he would leave her because of this – doesn’t eventuate. He’s a bigger person that that. And I love it.
Great job with this one, Meg. It must have been hard – yet probably therapeutic – to write, but I think you’ve succeeded admirably. J
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It is Dean and Seamus' anniversary and things do not go as planned. That's kind of their thing.
** Transferred from HPFF **
Aww, Sam, that was adorable. From the panic Dean feels when he first gets home to the dead flowers at the end, I was totally hooked. Seamus was characterised like he is in the movies - prone to making things blow up - and it suited this perfectly, because who else would stuff up a spell for baking like that? (Nice touch, by the way, having different magical processes for baking and for other cooking. I'd never have thought of that but it works so well.)
And Dean, being the peacemaker, seeing beauty in what Seamus thinks is ruined ... that was just lovely. Perfect anniversary behaviour, because in that situation who wouldn't want to make their partner feel better, to have them see that you love the fact that they put in all that effort, whether or not it turned out the way they had intended. I think we've all been there and you captured it wonderfully.
The juxtaposition, too, of the fright at the start to the sweetness at the end was great. When I read Dean opening the door to the smoke, and panicking that there had been a tragedy even though the war was over, I never thought it would be the bundle of fluff at the end that it was. So that was really nicely done, because a lot of writers wouldn't be able to carry that off. Great job!
"How does kappa produce young ones?" asked Malfoy again.
Albus flipped through the Potions textbook.
Can Scorpius Malfoy save his father? Ron will be back to solve the case with Auror Harry Potter.
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This was I thought a really interesting start to a story. You've set the scene well - we know it's next-gen, we know it's going to be from the perspective of Albus Severus Potter, we know Draco Malfoy is the Potions professor, we know Hagrid is still in his hut in the lawns by the Forbidden Forest. And we know Malfoy is just as horrible to Albus as Snape was to Harry.
You notice I called Albus by his full name above. That was deliberate, because for some reason I think the Severus part is going to come into play in this story. Not sure why, but it's a feeling I get.
The essay Al was working on intrigues me as well. Why WOULD the Potions professor be setting an essay on a magical creature? Kappa parts aren't used in Potions as far as I know. The history given so far hasn't explained the Kappa yet either, but I'm sure it's coming. I liked the dip into Japanese magical history, to be honest. We don't see that sort of thing much in fanfic and it's really a shame that we don't. Then again, perhaps many fanfic writers don't have the required imagination. I'm not sure I do, for example.
Anyway I found this chapter really thought-provoking and very different from a lot of the next-gen stories you see out there, a lot of which have a feeling of same-ness to them. This didn't have that. Nice job!
Hi, melian. I really appreciated for sparing time for this. I guess you are very busy with your real life.
I'm honoured with your encouragement. You are a splendid author I respect. Your words really cheer me up.
Ha ha ha, Asian aspects, your words reminded me of your twittering about kangaroos and romance. I couldn't stop laughing at the picure, the book cover you posted there.
Sometimes, we need to exchange our differnt cultures and the way of seeing things. Hmm, I may post something related with the things you wrote in your review.
Thank you again for dropping your insight, melian!
**transferred from HPFF**
Ah, Paula, I'm so glad you put a Pride and Prejudice reference in! The moment I read this line:
"They'd be so complacent they would never have any rows about anything and they'd have merry little children without any real psychological problems."
I thought of Jane Bennet and Mr Bingley, as it reminds me of the summary of their future life from Mr Bennet (who to this day is one of my favourite characters in that story). So when you had Albus reading Pride and Prejudice later in the scene i had a smile on my face from ear to ear. Love Jane Austen references. Go you!
Also liked the bird stuff. I'm not really an ornithologist myself but it adds a certain level of - I don't know, believability? - to a story when you put in little detalis like that. Riya is scuplting a bird. The early bird gets the worm. The shrike comment. All totally consistent and help to ground your characters.
