Reviewer: PaulaTheProkaryote Signed
Date: 08 Jan 2017 · Title: Chapter 4: Chapter 3.

Hello again lovely!

Poor Hermione and the loss of her family. I always got the vibe that she was very close to her parents despite the fact that she wasn’t around for most of the year from 11 onward.

That might be me projecting but that makes it hurt much more. And on top of that their deaths were senseless and all at once. No chance to say goodbye.

“Even the sound of Severus walking had started to become very familiar to her.” I swear this is also true for me and my husband. I know when it’s him coming up the stairs instead of his friends and I can hear him when he wakes up in the morning even if I’m in the living room. I think you just become acutely aware of things like that when you love someone.

The mistletoe! Oh my heart. You do this to me on purpose. I think the Professor doth protest too much.

THAT KISS. THAT KISS WAS SO AMAZING. And then dang it Severus what the what that was so mean and poor Hermione and I don’t care that he’s deep and complex (even though I love that he’s deep and complex) because my poor sweet Hermione baby!

This chapter definitely packed the most punch. I loved it so much!

Reviewer: PaulaTheProkaryote Signed
Date: 08 Jan 2017 · Title: Chapter 1: I. No-One Mourns the Wicked

Hello lovely!

Okay. I wasn't going to mention it, but I have to. When I read the story summary I started like rubbing my hands like that supervillain baby (I'll tweet you the meme and you'll be like whaaat) because WOW it sounds so good already. I'm typing this before I've even actually read the prologue either.

YOU HOOKED THE READER SO FAST WITH "In the end, no-one mourns the wicked." Like that could have been the entire prologue and I'd just be sitting here nodding.

It's bizarre, but also profound that they consider her mudblood (sobs at the word) ancestor the villain. The wicked. It's profound to me in that I don't think any actual "bad guy" really thinks they are the bad guys. Everyone seems to think they are on the right side of history. And then in contrast with Aurelius.

WHAT IS GOING ON AND WHY AM I SO INVESTED IN THIS FAMILY DRAMA ALREADY. Words like betrayal and selfish are so good for this too. I think a lot of writers when focusing on the pureblood families tend to lean towards words like rebellion when describing characters like Sirius, but I don't think that properly expresses the gravity of the situation. The depth of the betrayal of their basic fundamental beliefs.

I'm very interested in Tibs and this dynamic here. I can't wait for more expansion on them. Perfect match? Are we going to see some nudged marriage concepts? I love that.

This idolization of Bellatrix is bizarre and fascinating and definitely something I've never read before. Wow, the impact of the last line. Wow, wow, wow.

I've never read anything like this entire story and are you ready to post more? You should totally post more.

Reviewer: PaulaTheProkaryote Signed
Date: 13 Dec 2016 · Title: Chapter 2: Chapter 1 - Hogwarts Again

Hello lovely!

I apologize for being so late! As you might see from my tweets, I've been having to deal with some issues with my thesis (namely an advisor who is avoiding me). I think it's temporarily resolved so I'm back to living in my online world! Oh, and thank you so much for the reviews on my baby Rumor Has It! I think you're quickly becoming my favorite person!

Okay so the prologue was good, but the meat of the story is even better!

I like the way you've written Lily. Her characterization, while staying true to the Lily we know and love, is unique enough that I had to pause and admire this version of her. A lot of times she's portrayed as this eager-beaver Hermione on steroids kind of character, but you've strayed from that and it gives her a lot of dimension. This whole not liking September second is wholly unique to your story from all that I've read. I know it's minor, but it's significant to me.

I particularly like the relationship between Aurora, Lily, and Claire. (and I love Aurora the most of the two other girls).

I also love that you took the time to give Peter a voice. I eyeroll so hard at any story that just automatically writes him away.

MASSIVE KUDOS on McGonagall. Holy Guacamole did you capture her voice.

Oh I so love the idea of Sirius wanting to be a Muggle/Muggleborn rights activist. I like it even better than the auror trope. And I've definitely never read it before! While on the subject, wow, I love your Sirius too. This entire review is just going to be me harping on and on about characterization.

WHAT WILL SNAPE USE THE LIQUID LUCK FOR OMG THE LITTLE SNEAKY SNAKE.

Oh James. I love James. What a sweet ending to the chapter.

