Reviewer: Sapphire_Skies Signed
Date: 17 Jun 2022 · Title: Chapter 3: Spirits and Stars

And we're back at Hogwarts. I really like the way you introduce details to the reader gradually, it adds a lot to the emotion of the story, which by the end, is pretty all over the place. I wondered from the last chapter if she was somehow romantically involved with Sebastian. I do really like how we don't know their true relationship until the end of the chapter, the reader is almost led to believe it's a boyfriend/girlfriend thing, but to learn at the end that it was a little more complicated than that adds a whole new dimension to things and I find myself reflecting back over Marlene's feelings and behaviour over the last couple of chapters and seeing them in a slightly different light. It's very well done. 

'It is a great tragedy as a teacher to have to give a eulogy for one of your students.'

And oh,  isn't that a heartbreaking line.

Once again, I like the little details, both descriptive and relating to the plot. Things like this line:

'Her legs wobbled, seeming suddenly to be made out of something viscous and slippery and not at all conductive to walking.'

I'm getting a definite voice for Marlene through little lines like this. It really adds to her character and the feel of the plot in quite an indirect way. 

And this:

'But then, over the years, the Slytherin responses to these hexes had grown darker, and they had a nasty tendency to take out their fury on younger students to make their actual targets feel guilty.'

That conveys a whole lot in not very many words. It sets the tone for the Slytherins who later go on to be Death Eaters (and my goodness is it twisted! But something I can totally see happening) and the attitudes of the Marauders and how they will be acting towards them. If that makes any sense (I doubt it does, I'm fresh off a night shift with two hours sleep here!).

I am really looking forward to more of this.

Author's Response:

I initially wrote Sebastian as Marlene's boyfriend, but the more I thought about her the more I felt that it didn't really fit, and I also wanted to show a different type of grief. I'm really pleased that you're finding Marlene's voice distinctive because that's something I've been working on lots. Thank you for another really kind review! Jem xx 

Reviewer: Sapphire_Skies Signed
Date: 17 Jun 2022 · Title: Chapter 2: James Potter

More interesting details scattered through the chapter! We're beginning to build a picture of Marlene here. I wonder what her connection to Sebastian Sutherland was; it is perhaps a lot more intimate than I had first assumed. 

I absolutely love the idea of Mr and Mrs Potter as elderly party animals. I need this to now be canon! I also love the little details you speckle here and there throughout the chapter, like the bitter taste of the orange and the fact she wished she'd put on her shoes, it adds a lot of depth. 

It seems clear from this chapter that Marlene looks up to Gideon. I like that she perhaps has her own inspiration for going on to join the Order rather than just doing so because she's friends with the Marauders and Lily. 

And off to Hogwarts for the final time! I wonder how the threat of war will affect her once she's back at school.

Author's Response:

Haha I like the Potters as elderly party animals too! I'm intrigued by what they were like. It's strange to think that they're such close relatives of Harry's but he never knows anything about them. I like to think that after Deathly Hallows he might have found somebody who could tell him more. Marlene definitely has her own reasons for heading into the Order, and we'll come back to them soon! Thanks for another lovely review. Jem xx 

Reviewer: Sapphire_Skies Signed
Date: 17 Jun 2022 · Title: Chapter 1: Happy New Year

This is a really interesting beginning. This is my favourite era to read and write because there's quite a lot of characters we know nothing about so we have such a free rein when it comes to their stories. I like the fact Gideon Prewett is engaged to Marlene's sister. It's sad because we know his fate (and fics about her are always sad too because we know hers), and that line from Tilly about how he's always okay just breaks my heart because we know that one day, he won't be. The thing I always find with Marlene fics is that although we know Voldemort killed her whole family, the phrase 'whole family' is rather ambiguous really in terms of we don't actually know which members of her family it's refering to; husband? Kids? Siblings? Parents? There's a lot of scope for fanfic writers and I like what you've done with her family dynamics. She's obviously very close to her sister and my heart is breaking a little to think that she might also be one of Voldemort's victims.

I like how you spread details throughout the fic of Marlene's home life. It seems a very sad picture, and I find myself feeling sorry for both Tilly and Marlene (I love how they're all M names) and Meredith, though of course it's harder to sympathise with her more traditonal views. 

