Name: RonsGirlFriday (Signed) · Date: 24 Aug 2020 06:05 AM · For: A Day

Hi Kevin!

I got real excited when I saw a new Percy/Audrey and found this an adorable read. First of all, I like this format, little snippets over time, and sometimes people do it well and sometimes it’s just disjointed and awkward but I thought it worked really nicely here and allowed you to develop the relationship in relatively few words.

Your Percy is nicely characterized (and I like the reference to there still being significant family tension), and this whole thing with the dating service seem at once something he would absolutely hate the idea of having to do, but probably not more than he hates being the only unmarried kid and probably being constantly reminded of this by his mother and just through his own observations and having to be around everyone else who is (apparently) happily paired up. I think the explicit and implicit pressure on that front would get to him. And then absolutely he would be frustrated that this service is NOT WORKING THE WAY IT’S SUPPOSED TO.

Audrey is fun, and I like how she’s assertive and playful and direct with him without being ridiculous and annoying about it. Her putting in a food order for him that he never asks for is a fun running gag. I like that he’s a little irritated but tolerant of it, probably for a number of reasons including boredom, loneliness, interest, etc, and I really love a Percy whose dynamic with Audrey is such that he listens to her where he’d usually just tell other people off.

(Random observation -- where Audrey talks about her last job requiring skirts instead of pants, probably you might want to use “trousers” instead? Since “pants” in British English refers to underwear, which takes that conversation to a whole other level.)

Your writing is always so natural, the dialogue and phrasing and everything, and there’s a really nice balance of earnestness and humor in this piece that I really appreciated, a tone that really seems to suit his character and this ship. Like this line -- She was teasing him and he was serious and he could never eat here again. -- I laughed a little because I have definitely had those thoughts and I think most people have -- great, I can never show my face here again, and it’s like… which is worse, the personal mortification in the moment, or the fact that I now have to find a new restaurant/ grocery store/ nail salon?

Sweet story! <3

Melanie

Gryffinclaw Take Flight Review Event

 

Team Tressym *mrow*

Name: HufflepuffBookworm1990 (Signed) · Date: 09 Aug 2020 02:32 AM · For: A Day

 

I have a soft spot for Percy and I also love Audrey. This is a very good one shot I've never seen Audrey characterized like this. I like her she's sassy and witty. I wonder how this date will turn out.

 

I saw one small spelling error, it's peace not piece.