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Hi, Meg.
I really liked this chapter. The action starts off with a bang and continues steadily. The image of Draco snatching Willow's letters and holding them out of reach is so familiar in real life that we all can relate, and yet you never see it in fanfic. I like how you show that Willow recognizes that she cam't prevent Draco from sending the copies to his father, so she accepts that she will have to deal with it. The Howler from Lucius is also a good touch. It was inevitable that he would send her a Howler, and it's always exciting when one of them arrives.
The final scene in the entrance hall was sweet and reassuring. It was good to see all those people immediately jump to Willow's support. But it is good that you show that in Willow's mind all her troubles are not solved. It is reasonable that she wonders and worries about whether all these offers of protection will really work.
A great chapter. Happy to see you doing so well. You seem to be in your groove!
Vicki
Author's Response:Hi, Vicki!!!!
Oh I am definitely trying to be back into my writing! I need to write more but I also need time to write. I will have to see about lunch soon. I have been awake since 7 am and am exhausted. I need a bit of energy, I might write a bit soon, if I can. I am glad you enjoyed this new chapter. I tried to make it the best I could. I felt like it needed these scenes. You might say it needed some Malfoy drama lol I hope to have the next chapter up soon!
Thank you so much for reading this!!
-Meg aka DanyFire
Oh, wow. Poor Willow. I'm glad that she got to know Harry, Ron, and Hermione so well during the train trip, and she actually didn't seem too overly worried as she approached her Sorting. Maybe she was thinking that the odds were in her fvor. 3 to 1 that she'll be placed in some house other than Slytherin.
But it happened anyway. Groan. I liked your final two paragraphs where you describe her reaction to being put into the one House she wanted to avoid. But she sounds like a girl who won't passively submit to whatever the people around her tell her to do. She is already planning in her head how she can remain in contact with her Gryffindor friends, "how to make it work." Already the Slytherins look at her with unfriendly eyes, and she suspects that this year will be hell.
Well, "forewarned is forearmed."
We can already see a lot into Willow's head. A good start to your story. Thank you for writing, Meg.
Vicki
Author's Response:Hi Vicki!!!
I am so glad you like my story! I am working on a new chapter as I type this. Typing is a bit painful due to the arthritis I have in my right thumb, which makes using my right hand difficult and painful. And I am right handed. Go figure.
Anyways, I am so glad that this story is interesting to you. I think you'll like the plot twists I have planned. Not gonna reveal any cause that would be giving spoilers and I don't do that.
Oh, wow. Poor Willow. I'm glad that she got to know Harry, Ron, and Hermione so well during the train trip, and she actually didn't seem too overly worried as she approached her Sorting. Maybe she was thinking that the odds were in her fvor. 3 to 1 that she'll be placed in some house other than Slytherin.
But it happened anyway. Groan. I liked your final two paragraphs where you describe her reaction to being put into the one House she wanted to avoid. But she sounds like a girl who won't passively submit to whatever the people around her tell her to do. She is already planning in her head how she can remain in contact with her Gryffindor friends, "how to make it work." Already the Slytherins look at her with unfriendly eyes, and she suspects that this year will be hell.
Well, "forewarned is forearmed."
We can already see a lot into Willow's head. A good start to your story. Thank you for writing, Meg.
Vicki
Author's Response:Did this review get posted twice?
Hi, Meg. Here to cobtinue reading your story about Willow Silver You introduce a touch of tension when suggest it might be doubtful that Lucius would take Silver school-shopping in Diagon Alley -- with those Malfoys, you can never know for sure if they will be nice to you -- but Luckily Lucius is about as nice a he ever gets, so that was good, and the Malfoy's didn't totally ignore Willow's birthday, so that's good also. All in all, she doesn't have a lot to complain about.
But we know that there wil be problems when she get to school, because otherwise we wouldn't have a story.
Plenty of writers start their story with the student receiving his Hogwarts letter at home, going shopping in Diagon Alley, getting on the train and riding to Hogwarts, which is all stuff we have seen often so it risks not feeling new or different. I appreciate the fact that you move pretty quickly through these early scenes, not dwelling on the obvious, and not making Lucius out to be a total jerk. After all, he did buy Willow an owl; that was a nice gesture.
I like the fact that Willow meets Harry, Ron, and Hermione right away, even though she's not too sure that they will be friends at school. Maybe that will depend upon which House she joins. The line by Harry was funny. "Sure, we don't mind. We hate Draco too." It's delivered in a flat, matter-of-fact, throw-away voice, ("We hate Draco. Doesn't everybody?" kind of reference, spoken with a completely straight face.)
As train trips go, this particular one, with the mysterious new professor and the menacing dementors, is a good trip to choose for your story because it's definitely different from the ordinary trips that writers are always writing about! :)
I will go on and read your next chapter too, because I am interested in seeing what kind of girl Willow is and what will happen to her this year. thank you for writing!
Vicki
Author's Response:Hi!
I am so happy you like this story. Like you don't even know. I wasn't sure if anyone would like it. Thank you so so much for reading and reviewing it!
Okey dokey. The cadence and sentence length seem to be consistent here too, carrying into the descriptions as well. It's definitely a challlenge, but I would recommend trying to vary those things. It's as simple as finding a way to connect some of the shorter sentences or maybe insertain some additional descriptions or adjectives here and there. I think that will also help to alleviate a lot of the "telling" going on.