I like this as an opening chapter; it gives enough detail about Marlene to make it interesting, yet witholds just enough to make me want to read on. Great job.

Author's Response:

I'm so pleased you found the beginning interesting! This is my favourite era too, although it's been a while since I read much in it. I agree about the phrase 'whole family.' I think it's one of the reasons I find Marlene so fascinating to write, because we know her story ends in tragedy but we don't know any more than that and it can be interpreted in different ways. Thanks for the lovely review! J x 

Reviewer: Sapphire_Skies Signed
Date: 08 Jun 2022 · Title: Chapter 1: Rooftoppers

Oh, this is so sweet! It really highlights that they're still so young while they're out fighting. I love the way you write both of them, even though it's a fairly short chapter, it's short and sweet and you convey a lot of humour throughout. I always imagine they kept their humour even though they were fighting a war. 

I love this line:

“You’ll be lucky,” Lily said, lips curving into a smile. “I’d be the one carving that gravestone. It would say James Potter. Gravity got him in the end. It was only a matter of time, with that enormous head.”

A lovely little moment.

Author's Response:

Thank you for the lovely review! So pleased you enjoyed x 

Reviewer: Sapphire_Skies Signed
Date: 15 Sep 2021 · Title: Chapter 18: Ill-suited

Ooh okay, I must have done some serious assuming because I thought Orla was Al's girlfriend! Oops! Well, that makes things a bit easier for them. I really liked this chapter, I don't do 'fluffy' stuff overmuch, but this had just the right amount of romantic tension, and I felt my stomach sink with Sunita's at the end there. Though I doubt she's really got that right. 

Author's Response:

Ha! No, they aren't boyfriend/girlfriend, but they are pretty close. Originally, I was going to write Orla as an ex-girlfriend, but then decided against that idea :) I'm glad you like this chapter. You might want to skip a few chapters in this story because there will definitely be some romance present, but hopefully it won't be of the very sickly variety!!

 

Pins x

Reviewer: Sapphire_Skies Signed
Date: 15 Sep 2021 · Title: Chapter 17: Ill-disposed

Haha, I loved that conversation with Al about what his parents did. I honesly had no real idea of what my dad did for a job (some sort of company that dealt with electronics) and I related to that so much! I know Al really does know, but it was just funny to see it there having said the same thing and had the same reaction so many times. And I tried to say in my German coursework that he worked for MI5 but my teacher wouldn't allow it. Misery guts. 

Al's right, Paul is very intense, he's getting a bit creepy now, and he's also right that Sunita needs to spell it out for him. She should take a leaf out of my book and text him because I was never brave enough to do it in person! Bless Al, the knight in shining armour. Can't wait to see how their coffee 'date' goes!

Author's Response:

I'm really glad you liked that bit of conversation; I wrote it ages ago and was just waiting for a suitable chapter to put it into! Sunita definitely should drop Paul by text, haha. I don't think he deserves anything better!

 

As always, your thoughts on this story are much appreciated!

 

Pins x

Reviewer: Sapphire_Skies Signed
Date: 15 Sep 2021 · Title: Chapter 16: Ill-judged

Oh my goodness, I can't put up with this bae thing! I'm completely off Paul now haha! Poor guy, he's completely oblivious. I love the moment with Al and Sunita, they definitely would be a cute couple and I love all the puns! I also love the little hints of the magical world that pop up. And oh dear, Orla doesn't seem very happy now, does she? All is not well there I guess! I can't help feeling a little happy about that...

Author's Response:

Isn't 'bae' the worst term of endearment EVER??? I am SO glad it wasn't a thing when I was Sunita's age, haha!

 

I imagine Paul would make someone a nice (if rather intense) boyfriend, but that someone isn't Sunita, unfortunately. Or fortunately, I suppose; if he was her soul-mate, I'd be writing a completely different story! Glad you like the puns and can see something between Sunita and Al :) Orla isn't exactly thrilled about it all. There are reasons for that. I might elaborate, but I might not as this is not Orla's story.

