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Oh I am so in love with this story right now.
I really, really love the flip-flopping back and forth between timelines. It’s so wonderfully handled, and you always manage to cut each section at just right spot to the point where I’m agonizing over the cliffhanger. And then I always want to read more, of course! The two timelines have such wildly different atmospheres, and to go back and forth between them makes for a really dramatic read.
What with the adorable banter and innocence of young James Potter and young Amelia Fortescue, I’d forgotten that their older versions got themselves into some spot of trouble. And it makes me really curious to know exactly what it was. Why is it that as soon as Amelia walked into the Ministry, she was stared down by Auror Barrett? What did she do? And if she did something so terrible, how was she allowed to enter the Ministry as an intern of sorts? (Her plan to use Harry Potter as the path to finding James is brilliant, by the way. I love Slytherins.)
James and Amelia’s banter gives me life. How do you write them so well?? How do you write such clever, witty, brilliant dialogue? I find myself smiling at everything that these two say at each other – you manage to show their chemistry in the best of ways (as opposed to just telling us how well these two get along). And I’m curious to see what their classmates have to say about their newfound friendship/budding romantic feelings.
Using drama to get to Harry Potter is so good. It made me concerned that she was going to be hurt along the way, but she clearly got Harry Potter’s attention without too much harm done. (Except for maybe her internship thing? But finding a thought-dead friend is more important.)
SO GOOD.
Love,
Eva
[This review was left for Quodpot, for the “Crime/Mystery” category.]
Author's Response:Yay! I'm glad that you're enjoying the story so much! :D
Writing the flip flopping timelines has been such a fun challenge, and I'm glad my attempts at cliffhangers are working!
Young James and Amelia are great. I really do enjoy their banter. I imagine James Potter to be a goofball with a bit of a brain. He likes stimulating conversation, and with Amelia's sharp mind, I think he latches onto her wit and tries to get a good conversation going. Amelia is way more closed off, so sometimes she's not too sure what to think of James' attempts at promoting a conversation. This dynamic is very different from what happens later on. Amelia DID get into trouble with the Ministry, but her name was cleared. Plus, Susan and Michael were both in Dumbledore's Army, which I feel has a bit of bargaining power within this post-Second Wizarding War Ministry. But because she used drama to get Harry's attention, well, I don't think Amelia will be a part of the Ministry for very long. And Amelia believes that trying to let Harry Potter that his son is alive is more important than this entry-level internship. It shows a lot of Amelia's inner-Slytherin!
Thanks for your wonderful reviews! Abby
I forgot to mention this last chapter, but I love that Amelia’s a Slytherin! (If I understood correctly. She got points taken away from Slytherin, right? Please excuse my late-night brain lol.) I love Slytherins. Writing them and reading them is pretty much the absolute best.
Anyway, onto Amelia’s detention. Thank goodness for Neville, right? He’s the actual best. <3
Hmm. Okay, so the guy that appeared at Neville and Hannah’s wedding crops up again in the story. Judging from the way Amelia’s asking her questions, it seems she has closer personal ties to this Cassius Vaisey man than maybe she lets on? Or maybe she’s just genuinely curious. Yeah, it’s probably the latter. I’m thinking of my guess from before, of the prison guy being her father, and I’m kind of laughing at myself now because they don’t even share the same last name, as I’ve discovered this chapter. Either way, why doesn’t Neville just answer her question? She probably just remembers the prison guy from his wedding and wants to know how that happened.
WHY AM I FOCUSING SO MUCH ON THE PRISON GUY. I JUST WANT TO KNOW WHO HE IS.
Detention’s fun! Never had a detention so I can’t actually say. But I love the banter between James and Amelia. You write their two personalities so well! They just fling witty lines back and forth between each other! It’s amazing! (Also, James’s terrible joke that Neville actually corrected was the funniest thing ever lmao.)
Eep Cassius Vaisey sounds freaky. And I didn’t even realize that Neville didn’t know the guy was at his wedding. Whaaaat.
(Amelia and James are so cute. That gift he gave her? Awwww. <3)
Wonderful chapter!
