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i'm supposed to be working on this lab report that's due in like 1 day but i just had to stop by and waste my time so here we go. we're all on tumblr, so we're all familiar with the tendency that tumblr has with being up the ass of one celebrity one week and then completely turning against that celebrity en mass (i probably spelled that wrong but it's midnight) usually for no seemingly apparent reason. they did it with taylor swift and they did it with jennifer lawrence and occasionally they try and do it with emma watson.
every once in a while i'll come across a post that tries to shit on emma watson and its got a bunch of notes and it's literally people just saying that she's useless and doesn't contribute anything to feminism and we should stop idolizing her and so on and so forth. and i'd first like to start off by saying that i don't think people idolize emma watson which sounds weird because i'm going out of my way to defend her right now but hear me out.
you don't hear about emma watson nearly as much as you hear about rihanna or beyonce or zendaya, people aren't hyping her up as much or really paying her much attention in any way. if anything, i'd say emma watson does her work pretty quietly without trying to draw attention to herself for the most part.
and what i don't really understand is why??????
emma watson minds her business for the most part, she does feminism work pretty quietly, she cares about the environment, like nothing about her is in any way offensive you know what i mean? she's just minding her own business and i don't really understand why tumblr is always trying to get everyone to turn on her. she even said that everyday she's learning more about feminism and trying to educate herself and expand her view and opinions to have a better understanding.
so yeah, that was my spiel, i just want people to leave homegirl she's just living her life and doing her best.
i'm a research assistant for a cognition lab and yesterday i was running this participant on an eye tracker but she couldn't take her glasses off because she's hella blind and i was like okay you can keep them on. the eyetracker doesn't like glasses, it glitches out pretty bad most of the time. so i couldn't get the eyetracker to work, her drift on the screen from the spot she was supposed to be looking at was so bad i couldn't even finish the calibration because it was just like,,,,,,not on the screen. so i said to her that it wasn't working but i'd be willing to explain to her what would have happened if she had gone through with the study. she said no that she was perfectly willing to reschedule for today, saturday, so i did.
20 minutes has gone by since she was supposed to show up and she still isn't here. i even sent her an email telling her to call me so i can come let her into the building since it's usually locked on the weekends. and i'm so annoyed because i was perfectly willing to give her her extra credits yesterday because she showed up to the study but she insisted on rescheduling even though she apparently had no intention of showing up like girl,,,,,,,just take your credits and go!!!!!! and now i don't know if i'm supposed to mark her as a no show or still give her the credits since she showed up the first time.
long story short i'm very annoyed with this girl for wasting my gotdamn time.
hi it's me, in case anyone remembers i'm the one who kept posting blog entries during the summer because i had literally nothing to do and that's how i wormed my way back into the hpft community. i'm back at it again with yet another post that has nothing to do with writing or reading whatsoever. welcome.
in my defense i haven't totally disappeared off the face of the planet, i still check on the forums once in a while even though i just lurk, i just mostly scream into the void that's twitter these days.
i don't know how many people on the forums listen to kpop but i'm here to discuss it. i'm here to talk about my kings, my BOIS: exo. i've literally been waiting over a year for their comeback, it's been so long since there's been a brand new exo album and brand new songs for me to listen to on repeat for the next two months. y'all, my crops were withering, plague had taken over my farmland, the drought was so hard for me. there's only so many times i can put what u do on repeat okay.
i was absolutely elated when i heard they were having a comeback, finally the drought was ending, my village was thriving.
and i'm kind of disappointed if i'm being honest.
like in terms of marketing, i know sm did everything right and delivered what the fans asked for and i'm happy, but in terms of music, i'm a little bit disappointed. see, with exo, every album they've come out with has just improved on the last. Exodus improved on XOXO (Call Me Baby was better than Growl). Ex'act improved on Exodus which I didn't even think was possible but they did it (Monster and Lucky One were way better than Call me Baby at least in my non-professional opinion). The War essentially told me that i wasn't allowed to be sad and stressed about my future because we were gonna bop through the summer (Ko Ko Bop was on the same level if not a teeny bit better than Monster/Lucky One but only because it fit the summer vibe of,,,,,everything).