 

Thank you so much for your thoughts on this chapter! <3

 

Pins x

Reviewer: Sapphire_Skies Signed
Date: 15 Sep 2021 · Title: Chapter 15: Ill-favoured

Oh dear, poor Sunita! I was cringing all the way through that date, it was far, far too familliar. Urgh! Though at least none of the blokes I went on dates with called me 'bae'. Bless him, Paul's really not reading the room is he? I wonder what will happen with Sunita and Paul and how she'll handle the situation!

Author's Response:

Heyyy, thank you so much for leaving me all these reviews! They give me and this story life <3

 

Poor Sunita indeed; being stuck in this God-awful date was her own fault, but ugh - Paul is soooo oblivious to how she really feels. Someone who's much more on her wavelength would have quickly spotted how uncomfortable she felt ;) As you can probably gather, Sunita is not terribly decisive, so this could meander on for a while...

 

Pins x

Reviewer: Sapphire_Skies Signed
Date: 23 Aug 2021 · Title: Chapter 2: Insomnia

Ah Sirius, he's got it bad hasn't he! Alex is a very intriguing chatacter, I like that she openly admits to herself that she has a crush on Sirius like everyone else, that's quite refreshing as a lot of these types of fanfics feature a lot of denial. I also like how frank and honest she is. She kissed him because she wanted to, I like that about her. 

Author's Response:

Thanks, I actually like Alex a lot. I know it sounds silly because I created her, but I would like to be friends with her. 

I really tried to make her as honest and frank as I could. But when I was re-reading and editing this story, I realized that I made characters way grown up as they should be at age 17 when they are still teenagers and full of hormones. If you didn't catch on it now then later it would be more obvious.

Oh, thanks for your kind review! Always pleasure reading your thoughts.

Reviewer: Sapphire_Skies Signed
Date: 23 Aug 2021 · Title: Chapter 3: Hardheaded Thoughts

Hello! I'm glad you're continuing this, I've been looking out for updates! First off, I really liked the end part with the goblins, it made a lot of sense that they'd be angry about the break-in and it feels really realistic that things are (sort of) continuing as normal. After all, the world keeps turning and I really liked how Harry says 'I never realised after the war was over that we'd still need to be this secretive.' When the battle is over in the books it's all peaceful and quiet, but of course things wouldn't stay like that and I like how you've shown it here. I'm intrested in where this is going to go and what other repercussions might surface for the Trio. I'm sure Kingsley will have their back, but I'm sure the road will still be hard.

I also liked how you delved a bit more into Cora and how Harry feels about it all, it felt very realistic, as did the conversation with George, and how he couldn't bring himself to say Fred's name. I hope we see more of Cora and how her relationship with Sirius all began. It's so sad that she only got to spend a few months with him. 

You said in your authors note that you struggled writing this and deciding who to write about, and I do think that shows a little. There was a lot of content in this chapter, which at times was great, but sometimes it did feel like there was a bit much, I do think things could have been condensed down a little to make the chapter more precise. Until the part with the goblins the chapter felt slightly directionless, which I do think mirrors how the characters are thinking and feeling after such a momentous, life changing event, but it did start to leave me wondering where this was all going. 

After that ending though, I really cant wait to read more!

Author's Response:

This was such a lovely review! It really really helps me to figure out what to iron out if I want to and also what works. I think it's so long because my previous chapters are too and if I cut it too short or rush through it that can be jarring for a reader too. It's funny how the "directionless" aspect of the chapter actually completely reflects how Harry feels specifically. Though, maybe I can show that through his character more and less with my own writing LOL. I'm glad you enjoyed it so much but reading about what didn't stand out to you was actually helpful too. I might know where to edit and it might be just enough to still be comparable to the last chapters and be a bit more focused. I'm so glad you enjoyed it! I figured out a few plot twists with the Goblins, it's been really fun to write. I'll be back soon! Thanks for your great review :)

Reviewer: Sapphire_Skies Signed
Date: 21 Jul 2021 · Title: Chapter 14: Ill-spent

Oh, I really like this chapter, it's possibly my favourite. I loved all the Al/Sunita, it was really cute without being overly sweet and sickening, and I really loved Al being completely flummoxed by a bike lock. Of course he would be, he's a wizard! I really liked this touch, and the part about the gloves, which I assume are charmed. I liked Al's fleeing look of alarm when Sunita mentioned how warm they were.