Author's Response:

No problem, real life (sadly) gets in the way sometimes.  I'm glad you liked the characterizations in this!  There is so much to introduce and I have clear ideas for canon characters, but you're right that they're a bit different from what you see all the time. I figure there has to be sort of lobbyists/lawyers and some other magical equivalents, so some characters have those sorts of jobs planned vs all being Ministry workers and the like. And I'm glad you like her friends!  I have a soft spot for Aurora to since she's been around for a long time.  I'm pretty sure it's the next chapter with more McGonagall, if you're interested. ;)

Reviewer: PaulaTheProkaryote Signed
Date: 10 Dec 2016 · Title: Chapter 3: Chapter 2.

I love this idea of some kind of understanding between Hermione and Severus and him taking care of her problem (through whatever questionable method) of those rowdy jerkface students. Although I do understand why they were annoying it was still ridiculous because she’s just as important.

Hermione is so good at perceiving things and it really popped out with Clementine and her paying attention to something as small as a single word "was" but I also think she really grilled her chops when she dealt with such an emotional topic. Professors should be more than just instructors. They should be mentors and that's what she just became. And my heart and my eyes and oh that was just so so sweet.

I never even thought about how hard it would be for them to come back to Hogwarts. To see the spots where her friends and loved ones died. I think that might make even more sense why Ron and Harry wouldn’t want to go back to school.

WHOAHOHO We are going to his chambers! (my eyebrows are wiggling vigorously).

NO SHE CAN’T SLEEP AFTER ALL THIS! MY HEART! Oh, all of it. I could crawl inside this story and live in it. I can’t believe that you’ve written Snape (and Hermione) so well that I’m here, in love with this story, and shipping them hardcore. You’ve done this!

Reviewer: PaulaTheProkaryote Signed
Date: 10 Dec 2016 · Title: Chapter 2: Chapter 1.

NOW IT MAKES SENSE HOW THE WHOLE THING CAME ABOUT OMG I'M SO EXCITED. I was wondering how this could have started and her being a professor absolutely fits. Honestly, I feel like I could buy her being a professor way more than magical law or whatever it was she ended up doing. Definitely over the boring politics of being Minister.

Honestly I'd be surprised if kids didn't take her seriously. I mean she's the brains (and possibly the most important part) of the golden trio (don't tell Harry). Like they better respect her or I'll hang them by their toes Filch style.

“Did you need something, Severus?” THIS. This is why I knew I should start with yours. Actually, I think you should just write a few more of these so that when the urge hits I only have yours to read. No pressure but also a little pressure.

I’m dying to see this progression from prologue relationship to this icy start. AND IN SUCH A SHORT SPAN TOO!

The professors sitting in the lounge venting frustrations and all that just is my favorite and it just again feels so realistic. I love love love Hagrid advising her too. That is just beautiful for me.

Not only did she catch him off guard but she caught me off guard. I’d like to think that years of pointless fighting with Ron probably benefited her in this situation. I also completely adore Severus’s snark. I said this before but I don’t think I’ve ever popped open a Snape fic I’ve enjoyed this much.

Reviewer: PaulaTheProkaryote Signed
Date: 10 Dec 2016 · Title: Chapter 1: Prologue

Hello lovely!

I'm starting with you for a project I've been working on for the past few months. Every week or so I'm trying to post reviews (prewritten) for some of my favorite people in the world. I’m mostly starting with you because you’re the sweetest (shh, don’t tell the others).

You have a lot to stories to choose from and I don’t typically read Snape stories for a number of reasons. Mainly oh my goodness some of the characterizations I’ve read are the most ridiculous things I could imagine. I’ve also never read a Snamione (is that what they are called?) but I saw this and I knew that if there was ever one to be my first, it should be yours. (I was right ny the way).

The prologue, while short in words, is not short in substance. You paint this just absolutely amazing scene here and maintain it. This is a thing I can't seem to do. I'm okay with writing pretty imagery for the first few lines and then just drop it. You've kept it alive and it makes your writing next level. I swear I could smell the river and hear the pop of her apparating. I could almost see him in the window and I can definitely feel the beat of her heart in my own. You're one of those writers that should absolutely be doing this for a living.