and while i think don't mess up my tempo is a bop and i already have it on repeat, i don't think the entire album is an improvement on The War. the album was good, don't get me wrong, but it doesn't get me as hyped up as the war does (i'm done capitalizing now that took way too much effort). i just feel disappointed in a sense and maybe that's because i expected another album full of bops similar to what was in the war to push me through the last few months of this semester. personally i'd rank the album somewhere in between exodus and ex'act? and don't mess up my tempo as somewhere around the level of call me baby?
it should be noted that none of these ratings that i'm giving have been proved to be statistically reliable so if you think don't mess up your tempo was super amazing that's cool.
and before i leave, can we just take a moment to talk about jongdae's half mullet? like what in gods name was that? mullets in general are disgusting but a half mullet? that's literally a sin and no one should ever do it i can't believe they did him dirty. also if i ever see my boi jongin in a mullet ever again i'm going to scoop out my eyeballs he's had one one too many times enough is enough.
so i'm finally giving into the temptation and starting another story and i know i can hear you all groaning for giving in but hear me out. once i finish my lily story and i start another one, i will be working on the same number of stories before and after so they all cancel out. it'll be fine. i'll put the title and a summary i have written down or just the idea of something and you lovely people can help me pick out which one i want to work on because i want to work on all of them.
this girl essentially has one too many magical accidents and ends up temporarily blind (all thanks to our lovely albus potter) and the two of them have to work together as she adjusts to not being able to see
When you're in Hogwarts for seven years of your life you don't really know what it's like to be out on your own in the real world. It can be a real shock to find out that you have to make your own food and that you have bills to pay.
The adult world was not meant for Lucy and Lorcan.
inside the walls
okay this was supposed to be a super angsty kinda dark james/lily story that follows them through sixth and seventh year as like voldemort comes into power and things get darker at hogwarts as more people go missing and students get into mysterious "accidents" and i just kind of wanna laugh thinking about me because lol me writing something dark
this one is about this girl at hogwarts who is really popular and she's a big old gossip who eavesdrops on peoples conversations and spreads what she hears and starts rumours and is just a general pain in the ass queen bee until someone starts spreading rumours around her and sends her carefully crafted reputation crumbling down around her (i love petty school drama)
this girl has a serious chocolate addiction so roxanne sends her to chocoholics anonymous and tbh i don't know where i was going with this i think the intent was just some good old fashioned fun and humour.
thick as thieves
i literally love the heist society series by ally carter i never get tired of it and this was heavily inspired by that basically this girl gets caught by james trying to steal from him and sucks him into stealing something from gringotts that her family needs for whatever reason idk i have to pull up the notes. basically lots of shenanigans and breaking and entering and scheming i love it. this has like 5 stories that come after it related to this character so if you vote for this please know that i'm going to be stuck in the universe i create with this for the next like decade (which sounds like a lot but really isn't)
opposites do not attract
pretty sure this was a teddy/victoire story
tea and biscuits
this was draco/astoria story where draco drinks too much tea and astoria eats too many biscuits and somehow they just compliment each other it's super cute
it happened accidentally
this was a james/oc story it was actually the first thing that i ever wrote but i'm revamping it but it's just a basic friends to lovers type of thing
this is another jily story it was also supposed to be sad and stuff i think it was set when they were married the year before they died or something i don't remember
and i think that's it, if you made it to the end of this you have leave a vote i don't make the rules sorry that's just how it is.
i'm not talking about movies here, i'm talking about books.
and i feel like this is a pretty common sense idea but i said this to one of my friends a few months ago and he responded with, "it's a classic for a reason." And I was just kind of like, "okay, but that doesn't automatically mean it's good." and he responded with, "but if it wasn't good it wouldn't be a classic."
