Hello! I'm still going around rounding up Nifflers. This review is on behalf of Emily/Faeruhs.
This was great! I'm slowly working my way through this collection of drabbles, and so far, this has been a standout. So spooky, so creepy! You've perfectly captured Nagini's malevolence. You've also struck the balance between her human and animal intelligence. I couldn't quite figure out which part was which, and that was perfect - it really added to the spooky factor.
What's so amazing is that you've managed all of this in so few words. I am so impressed! Super well done!
Hey Abbi! Here for January RvG (team Gold) and the Magical Menagerie!!
What a chilling, chilling piece, Abbi. It is very appropriate for the dark drabble challenge from the Halloween Maze!
The use of second person is incredibly powerful. Instantly, I am there. I am falling. Why am I falling? What's going on? "Kaleidoscope of colour" is such a beautiful image. I can imagine the rush of falling and the blur of everything around me... that, and my vision is waning, I can't focus on one thing. Already, I know that something is terribly, terribly wrong...
"Happiness is void." Ohhh man, that's a lot to take in. This line is frightening, and you summarize it well with "You can only remember being scared." Where's the hope here? (This is how wonderful your writing is here because I feel no hope, only dread of what's to come.)
The ending... feels totally helpless. Someone craving someone else? I think this is for your fic Parisian Sisters, which is now definitely on my to-read list, and suddenly I know that I am Lavender Brown, and that's Greyback wanting to feast on me. Soooo creepy. You capture this fear and repulsion and helplessness so well in this short drabble. This speaks volumes of your writing. Great job!!!
Hi Abby darling! I'm here for January RvR and for the House Cup and because you told me I had to get another review in before work :P
So what I love about this is the way it almost starts of soft, like he's in a dream. He's panicking but at the same time James is just so disconnected from the situation. It's telling, he's in a very different mental state from amelia here and the one underlying theme is JAMES DOES NOT WANT TO BE DOING THIS!
Of course then he sees the wand and agh, I worry a lot about James because even in this tiny piece from his point of view we see that not only does he feel drawn to the wand but he clearly wants the wand. It's a huge difference from the James we see from Amelia's, perhaps slightly warped, point of view.
Your language throughout this piece is also wonderful. Again, James feels detached but you show us his fear rather than tell us, you show us how he cares for Amelia in the almost intimate way he thinks of her at the start and then the fact that at the end it's the thought of her and her perfume that brings him back down to earth and tells him that this isn't a dream or a nightmare, it's real. It's very very well done in such a short snippet!
You are a brilliant writer, as always.
Love D xx
Hey there, Sarah! Here for the Janaury RvG (Go Gold!) and the Magical Menagerie!!!
Why? Why must you write about this night of all nights in the Harry Potter Universe? It's... very fitting for the challenge we had to do for the Halloween maze, and as you know, I love a good tragedy.
I like the way Lily reflects on death in the end, as an equalizer. We all die. I wanted what becomes equal? Our state of being? The balance between life and death?
That it all meets us in the end, no matter our rank, position, demeanor?
And then you bring sound into the mix. The sound of James dying. A lot of times, we get the visuals. But Lily, who is behind a closed door, can only hear at this point. And there's something remarkably ordinary about how she hears the thud. After all, she relates it to furniture and a heavy trunk. Commonplace, every day objects. Something familar to an event that is chilling and horrifying and deadly. I'm reminded of "greet death as an old friend" here because Lily is about to connect death to something she knows.
And her determination at the end. This is the final push to have her make her sacrifice, which ends up saving Harry's life and marking Lord Voldemort's downfall. She is so brave here, and I admire her for it.