We’ve only got a glimpse of characterization but your Hermione feels so organic. Especially with the bit about her almost losing her nerve but then doing it anyway because she'd been working up the courage all too long and needed it get it over with. Your Severus is also mighty seductive for someone like me who isn’t always keen on him.

I had decided if I absolutely wasn’t into Snamione I wouldn’t post this review and I’d just pretend I never read it and you’d never ever know, but I am posting it and going to the next chapter.

Reviewer: PaulaTheProkaryote Signed
Date: 10 Dec 2016 · Title: Chapter 1: I.

HELLO LOVELY!

I think the opening line is quite funny. She was always looking for trouble yet she's now the prefect! It reminds me of James Potter.

It's unnecessary and maybe we'll see it in later chapters, but when you tell me she's always looking for trouble I'd like an example story perhaps? Tell me something outrageous she's done to really give me the full impact!

I like that you've got Scorpius over in Hufflepuff. I don't think I've actually read a Scorpius in Hufflepuff before!

I think you've nailed the humor head on. It's definitely nothing you have to worry about. “You don’t have to be kind. You just have to want to be.” I died at this line. That's completely hilarious. Also the whole “Muggles do fly” bit really got me. Your banter is absolutely fantastic!

You told me to nitpick so I'm nitpicking (although there isn't really much to pick at). One thing is "Anyways" instead of "Anyway" but I'm not sure that bothers many people. And Lyra really likes the word "So." TBH so do I so I can't judge. So and also. I'll be silent for like three hours and then say "ALSO! alkfjaslkfj" and I can't stop. "Oh, so ~you're~ Hufflepuff..." Did I mention yet that nitpicking is so hard for me?

I love the idea of Lyra's name. It's gorgeous and I've spent a TON of time looking at constellation names for my characters and I've found approximately none that I liked so I'm jealous you got to this name first.

I also love the idea of the Malfoys being big fluffy, cheesy bowls of mush. I blame Astoria.

I think you've really nailed the teenage voice in this story (something I struggle with so terribly). She sounds like she's the right age, not an old writer that forgot what teenagers actually sound like.

I love me some good Scorbus so I think this will be adorable. You have them absolutely so cute too. Disgustingly cute.

Usually I'm not crazy about the main character telling us the story, but I think it works really well in this story and I think it gives us more depth into Lyra and the way she thinks and acts. One thing that I think would make it clearer for the readers is making it clear that she's writing bits of this in the journal style. It's a little hazy at first.

I'm not used to being nitpicky so let me tell you that even though nothing I said was all that wildly harsh, it felt like it was for me. It hurt my soul. I think this story is going to be fabulous though and I'm SO glad you're revisiting it. Lyra has a TON of potential and Scorpius is a precious angel baby. I don't usually offer to beta (because I'm a lazy sloth) but I'm about 1000% sure I'll keep reading this story (as I'm already opening the next chapter to read) and so if you want someone to just look through your content or anything, shoot me a PM and I'll be there! This story will be so much fun and I think it's going to be among the most read by the time you finish it!

 

 

I copy and pasted my review and I'm leaving it like this because I'm a lazy bones but I also wanted to say that it looks like you'd done the minor touch ups in this chapter and it reads really smoothly. I particularly like the way you've styled the headers (I know, omg Paula, really headers) because honestly HPFF was really lacking in this and to me it completely changed the way I read a lot of this.

Reviewer: PaulaTheProkaryote Signed
Date: 10 Dec 2016 · Title: Chapter 1: Prologue

HELLO BIRTHDAY GIRL!

I came here obviously to provide birthday reviews but I started browsing your AP and you have SO MANY AWESOME LOOKING STORIES. I think a lot of people say that to be nice but I just added EIGHT (count them with me, EIGHT!) stories of yours to my reading list. Holy guacamole. Why did you not tell me you write stories I would love? Have I mentioned Jily is my OTP?

I love the very beginning of this chapter comparing James and Severus. You did such a good job contrasting them and honestly it almost makes me empathize ever so slightly with Severus (who I notoriously am not fond of). The bit about him having to fight for everything compared to James being blessed with all the graces of life was quite moving for me because I guess I hadn't really considered it. It wasn't exactly equal playing fields.

They both kinda suck a bit in the beginning with pretty significant flaws (prejudice and invincible). I think it's nice that you didn't nice James up a bit though. You didn't immediately play it off as "OH, he's barely a jerk, just here and there." You gave both of them plenty of depth and I love that!