just because something is popular, doesn't mean it's good. sounds good. just because something is a classic doesn't mean that it's good. i hope i'm not saying anything too controversial here.
like they're important because they provide insight into a society and culture that's different from what we live in today etc etc,,,, but that doesn't necessarily mean that they're good by association.
point in case, heart of darkness.
i was forced to read this for my ap english class in the 12th grade (or year 12? i guess?) and it took me an hour to read one page. i hated it. i was ready to rip it apart and light it on fire. the only reason i didn't was because it was school property. i wouldn't even use it as toilet paper. that's how terrible it is. i haven't met anyone who enjoyed it.
and i think the only thing that makes this book a classic (and i don't remember much, just rage reading it), is the fact that some white dude was like, "hey maybe we shouldn't colonize land and be racist," which was hidden under like 50 different layers of racism throughout the book so I didn't really pick up on it until the end. but other than that? there's not much that sets it apart from other books, the writing style irritated me, and it wasn't even interesting.
i know sometimes classics come down to a matter of opinion and whether or not it's your type of book like Little Women or Anne of Green Gables or any Jane Austen novel. but almost everyone hates heart of darkness so i think it's safe to say that it's bad.
another book i didn't like, and i'm not sure if this is just because my english teacher sucked the life out of the class and every book we read or if it's because i just didn't like it, was Crime and Punishment.
like there was a shit ton of symbolism which really contributes to your enjoyment of reading the book because foreshadowing and shit.but the way that it's written.
the entire book fluctuates between 3 pages of straight dialogue where the entire plot for the next 200 pages is told to you, or you have communist ideology shoved down your throat, and then like 12 pages of description of every minute detail, and it won't even be something important, it'll be about someone's coat or hat or the weather. and i don't know about anyone else but that really doesn't enhance my enjoyment of the intricacies of the plot and the characters and the symbolism and how they all tie in together.
i also didn't like Beowulf, which doesn't necessarily mean it's bad, but i slept with my eyes open through all 4 classes that we had to listen to an audio excerpt of it. like the animated movie with Anthony Hopkins was wild and enjoyable but the actual epic poem? no thanks.
i haven't read Moby Dick yet but the fact that i've attempted to start it twice and both times didn't make it past the first page makes me think that it'll probably be terrible. i know everyone lives anna karenina but i could only read 100 pages before i gave up because it was so mindnumbingly boring and the movie while not boring,,,,wasn't really helping my opinion of the book. and i didn't enjoy frankenstein (i feel like i'm committing a sin just saying these things). i don't know if it's because i was expecting something completely different from what i got when i read the book, or because my brain refused to swallow the biological explanation mary shelley gave in the book (i know she was no scientist or surgeon or whatever but i just couldn't do it). or maybe i missed the point/purpose of the book, or maybe i got the point but i just didn't care. long story short i didn't like it.
and hollywood should stop lying to us about frankenstein's inability to communicate, i think that was literally the biggest shock of my life while reading the book.
so if you take anything away from this long blog post it should be this: don't read heart of darkness.
alright so in case you guys don't know, i have this short story collection type of thing on the archives of Lily Luna as a muggle enthusiast and uh i've only got like one chapter left of it after much thinking and i'm a little sad and disappointed. the thing is, i really wanted to make her adventures at hogwarts its very own novel wip but at the time when i started it i had a lot of stories going on and i did a lot of eliminating of what i wanted to focus on but i couldn't bear to put it away for a long time so i told myself i would just make it a collection of short stories. and i'm having fun writing it, but i still kind of regret making it a short story collection. i decided to have only one more chapter to the story and then be done with it because i felt like it was over, i didn't want to force myself to keep it going for the sake of keeping it going.