So powerful and sad in so few words. Good job, Deni!
i almost couldn't find this review in the unresponded list because i was looking for my own name as i was scrolling. i clearly forgot about this masterpiece.
honestly, as the most hardcore jily shipper, i have NO IDEA why i decided to write their deaths. i enjoy making myself sad, clearly.
but i feel like death is treated like that in a way in the hp universe. when voldemort dies (at least in the books, not in the weird dissolving movie thing), it's described as a marked contrast to how powerful he was in life, that he dies just like the average man. there's nothing special in the way he dies, despite how he lived. and that same sentiment bled into this story.
the sound thing was interesting, because she can't see it, and so the only thing that she has to mark james' death is the sound of it. and it's tremendously anticlimactic-feeling for the enormity of it. but i wanted to end with that moment of determination, because it *is* what sets off the entire series, after all.
thanks for the review, abby! (or should i say, abbi? aubrey? tasha? sian? how many other gryffie names can i call you by?)
Aubrey! Here for January RvG and for the Magical Menagerie!!!
For a dark drabble, it starts on the tad mysterious side. Afterall, who is the disheleved and tired gentleman that so desparately needs the coffee (we have all been there, sir)?
But immediately we know that something is wrong when he starts to reject his much needed caffeine source. You capture Cindy's confusion well through the dialogue (in fact, you capture everything well in the dialogue but more on that in a minute). I love how it becomes apparent that this old man is seeing the Grim, an omen of death, and suddenly, this slightly comical interaction turns darker... Why does he have bloodshot eyes and messy clothes? Because he's tired? In a state of shock? Is he ill? Near death?
And he's determined to stay away from death. Too bad, as it often plays out in stories like this one, that in the process of avoiding death, death comes to him! There's something chilling about how you end it with "screeching tires, his body lay crumbled and dead on the road." You give a sound, a sense of motion (running to crumbled), and a visual of what happens. Very sensory focused but then... it's done. Over. As soon as it begun.
Sorry that this wasn't clear (I need to work on this!) but it's Bilius Weasley "dying" from seeing the Grim. But uh yeah, how I wrote this it could be just anyone. I should have totally put in a marker or something whoops!
At this point, he's already been seeing omens, which that and his lack of sleep is causing his frazzled look. The cafe is called "The Big Black Dog" and there's a picture of a black dog on the cups. So he's just freaking out, thinking that they're omens. In the books, Ron describes Bilius' death caused by the Grim. Hermione counters that by saying that the mental conditions Bilius put himself it by thinking he was about to die from the Grim is what led to his death. In this drabble, Hermione is right, and so are you, as you put it: "the process of avoiding death, death comes to him." Bilius gets so run down from the lack of sleep and his paranoia makes him not look for cars when he runs out of the cafe. It's his fear and paranoia of the Grim that does kill him.
Thanks for reading and reviewing!
Hey Sarah! Here for RvG January (go gold!). And for the Magical Menagerie, of course!
What an intense moment to write about, Sarah!! The moment when Draco Malfoy agrees to kill Albus Dumbledore (or become a full fledged Death Eater, both work here). I think it is striking that you've chosen to write in the point of view of the mother, Narcissa. JKR gives mothers such an important role throughout the Harry Potter series; later on, Narcissa will save Harry's life because he helps her find out about her son. Being a mother is a very meaningful and powerful. But here, she is not very powerful as she watches the darkest wizard of the age recruit her only child.
That is chilling!
And you make it even more so with the reactions of Belltrix, who is practically fawning over this momentous occasion. The constrast between her and Narcissa is so striking. And you mirror that with the startling similarity between Lucius and Draco at the beginning and end, respectively. Narcissa sees Lucius for who he really is. And then she sees that in Draco in a horrifying realization. Nothing says "My life is ruined" quite like this moment. Such a complex piece in so few words. Well done, Sarah!!!
Hi Abby! Thank you for this lovely review! I think Narcissa is such a complex character in the series, not necessarily as straight up dark as her husband and sister, but she's definitely got her soft maternal side too. It was pretty interesting to show a couple of her contrasting sides here. She's so different from either of her sisters, with so much so explore. This moment was definitely an intersting one to do, because for her it definitely would have been one of the worst ones of her life. Very emotional! Thanks for reading and reviewing Abby, I'm glad you liked it!
The first time I read this I remember thinking "Wait, this is from Complex?!" but now that i know the context WOW is this scene suddenly far more meaningful and exciting! There's so so much content in just 200 words.