Speaking of characters, your characterisation was very good. (Was that too much? Characterisation of characters? Oh well, this is a review, not a story, so my word choice doesn't matter so much.) I liked Riya. I liked Al, too. He's nice and concerned about his sister, enough so to have words with Riya regarding Theo's intentions. I liked Riya's reaction to Ginny making cookies, too. The disbelief was palpable.
All in all avery enjoyable chapter. Nice work!
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Chloe is content, if not underwhelmed, with her quiet life. A top student with a Herbology apprenticeship, she shies away from friends and making her mark at Hogwarts, tending her parents' paralyzing fear of magic and a man rising to power who calls himself Voldemort. But after suffering a brutal attack at the hands of would-be Death Eaters, Chloe is thrust into a world both exhilarating and terrifying. Marlene McKinnon and her friends, the Marauders, are rule-breakers. They leave laughter and chaos in their wake. They are everything that Chloe thought she never wanted, least of all Sirius Black: cavalier, reckless and so strangely alluring. But Chloe's infatuation with Marlene and Sirius leads to uncomfortable questions about where her loyalties lie, and to what lengths Chloe will go to uphold her friendships in the shadow of war.
** transferred from HPFF**
That was really interesting!
First of all I want to talk about characterisation. I thought you did a really good job of showing people's personalities with only minimal description. For example, we don't see much of Emily, but I have a solid idea of what she's like. Equally Marlene - and can I say I loved the description of her being pretty in a cunning sort of way. I've never heard that before but it makes a lot of sense. I liked too the comparison of her teeth to Emily's. It's small, but it felt significant.
Also, the Marauders. This was clearly set just after a full moon. I liked how you said Remus had always been sickly - something that would make sense to a person in that year group as he was always in and out of the hospital wing. Peter's notes always having crumbs on them was another nice touch. I'm curious about the relationship - or lack thereof- between Sirius and Marlene too. Clearly he wants to take it further. I wonder, with all her capabilities, if she will let him.
I'm also very intrigued by the Black Adder Society. I've not read many Marauder fics that have any sort of organisation other than Death Eaters and the Order of the Phoenix. This, though, coupled with Michael Flint having the run of the school, is pretty thought-provoking. And the black dahlia warning too ... without any knowledge of floriogaphy it made me think of a spy novel I read yonks ago that talked about a person called the Black Dahlia. If it means a warning, that makes perfect sense. So thanks for htat!
All in all a most interesting chapter. Well done!
Thanks very much for the kind words. Characterization is the most important thing when writing to me, so I'm glad to hear that it was successful. I really like when authors give little nods to things that readers know--because we've read and reread all the books--but that their narrator might not know. For example, Remus always appearing sickly. Spoiler? Chloe will never find out that Remus is a werewolf (as far as my plotting goes thus far), and so things like this are what informs her opinion of him as being ill in some way.
The Black Adders were created as a juxtaposition to the Marauders. I love the idea of wealthy, elitist students hiding in the shadows, disparaging others for their family status, race or bloodline, unaware that many of them will grow up to become Death Eaters. Also I am really harping on the idea of the Marauders being a clique in this story, and wanted to draw parallels between them and the Black Adders. They bully Snape and, I would imagine, others. They are exclusive and keep secrets (granted some of them are huge and not theirs to tell, like Remus being a werewolf.) As for the Black Dahlia, do you mean Elizabeth Short? I wasn't alluding to her here (yikes, what a horror-show that was) but it does symbolize a warning in the language of floriography! Very interesting stuff.
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Albus Dumbledore is sorted at Hogwarts
Kaitlin! That was a real treat.
First of all, can I just say right off the bat that you’ve captured eleven year old Albus perfectly? I seriously can’t imagine him any way but how you’ve just portrayed him. A little aloof, thinking about the mechanics of everything, the hows and whys and not bothering with the mundane. I especially liked how you spelt out his name, then described it as self-important as the boy felt. I can really picture the young Albus being sure of himself to the point of cockiness, not caring what anyone else thinks.