and i'm not going to lie to you but i don't even remember what age i assigned to lily in the story so i don't know if i should end it off as the end of a school year or make it a graduation thing which i'll have to go back and look up and see what i'm going to be forced to do.
on the other hand i have come up to a solution for my problem
BECAUSE I'M GOING TO MAKE A SEQUEL OF SORTS THAT LITERALLY NO ONE ASKED ABOUT OF LILY WORKING IN THE DEPARTMENT OF MAGICAL ARTIFACTS.
it won't be written for like several years but, the idea is there, so eventually, i will get there. in the meantime it'll be nice to be able to cross something off of the list of things that i'm working on.
i don't know why but for some reason i have always been under the impression that i'm a terrible writer. and to be fair, when i first started writing out, i truly was atrocious, like at that point in time it was fair to say to myself, wow this is really just,,,,,not good. but like most people i have found that over time, after you've written a lot of stuff, and read a lot of stuff, you get better, and eventually you find your voice and style of writing. but up until recently i was still convinced that my stories were trash to mediocre, which is why i have literally no expectations of them because i'm like this is not good so it makes sense that no one would read it or leave a review/comment.
but one day i went back and i read some of my newer one-shots that i have posted and i was, dare i say it, quite impressed. they weren't as bad as i thought they would be, in fact, they were pretty good, mistakes that i had missed when editing aside. i genuinely was sitting and reading my own work and my mouth was hanging open because i had never expected something like that to come from me. it's by no means perfect and there's always room for improvement, but i wasn't as bad as i thought i was. and to be honest, i was pretty proud, and i still am.
and it's something that every writer and artist etc. falls into, constantly thinking our stuff isn't good enough or a lot worse than it actually is and we end up being super hard on ourselves when we shouldn't be. and while it's a bad thing, that sense of never being satisfied with your work is also what pushes you to get better and better at what you do and i'll admit, it's why i no longer write the way that i did when i was younger.
so i don't know where i was going with this but i guess don't beat yourself up too much and realize that your work isn't as terrible as you think it is, but also don't get too comfortable because otherwise you might stop pushing yourself and miss your full potential.
we are all familiar with starting a novel and getting maybe like 9 or 10 chapters in and then something happens to delay you from writing the rest of the story and it just doesn't get updated. maybe for weeks or months, or like me, even years on end. and you get your loyal readers asking to please update every few months because it has been literal years since something was updated.
this was me.
years ago i first joined the fanfiction community and i posted my literal worst piece of writing to ever exist. "oh i'm sure it wasn't that bad," no no sis, it was literally that bad. towards the end, the quality obviously improved because i had had a steady year of constantly writing and reading and obviously school helped a lot so it wasn't a total trainwreck on fire by the end. but the beginning was atrocious.
once i finished that fanfic novel, i was super excited to finally be able to start something new. and so i did, that was how a minor setback came to be born. i got about 7 chapters in and then life happened, i wrote a bunch of one-shots, i started, quite literally, like 30 other stories that never made it past the first chapter for all of the stated reasons and it just kind of got left behind. don't get me wrong, i have every intention of finishing this story, that's the one thing i've promised myself, every single fic that i've started is going to be finished even if it takes my entire lifetime to do so.
so yeah, it got left behind. all i ended up having time for was the occasional one-shot, or short story and really nothing else. at least i didn't make time for it.
and yeah, the people who had read a minor setback and enjoyed it and stuck around were suffering. i got quite a few reviews going along the lines of "for the love of god please update i'm dying." also, i kind of left the last chapter on a cliffhanger so ....
anyways, it has been around 8 years, no exaggeration since that story has seen an update. and now i am happy to announce that after almost a decade of nothing, A NEW CHAPTER IS COMING SOON !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THAT'S RIGHT Y'ALL, TODAY I FINISHED THE NEXT CHAPTER OF MY FIC AND AFTER IT HAS BEEN EDITED IT'S FINALLY GOING TO BE POSTED. THE DROUGHT HAS FINALLY ENDED.