It tell us a little more about the massacre than even Abby knows and yet it still tells us nothing but it's the unknown that makes this just so haunting! Who sent the parchments? What kind of spell was it and WHO THE HELL DID IT? There is so much creepy tension here, like I know you're a super skilled author but to do so much in so few words is seriously impressive! It built up and built up and then at the end we're just left without answers. It's frustrating and eugh...
Your choice of narration has worked so well here as well. I very rarely read second person but just for a glimpse here it was perfect. Incredibly well written, as always.
Now I just NEED to know more about this in Complex...
(Team Leucrocota and January RvG)
Deni, here for January RvG (team Gold) and the Magical Menagerie event!
This is the drabble I can publically gush over its connection with Yaxley!!! This is one of my favorite bits of your novel (see "Tell My Heart to Lie" for more details), so having this drabble in Regulus's point of view is thrilling (and chilling) to read!
Your description here is amazingly haunting with Regulus's addiction to power and, unfortunately, torture."Something shot through him..." "liquid gold" "whispered lessons behind closed doors"... you really capture the senses throughout this little piece of writing. I think that's what gives this piece is emotive drive to tell a dark and horrific tale of someone successfully using torture for the first time.
Regulus crosses a line here, and we get to see that. Because of your fantastic details, we get to experience it with him. It's a dark place, one that I'm sure many people wouldnt like to admit that they'd go to for power... Oh Regulus. But we know his ultimate fate, but for now, we can understand what drives him to be so vile in this moment in time and how he will later join up with Lord Voldemort and the Death Eaters.
Incredible writing here, Deni!
Aubrey! Here for January RvG (Team Gold) and for the Magical Menagerie!
A very, very story about Nagini! This was published before Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them 2, but it still fits no matter which way you look at it.
I like how ambiguous this man is! I think he's Professor Quirrell, travelling abroad and finding Lord Voldemort deep in the woods. Oh! Maybe he can be Peter Pettigrew, because by the time Nagini is fully in the picture, Wormtail has been outed as the traitor and has scurried back to his Master. Is this the case here?
Maybe it's a Muggle or another wizard, about to meet an unfortunate fate as the snake's dinner?
Whatever moment this is, you write it well. Nagini's perception of events is dark and leaves the reader (me) chilled. I love wandering in the woods, but I wouldn't want to be around these parts for many reasons! Whoever is there is there for a sinister purpose, and the fact that Nagini is interested in this human's motives is... well, chilling. You have done such a great job with this little piece. It's a fantastic piece of missing canon!
Yes, this is Professor Quirrell. He's seeking out Voldemort in the forest. Sorry that wasn't clear :/ Thanks for reading and reviewing!
Deni! Here for RvG January (Team Gold!) and the Magical Menagerie!
I feel so honored to know the backstory to this drabble, and it pairs so nicely with Yaxley. Even as a stand alone piece, this drabble is haunting, chilling, and extremely errifying. I don't want to say too much about how it pairs with Yaxley, except that I appreciate how quietly you slid this piece into the end of the collection of drabbles. I think this is a great way to end our dark collaboration! (From here on out, I'll review as if this were a stand alone piece.)
The mirror plays such a powerful role in this piece. The narrator, whomever it may be, sees someone else. That is always scary because you're not yourself. Here, this person is incredibly guilty about something, most likely whatever happened to that blonde girl.
Then, clawing at the mirror until it breaks is... like nails on a chalkboard, but it illustrates how desparate and how this person is experiencing their pain, almost like an out of body experience.
And you raise the question: what's the point of apologizing? It's already happened, and it seems irreversible... and the pity drives it all home, because now, this victim, this blonde girl, has all the power over this person. Soooo dark! Well done!
Hey there, Deni! I’ve just wrestled a Niffler for this review, on behalf of Kaitlin/TreacleTart!
I’ve read a couple of other drabbles in this collection, so I thought I’d drop by and give yours a read as well. I have a feeling that by the end of this event, I’m going to have read most, if not all, of these drabbles, haha! This is only because I am enjoying them very much.
So I just read your chapter summary, and I hope by reading this I’m not going to spoil anything too major from Yaxley. You may note that I am not, in fact, going to not read this and read Yaxley first, just to be safe, because I like living life on the fanfic edge.
