Name: inmyownlittlecorner (Signed) · Date: 09 Feb 2024 01:11 AM · For: And I Couldn't Give A Reason

Hello Hello!

 

I love all the symbolism you string through this piece. The rain. We keep coming back to it, and when the narrator compares themself to one of the raindrops clinging to the train window, so aware of how fast the train is going and trying to hold on while the world speeds by too fast it was a punch in the gut. And then how the narrator keeps mentioning the ride in and how they keep thinking about it, because that was when everything was “right.” But the narrator has been trying so hard to fit into this life they “should” have–and they just can’t do it anymore.

 

The literal train wreck accompanying the breakup is fitting. Because breaking up can feel like a train wrecking, except it’s wrecking your life.

 

I also loved the champagne bottle tie-in.

 

A lot packed into a short piece!

 

Yours,

Noelle

Name: blackballet (Signed) · Date: 21 Mar 2022 08:45 PM · For: And I Couldn't Give A Reason

Hi Jacque, back for more galazy reviewing!

 

OH MY GOD I love how you compare the rejected engagment to a train crash, that's so fitting. The way that it starts by just calmly looking out the window, some unucertainty creeping in, but it doesn't really have any impact. 

 

And then the fake smiles and the half-hearted agreeances and then BAM. train wreck. Becasue that is exactly how it would feel to be rejected. And I love how, after all of that, all she thinks about it the train ride in </33333 literally murder my heart into pieces. 

 

And the raindrops that hold tightly to the past. I wonder why she can't move forward or trust in the future, but maybe she jsut doesn't love him like that. How do you always get me like this/?

 

another amazing story

Cat

Name: Oregonian (Signed) · Date: 17 Mar 2022 04:13 AM · For: And I Couldn't Give A Reason

Hi, Jacque.  Here for the Race across the Galazy review drive.  

I admire the way you use objects in this little story to mirror events and feelings.  'Metaphor' isn't really the right word; 'analogy' is better.  The rushing forward of one's life, with a sudden stop, caused by circumstances, that leaves us lurching forward briefly until we realize what has happened, is so perfectlly  illustrated by a train ride with a sudden, not gradual, stop, as though the brakeman had suddenly put on the brakes fully, and everyone is thrown forward in their seats.

I also appreciated the parallel images of drops: the tears on the narrator's face, the drops of condensation on the champagne bottle, and the little anthropomorphized raindrops on the train window, forced back against their will by the fierce winds, trying and failing to resist its force, losing their individuality, until finally the train stops and the droplets can assume their own shapes again.  I loved the image of the little drops as almost like the narrator's friends.

A nice little piece.  It makes one hope that the narrator will be facing a happier future.  Thank you for writing.

Vicki

Name: Crimson Quill (Signed) · Date: 25 Feb 2022 09:20 PM · For: And I Couldn't Give A Reason

 

hey - here for the galazy reviewing event :)

 

i love this piece, I thought it was so brilliant put together. I really liked how you explored the character's inner most thoughts and feelings. It had such a powerful message that maybe love isn't enough and sometimes there isn't a way to change yourself for someone. the character obviously feels so trapped in her life which is so sad but really there is happiness there but maybe they were just not meant for each other.

 

I thought you did such an outstanding job with your rain metaphor. it was such a powerful, vivid and raw way of exploring all the emotions from this character is feeling. I feel so bad for the character who is proposing and that last line is so impactful and just sad and emotional for everyone involved. I think the little detail about being his mum's ring also dials up the angst because it's even more special to give something of your family to someone you're asking to become part of yours. I really loved this and the emotions were just so on point. well done!

 

Abbi xx

 

Name: maraudertimes (Signed) · Date: 05 Jul 2021 01:15 AM · For: And I Couldn't Give A Reason

UGH JACQUE WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME THIS IS SO CUTE AND SO SAD LET ME GO CRY NOW OKAY??? 

 

also that raindrop analogy is just fucking enchanting and i love it, ugh your writing is just perfection

 

lo <3

Author's Response:

I love when you react in all caps XD Thanks for this!

- Jacquelin

Name: dreamshadow (Signed) · Date: 30 Jun 2021 04:12 PM · For: And I Couldn't Give A Reason

JACQUELIN! yes hi, i'm back again judging for my challenge - thank you for entering!

okay, but what, excuse me, how can you leave the last line like that?? i mean, it really is a punch in the gut, and the angst is just swelling up until the breaking point, even if we're not completely clear on what, exactly is happening. but i loved the slight ambiguity in this piece, and the way the train screeches to a halt when they say they can't - it's just :chefskiss:

i loved that you took the opposite turn on this, rather than showing us the point of view of the person proposing, you give us the narrator who's being proposed to, who has to say no to a person they clearly love because they can't give them the life that they want. and it's almost too relatable, wanting someone but not in the way they want you want to them, it's so utterly heartbreaking that way, and just, ugh. and i loved the little references to the song throughout, like the champagne bottle, and no one celebrating, and then the last line with the ring still in the pocket - it was just so well done

okay, but i definitely want more from this, and yet somehow feel like having more would lose some of the impact the last line has. idk if that even makes sense - but this was so good!! i really enjoyed it, and your take on the song was very cleverly done

thank you so much for entering - this was so fun to read ♥

Author's Response:

Thanks so much!

I absolutely get the wanting more yet also liking the questions it leaves. I feel like that's part of what makes writing hard for me sometimes. I love the idea of leaving things up to a reader's imagination - to not filling in all the details because they aren't as important as the emotions. But then there's the feeling that it's not enough somehow. But screw that. There's no rules on what is and isn't storytelling. <3

- Jacquelin