i'm just super excited because it's been literally so long and i finally managed to finish the next chapter and i can finally get a move on with this story. and to be honest, it only happened because i've made a list of which stories i'm going to be updating in which order and i've stuck to it otherwise i'm fairly certain chapter 8 would not exist today.
i don't know when chapter 9 will be finished but i can at least say with certainty that it won't take 8 years. maybe 6 months-1 year but definitely not 8. i've planned out the story up until around chapter 15 so i'm good until then but this also means that i need to get a move on and keep planning so i don't hit some kind of road block and run out of ideas and end up in a 10 year drought all over again.
so yah i'm pretty freakin excited. congrats to me.
this topic has nothing to do with writing, which as anyone has probably noticed, is the general theme for almost all of these blog posts. but anyway, today i want to talk about, or i guess complain, about what i have dubbed i love cold weather culture.
now i have nothing against cold weather i enjoy a nice rainy day and i enjoy winter (all -30 to -40 degrees celsius for 8 to 10 months of it) so i have nothing against cold weather. but do you ever find that whenever summer comes around and you're talking to someone and they bring up how hot it is and you inevitably get sucked into a discussion on which season is better summer, or winter?
or is that just me?
(i'm going to be working in celsius here y'all)
but yes i get sucked into these discussions all the time, why you ask? because i love hot weather and i live in canada where it normally doesn't get that hot even in the summer. this preference causes a lot of discourse. see i have a friend who thinks that 22 degrees (that's 71.6 for you farenheit folks) is stiflingly hot. i am of the opinion that until it reaches like 35 degrees it's not that hot, mostly because i don't break a sweat until it reaches that temperature. and we got into this big argument over whether or not 22 degrees is hot and i still maintain that it's not. and this conversation came about because we were planning on going as a group after we all graduated with our degrees on like a trip around europe, one of those stops being greece and italy. and i told her i was like if you think 22 degrees is unbearably hot, you're going to die in these countries because the minimum during the summer is like 35-40 degrees (assuming i can trust my relatives living there).
anyways that conversation devolved into her trying to explain why 34 degrees in canada is different from 34 degrees in italy which i get in the sense that italy is closer to the equator so it would be even WORSE there than in the north. but to this day i still don't understand the logic behind 22 degrees in canada is hot and 34 in italy is not hot because that was essentially what she was getting at.
and from there we got into the conversation of is summer better than winter. now i like summer better, so it comes as no surprise that i said i thought warm weather was better, my friend has gone her whole life living with cold weather, it's what she's used to so obviously she was going to pick cold weather. and i would've been fine with this except for the fact that she tried to convince me to change my answer to cold weather, and it's not just her, i find this happens with a lot of people whenever i say i like summer.
i get fed a lot of logic like if it's cold you can just put on more layers to be warm or you can move your body to generate heat etc etc. and that when it's hot you can only remove so many layers of clothing before you're left in just your skin and then you have to endure.
and that's great and all but the thing is:
i don't give two shits.
like don't get me wrong the logic is sound but i don't care. i just enjoy hot weather. like i don't need an essay defending your position i just enjoy hot weather. the first few years of my life were spent living in a hot country, and then i came to canada and now i'm stuck wearing like 2 layers of everything for 80% of the year. don't get me wrong i can tolerate the cold, like as soon as it hits like -20 after it being balls cold for weeks on end, i also strip some layers off and claim that spring has come but IT'S STILL C O L D.
my problem with layering is that i'm not cold in my torso area, i can layer up there all i want i have like 40 baggy sweaters and a puffy parka. as such, i am not cold in my torso area. it is my legs that are freezing. now i can layer up my legs too, but i can only wear about 1 extra pair of leggings underneath and then that's it. my jeans don't exactly allow room for more than 1 pair. proper winter boots don't really come any higher than my knees. "but why don't you wear snowpants," well i have nowhere to put them. i have my laptop, a textbook, all my notebooks, my pencil case, a calculator, and lab equipment in my backpack. i can't fit lunch in there, i can barely fit my scarf, my toque, and my mittens. there's just nowhere for snowpants to go.