Well. That was pretty dark. Firstly, I don’t think this ruins anything in Yaxley at all. It was pretty light on specifics, but still felt complete, so I think it also stands well alone, too. This was interesting for me to read, as I usually read more sympathetic characterisations of Regulus. I am also writing a Regulus story and he’s waaay more likeable and sympathetic in it than here. I hated him, here. Like, really, really hated him. Well done! Generally, I am a big fan of his, so this was quite the 180 reading experience.
It was also interesting to me to read someone actually understanding what on earth Bellatrix means when she says “you have to mean it”. After that one time she says it to Harry in OotP, it’s become a part of her character, this line of dialogue, and most of the time I read it in stories, the character who’s hearing it is all “wtf you crazy lady” even if they are a Death Eater. Like, it’s too strong a stance to take when using an Unforgivable curse. But what makes Regulus so difficult to like here is the exact opposite thing: he totally gets it. And that just makes him as intense and scary as Bellatrix.
Such a great little drabble!
Hey, Sarah! I return from wrestling a Niffler with a review, at the request of the lovely Kaitlin/TreacleTart.
I had a quick skim through your AP and I’m excited to return to it one day soon, but I thought I’d continue with this collection of drabbles, since I reviewed Taylor’s yesterday. I wanted to see what else you Gryffindors had to offer!
This was so sad! I really loved reading the moment where Draco accepts becoming a Death Eater and killing Dumbledore from the perspective of Narcissa. I expected more anger at her husband for the repercussions of his choices, but she’s just resigned and accepts that the repercussions will fall on her. What’s so heartbreaking is that they fall on her son instead, which makes everything all the worse. Poor Narcissa. I’ve always found her to be a complex, yet ultimately sympathetic, character. You’ve treated her here with subtlety, but angst still shines through. I’m just glad we know that everything works out alright for her, in the end. Eventually :P
This was a really great drabble, Sarah! See you at the end of a chapter soon! (Hopefully.)
Hi! Thanks for stopping by! I'm glad you enjoyed this moment from Narcissa's POV. It was definitely an intersting one to cover. Narcissa's such a complex character and so this was so intersting to explore. Because you're totally right--she could just as easily have been extremely angry at her husband as she was resigned to their circumstances. I'm glad you enjoyed this little drabble. It was definitely a cool little moment to explore with Narcissa! Thanks for reading and reviewing!
Hey, Taylor! I am very pleased that mischievous Nifflers and Kaitlin/TreacleTart have finally brought me to your AP! I’ve been meaning to visit for ages, but better late than never, right?
This was super creepy! I’ve just caught up on the latest five episode of Criminal Minds and oh, my god. This could be the opening scene of that show. I imagine this serves as a great backdoor pilot to Complex. I was under the impression that it was a fluffy, romantic story, but maybe not if there’s the largest mass murder in wizarding history involved? That sounds pretty serious and not fluffy and romantic at all! Will I basically be watching a season of Criminal Minds if I read Complex is the biggest question raised by this drabble.
Onto the actual drabble itself, it was great. I think it works well as a standalone, too. I was feeling genuine dread whilst reading it. The writing was fantastic.
I will hopefully return to your AP soon to have my question about Complex answered soon… until then!
Complex is definitely a mixed bag, because there's the fluffy romantic parts going on, and all this stuff as well. So it's a little bit of everything, haha. Glad you enjoyed reading this!
I'm here for a review for the Gryffindor Red vs. Gold Review Battle for November 2018
I'll admit that I had to read this twice through to make a good guess at who the characters are in this story. My first read through I was a little confused, but on second glance I realized the hair color and eye color were clues. On the second read through, I decided that it must be Dumbledore looking at Arianna.
The way you described him beating his hand against the glass made me cringe. I could just imagine the glass breaking and cutting into his old frail skin. He must've been feeling so much to go this crazy. Usually, he's so restrained.