I also really love the descriptions of winter and the snow, it helped me feel much cooler! I can really imagine Sunita riding that bike in the snow and skidding all over the place. And I wonder what will happen to the bike? Lets hope it's still there after lectures. I did initially think it might be something magical, but Al didn't seem bothered by it, so perhaps not. 

And oh, a Valentines dance, I wonder what could happen there? Any more Al and Sunita?

 

Author's Response:

Hi, and thank you so much! This has been one of my favourite chapters to write so far; I'm so glad you like it too! 

 

I figured Al wouldn't know what a bike lock was. I'm sure he can ride a bike, but he'd never have left one anywhere unattended, and if he had, he would have probably secured it by magic. The gloves have a warming charm on them; something that Al would probably take for granted and not think about until a perceptive muggle notices, haha!

 

The bike gets stored at Al's college until the weather improves :)

 

As for the Valentine's dance...wellllll, that would be telling ;)

 

Thank you so much for all your lovely comments and highlighting the little things you notice in this story. I really appreciate you taking the time to read and review!

 

Pins x

Reviewer: Sapphire_Skies Signed
Date: 21 Jul 2021 · Title: Chapter 13: Ill-kept

Oh I'm so glad that Sunita is finally seeing the light over Jonty! He's a complete p**** and I'm really glad she's coming to that realisation.

I've probably mentioned it before, but I really like how effortless and realistic everyone's dialogue is. It just seems really natural and is so easy to read. 

And ooh, some more Al! I wonder what will happen with him and Orla. Sunita sounds like she's starting to get it bad and I have to say, with your descriptions of him, I don't blame her! I wonder what is going to happen with Paul as well? I really do not envy her in that situation.

Author's Response:

Jonty doesn't really care for anyone but himself. He's selfish and competitive and if he's not careful he'll have no-one left in the end :/

 

Thank you so much for your lovely comments on the dialogue. I love writing conversations; I'm glad they come across as natural!

 

It never rains but it pours! I dare say Sunita would have been much happier with Paul if not for another possible guy hovering nearby. She gets herself into awkward situations because she's often in a bit of a rush to get to where she's heading, even when she doesn't really know where that is! 

 

I really appreciate you taking the time to read and comment on this story - it always makes me so happy to receive one of your reviews.

 

Pins x

Reviewer: Sapphire_Skies Signed
Date: 21 Jul 2021 · Title: Chapter 5: Chapter 5: Thugs and Bastards

Oh a cliffhanger! Very interesting. I'm so curious about the mapmaker and who he is. Why is his shop so hidden (I like the inclusion that Sirius knows all about protection spells, I also think its sort of sweet how Sirius thinks about going back for his father for help too). What does Voldemort want with him? "Take my advice, boy," he said, his voice weak. "Keep to lesser evils. Let those wretched things stay forgotten." Does he mean Horcruxes here? How does the mapmaker know about them? Very interesting hints there.

Oh I'm so glad Feather is okay. I'm a complete and utter cat person and I was so worried about her, what a clever kitten she is to take the mapmaker the wand. I really like your description throughout this of the cavern and a ship, I could really picture the scene in my mind's eye. Really interesting chapter, looking forward to more.

 

Author's Response:

Yey! Thank you for reviewing.  I hope the map maker's back story will not be disappointing but it will take while to get to it. 

Sirius will probably end up very upset with his father, but so far he is his better parent. 

I think it is safe to say they are not talking about horcruxes. If I have not completely messed up canon chronology, Voldemort has already made most of those. 

Feather seems to be quickly winning hearts. I am so happy abut that. She is a favourite of mine. 

 

Thank you so much for your lovely reviews. They are much much apreciated.

Reviewer: Sapphire_Skies Signed
Date: 21 Jul 2021 · Title: Chapter 4: Chapter 4: The Old Marauder

Transferred from HPFF...

Oh very good! I love the last part with the map-making marauder! I love little flashes to canon like that and how things tie in with the book. I wonder who he is. Very cleverly done.

 

I also really like your characterisation of Orion, he’s not someone who ever gets much development in things I read and if he does, it’s usually as a blood-obsessed abusive parent. Your characterisation was very refreshing.

 

Can’t wait to read more.