[This review was left for Quodpot, for the “Crime/Mystery” category.]
Love,
Eva
Author's Response:Hey Eva!
Yes, Amelia is a Slytherin! I heavily debated putting her in Ravenclaw, but at the end of the day, her sheer amount of determination and cunning put her in Slytherin. And I love writing her!
It's good to focus on this prison guy, Cassius Vaisey, since he's a pretty major voice in The Cause. You answer your own question in the review about why Neville doesn't answer Amelia right way about Vaisey. It's because he didn't know Vaisey was even at his wedding. Neville's in shock here, and his non-answer is a way for him to quickly process this new, startling bit of information. And he's an awesome professor, giving them tea and freedom to do their work on their own terms (being able to talk to each other).
James tells some pretty terrible jokes, but he loves doing this, bahaha.
Thanks for this review! Abby
Okay so I knew it was her father last chapter, but wow he is so much creepier than I’d imagined. Was he in the same line of “work” as Amelia’s mom? How did he die? Why is he so creepy? Was he the guy in prison that cropped up in Amelia’s dreams? (Okay so I need to warn you, it is currently 12:24 a.m. and I can’t stop reading this story, but that also means that my reasoning is dumb and I am dumb so if I say dumb things please excuse me.)
Before I was debating with myself whether James had died or not. The funeral was obviously referring to Amelia’s parents, but I think I might’ve missed a line or something because even though I felt like they were referring to something bad happening to James, I wasn’t sure what it was. But now there’s confirmation that Amelia totally thought he was dead, and it turns out he wasn’t. YAY! There’s hope after all! (Or maybe there’s no hope at all, it’s too soon to say. Will this be a happy-ending story, or a non-happy-ending story? Who knows?)
(Also this is so irrelevant but I love the banner that you requested! The artist is so talented.)
The writing in this chapter is so good. (It’s good in every chapter, but it particularly shines here.) I love the comparisons between past-Amelia and the mouse and the snuffbox. And her rudeness towards her teacher is obviously not good but understandable, given the circumstances.
And her mom gave her the sign of the Deathly Hallows. Eep. Not good.
Great chapter!
[This review was left for Quodpot, for the “Crime/Mystery” category.]
Love,
Eva
Author's Response:Thanks for your review, Eva!
Yes, Amelia's father was in the same line of work as her mother. In fact, that's how they met... and how they came to have Amelia. And he was killed. And no, he's NOT the guy from Amelia's dreams. You'll find out more about both men in future chapters. And Amelia does lash out at Professor Ritter (her Transfiguration teacher) because of her mother's visit... and her visit ends up altering Amelia's life forever. I appreciate your reflections on all of these important plot points.
Your question (Will this be a happy-ending story, or a non-happy-ending story?) is a good one, but one that I cannot answer at this time!
Abby
OH. OH MY GOD. WHAAAT SHE HAS THE RESURRECTION STONE??
It’s only the second chapter and we’re already diving head-first into the winding plot twists and secret motivations and I am here for it! Wow I am so excited about this. Okay. Calming myself down now. Going back to the beginning.
So, Amelia likes history. That’s already one thing that we disagree heavily on, but that’s okay. I respect her opinion. History can be cool when it’s not taught by terrible people. I have a feeling that her love for history is going to come in handy sometime later – or at the very least, it’s going to be super relevant to the plot. Especially since the story summary talks about history repeating itself, so I’d imagine she’d be able to see things happening. Or, I hope so, at least…
Anyway, her mother! Eeeep. She doesn’t sound pleasant at all. (Also I miscalculated the relationship between Aunt Susan/Uncle Michael and Amelia; guess they’re more distant than I thought. But that makes their close relationship much sweeter imo.) Also lol at her mom abandoning her child to go off doing illegal political stuff, and only returning to brainwash her child into joining her.
I’m assuming her mom gave her one of the three Deathly Hallows? Because later on she clearly has the Resurrection Stone, and that is super nervewracking. Why does she have it? What is the Cause trying to do? Why would they allow such a precious thing to fall into her hands?
QUESTIONS. MANY OF THEM. I can’t wait to find out their answers!