I thought the idea of Arianna sitting and watching him with pity was a particularly sad bit. She probably wishes he could figure out how to forgive himself. I imagine she's long since forgiven him for his mistakes. It must be painful for her to continually watch him hurt himself.
I wonder at what point in his life this particular moment took place. I mean it must be around the time when Harry is exploring the Mirror of Erised, but like what triggered this particular reaction? I imagine he must've thought of her quite often...and he never seems particularly volatile. It does make me understand why he warns Harry about the mirror though.
I'm here for a review for the Gryffindor Red vs. Gold Review Battle for November 2018!
Ooh! You know I don't think I've ever actually read a story about Nagini as a main character before. I mean I've seen her as a side character, usually in pieces about Charity Burbage or Lord Voldemort, but never really as a standalone character. I really like that you chose to give her this individual piece.
I like how observant you made Nagini. You show that she's not just an animal, she still maintains her intelligence. That kind of makes her character all the more tragic, I think. Finding out that she's a maledictus and then seeing what she becomes is kind of heartbreaking. I can't imagine being stuck as a snake forever.
I'm wondering about the man she's observing. Is it Harry? I envision it being Harry walking into the forest to confront Voldemort and allow himself to be killed. How else could you explain the calmness when everyone else is panicked?
I like the idea of Nagini going back to notify Voldemort that Harry is coming to him, but I do have a question about it. In canon, isn't Nagini safely locked away in a protective sphere? I was under the impression that since she was the last horcrux, Voldemort had her locked under protective measures...at least until the final battle when he was presumably too arrogant to think that anyone else could kill her.
I'd honestly love to read more about her! *hint hint wink wink* Good job!
Oh no! It’s not Harry; it’s Quirrell going to find Voldemort in the forests of Albania. Sorry that wasn’t clear! Thanks for reviewing though!
I'm here for a review for the Gryffindor Red vs. Gold Review Battle for November 2018!
I am a sucker for stories about the Malfoy family. I love both a good villain and a good grey character. I feel like they provide both. Lucius is very much a villain. Narcissa is very much grey. Draco....well, I feel like he's somewhere in between, groomed to be a monster, but with not quite the right constitution to be all the way bad.
I really enjoyed reading Narcissa's own personal thoughts on Lucius and Draco. It's too bad that it took her son being indoctrinated into the Death Eaters for her to realize what sort of man she married and who they've raised their child to be. I never got the impression that she had much taste for torture or the Dark Lord, so why she allowed this to be the course her family takes...I guess I never really understood it. I mean I know they aren't brave and wouldn't necessarily come out against the Dark Lord, but to be actively on his side...just makes no sense to me.
Draco's acceptance is really a sad chapter in the Malfoy family story, but also, what choice does he have? I feel like if Draco says no, it puts his mum in danger and he knows it. His fate was pretty much sealed before he was born by his father's choices. Narcissa seems to understand that. This moment is his doom. This is the moment that she officially loses her son. I think you captured that well.
The Malfoy family is such an interesting dynamic to explore and I think you've hit the nail on the head why-they're such good gray characters! I totally agree that Narcissa never really had the same taste for torture as some of her family and I've always been curious about how she ended up where she did. A lot of it's defintiely realted to Lucius, but as I was writing this drabble, I kept wishing I had more words to play with--I definitely had more thoughts. Oh well, possible opportunities for the future! Draco is definitely put in a tough spot and similar to Narcissa, it was really because of Lucius! I'm glad that the moment was captured well. Thanks for the review Kaitlin!
I'm here for a review for the Gryffindor Red vs. Gold Review Battle for November 2018!
So I haven't yet read Yaxley, but this little snippet makes me think I really should! In fact, I'm adding this to my list of things to read next.
The way you described the cruciatus curse here was incredible. You made it so visceral and real. Your description of the energy traveling through Regulus and the tingling in his hands made the hair on the back of my neck stand up. Even more chilling is how much Regulus is enjoying doing it. In canon, we see him as somewhat remorseful and timid, but here, you've written him in full control, reveling in the power that he feels.
I love that you've written Bella as the one who taught him how to do it properly. At first, I thought it was going to be his mom because she seems like the sort to teach her sons nasty spells, but Bella is so maniacal and powerful. It makes sense that the Dark Lord would want her teaching how to properly cruciate.