Reviewer: Sapphire_Skies Signed
Date: 21 Jul 2021 · Title: Chapter 3: Chapter 3: Grim Obliviation

Transferred from HPFF...

Love this! I really liked how Walburga punished Sirius by threatening his friends, that’s very clever and much more of a punishment for him than if she’d been violent towards him. It was very cruel and very calculated and cleverly written.

 

I like the idea that Sirius has already received some magical tuition before he goes to Hogwarts and I thought that potion was very original. I wonder what Sirius will do with the bit he sneaked away. I liked the way you wrote the potion making, it was engaging and informative but without being boring.

 

I’m also liking the relationship between Regulus and Sirius. If I have one criticism it’s that they both sound a little older than they’re supposed to be, especially Regulus. But I always find children hard to capture and it doesn’t take anything away from the story.

Author's Response:

I really hope I am managing to portray how cold and cruel I think Walburga must have been. 

It makes sense that a family like the Blacks would have tried to give a head start to their children, doesn't it? I expect most ambition driven, old blood families would have taken a similar approach.,

I had fun with that potion :D He could use it for so many things...

I completely understand what you mean about them sounding too old. I struggle with finding a way to convey the meaning I want using a child's vocabulary and way of speaking :(

Thank you for this wonderful review. Thank you even more for the constructive criticism. :)

Reviewer: Sapphire_Skies Signed
Date: 21 Jul 2021 · Title: Chapter 2: Family Thoughts

Sorry this is a little late!

Oh my goodness! I did not see that coming with Cora! Is it strange that I felt a little betrayed? Haha! It was a very interesting introduction and I wonder what's going to happen. I do think though that the characters' reactions to finding out Sirius had a secret wife and son was a little glossed over, I would have thought they'd be a bit more shocked and would dwell on it a little more. I think Hermione would be concerned about how Harry would deal with it as well. I think she would know that Harry blamed himself for Sirius's death and would  worry that he'd be feeling all sorts of guilt knowing that Sirius placed looking out for him above his wife and child.

Luna... I think you wrote her really, really well! Definitely everything she says I could see book Luna saying. I really liked as well how she was upset with Hermione and how she broke down. I don't often see Luna written in this way and I really liked it. You did a really good job with her. Another character I think you write well is Ron. He seems appropriately bamboozled when confronted with Sirius James yet was great at stepping up. I think that's a really realistic portrayal. He's also really supportive of Hermione and I think that's how he would act too.

There were some lines that I really loved too. The first was Flitwick's:

'It's been a long time since I've seen someone that energetic.'

This may have been a throwaway comment, but I think there is so much meaning behind it. They've all just experienced a really traumatic year and I think that focusing on the little bits of joy that come along is a really realistic thing to do. It seems really fitting considering what's just happened.

The other was this of Hermione's:

'You and Harry's adventure ended with Voldemort, mine is still underway.'

I don't know, I just really love this line.

I'm also really glad you kept the bit about the castle repairing itself! I really liked that detail in the first chapter, it seems like something it really would do and seems such an original idea! I'm glad it made it into this chapter.

Author's Response:

Thanks for transferring my reviews! I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to do the same.

I'm so glad you liked Cora! Considering it was a surprise, I expected you may feel a little betrayed. Though, I'm not sure Harry still blames himself for Sirius' death. I think he learned a lot since then and knows, like his parents, their choices were ultimately their own. I also think that Hermione has a lot on her mind and may not worry too much about Harry, maybe a little, but not too much to mention. I tried to emphasize their shock with speechlessness and Hermione trying to gloss over her own shock by offering help to Cora and Sirius James.

I really need to write a story with Luna! I do connect with her a lot and many people enjoy how I write her, I'm glad you do to!

Loved that you thought Sirius James brought out Ron's personality well. 

The line with flitwick I love. I wasn't expecting to write it but surprised myself when I did. It really fit the scene.

That line of Hermione's, I wasn't sure of. I thought it was a little dramatic, but I couldn't bring myself to cut it either. I'm glad you liked it!

The castle repairing itself I HAD to keep. That was one of my favorite ideas from the beginning.

Thanks so much for the review! 