I AM DESTINED TO FREEZE.
and on top of that i have poor circulation in the winter, like my nails turn purple. and on top of the poor circulation the weather is forcing my body to draw even more heat from limbs to keep the important bits warm. i am forever cold, i always have to wear my scarf even inside buildings on campus or my freaking parka because i'm always cold.
okay so yes i love hot weather. i love being uncomfortably warm, i love being sweaty just from sitting around because it's so hot. i don't even mind when the sun's been on me long enough to give me a sun burn. I LOVE IT OKAY. and imma just say it i love going to the beach and i can't go to the beach when it's cold, or out to a lake when it's cold. and the clothes are so much cuter too, i love clothes and fashion i get so hyped up about it. seeing the new summer patterns every where gets me so excited i spend all of my time on pinterest.
and just something about the combination of pretty clothes, and beautiful weather and scenery, and looking good makes me feel good. and it's not that winter means i'm constantly feeling bad about myself because i have my winter aesthetic, but feeling good about myself is not exactly what comes to mind when i have numb toes, wet socks, numb legs, and my glasses fog up every time i exhale into my scarf when it's wrapped around my nose or whenever i enter a building.
tl;dr let me enjoy my hot weather in P E A C E thank you for listening to my TedTalk.
i've been a big fan of libba bray for some time now. i remember reading her gemma doyle trilogy and absolutely falling in love with it. and the absolutely wild ride that was beauty queens. going bovine was a pretty interesting book but not my favourite.
i was really excited when i heard about the diviners series because for once i actually read the summary and it sounded like just the type of thing that i was interested in. i read it once when it came out and i've been meaning to read it again but i never got it around to it because life happened and then the second and third book in the series came out and well ... those books have just been gathering dust in my drawers as well. i finished my second read through of it last night and i honestly forgot how much i loved this book.
if you're into the supernatural and things that go bump in the night i think you'll like this book. a common complaint i hear is that people don't like the main character evie which i can understand but honestly, she doesn't bother me that much.
the basic gist of the story is that evie is a diviner, she can read peoples past by touching objects that they own, now this isn't a spoiler because it's literally mentioned in like the first few pages of the book, it basically sets up the rest of the story. so she leaves ohio and goes to new york to live with her uncle who runs a museum for the occult and supernatural. a minor detail i forgot to mention is that this is set in the 1920s which i think really added to the story personally but that's just me.
so she goes to live with her uncle and then these murders begin happening by someone called the pentacle killer and basically he kills his victims and takes a part of their body because he needs it for a ritual. not to give too much away but there's basically a cult called the Brethren (which are in fact a real thing but somehow i don't think the modern day group is up to the same stuff that the people in the book are) and this guy trying to raise the beast to purge the world of sin yadi yadi yada. you get the idea. and evie uses her power to help solve the case.
there's also quite a few other characters involved, each who have their own special powers going on and who come from different walks of life.
the writing is really great, it really sucks you into the story and it fits with the setting and the plot ya know. like you ever read a story and the plot itself is great the writing style and the tone just don't fit what is going on? this wasn't a problem in this story. the murders themselves were so creepy and gruesome. the characters were great, they all had a lot of depth and believability to them. i know the use of 1920s sland was a problem with some people but i personally enjoyed it, i thought it added to the story. i don't know if flappers actually used slang in each and every single sentence because i wasn't alive then and all but i mean it fit so i was like okay.
it's a pretty big book, like 600 pages, and the print itself is fairly small so you K N O W that you're getting your bang for your buck. so all in all i definitely recommend and if you do decide to read it please let me know if you enjoyed it i'd love to discuss it with someone.