This line was really powerful to me: "Both made life-altering decisions mindlessly. One used a single word to do so. The other used two."

And there went my sympathy for Snape. Ugh. How annoying. To assume that Lily would fall head over heels because he could "bring grown men to their knees." Ugh, does he even know Lily? Sweet, caring, muggleborn Lily isn't interested in your power, Severus.

You can't love someone who is the very thing you detest. Your mind isn't going to let you. It doesn't work that way.

I like the way you deal with this nastiness though. I love the way you show how every single decision you make builds up to who you are.

"One day, she made a choice without thinking, and somehow saved the world." WOW. What a strong line.

I completely loved this prologue and considering I have a bad habit of skimming (or often skipping) prologues, that says a lot to me. You really did such a good job of setting the story up, of characterization of these lovely characters, and most importantly hooking me into this story. I can't wait to read the next chapter!

Reviewer: PaulaTheProkaryote Signed
Date: 10 Dec 2016 · Title: Chapter 1: Welcome to Janus Thickey

Hello lovely!

Hands down one of the best St. Mungo's stories I've ever read. TBH I can't think of a better one so go ahead and mark it as the best one I've ever read.

I relate to Felicity on so many levels. The running early in the beginning was so, so, so me. I arrived on my first day of work at my last job an hour and a half early (just in case) and the entire building wasn't even open yet and the main floor of it was a bank and the security guard kept asking me aggressive questions about why I was there so early.

You've seriously captured the job interview process so wonderfully. I really relate to the families forgetting about the patients portion. I feel like you've drawn a lot of this from your own experiences in your field and I love that so much.

Felicity herself is a treasure. That's the only word for her! She's vivacious, but shy. She's realistic and a smidge forgetful in her nervousness. She's fierce, but also thoughtful. I just love her so much. I'd read an entire series based on her character alone in a heartbeat. She reminds me of so many people I love and I seriously can't stress enough how amazing she is as a character. GIVE ME MORE.

Reviewer: PaulaTheProkaryote Signed
Date: 10 Dec 2016 · Title: Chapter 1: Prologue

Reposting this review (I couldn't remember my password and had to dig around)

Hello lovely!

I knew I was going to love this story from the summary. The prologue definitely did not disappoint!

This prologue brought a lot of random tangents up in my mind which really aren't of any actual importance but I'm kind of amazed I've never asked these questions before. The one that's bothering me most now is where in the world did Voldemort live? Like all of his meetings were in other people's homes (like in your own story), but was he couch surfing? Did he have a place? Did you keep it secret for security? How could he afford his own place? (okay, I'm done now).

As for your particular story, I really did love the prologue. For starters, I do believe that it would be exactly what Voldemort would do. It's easy to duel to your own level of talent, but what would be a challenge is to change the way people in general perceive your cause and most importantly to get them to take your side. Kids are definitely easiest to manipulate and if their peers say it's the right thing to do it'd be easier to fully embrace...the dark side.

I really like your characterizations in this snippet too. The Dark Lord himself seems just the right amount of formal without being too overbearing to read.

I'm worried about Avery (which is silly because we know what he ends up like) and I'm wondering if Regulus is there. I can't remember his age in relation to Avery, but I'm sure his parents wouldn't be terribly put off by the whole thing.

I do love Jily above all else and sixth year gives them the perfect room to grow without pesky exams in the way. I seriously can't wait for the next chapter and I'm glad you pointed me in this direction!

Author's Response:

Hello! The fist point is actually one I never thought of... what would Voldemort's day-to-day life and the minutia be? That could either be very dark or very funny.

I'm glad you enjoyed it. =) It's true about some of these characters: you know what choices they make but you want things to turn out better.

Thanks again!

Reviewer: PaulaTheProkaryote Signed
Date: 21 Nov 2016 · Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

I did competitive swimming when I was young (like before teenhood) and this reminds me a lot of that. I swear it conjured up the scent of the same chlorine pool I used to swim in. I like the phrase keep on kicking, even if your arms fail. Not for the literal use, but more of for life. And sometimes you just need a breather and a drink inside a coconut.

Author's Response:

i did competitive club swimming when I was 7/8/9 and loved it, but I used to come from an hour swim lesson to the race pool (my lesson pool/club has races but is only a 20m pool) and racing meant I missed youth group. Got to a point where I was tired of it (even though I was one of the top seeded) and quit instead of renewing my membership.