[This review was left for Quodpot, for the “Crime/Mystery” category.]
Love,
Eva
Author's Response:Thanks for your review, Eva!
And yes, I figured jumping straight into the plot would let me get where I want to go with this fic as well as hook some fearless readers, such as yourself! Amelia receives the Resurrection stone, but I cannot say whether or not her mother is the one who gives it to her. You'll have to read on to find out!
Amelia's interest in history is a nod to her grandfather, Florean Fortescue. Plus, having this interest definitely helps her in quest in the future, as you've found out. And Amelia's mother is surely something else. You've raised some very important questions, which may or may not have been answered by now. Thanks for reviewing and asking these amazing questions!
Abby
Oh my god this story sounds like it’s all of my favorite things, and it makes me so excited. I love Next Gen. I love Next Gen that dives straight into the midst of a secretive, mysterious plot. I love ice cream. And seeing how our main character is descended from the legendary ice cream shop owner, Florean Fortescue, and is involved in some shady business at the moment that she refuses to reveal to the audience, I am full of much excitement.
I’m glad that you set up the family tree in this first chapter. So basically, Susan Bones and Michael Corner got married. One of them is Amelia’s biological aunt/uncle, related to her by her mother, I’m assuming, otherwise Amelia wouldn’t have the surname Fortescue (which is one of the prettiest surnames ever). And they all seem to be one big happy family, for the most part. Not to mention they’re all very proud and supportive of Amelia in her grades.
I need to know what’s inside that box, what it has to do with the Cause, and what it has to do with James Potter. (And is her father dead? What does he have to do with all of this? And what happened?? I have so many questions!)
This time-jumpy storytelling thing is a lot of fun. I’ve always really enjoyed following double storylines, with one in the present and one in the past. Her relationship with James Potter sounds like it has much potential to be cute, but considering the fact that it was hinted at earlier that their relationship was an “expired” one (at the very least, I’m assuming she’s talking about James Potter), I don’t think it ended well.
The bacon meet-up was so cute though!! So I am cautiously optimistic.
I CAN’T WAIT TO FIND OUT STUFF.
[This review was left for Quodpot, for the “Crime/Mystery” category.]
Love,
Eva
Author's Response:Hey Eva! First of all, thank you so much for reviewing my entire story thus far! I am so impressed how much you read and reviewed within such a short time.
I'm glad this fic excites you from the get-go, especially your connection with ice cream. And as you've found out, Amelia's related to Susan Bones and that her family does support her... though she doesn't always accept this. And you raise some excellent questions. Some of which have been answers. Others have led to more questions. The rest remain a mystery. ;)
Hello! I'm here from the staff review thread with your requested review! And also because I've been meaning to pop in and check out your story :)
I'm already so curious about so much! What happened to owl? What's inside the box?
Amelia's character interests me, too, and I find myself wanting to know more about her. What is she searching for in the Prophet? And I wonder why she doesn't rip open her results as soon as she arrives. I don't think it's because she doesn't care; she's clearly an extremley smart girl. And how did she earn that N.E.W.T. the year before? Something has clearly happened last year and I want to know what it was! Ah, I'm so intrigued! You've sucked me in! :D
Also I really love the support of her family. They seem super sweet. And it's SO awesome that she works for Ollivander. I'm so jealous of witches and wizards *le sigh*
"The Cause" is the most mysterious thing I've ever heard in my life :O and... James?! The same James I'm thinking of?! Is he dead?! Omg I need answers!
So I actually read your end notes before reading the chapter, so I was aware -- and looking out for -- the change in time and tense, but I think it would be much smoother and easier for the reader if you seperated the time change a bit more. Either changing chapter or just a little stamp of the new date. It could be just me that finds this kind of thing confusing though, I'm not sure!
Taking bacon away during breakfast is actually the cruellest [I don't think that's how that's spelled? Oops] and most horrific punishment EVER. I would be on my best behaviour with Amelia as prefect because I live on bacon. She's a very dedicated prefect though!