And him asking to be in Gryffindor? I found that most interesting. With what we know of Dumbledore, I’m inclined to agree with you and say that he would have suited Slytherin to a tee. All that pulling the levers behind the scenes to get the outcome he desires most. The Gryffindor in him is what makes those desires unselfish. I liked though that he wanted to learn to be brave. To be honest, it’s a brave thing to say or to even think at that age. The ability to recognise that shortcoming in oneself and wanting to take steps to overcome it is quite startling for an eleven year old, I think. But then Albus was a startling child, so it totally fits.
You also get mega kudos for writing a Sorting Hat song. They’re not easy to do, and you did an excellent job with this one. Good work!
The forest was always special to us. [Lily II/Elia]
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Rebecca, this was beautiful. I like how you started off slowly and built up to the big revelation, the request for a date, over the course of the story. It came through so naturally that it was impossible to see it going any other way, to be honest - though perhaps the tags you used had something to do with that too,hahaha. But the little things like Lily getting goosebumps from their arms touching, or trying not to look down Elia's top - we could see where it was going and honestly I was rooting for Lily the whole way. She had the nervousness, the trepidation ... and Elia did too, in that last scene, asking for the date. It's a difficult thing to ask someone you like out, and when it's a same sex thing it's even harder if you don't know if they're that way inclined in the first place. I thought you did it really well.
I also liked how Elia didn't react to Lily being who she was. I imagine that was a breath of fresh air - she didn't shy from the fact of Lily being the daughter of Harry Potter, but she didn't make a big deal of it either. I liked how she said she wanted to ride a dragon and Lily said her dad didn't think it was that great, and Elia just shrugged that off as she pointed out he didn't exactly do it for fun. It's a normal reaction, but I imagine that for much of Lily's life she's been surrounded by people who idolise Harry for what he did (or, let's face it, are one of about a million relations) and the offhand, matter-of-fact discussion of what he did as a historical event rather than "OMG this is your dad" would be a nice change. Gee, I just realised how rambling that sentence was. I hope you understand what I meant!!
Anyway, all in all a really lovely story. Your writing is so easy to read and so effortlessly descriptive (but not overly so) that it makes reading it a pleasure. Thanks!
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Meeting banshees in the Forbidden Forest, setting the Great Hall on fire, and smuggling in contraband: Victoire and Fred Weasley are trouble with a capital T.
HPFT FROGS: Best Family/Friendship Runner Up for Victoire and Fred (2018), Ravenclaw Nargle: Best Ravenclaw Character (2017) | HPFF Diadem: Little Claw (2016), Ravenclaw SotM: Best Characterization (July 2015) | 1st in the 'Halloween Fanfiction' Challenge at Shadowplay
Nice chapter Branwen! I like the sense of adventure you've given Fred and Victoire. It was kind of a shame Micah didn't come too, but then again it is still early in the year and the Howlers are still getting to him. (Nice touch, that, by the way. I liked it.) But the fact that Fred suggested a trip into the Forest at midnight and Victoire didn't even flinch at the idea is very telling.
I'll pause the comments on the chapter here to just say you've characterised everyone so splendidly here. You don't go into huge torrents of detail but just leave enough to give us an accurate idea of each character's personality and traits, and it works so well. I have such a FEEL for Victoire and for Fred here and it's wonderful, because it's like I can guess how they're going to react in any given situation. That's quite a feat. Well done.
Anyway. This chapter. The banshee was intriguing, as was how it was that Vic DID spot that comb from 80 feet away in the non-existent moonlight? Clearly it's got a role in this story, not least because you chose that quote for the chapter summary, but also because (a) she spotted it from so far away, (b) it bothered the Banshee that she had it, and (c) she thought she'd put it back on the forest floor, only to find it in her pocket once she'd returned to the castle. And why would she be grateful to have returned to her dorm before discovering she still had the comb? That intrigues me too. Would she have tried to return it to the forest, or would she have kept it in her pocket, hiding the discovery from Fred? Would she have felt guilty, or worried about the Banshee? I'm deathly curious now.