Heather 

Reviewer: Sapphire_Skies Signed
Date: 15 Jul 2021 · Title: Chapter 1: Monday

I've not read many AU or time travel fics, but I really like this! Your characters all seem very much like their book selves, I really like how you write the Marauders and the humour you include with their interactions.

Oh, Professor Flitwick, what on earth are you doing teaching them a charm that could go so disasterously wrong! And oh James, you really had to be the one! Poor Harry, that must have really been a shock. I really like how Harry really dislikes James, it feels very realistic based on Harry's reaction to him in the books. I also liked Professor Lupin's reaction to Sirius. I don't know why but I really didn't expect that but it was probably really accurate. At this point they don't know the truth. I wonder what will happen later on, will they learn what happens? What people 20 years later believe happens? That must really put those in the future in a difficult position. I wonder what will happen!

Author's Response:

Hello, there! Thank you so much for stopping by! :D

I'm so glad you enjoyed this, even if AUs or time travel fics aren't what you usually read! So glad you liked my Marauders and their banter! It is so much fun to write! :D

Professor Flitwick didn't have a wise idea, I'm sure he regretted it... and James has to always show off, right? :P Poor Harry, it was quite a shock... and yeah, he would dislike him on first impression... James has that arrogant vibe that Harry would find unsufferable...

Old Remus' reaction to Sirius was sad, but also understandable, given that he thinks he was the spy... :/ You will see how things develop for everyone and what past and future folks discover if you read on... ;)

Thank you so much for the lovely review! <3

Reviewer: Sapphire_Skies Signed
Date: 09 Jul 2021 · Title: Chapter 2: Chapter 2

Another good chapter! I love the dialogue, it feels really natural and flows really well and I love how it conveys a wizarding family and the types of things they’d be talking about. I like the glimpse into the giants and the hint at the rise of Voldemort. I LOVE the teasing about the sorting! Thought that was brilliant and very original! I also like how your dialogue adds characterisation in so few words, it gives the characters distinct personalities and that really adds depth to everything. 

Author's Response:

Thank you so much for the detailed review. You are amazing! I really appreciate the time you took. 

I am glad you liked the teasing. I had a lot of fun writing that bit. 

Your reviews make me smile :) :) :) 

Reviewer: Sapphire_Skies Signed
Date: 04 Jul 2021 · Title: Chapter 12: Ill-gotten

Oh my goodness, King and Queens of medieval England is my specialist subject, I found that painful hahaha! This was really insteresting. Jonty is a bit of an arse really, I really didn't like how he lied so easily and I'm glad Sunita and Paul didn't either. I like how that was a bit of a bonding moment for the two of them but my goodness he's forward with kissing her and wanting to hold her hand when he's only just asked her for a drink! Reminds me of some of my awkward dates! 

Author's Response:

Haha!! Yeah, I won't deny; I could identify with the awkwardness of Paul and Sunita too!! Jonty might be pretty, but he's not worth Sunita's effort. At all.

 

Unfortunately, Kings and Queens of medieval England is NOT my specialist subject! Had I known it was yours, I would have asked you instead of consulting Google. I hope I got any factual bits correct.

 

Thank you so much for continuing to read and review :) Once NaNo is over, I'll be spending a lot more time reading other people's stories and I'll drop by your AP soon...

 

Pins 

Reviewer: Sapphire_Skies Signed
Date: 03 Jul 2021 · Title: Chapter 1: Food For Thought

Hi there! Harry/Ginny isn’t something I read very often but I liked this. I thought their reunion was very sweet and I liked how Ginny was both concerned about Harry and a little bit angry that she’d had to deal with not knowing where he was or even if he was alive.

Ginny looked up at the sky and scowled at it. With everyone so laden with grief it should have, at least, been grey and raining. Instead the sky was blue and cloudless, almost as if it had won a triumphant victory of its own.

I loved this bit, really good. If I have a critique it would be that the beginning was a little rambling at times, Ginny’s thoughts could probably have been condensed a little more without losing any impact. But I did think her grief felt very realistic. Overall, good job!

Ah darn, I can't leave another review but hopefully I can edit this one. I think this is a much better chapter! It's much more concise and has more impact than the previous two. I really loved the inclusion of the Slytherin girl and it's lovely that it actually happened to you in real life. What a wonderful person that was, and I love how you made the girl a Slytherin. The book gives Slytherin house so little redemption, it's nice to see that represented here.