The smell of chlorine is the best! I love it! The pool is practically my home, and I love the smell of chlorine more then I probably should. :p

The phrase "keeping on kicking, even if your arms fail" is a phrase that my squad coaches yell at us specifically in Fly (I wonder why?) and ever since they started doing it I've taken it to heart and remember it every time I dive.

Coconut drinks are divine!

Thank you for reviewing,

Hayden

x

Reviewer: PaulaTheProkaryote Signed
Date: 21 Nov 2016 · Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

I LOVE THIS. Why do I love this? Because it's such a good little mystery.

"For I am the narrative narrator, only I know the answers."

I swear that you are the master of drabbles.

 

 

Author's Response:

Aww thank you Paula!

The whole drabble was based off the premise that the narrator/author of a story is the only ones who knows everything that comes and is ahead.

You're awesome.

Thank you for reviewing,

Hayden

x

Reviewer: PaulaTheProkaryote Signed
Date: 21 Nov 2016 · Title: Chapter 1: Balls bounce.

Y'know, before I knew you, I had never heard of netball. It feels like the tryouts have this almost heavy sense of finality with it being her last year as the captain of the under 16s, but then bigger and better things will come, right? RIGHT? Yes. It really starts out slow and peaceful and there's this over all feeling of just contemplation and ease. Then we have the nervous enegy of soon coming arrival. I just think you wrote this very nicely balanced out.

Author's Response:

So many Americans (yes Im sorry for my stereotyping) have no idea about netball! *cries* at least I've shown you the light.

 

Try-outs/grading day (as it can be called) definitely have a sense of finality for all actually, in that based on what your performance is on the day, you're either in the top squads, or you're not. The pressure every year is huge. My grading day for my club team is this coming Sunday, and it's mounting for sure.

Bigger and better things always come! (mostly)

 

Thank you so much for reviewing B2!

Hayden

x

Reviewer: PaulaTheProkaryote Signed
Date: 21 Nov 2016 · Title: Chapter 1: Corners

I'm seriously so proud of everything you've been writing lately! You should definitely know that when I read this the first time I pictured Dramione (AHEM, WOULDN'T THIS BE A FUN WIP). Let's be real, trophy wife isn't what he was after anyway. The ring bit was absolutely so well written. My heart. Oh, my heart.

Author's Response:

<3 Aww Paula!

NOT DRAMIONE THOUGH.

And even if it was, Astoria is practically a trophy/housewife.

Thank you!

I'm not commenting on my reaction to your heart tearing in two.

Thank you for reviewing!

Hayden

x

Reviewer: PaulaTheProkaryote Signed
Date: 21 Nov 2016 · Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

This is the relationship I want with my children. This is the relationship I had with my mother. Short and sweet is definitely your forte. With very few words you've conjured up this whole realm of emotion for me. Thank you, as always, for making me smile.

Reviewer: PaulaTheProkaryote Signed
Date: 21 Nov 2016 · Title: Chapter 1: The Pain of Victory.

I think that you've done a really amazing job here with so few words. It's easy for anyone on the outside to say you've done the right thing, you've made the best choice. Television shows tend to show it as this great success, this magnificent victory. What you've shown is that the victory might not always feel like a victory and that nothing is black and white. The guilt for the outcome's impact on her family is something we just really don't talk about. What about the income loss and how it will change the families way of life? What about victims who don't realize their victims? Obviously I think Donna made the right choice and did the right thing, but thank you for showing how complex situations and abuse can be.

Author's Response:

Thank you so much for this amazing review. I really wasn't expecting such a detailed review on such a short story.

 

I'm really glad you liked the story and yeah, I doubt there is really any easy way of dealing with abuse by a member of one's family. There are likely to be issues of loyalty, especially when it's a parent and Donna and her siblings grew up with the sense that this isn't something you talk about outside the family, and then as you pointed out there are practical issues. It's never going to be as simple as "just leave" or "just call the police" and then everything will be OK. And in this case, as is hinted at here, there is also the fear of "what if he's found innocent? Or gets a suspended sentence?" It's not going to be hard for him to figure out who reported him

 

I'm really glad you liked this and thanks again for the review.