Excellent chapter, Branwen. When I have time I'll read on. :)
Another excellent chapter, but then, I expect nothing less from you, Branwen. I really like the idea of a menagerie of magical creatures as a research facility, and even more that Victoire and Fred were able to sneak out of school so Teddy could take them there. You did it really well - from the creepiness of the menagerie itself to the very realistic reactions of Vic and Fred when they were inside. As Vic said, it was very different to know something at an intellectual level than it is to feel it in your heart and/or soul. You know what I mean. Sure, you are confident Teddy's not going to bring you somewhere that's going to kill you (basilisk eyes), but that doesn't mean you're not ridiculously scared when the creature turns its face to you.
That reminds me, why don't they know how the basilisk got blinded? Has nobody asked Harry/Hermione/Ron about the basilisk in the Chamber of Secrets? Or did they just not want to answer? Now I'm thinking about it, I'm wondering how Fawkes did it too, but then I guess the serpent must have been looking elsewhere when he got each eyeball. Kind of gruesome, really, thinking about it like that. At least I'm not trying to eat just now.
The description of the lethifold was fascinating, how Vic was having to try to follow the absence of light in the cage. And I'm assuming Teddy was looking at a thestral? That would explain why Vic thought the cage was empty. Oh, speaking of Teddy, nice sexual tension there with Vic too. The whole shirt thing was beautifully done, and I loved Fred's very blunt summary of it all. I get the feeling Teddy knew exactly what he was doing but was playing dumb, but then again I've been wrong before.
Lovely chapter, Branwen! I look forward to reading more. :)
It's the summer between Draco's sixth and seventh year, and the subject on the agenda in the Malfoy household is marriage prospects.
Written for ImaRavenclaw's Angsty Boys Like Angsty Boys challenge, MegGonagall's Summer Holidays Challenge and WriteYourHeartOut's Cathartic Challenge
Moody banner by katharos @ TDA!
** transferred from HPFF **
Aww, isn't that the cutest thing! Poor Draco, batting off his parents' suggestions for a propsective bride, when really what he wants is a groom. Lol. I seriously did laugh out loud at that one.
I liked how you had the different relationships in the past, too. Neville/Hermione - well I never really thought of that one, though I suspect he did have a crush on her at some stage. And creating a younger sister for Neville to act as a red herring was nice, too. Melinda Longbottom. It rolls off the tongue.
Those poor kids. SEven more weeks apart - you can feel the heartbreak in that last bit there. They're dying for contact but it's hard when it's not only a Gryffindor-slytherin relationshiop (especially in the days of the Draco/Harry feud) but same sex as well. I liked how Neville had casually mentioned Justin Finch Fletchley and Ernie Macmillan as a couple to his grandmother to see what her reaction woudl be. So much what any teenager in that situation would do. She didn't bat an eyelid so he's hopeful, but he still doesn't think she'd be happy. I can understand that. Draco Malfoy isn't someone a lot of Gryffindor families would welcome.
And now I find myself wondering how they got together in the first place. i don't suppose you want to give us a one-shot that shows that turn of events too?
Teddy wanders into the Forbidden Forest in search of advice and finds a small stone.
Awww, Branwen, that was the sweetest thing ever! Poor Teddy, with everyone pushing him to do something he doesn't want to do, and not ever having known his parents to guess what they would have wanted him to do. It makes sense that he would expect they'd want him to be an Auror, of course, but I like his hesitance. He's human. He's a teenager. He's trying to figure out what he wants to do with his life, but he doesn't want to disappoint those people around him whose opinions matter to him. We've all been there, we've all felt it,and you captured it spot on.