Ooh who is this prisoner who broke out? You're setting up so many mysterious threads and conflicts, I can already tell this is going to be a really good story and I'm so excited to find out what happens!
Okay and clearly, James is the James I was thinking of, and if he's dead then I'm already so sad, because your characterisation of him is so good. He's perfectly cheeky.
So, as you can probably tell, I really enjoyed this chapter :P I'm very excited to find out what you have planned!
Author's Response:Thank you so much for this review! :)
I'm thrilled you like all of the seeds I've laid out in the first chapter. I find first chapters very difficult to write, so I'm relieved that your interest is peaked.
Lots of your questions are answered in the following few chapters, but some aren't. (Hope this doesn't add more mystery to this mystery, ha!)
Amelia is really guarded right now in her present timeline. She's gotten hurt, and her actions have gotten her into a bit of trouble. There are some things that come up, like the funeral, that she'd rather not talk about right now. Her aunt and uncle try to support her and also try to understand her actions, but Amelia doesn't make it very easy for them.
And yes, James is the James you're thinking of, bacon and all. I hope this doesn't give you too much heartbreak. All I can say is... keep reading.
As for the change in time, I heavily debated when I first wrote this fic about clearly identifying time changes. But a large part of Amelia's narration is like a stream of consciousness. I felt like if I had outwardly labeled it, it would have distrupted Amelia's flow. I've had some readers confess their confusion to me, but they also said that they got used to it in time. But I do agree that it would make it easier to follow along if it's labeled--but Amelia can sometimes be a hard-to-follow girl! ;)
Thanks again for a review!
Hello Abby,
I'm back again, so who doesn't love the main ship getting a bit a page time! Again, your dialogue is simply wonderful here, the banter is really fun like I said in early chapter, it really creates chemistry between the two. I think you did a good job at the detention trope. I really enjoy James' character so far, he's very fun and cute.
I think perhaps this chapter however relies too much on the dialogue and I would like to see some more description/inner monologue from her. I still think this chapter works well though so it's not too much of an issue but just breaking up the dialogue might be beneficial but no essential.
I can't believe you've added another mystery into this story, Cassius Vaisey! it's very interesting that Neville is added into the story too. I really looking forward to how he is going to fit into the wider plot. I'm trying to get all the threads of this story in my mind so I can try to guess what's going on. (I don't think I'm going to be that successful!).
I wanna cry for Amelia in the last section, I love the cute birthday present from James and that note. It's so cute and it's story telling device to showcase their relationship. it's so lovely! I do enjoy their relationship so far and how you balance that classic Hogwarts romance with so much mystery and interest.
- Abbi xo
Quodpot Review: Match 2 - 'Action/Adventure' or 'Crime/Mystery.'
Author's Response:Thanks for another review, Abbi!
I'm glad you like the banter between James and Amelia. I wanted them to have a fairly positive relationship after this detention. When you first meet James, Amelia panics and uses her power to cover her tracks. This time, they're on a level playing field.
Also, I agree with your comment on relying too much on dialogue. I kind of did this on purpose for... reasons. I can't say too much here of course! ;) But perhaps I could add a little more inner monologue every now and then.
Another mystery in Cassius Vaisey! Yep. He's the prisoner who escaped from Azkaban in the first chapter. And Neville plays a huge role in this story. He may not be in every chapter, but his guidance to Amelia is invaluable.
As for trying to figure everything out, I feel like I give the vast majority of clues in the first 10 chapters. There are some other vital aspects of the plot which happen later on, but these earlier chapters are the foundation. I wish you luck in figuring out the mysteries! Thanks again for reading and reviewing.
Hey Abby
Poor Amelia doesn't have much luck with her parents does she? there is something quite powerful about talking to someone from beyond the grave. I really feel for her though, I can't believe that James is alive? I like how her father knows this somehow. I suppose because he is in the after life as knows James isn't. I did enjoy this snarky relationship and her father seem to have, like dialogue is really strong there. I think you're very talented with using your dialogue to maximum effect and build clear relationships between the characters while highlighting your OC's outlook on life.