I think the creepiest part of this whole thing is the way this implies that Regulus will want more of this. This isn't a one off that he's going to regret. This is a switch flipping in him that is thriving on power. That's hard to undo.
Good job! I'm definitely going to be stopping by more of your stories soon!
I'm here for another review for the Gryffindor Red vs. Gold Review Battle for November 2018!
Wow. This was really impressive. I thought you captured Lily's frame of mind as Voldemort is attacking her and James super well. I really liked that you fixated on the sound of his body hitting the ground. I often fixate on specific senses in my own stories (usually smell or taste), so I love reading it when other authors do too! I feel like all too often people focus solely on sight or feeling, so it's nice to see it described in this sort of way. I specifically liked that you described the thump of his body as sounding like it could've been any mundane thing, but to Lily it's half of her world that has died.
I thought it was really good how you went from the sound of the loss of James to her resolving not to lose Harry in the same way. Her world is crumbling around her and she's about to face the most brutal, scary wizard of all times and all she cares about at this point is making sure her child doesn't die. That is a true demonstration of a mother's love.
I know that this is supposed to be a collection of dark one-shots and I do suppose that James and Lily being murdered is dark, but in a weird way, I feel like this chapter is uplifting. It shows the full capacity of a mother's love and that humans have the ability to overcome their worst fears to do incredible acts of bravery.
I'm back for another review for the Gryffindor Red vs. Gold Review Battle for November 2018!
You really know how to set a dark mood here. I can really feel Marlene's sense of unease as she looks around the room. I know that feeling all too well, where you can tell something is wrong, but you aren't sure why. I really hope she trusts her instincts and gets out.
I have to admit that as I was reading this I kept expecting her to fall down dead from an unexpected attack. I thought someone was waiting in the shadows to kill her or kidnap her. What ended up happening was actually much creepier.
The pocket mirror sitting on the bedside table was super creepy because it was clearly a message. It's a message that she's being watched, that the Death Eaters know who she is, and that most certainly she's a target.
Your writing in this was really lovely. The description of how the room looked and how Marlene felt was very well done. You really used each word well. "Something wasn't right. A violating presence. A lingering malice." was probably my favorite line.
Good job! I'm looking forward to reading more of your work soon!
I'm here for the Gryffindor Red vs. Gold Review battle for November 2018!
Wow. This was so creepy and surreal. It had a very dreamlike quality. I can't even imagine how James felt watching Amelia as she hovered over the tomb of Dumbledore. My first thought was that this was somehow a dream or a hallucination, but you clarified that it wasn't in the end.
Oddly, the ending sort of reminded me of inception, mainly because the smell of her perfume was his tell that he wasn't dreaming. It's like the top that always keeps spinning in the dream state.
The fact that Amelia goes to steal the elder wand from Dumbledore's tomb where Harry left it is so scary. It takes an extraordinary person to wield it and I just don't know if she's capable of it. Not to say that she might not be extraordinary, (I need to go read your main story to find out!) but even the best wizards and witches would be sorely tempted by it.
My burning question is...now that she has it, what does she plan to do with it? Now I have a lot of incentive to go read more of your work and find out! This really was an excellent teaser.
As I've said in the previous chapters of the dark collection, this is really impressive how much you've packed into such a short piece.
I'm here for another Gryffindor Red vs Gold Review battle for November 2018.
You know, I don't think I've ever read a story about Ronald Bilius Weasley before. It's very rare for me to find stories about characters I haven't read before. Kudos for that!
I love that you did this through the eyes of the waitress. It really gives us some insight into just how messed up Bilius is. He's frazzled and freaked out. He's muttering to himself and panicking over the dog on his coffee cup.
I enjoyed the fact that he ended up at The Big Black Dog Cafe. That is irony at it's finest. It probably added to the fear he's feeling. It's like the universe is sending him signs that only he understands. The dog on the cup. The dog following him in real life. The name of the cafe. I can definitely see why he feels like it's an omen.