I think what I liked most about this was the little touches. How Teddy had noticed Harry's wording, "as though he had spoken to his father after he had already died". How Teddy found it disconcerting to see his own smile on another person's face. How Tonks got there early but had to call Remus into line. How she reminded Remus she was entitled to an opinion. It was all beautifully done and it characterised them all perfectly.
The only thing tha bugged me (and this is my canon Nazi going off, so by all means feel free to ignore it) is that when Teddy picked up the Stone, there's no mention of him turning it over in his hand. Yes, sure, it's implied by the sudden appearance of his parents, but I would have liked it spelled out. Yeah, yeah, I know. I'm being over pernickety. So like I said, feel free to ignore me.
Other than that, this was a simply lovely story about a confused young man getting a bit of guidance - and contact!!! The very fact of contact is so important! - from the people whose love and approval he craves most. Heartwarming. Tearjerking. Perfectly done.
Thanks to amoretti. @TDA for the lovely banner!
Dragon pox epidemics have ravaged Diana Potter's life. She remembers them all.
What a moving story, Branwen! I've never thought much about dragon pox, I'm afraid - beyond the fact it took the lives of both James Potter's parents not long after his wedding - but you've captured the sense of an epidemic amazingly. The fact your protagonist has known so many people die due to the disease is mindblowing, and heartbreaking. And her mother dying at thirty four, when Diana was still nine years old ... as the mother of an almost nine year old daughter this strikes right at my heart. No child should have to live through that. I'm not surprised her memories are so crystal clear about it to be honest, because something like that will affect you for the rest of your life.
I'm very impressed by how much you managed to fit in such a small number of words, too. You got heartache, despair ... and then the death of a child seven years later? Don't do this to me, Branwen. It's not fair to be able to fit so much in so little prose. I like the way she throws out the potential guilt attributed to her father almost as an afterthought, like she hadn't really considered that before. Maybe she's had so many die from the pox that she'd never really thought of it like that before. Again, a heartbreaking thought.
This was a very intriguing beginning to a story. I'd be very interested to read more.
He had always lived in ruins, reaching for the sun.
Third Place in TreacleTart's Take It Seriously Challenge
Hi Kevin! Here for the first review swap. :)
This was certainly an interesting start. I admit I raised a couple of eyebrows early on before it was clear this was going to be - at least in part - an AU. I mean, Harry/Katie could mean just about anything, couldn't it? But I liked the split from Ginny, the complicated feelings something like that brings, especially when combined with the fact he saw the Weasleys pretty much as family. So when he and their only daughter break up, that's bound to be awkward, isn't it? And poor Ron and Hermione, stuck in the middle. I suspect that's one reason Ron was hesitant to give his approval in the first place, because in the event of a separation things suddenly become very difficult for everyone else. (I seem to recall Harry having similar thoughts about Ron/Hermione in the canon - what if they broke up? Seems great minds think alike.)
I liked the flashback, though to be honest the dialogue tags not in italics felt a little off. Maybe I'm just used to seeing flashbacks ALL in italics, not just the dialogue, I don't know. But if you go back and edit that might be something to look at. Right. Pedantry aside. You made the breakup very believable and very relatable. We've all had someone who is not prepared to give up their career in our lives at some point. The question is, how much will they have to sacrifce, and will it be worth it in the end? I guess that's something Ginny is going to have to work out on her own.
Great start! Off to ch2 now.
Okay. Let me answer your question. I think it's perfectly realistic to have Katie wanting to build her own broomstick. I also think that if Harry is someone she looked up to at school, despite being younger than she was (and the indications are that he was), then why wouldn't she show him? (Unless she was scared of him laughing at her or it was too personal a project, but you know what I mean.) It's an aspect of showing off, really - an "I thought you were pretty cool back then, now I want you think I'm cool". In other words, totally believable.