I like that your flashbacks carry on from where your last one ended at the moment. Sometimes two timelines can be confusing but I'm finding it quite easy to follow. I have to say in this section, I LOVED how you played out her emotions about her mother like I really thought you did this so well. I adored the metaphor/parallels between the mouse and the snuffbox and her emotional state. it was so effective! Again, I feel quite emotional for Amelia because she doesn't have a good relationship with her parents but she seems to have such a bond with her grandfather yet he is gone.
a quick word for the last section, I liked this section again it was like getting her mind. very short but very powerful especially the repetition of James' name.
- Abbi xo
Quodpot Review: Match 2 - 'Action/Adventure' or 'Crime/Mystery.'
Author's Response:Thanks for another review, Abbi!
No, Amelia doesn't have much luck in the parental department. And yes, her father knows that James is alive because he knows that James isn't dead. Amelia both wants to believe and distrust him, so she's kinda stuck there. But James is ALIVE! What a relief (for now, mwahaha)! And thank you for your comment on dialogue. I feel it's a good way to drive along stories, and I try not to bombard the reader with all of the information at once. It can be terribly tempting sometimes, but then where's the mystery in that?
Yes, my past storyline sometimes does pick up where it left off in the previous chapter. I think it gives the reader a good chance to figure out the story of her past, so you can understand her better in the present. Eventually, the whole story will unfold! :)
Hello Abby,
the plot thickens eh? I love all this chapter how much in starts to layer up Amelia's character. I really like how she loves history of magic because it's not something you see a lot in fics, it's normally 'uncool' but I think it's a little detail which already makes Amelia more interesting than the average. I wonder if her history of magic will make an appearance as something more important. I did like that Victoria was drawing a dress on her parchment and you've used her character to contrast against Amelia (this feels like a call back to Hermione's note writing!).
I think it's really impressive how you've used the dialogue in this chapter to show what Amelia's character is like. it's amazing how she appears both tough but vulnerable at the same. I think the dynamic between her and her mother is going to interesting in the future, it feels like her mother is very important to who Amelia is/has become. that is another example of your character building for her, I feel like I'm getting a better of picture of Amelia the more I read. A lot of OCs are layered out quickly within the first chapter, we know everything we need to know but Amelia feels different that her character is being revealed and peeled back chapter by chapter. that's way more engaging for me I think.
I don't know what to make of 'The Cause' but I do know that I want to know more about it. Is it the main plot? how does James come into this story? so many questions but I can't wait for more!
- Abbi xo
Quodpot Review: Match 2 - 'Action/Adventure' or 'Crime/Mystery.'
Author's Response:Hey Abbi! Thanks for your review. :)
I like your observations on Amelia, especially the bit about getting to know her slowly. Amelia is a rather private person to begin with. In the beginning of this novel, she's a relunctant narrator. She's still finding her voice, and there are things that she's not ready to admit yet. The reader has to try to piece together what she's talking about. Sometimes you're able to. Other times, you're left with more questions.
What The Cause means and how it affects the plot of the story unfolds in due time, no worries. James comes in soon, I promose. ;)
Hey Abby!
I thought I should come over here as you're bossin' the house cup finale. I've been meaning to check this out for ages anyway!
I love all the threads in this chapter, there is so much going on and it's all so interesting. I just think all the seeds that you've planted are so eye-catching. Personally, I really like this way of storytelling with going back and forth between flashbacks.
it's been so long since I've read a story that is 1st person and I had really forgotten how effective in it as narration, this is fantastic example of it. So Amelia's character is awesome, obviously we didn't get so see too much of it in the present but her interactions with James are great! There is such chemistry there already through just a few lines. Dialogue is really strong in this section.
The bombshell that James is dead is insane. This is such a unique and creative story. your writing has captured my attention. I'm looking forward to seeing more of this story when I get the chance! great job!
- Abbi xo
Author's Response:Hi Abbi! Finally, I get to answer such a lovely review. Thank you!
