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Chelts’ Ramblings

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My boys are gone.

Chelts-rhj

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I’m missing the greatest part of my life, and it’s very difficult.

I’ve always wanted to be a mom. I have eight younger brothers and sisters and I had enough money from babysitting by the time I was twelve to buy a laptop. 

I met a boy at 16 and fell head over heals. All his ideals and passions made me ensnared by the idea of starting a life together. We had one beautiful son before things started to go downhill fast. It became apparent that he suffered from mental health issues when the stress piled on. I tried so hard to “make him” get help to no avail. Interventions, ultimates, begging, it made no difference. When I found out I was pregnant again, it was bitter sweet. I wanted my child, but I knew I was incapable of supporting all four of us, and my husband was the only optional one. I made the decision to leave in the hopes that maybe if I wasnt supporting him anymore he would learn to support himself. I didn’t file for divorce. He moved out of state.

Now, ten years after we met, at the conclusion of our eight year marriage, I am beginning to despise him. 

I never wanted to keep him from the children’s life. I met him halfway for visits.  I always made sure our son went with him at EVERY holiday. When I was big and pregnant and couldnt drive to meet him I made arrangements for others to do so. When I went into labor I made sure to tell him and he was there for the birth of our second son. After that I tried even harder to include him in their lives. I missed my baby’s first Thanksgiving. First Christmas. First Easter... First Birthday. You can’t be a single mom of two kids and take off work to drive out of state like that. I had to keep those times off for fevers and school trips, tummy aches and plays. 

It was a hard, hard summer with them gone. But I had a date - Aug 11 - to keep me through. 

August 11th came and he didn’t bring them to our spot. I drove all the way there, and he hid them from me. He had filed for divorce, custody, and put a temporary restraining order on me. 

I was distraught. I have made the 7 hour drive several times, with two ending in visits. I got them at home once and was there for three hours before being told I wasn’t welcome. Took off work and had lunch at my sons school. Went by the daycare to see my baby and he called the police on me as though I was a criminal. I most recently went to be with my baby as he was admitted to Children’s hospital with 105 degree fever. He had fevers for two weeks and they hadn’t told me. He was admitted at 2pm on Friday, and I didn’t know until Saturday at 10am. My older sons birthday party was the next day. 

He dropped his case when his lawyer told him a judge in his state would rule in my favor.

I have two sets of lawyers, my state and his, and the retainers plus travel costs have drained my savings. I’m not wealthy. What single mom is? 

Thankfully a friend of mine has set up a fundraiser to help. You can find me on Facebook and PM me for the link if you’re interested in donating. 

The baby didn’t have mono like they thought, and was discharged after the weekend. My older son had a great birthday party with family and friends and really enjoyed the Polaroid I got for him.

I finally have a court date. It’s not nearly soon enough, and I’ll be in debt by the time it gets here, and even if the judge here rules in my favor (he should) I still have to wait another two weeks to have the papers recognized in his state before I am legally able to go and take them from his custody. 

 

This community of happy, supportive people has been a real crutch for me since the boys left end of May. I am very thankful that it was set up. I’ve felt like the statue “emptiness” by Albert Gyorgy for awhile now. The end is far off, but in sight.

 

If you’ve made it this far, thanks for your time. 

-Cheltsey 



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starbuck

Posted

hi cheltsey!

we don't know each other but i just read this blog post and i couldn't not comment. (i'm also leaving this for the house cup opener but i would've commented either way)

i have no real idea or real understanding of how you must feel as i don't have any children, but i'm certain this is an awful time for you. i got angry even just reading this - he basically kidnapped your children from you! what a *insert very bad word here*!

i hope that your kids and you are okay and i sincerely hope that you'll get them back as soon as possible. i have no doubt you're a great mum who cares about her children very much. i'm sad that the effort you made for your children to have their father in their lives resulted in this. i'm rooting for you and if i were a witch i'd curse your ex.

it's wonderful that we as a community have managed to make this time easier for you and i'm hoping we'll continue to do so! if you ever want to chat or rant or really anything, i'm always here and you can send me a PM. i wish i could manage to do more than offer words of support, but here's hoping you soon won't even need those ^_^

good luck!!! :bighug::grouphug:

kristina

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teh tarik

Posted

This is really tough and I'm so sorry you're going through this. I can't give you any helpful advice because I don't know the divorce / custody laws in the US. But I'd love to help, so if you PM me /DM me on Twitter a link to your fundraiser I can help contribute. I'm a single parent too, and I had my baby when I was quite young. And I'd be devastated if I were separated from my son. Stay strong, hope things swing in your favor soon.

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facingthenorthwind

Posted

I'm so sorry about this, chelts. :( I wish I could help, but I can't -- although I could probably give you a twenty for your fundraiser? I'll PM you for the link. I've been thinking about you since you told me about this a little while back and kept meaning to PM you to ask if it had all resolved, but this is a terrible update :((( I had really hoped it would all work out without some kind of protracted battle. 

If you need anything I can provide from Australia, let me know! I am happy to do any beta'ing or idk find cute pictures of dogs or send you an INCREDIBLY cute video of a child talking about her uncle's upcoming marriage (it's in Hebrew but there are subtitles). ❤️❤️ Sending you lots of love.

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TidalDragon

Posted

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I see people do these sort of horrible, malicious things to their exes and the parents of their children. Using the children as pawns to get revenge on their ex or ignoring the fact that the children have been raised by one parent (even if there have been visits) and the trauma that just completely changing that can have or just being selfish enough to decide that their desire to have the kids is more important than yours - it's really sad and twisted - especially the part where that person inevitably gets a bogus restraining order.

I'm fortunate enough not to have endured this with my ex. Our divorce was without incident other than savings taken out of a joint account and we reached a consent agreement and order, but honestly, I worry that she'll try to change the current situation someday and I hope it's nothing like this. As an attorney myself and a client in this area, I know how heavy the financial burden can be and how much it hurts to have to spend that money you've save for other things - dreams for yourself and/or your children - that should've never had to be. 

I'll definitely PM you for the link to your fundraiser tonight and so you can let me know any way I might be able to help.

My thoughts are with you and your kids.

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Stella Blue

Posted

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I can't even imagine how difficult it would be. *Sends you all the hugs in the world*  Hope things start to look up soon. :hug:

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Felpata_Lupin

Posted

I've actually read this a few days ago, but I didn't really know what to say... I can't even begin to imagine what you're going through...

I've sent a donation to your fundraiser and I really, really hope you'll be reunited to your boys soon!

Lots of love and a huge snowball hug rolling your way, dear! :wub:  :freeze::hug:

Chiara

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