The ending is very morbid. Him running out and being hit by a bus is not pleasant to imagine. In fact, it made me feel a bit queasy. I know it is what happens in cannon, but I didn't really realize that's what I was reading about at first.
Nice job. This is definitely a really creepy set of stories you guys have put together!
I like, or at least like the idea, of writing about rare characters. There's a goldmine out there really. For this I think I only had 200 words or something? That was super hard! I wish I could have had at least 1000 or something. But on the up side, I think it made the content feel fast-paced and clipped, but that added to the sense of panic and confusion, I think.
Thanks for reading and reviewing!
I'm here to leave a review for the Gryffindor Red vs. Gold battle for November 2018.
I saw this and went to Parisian Scars and realized I hadn't reviewed that, so I stopped over there first. Now I'm back here to leave you a review on your prequel.
First off, I commend you on how much you packed into this very short bit of microfiction. There is so much feeling and emotion. It comes across very strongly due to your beautiful description.
It's beautiful and tragic in the way you describe Parvati's screams as Lavender falls. It's interesting that as she's dying, she'd be able to focus on that.
The way you described Fenrir's approach was so ominous. I actually read it through a couple of times because it's just so poetic and creepy. I had chills reading the part about his teeth sinking into her flesh.
I liked that you chose to do this in second person POV. It really adds to the creepiness factor. It makes it so I can almost feel all of the things you describe Lavender going through. Really an effective choice.
I noticed that this tied into the previous chapter by fading to black for the end. It was a nice touch.
I'm here to drop by a review for the Gryffindor Red vs. Gold Review Battle for November 2018!
I always love reading microfiction. I think it's so impressive to see what people can come up with in such a short amount of words. I think you've handled the microfiction really well here. So much is jammed into such a short space, but it flows well and doesn't feel rushed at all.
You really did a good job of building up the creepy tension in this story. From almost the get go, I recognized that something was wrong, but couldn't quite tell what. Then as other people started appearing and falling, I understood what was happening. It was really a chilling realization. I suppose I probably would've been more prepared for it if I'd have read the chapter notes or story summary.
I like the way you ended it. The green flash and fade to black is enough of an image for the reader to know what's going, but it also leaves space for the reader's imagination to take over and in my opinion, that makes it all the creepier.
Good work on this!
So this snippet is really exciting now we're getting deeper into Complex! I love that we are able to get a peak into the events that night even if it's pretty general #protectthesecrets.
I love the mood that you've set during this piece, it was very creepy. 2nd person has worked so well in this piece, I feel like I'm pretty invested in this nameless character because that narration which is really cool. I think they're are some really good lines in this short piece too. It's raining. It shouldn't be silent. I think that sums it up doesn't it? there is something about silence that is so creepy especially in this situation as the character doesn't know what is going on, I like that first sense of fear you've created with that line. It really build on eerie intensity that this one-shot has.
This piece turns quickly into something damn right chilling.
The puddles beneath your feet run red.
I think that's probably my favourite line because it doesn't directly say what is going on or what it is but the auidence knows it. Everything goes black seems so final and such a sharp ending suits the piece in my opinion. I'm so impressed with what you've created in such a small amount of words. It makes me very excited for the rest of Complex. I think this is a wonderful advert for it!
November RvG - Team GOLD.
Here I'm avoiding NaNo already maybe?! ha ha but I thought a cheeky review might helpful in getting you inspired?
What I love in your writing is each thing seems better than the last. it's so engaging but you really knocked it out of the park with this piece. it's so short but my gosh. IT'S MIND BLOWING. The intensity in this piece is unreal, I'm just completely obsessed with how dark it is (darker than I want Regulus to be but it worked!). The imagery is just insane, how you use your words to describe his feelings, it's so poetic but rather creepy at the same time.
I like how even though it's short, I feel like a lot of information is included in here to. So Bella has been teaching Regulus very interesting and I love how you used the words she speaks to Harry about using the unforgivable curses. Great call back.
Hate tasted like copper and iron in his mouth but this was liquid gold. < this is my favourite line, it packs such a punch. it's iconic.
- Abbi xo