I also respect your efforts on the art of broomstick making. I looked into it when I was writing HTM and there's not a whole lot of canon, is there? So you have to invent much of it and just hope it flies (hahaha. See what I did there? Ahem. Sorry. I'll get back on track). What you wrote about Katie's career and experiences sounded perfectly valid, so well done there. It can be harder to do than it looks. :)
Anyway, another nice chapter. Again, if you revisit it you might want to look at the spacing, which is a little distracting, but it's not too bad if you cant' be bothered.
And onwards I go!
Am I horrible if I say I always thought the lunch was with Ginny? I understand why you were making it ambiguous, but for me at least it felt obvious. But then again this sort of thing is what I usually write so maybe that makes me better at picking it.
I liked the little interlude into Harry's life as an Auror. It was nice to see him in action, rather than pushing paper or interviewing prospective candidates in a shed in Hogsmeade. (I don't think I mentioned that in the last review, but I thought it was very well done. Certainly plausible and the neighbourhood watch thing had me giggling because we ALL know someone like that, don't we?) Nice to have him working with Ron too.
But this chapter was really about Ginny. I like how you're writing their relationship - that strained tension of broken-up-but-not-quite-over, if that makes any sense. It can be hard to get right but you've done really well.
So I'm assuming Laurent is the French bloke Ginny had a fling with. That's the most likely explanation for his behaviour around her. And Ginny is perhaps seeing Katie as more of a threat than Harry would think is warranted, as she's certainly marking her territory in that last scene. You've got a good dynamic here. It works well.
I also assume the Victory Day Ball and the Empowering Our Youth Gala are one and the same? It wasn't really spelled out -or if it was I didn't notice it. (Probably the latter. My concentration skills just now aren't the best.) But yeah, it sounds like the Gala has jumped on an existing event to promote a certain theme or whatever. I was interested in the mention of Malfoy at the start because we haven't seen him since. I suppose that will come in the next chapter.
Anyway, this has been a fascinating read so far. I'll have to stop now as RL is creeping in and I may not be back for a few days, but hopefully this will carry you along in the meantime. :)
So, I'm back again, for a chapter or two at least. :)
I admit I had to get my head around what the C1s and C2s were, and the FOD ... was it really that long since I started this story? More likely, my brain filtered it out as it had other, more pressing, things to consider, but yeah, it took me a bit longer than I would have liked. I liked the training scene, though. It gave a good insight into the daily realities of Harry's life.
Equally, I liked the scene at the school, with Harry trying to convince the Governors to see things his way, always a tricky ask when you have such generational differences as well as motivational ones. Does that make sense? I'm thinking Harry is coming at this from the Auror's office POV, whereas the Governors, while ostensibly wanting Hogwarts to be the best it can be, are resistant to change, as so often happens as one gets older. Politics aside, it's the defiintion of conservatism. The one thing I found a little jarring though was McGonagall giving him a hug. I can't really see McGonagall giving anyone a hug, but that might just be me. Other than that it was great.
And, nice how Katie has Harry picked so well. You're setting the f oundations there very nicely. Now we just have to see how it all plays out.
Right. Am I right in assuming that in the US, row isn't usually used as a word for argument? Because it is where I live, only it's normally a noun, not a verb. You don't row, you have a row. So while I knew what you meant with the "did you row?" line, it didn't sound quite right. So should you choose to do future edits on this, you might want to keep that in mind.
Okay. Pedant's hat is off now. That was a nice chapter. I did find the flashbacks a little distracting but it wasn't anything like insurmountable, more "where and when are we now?" type thing. We can see Katie's hand being shown more now, though clearly Harry hasn't picked up the cues yet. That's normal. His head just isn't in that space at the moment.
And nice to see my assumption about Laurent was correct! I mean, there wasn't really any other reason for you to introduce him when you did, but it's always nice to be proven right. Of course, Harry didn't react well, even though he knew at an intellectual level that it had happened. This is the difference between being told something and really understanding it, isn't it? It can be a chasm.
Nicely done. I think I have time for one more chapter before RL will kick in again. :)
Okay. I spotted a typo in this one - meet instead of meat, when he's cooking his deer in the wilderness.
