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my response to the ML/prefect team on twitter about LGBTQ+ themed good news seemed to be quite popular and/or relatable so i thought, with pride month coming up, i'd write a little bit about it.
this is the first pride month that i won't just be an ally.
and i love it.
the tweet in question:
maybe some people thought i was joking but i really wasn't
even though i live in croatia, where being a part of the LGBTQ+ community can be quite difficult, i still consider this to be really good news, disregarding the facts of life - nowhere is perfect, though, admittedly, some countries/parts of the world are a lot better to be a part of the LGBTQ+ community than others. when i was in oslo last october, i couldn't help but spontaneously smile at girls kissing girls, holding hands, boys kissing boys, and everything else... in plain sight, with no shame and no danger. it was similar when i was in hamburg and berlin. it was wonderful.
and i wish it could be like that everywhere, all the time.
(i know neither oslo/norway nor hamburg/berlin/germany are perfect.)
i do not associate the concept of 'coming out' with my newfound (realised/discovered during the last year (and i'm fairly sure that being a part of HPFT helped in some way with that realisation - the community is wonderfully accepting and inclusive and i'll be forever grateful to have joined!) attraction towards both girls and boys.
i'm not coming out - this part of myself has always been there and it's normal and it's amazing. and it doesn't need any special attention.
at least that's how it is in my head. and it would be cool if it were like that outside of my head, as well.
(if 'coming out' means you accept yourself or that the world accepts you, that's great. i just think it's sad that it's needed and i'm hoping for a future where it won't be.)
i'm just being me and i can date or have consensual sex with whoever i like and it's no one's business. no declarations of who i am, except the person who i have always been.
why good news? it means i'm completely myself. it means i have plenty more opportunity to...look ( 😏) at people. it means i can stare at or date pretty girls. and handsome boys. and that's awesome.
(this post (as opposed to my last one) wasn't any trouble at all to write or post because love and attraction are amazing and wonderful and lovely and should be celebrated.)
since may is mental health awareness month i thought i'd finally open up about my own mental health(?). fyi, i was never officially diagnosed with...anything. and i won't self-diagnose.
i started writing this blog entry and wrote...idk maybe 200 words of my story and then i deleted everything because i couldn't post it. i guess it's still too personal and painful for me. so i'll just write some really tiny bits that i feel fine with posting.
at one point in my life, i talked to a psychologist who told me there was nothing wrong with me, that i was a narcissist and an attention seeker. (here's hoping she was wrong.)
at this point in my life, i'm literally lucky to be alive. (here's hoping it stays that way.)
where i live, mental health still isn't a topic i would be comfortable discussing, even with my own family. obviously, i'm not completely comfortable discussing it online, either. but i'm trying.
i've been on TDA for ten years and often i would tell people how it's an escape from RL for me. and it was/is. it's the same thing with HPFT even though i've only been here for a year. though no one quite knows how much it means for me to be able to lose myself in other worlds via books, or fanfics or graphics or computer games, but it means...a lot. (i'm sure it's similar to how a lot of people feel.)
so here's my tiny contribution to making discussions about mental health...if not comfortable then at least more manageable.
even this was hard for me to actually click on 'submit entry'
also, i like to talk to my cats. so, there. a bit of humour