I also like the air of grief that hangs over the whole place, it feels very realistic after what has happened and I like the little snippets of detail, like Ginny and Molly helping to deliver Teddy. I feel like Molly would have made a wonderful midwife!

Good luck with all the editing, I really look forward to reading more.

Author's Response:

Thank you so much for transferring your review from hpff <3 Again, I'm so glad the edits were done well and I hope to continue that. The entire story will be much more condensed than the original! I'll be over to review you too :)

Reviewer: Sapphire_Skies Signed
Date: 28 Jun 2021 · Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Hi! I'm transferring the reviews I did on HPFF over here, except I've added to this first one because it was a bit rubbish.

I really liked this. I love the idea that Sirius has found some Muggle friends that he's sneaking off to play football with. It feels very much like something he'd do. I also think you captured him being young very well and I liked the accidental magic that was included. I was intrigued by Robin and I like that she recognised what he is. Is she a Squib or is she younger than Sirius? I wasn't too sure with the mentions of not getting her letter yet.

 

I really like your style too, it's engaging and funny without being silly and I look forward to reading more.

 

Author's Response:

Thank you for transferring this. Your reviews were never rubbish. They made me very happy back on HPFF and this one makes me very happy now. I am glad that you think I have captured Sirius well. :) I am actually doing some small revisions on my chapters, based on what you mentioned before, about my characters sounding older than they are. You were absolutely right! 

Robin is a muggle in my head for now... but honestly I am writing this whole thing without much advanced planning, so things might change. Reading your comment, I actually like the idea that she is just younger, because that means I wouldn't have to leave her behind for long.

Thank you so much fo reviewing!

Reviewer: Sapphire_Skies Signed
Date: 24 Jun 2021 · Title: Chapter 1: The Smile I Gave Her

Oh this was very sweet. I like how it's set just before the scene where she screams at him, yet it's fluffy and romantic. James watching Lily sleep, even with the invisibility cloak on, is still a liiiiiitle creepy, but I like James's reasoning. I also like how, if Lily knew he was there, it would be a totally different scene! 

Author's Response:

Well, it wasn't for very long. I'm so glad you liked it though. I really wanted to portray that James was starting to really think of someone besides himself. It's still about him, but since he can understand her need for food, I thought it was more realistic he'd want to help her with that. I also connected Harry's love for Treacle Tart with James which I thought was cute. Anyway, so glad you liked it! Thanks for reviewing!

Reviewer: Sapphire_Skies Signed
Date: 23 Jun 2021 · Title: Chapter 9: Ill-timed

Oh! I love this! Though of course Orla presents a slight problem of course... I'm glad they've called a truce and that Al apologised for shouting at her. He really was a p***k for that. Another really great chapter.

Author's Response:

Thank you so much for reviewing this whole story so far 🥰  Reviews are life and motivate me to write! Al really owed Sunita an apology after the way he spoke to her; he stepped in and saved the day in the last chapter partly out of guilt, but he had to say sorry too.

 

Thanks once again, you amazing person!

 

Pins

Reviewer: Sapphire_Skies Signed
Date: 23 Jun 2021 · Title: Chapter 8: ill-spoken

Oh Al saves the day! He can be nice. And Ronnie seems nice too. That whole section with the panic attack seemed very real, I could really feel all her emotions. I'm really intrigued for more and especially seeing more of the magical world that Sunita shouldn't be seeing!

Author's Response:

Thanks for your lovely review! Sadly, this story is very 'muggle', but there is a sequel (which I wrote half of of before starting this fic 😂) which is set in the magical world. 

 

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Reviewer: Sapphire_Skies Signed
Date: 23 Jun 2021 · Title: Chapter 7: Ill-prepared

Ohh poor Sunita. There's so much despair in this chapter, from the presentation to Jonty not noticing her. I'm really feeling for her right now.

 

I'm really intrigued by Verne Alley, I wonder if that'll mean Sunita will want to do some digging...

Author's Response:

Yeah, it's not a good chapter for Sunita; everything that can go wrong for her, does. As for Verne Alley, I guess you'll have to wait and see!

 

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