Pedant hat off again. (You can probably tell I'm a horror as a beta, hahaha.) The point of the story is starting to appear, what with Katie's admission and Harry's acceptance of it. After all, the challenge was to write a Katie/Harry story, wasn't it! I like how you've approached it, though, because I can really see this sort of thing happening. It's not anti-canon because there's nothing to say Harry and Ginny can't get back together later, so it works really well.
I liked Katie's forthrightness as well. "I'm not going to be a rebound or a stop-gap." She's telling it straight, as she should be doing. I can also see how Harry would find that appealing given Ginny's we-can-no-we-can't-yes-we-can-no-we-can't dithering. Katie is saying, all or nothing. And I've got to respect that.
Really wish I could read on just now, but I've run out of time. I'll try to get back same time tomorrow.
Well, that escalated quickly! From memory the last chapter was a statement of intent; by this one it's fully blown into a relationship. They don't waste time, do they?
Having said that, i liked the breakup with Ginny. Amicable yet firm. She of course hasn't taken no for an answer, but then if she did she wouldn't be Ginny, would she? And I really liked the bit at the end where she was wearing her graduation bracelet - trying to take him back in time. Nicely put - and well done Harry for recognising what she was doing. Not everyone would have done that.
So I'm guessing this was supposed to be a cliffhanger? It does work as one, but I'll be very surprised if he takes her up on it, given everything in the chapter prior to this bit. Still, it's always good to end on a question, isn't it? Keep people hanging. I like it.
On to the lsat chapter! I'm keen to see how you finish this one up.
Cute. Leaving it till the end to tell us who she was. I like it!
See, knowing this was a Harry/Katie fic kind of ruined the suspense for me there. You did very well, referring to the messy ponytail, intimating the history that had led to this moment ... everything that was supposed to make us think it was Ginny. Though I remembered Katie had also worn her hair in a ponytail so that wasn't so directive, hahaha. It was nicely done, though. And I'm totally buying the relationship. There's some history with Ginny, sure, and that will take some time to work through, but they know that and are prepared for it. And I tihnk Ginny will accept it, too. She's impetuous and sometiems selfish, sure, but she's also inherently reasonable. I think you'd have to be in that family, don't you?
Anyway, this was a really nice story and I think you told it well. And, like I said, extra-canon rather than non-canon, becuase who's to say this didn't happen? Sure, he ended up with Ginny, but that doesn't mean there weren't some bumps and other relationships along the way, does it? All in all a good read. Thank you!
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WINNER - The Pride of Gryffindor Awards 2017 - Best Post-Hogwarts
Dobby 2017 Nominee - Best Minor Character
2nd Place - Frankie05's Dobby Challenge
A tale of death, love, and the bond that holds everyone together.
Hi! Dropping by as I said to check this out. The chapter I beta'd intrigued me so I figured I'd read it all, not just that last one.
This is short, but it doesn't need to be any longer. You're setting the scene for the rest of the story, which happens after Harry dies, so a short interlude showing the event itself, especially with the focus on how accepting Harry is of the situation, is a good way to begin. I like how you've given him a nice long life and a peaceful death - it may be the calm before the storm, or it may not - because it really does put an end to any thoughts of unfinished business or the idea of the Elder Wand being won by another. I am still sufficiently intrigued to read further. :)
That's interesting, the idea of a test to join the afterlife. Considering who is already there, one would assume it would be a formality for Harry to join them, but then again if it was there would be no story, would there?
As you can probably imagine I'm rather picky on interpretations of the Marauders but I think you've done a good job here. The ongoing - I won't say feud, but maybe tension is the right word - between Sirius and Molly was well done, and echoed OotP nicely. Remus was as always the mediator.
I must say though that I think Dobby is an interesting choice. I know you have your reasons so I'm very curious to see what they are. I assume it will be made clearer in future chapters, so onwards I go!