I’m missing the greatest part of my life, and it’s very difficult.
I’ve always wanted to be a mom. I have eight younger brothers and sisters and I had enough money from babysitting by the time I was twelve to buy a laptop.
I met a boy at 16 and fell head over heals. All his ideals and passions made me ensnared by the idea of starting a life together. We had one beautiful son before things started to go downhill fast. It became apparent that he suffered from mental health issues when the stress piled on. I tried so hard to “make him” get help to no avail. Interventions, ultimates, begging, it made no difference. When I found out I was pregnant again, it was bitter sweet. I wanted my child, but I knew I was incapable of supporting all four of us, and my husband was the only optional one. I made the decision to leave in the hopes that maybe if I wasnt supporting him anymore he would learn to support himself. I didn’t file for divorce. He moved out of state.
Now, ten years after we met, at the conclusion of our eight year marriage, I am beginning to despise him.
I never wanted to keep him from the children’s life. I met him halfway for visits. I always made sure our son went with him at EVERY holiday. When I was big and pregnant and couldnt drive to meet him I made arrangements for others to do so. When I went into labor I made sure to tell him and he was there for the birth of our second son. After that I tried even harder to include him in their lives. I missed my baby’s first Thanksgiving. First Christmas. First Easter... First Birthday. You can’t be a single mom of two kids and take off work to drive out of state like that. I had to keep those times off for fevers and school trips, tummy aches and plays.
It was a hard, hard summer with them gone. But I had a date - Aug 11 - to keep me through.
August 11th came and he didn’t bring them to our spot. I drove all the way there, and he hid them from me. He had filed for divorce, custody, and put a temporary restraining order on me.
I was distraught. I have made the 7 hour drive several times, with two ending in visits. I got them at home once and was there for three hours before being told I wasn’t welcome. Took off work and had lunch at my sons school. Went by the daycare to see my baby and he called the police on me as though I was a criminal. I most recently went to be with my baby as he was admitted to Children’s hospital with 105 degree fever. He had fevers for two weeks and they hadn’t told me. He was admitted at 2pm on Friday, and I didn’t know until Saturday at 10am. My older sons birthday party was the next day.
He dropped his case when his lawyer told him a judge in his state would rule in my favor.
I have two sets of lawyers, my state and his, and the retainers plus travel costs have drained my savings. I’m not wealthy. What single mom is?
Thankfully a friend of mine has set up a fundraiser to help. You can find me on Facebook and PM me for the link if you’re interested in donating.
The baby didn’t have mono like they thought, and was discharged after the weekend. My older son had a great birthday party with family and friends and really enjoyed the Polaroid I got for him.
I finally have a court date. It’s not nearly soon enough, and I’ll be in debt by the time it gets here, and even if the judge here rules in my favor (he should) I still have to wait another two weeks to have the papers recognized in his state before I am legally able to go and take them from his custody.
This community of happy, supportive people has been a real crutch for me since the boys left end of May. I am very thankful that it was set up. I’ve felt like the statue “emptiness” by Albert Gyorgy for awhile now. The end is far off, but in sight.
If you’ve made it this far, thanks for your time.