in the meantime, i'm going to be reading its sequel, lair of dreams, which i'm really excited about and catching up on season 3 of outlander (which i F I N A L L Y found online).
everyday i tell myself that i'm going to make more of an effort to be more present and active on the forums and like interact with people. and everyday i am fully aware that i'm lying to myself. what ends up happening is that i'm usually present for like a week, maybe 2 if i'm really making an effort, and then i just drop off the face of the planet. or at least the interwebs.
and it's frustrating.
in the brief period that i am on the forums, i become familiar with peoples usernames and their stories and what they have going on to a certain degree. figuring out who has come from other websites etc etc. and then i disappear. sometimes school starts, sometimes something happens and i completely forget about the forums, so that by the time it does occur to me to check back in, school has started, and i no longer have time. it's a vicious cycle. and to be very honest, if i'm not checking on the forums, usually all fanfiction production pretty much comes to a halt. the only time that anything actually gets written for any story is if i'm surrounded by other people who are also working on their story and it puts me into the Writing Mood™.
but anyway back to my main point. i disappear off of the forums until the following year where i tell myself around exam season that during the summer i'm going to be more present and interact with everyone more. and then of course i never do. and when i finally do come on the forums and see what is up, there's a whole buttload of new people and everyone has already become acquainted with each other and knows each other and there's a bunch of inside jokes and i'm just over here like
and all i know is that that could've been me if i ever bothered to show up on the forums or posted in any topics or provided during the house cup activities. and then i take time and become reacquainted with who is who ... and then i disappear again.
rinse and repeat.
while i'm at it does anyone ever have this struggle where they're really introverted but at the same time they enjoy talking to people and hanging out but they're also too lazy to respond to messages so they just kind of ignore them until you actually end up forgetting.
on a side note completely unrelated to this is that i recently finished reading Obsidio which is the last book in the illuminae files trilogy and i don't know if anyone else has read it but if you're looking for something to read this is a really good series to read. it has so many plot twists and it constantly keeps you on edge, not to mention there's a really diverse cast of characters and it also takes place in space.
so today i made the executive decision to let my friend beta read my fanfiction.
now, i'm sure all of you have experienced this at some point, but it's like an unspoken rule that you just never tell anyone that you know in real life that you write fanfiction, and you especially don't tell them where to find it or let them read it. i have broken that rule.
you see, after, i don't even know, something like, six or seven, maybe more, years i finally have decided to begin working on this work in progress that i started when i was like 15 or something. it was the second novel that i had ever worked on. and this fic had had a beta reader on another site but because i haven't updated in so long, and i'm especially bad at responding to people who i don't interact with every day, and a bunch of other factors, we haven't really contacted each other. it's safe to assume that she's probably not working on the fic with me, for reasons other than i just fell out of touch (maybe she's not writing fanfiction anymore, maybe she forgot about me, who knows really) but the first 5 or 6 chapters have been beta read and it feels somehow wrong to not have the rest of the story beta read as well.
and this friend, i love her to death, i trust her with everything, i'm not afraid of being made fun of or anything like that, but it's still weird. because no one has read my fanfiction before, at least no one i know. and even though i know that i'm not going to be made fun of for writing this stuff, it still gives that little bit of anxiety, because what if.
i don't even think it's the content that i'm writing that gives me some anxiety anymore, it's just having people actually read my work. i love getting critique on how to improve and all, but nobody wants to be told that they're terrible and they suck, especially not by someone that they know.
this honestly sounds like a big mess, i don't really know how to properly express what i'm feeling at this moment, and going back this reads like an unorganized mess. but tl;dr, it's a new experience and feeling allowing someone i know to actually read my work.
So, the title is pretty self-explanatory but let me tell you about what exactly happened. As a side note, this is perhaps the only time in my life when I have received hate mail on tumblr in my entire time of being on there, which has been quite a few years. It's a little disappointing tbh because I find anonymous hate to be so entertaining.