I'm glad that you enjoyed the seeds in this chapter. When I developed the overarching plot to this story, I knew that I wanted this to be a mystery. However, a large part of the mystery is content that readers already know (the Hallows). I decided to interweave Hogwarts-Amelia and post-Hogwarts-Amelia as a way to portray her confusion and progress in her journey. This meant that I had to figure out where to begin the story! Hogwarts-Amelia (past tense) was the easiest to decide: I wanted to jump straight into her recollection of James and the mystery, so why not start at the beginning! Post-Hogwarts-Amelia (present tense) was difficult. I had to find a place where a lot has already happened, where she's been heavily affected by past events, but where she still hasn't figured everything out yet. So I started this timeline with her receiving the Resurrection Stone, which puts her on the high alert--someone is sending her a message, and it's a sinister one!
This is why I've also chosen to write in 1st person. We get the whole story from Amelia's perspective, which is overall limiting in the grand narrative of the Hallows, and in this chapter, she demonstates the ability to tell her story, to allude to events that are to come (in both timelines), to recollect powerful memories (in her present), though she may not be completely willing to divulge everything--yet!
And I'm also glad you like the chemistry between James and Amelia. I have really loved developing their dynamic.
The bombshell: All I can really say is keep reading! ;)
Finaly i can read what i havent yet....oh good this is sooo interesting cant wait to know what happens....
How many chapters you intended to writ????
Author's Response:Thanks for your review, GinnyHarry123! I am thrilled that you find this story so interesting. There is still a lot of the mystery to unravel, so right now the story is looking to be about 40 chapters long. Still lots of juicy bits to read and write. :)
I am so happy you're posting this story here! Now I don't have much time to read it agsin, but I re-read this last chapter! I can't wait for you to update new chapters! This was one of my favourite stories in the last year <3
Cheers! X
Author's Response:Thank you for reviewing and following this story over here! I hope to be posting a new chapter soon. :) Happy reading!
Yay I'm so excited about this! I saw you posted in the forums and realized I had missed you were posting this on here! Super excited about it because I loved reading this on HPFF. Can't wait until you're caught up and posting new stuff but I'm excited I found it in the meantime and glad to see you posting!
Author's Response:Thanks for your review and for following this story to this new platform, adorably cute! I am slowly figuring out the forums, and I hope to be more active on them soon. :)
And I am slowly but surely trying to catch up to where I left off on HPFF. There are lots of exciting things plotted in future chapters!
Hi! I stopped by after I saw your post on the forums. You write action and mystery. I like the genres.
I have never read the story about Fortescue's off spring. The process how the protagonist came to hate her mother is revealed after readers recognize some familiar names from HP books.
And then she gave her a mysterious envelop. It's very intriguing. Nobody can guess what's happening next. As I read chapter 1, I expect Harry's first son will be involved sooner or later. Does the scene with Ollivander mean something important? What's her mother's mission? There are lots of whys.
Who is from the pebble? I'll come back.
K
Author's Response:Hello! Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! :)
There are lots of questions in this story! I hope to answer them (in due time) with justice. This fic is also two stories in one: Amelia's past (when she's at Hogwarts and has a relationship with Harry's son) and Amelia's present (when she's out of Hogwarts and must live out the consequences of her chocies). Since this is first person POV, I've woven together these two stories as a stream of consciousness, as if Amelia is really telling her story. If you're every confused as to which story you're reading, pay attention to the verb tenses (past tense is the past story and present tense is the present story).
To add answer some of your questions: Amelia works for Ollivander, so he'll be making some more appearances throughout the fic. Her mother's mission will be revealed in later chapters (they're waiting to be validated, since I posted this story on HPFF).
Who gave Amelia the pebble? Time will tell!
Thanks again for your review. :)
Ah, I found you on here as well! I'm so glad, I think this site's formatting as far as how the stories post is much better! I'm enjoying the re-read of this lovely little story and I cannot wait to catch up to where we were. For now I'll enjoy the little nuggets that mean so much later and I wish you happy writing! xx
Author's Response:I agree with you on the formatting on this site! I am having some issues with FF's formatting, but I hope to have those resolved soon.
I hope you continue to enjoy these little nuggets. ;)
Currently halfway done with my latest chapter (23), so I hope to catch up on my posts here soon. Happy re-reading!
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