"What happened?" I hear you ask.
Well, I was on tumblr, scrolling through my dash a few years ago, and I follow the Harry Potter tag, and I guess the site brought up some post they thought would be interesting and I guess it just so happened that this time, it was a post defending Severus Snape.
Or maybe I was just feeling really confrontational (extremely likely) that one day and I saw something that just set me off.
So I pulled up a text post, and wrote something aggressively negative about Severus Snape, and posted it. To paraphrase Lizzie Bennet, "This is my video blog."
Did I forget to mention that I tagged it? Because I did, oh boy did I tag it. And then I didn't even think anything of it, I didn't think anybody was going to bother reading it and sending me anon hate for it. But I was very wrong. I don't think I've ever been that wrong before in my life. Because when I woke up the next day and opened up tumblr, there were several ... strongly worded messages left for me. I don't think anyone told me to die, but there was a lot of name calling and questioning of my intelligence and my tastes etc. etc. you get the idea.
I also don't think there were any death threats.
I responded to all of them of course because ignoring someone is rude, and I responded in the same tone of voice that I got the message in, and I refrained from swearing for so long, you have absolutely no idea. I emphasize this because in real life I am somebody who swears ... a lot. I just feel like it allows me to express myself and my feelings very clearly.
But I digress.
I knew, that the minute I started swearing some bleeper was gonna come along and say that my entire argument was moot just because I dropped some f bombs, which lo and behold is exactly what happened when I did start dropping swears. Because apparently it was perfectly okay to have someone swearing at me but God forbid that I swear right back. And I know, maybe you're thinking why couldn't you just have been a little more patient but damn it, I had been dealing with that garbage for an entire day.
AN ENTIRE DAY. I WAS OUT OF PATIENCE LIKE WHO HAS TIME TO SEND LITERAL PARAGRAPHS ON ANON VIA TUMBLR. I HAD NO MORE PATIENCE.
There was a lot of back and forth with this one anon and in the end we kind of came to an understanding and stopped internet screaming at each other, I acknowledged that I shouldn't have tagged my negative opinion of Snape under the Snape tag and they apologized for pretty much everything else.
And what inspired me to suddenly talk about this out of the blue?
I was on FFnet and I was scrolling through my published stories and my eye landed on my Bad Blood oneshot that I have posted pretty much everywhere except tumblr because we're not doing that again. And I just got to thinking about what happened when I posted Bad Blood on FFnet, the response was very different from AO3 or HPFF or HPFT and much more aggressive. To summarize half of the reviews that I got on it was one giant paragraph of did you even read the books?, you completely misinterpreted his character, you don't understand Snape, you're just trying to push your agenda on the rest of us, you made some of this stuff up (which was half true but that is also the point of fanfiction, but also half not true because some of the stuff I'm pretty sure I pulled from the books but it's been a while so I could be wrong).
I'm probably missing one theme but I'm not going back again to look at those reviews again. Once was enough.
The most disappointing thing was that people left them under usernames that were not signed in which was such a shame because I couldn't even respond to them. But also, thank God, because I couldn't respond to them.
And like to a certain extent I understand the level of aggression that came my way but also, like ... it's not okay to attack someone's entire existence because they think your favourite character was a terrible person (and I'm making a powerpoint to prove this because I have nothing else to do with my time).
Like don't get me wrong, I recognize and appreciate that Snape is a complex and brilliantly written character ... but from the bottom of my heart, I really mean it when I say that I hate him as a human being.
So basically what I wanted to finish off with, the Harry Potter fandom is very passionate about the topic of Severus Snape and I don't think that's ever going to change (and I don't think I would want it to, it provides for some excellent discussion and entertainment) , and also if you ever wanna get attention on tumblr, saying something negative about him and tagging it will pretty much do it for ya.
(maybe i will post that one-shot on my fic tumblr and see what happens as a kind of experiment ... we'll see).