That being said, I think it's good that you've: (1) created reasonable distance between she and the trio early on and (2) that you're staying inside Willow's head more than hammering out dialogue from the train or otherwise here. She's obviously conflicted aobut all the possible outcomes for her and the impact of the outcome she gets has on her. I wonder if there will be a conversation about houses with Harry given that she didn't want to be in Slytherin but was placed there and that he didn't want to and willed the hat the other way.
Best of luck going forward with the story! It was a good read and a good start! Merry Christmas once again!
Author's Response:Hi! Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this! I apologize for not getting to this sooner. Life has been hectic lately. I hope you continue to read this story. I am working on another chapter as I type this!
Thank you so so much!
Ahh! So Willow will be something of a companion character to the trio - or at least a close observer. I imagine being in their orbit will create some interesting dynamics once they find out who she is and especially if she is in fact sorted into Slytherin like her family. It would be a bit odd if she spends most time with/around them given that she's two years below them, but I guess I'll have to see how that all plays out.
Your writing is certainly consistent between chapters in terms of style and cadence so I'll take another chapter to see if that's "Willow-ian" or not. And I just realized the use of Willow's surname in the title. #facepalm Cleverly done.
Author's Response:Hehe I thought doing that with the title was clever. You'll have to wait and see how things go. I am a spoiler free zone lol
Howdy!
Though I realize it's already Christmas, I am here to deliver my present as promised!
I was very interested from the beginning to see that this was in present tense. Present is such a rarity these days, but it seems sort of fitting that we would travel along with Willow on this journey in real time. Still getting to see it from that broader third-person lens will surely widen that lens and it will be interesting to see how it unfolds in the next few chapters.
I also wonder whether the cadence here is in line with how Willow sees the world. I understand it's not first person, but there's a certain precision to it that really makes it feel like it's tied to a way of thinking - or maybe I'm just overthinking things while yearning for more of the pie I already put away today.
In any event, since it looks like you've only got a few chapters up hopefully I can review all three. I'll see you in the next one!
Author's Response:Hi!
I hope you enjoy the story! I have been trying to work on new chapters but I don't have a whole of time to do so lately. So sorry to be getting to this just now. Things have been so crazy.
Hi! Here for our swap :)
Awe there's something so exciting/magical about that trip to Diagon Alley to make first-year purchases. I was sorry to see Draco acting so meanly towards Willow but that was very much his personality at thirteen so I thought it was very on-character to have him displayed that way. It reminded me a little of the way Dudley treated Harry in the first books. Unlike the Dursleys, however, Lucius is quick to reprimand his son too, which gives it a bit of fairness to the situation, though it doesn't make it any more warmer or less tense.
I might have missed were you clarified this, but does Willow live with her uncle? I understand that her mother is his younger sister and that her father is also a pureblood but then we don't see them throughout the chapter and, for some reason, it's not them that take her to Diagon Alley so I was a bit curious about his. It does mention that Willow and Draco both go upstairs to ready themselves but it doesn't say that she goes to *her room* specifically so I'm thinking she might have been visiting them? But what was so important to them that makes them miss out on her birthday? The fact that her uncle buys her a pet makes it seem like she's living with her permamently, so are her parents no longer in the picture at all?
I really enjoyed this first chapter. Willow has a rebellious streak but she also subsides to authority (she asks her cousin for forgiveness when her uncle asks her to do so and she doesn't want to be unprepared for her first day of class) which is very age-appropriate, I think.
Can't wait to read more :) Thank you for the swap opportunity!
Author's Response:Hi!!
I am so sorry to just now be getting to this. My life has been crazy lately. I have been having less time to be online than I anticipated. I will do my review shortly.
As for Willow's family situation, she lives with Lucius as her parents have decided to let him deal with her. They want nothing to do with her. I apologize if that wasn't clarified.
Thank you so much for this review!!
Hi there,
I know Willow is nervous about being in Slytherin but I'd imagine her life would be worse when she'd go home for holidays if she WASN'T in Slytherin. Hopefully she'll make other friends too. She'll really have her own storyline now too since you've mostly been following the book. I would have liked to see her interact with someone on the boats or even Hagrid. This has the makings of a really cute story!
Good job :) Thanks for the swap!
-Heather
Author's Response:Hello again!!! Thank you for choosing this story to review!!! I think you'll like this story more as it progresses! I am planning the next chapter as I type this. I have a good character arc for her throughout this story. Since I lost the original chapters I had, I can start with a clean slate with this story. I hope you continue to enjoy this story as I update it more! I Will do your reviews for the swap shortly as I have been doing laundry and such today. It is kind of hard for me to multitask lol
-Meg
aw, I think willow is charming. Good idea making her from Lucius' side of the family, there has to be more ppl Draco is related to. Don't feel like you have to review more than one chapter of mine, Reviewing is kinda a habit.
I do feel like sometimes the writing tells more than shows. For example, if you include her shyness in a scene or her family's treatment of her in response to an anti pureblood behavior she shows, then you wouldn't have to say she's shy or disagrees with pureblood mania, it would show in the scene.
I am really enjoying the premise though and she's an adorable character!
-Heather
Author's Response:Hi!!!!! I am so glad you chose my edited chapter of my existing story to review! I created Willow in the hopes that she would be a good character to write. I want to develop her character throughout the story. She will have a bit of backstory shown in each chapter. I have been trying to plan my next chapter but that's hard to do when I have 20 million other things to do. I am glad you like the story so far! Please keep reading! It should get better with each chapter! ^_^
-Meg
Here's a review for your holiday gift list. I couldn't decide at first which of your stories to review, but I settled on this one because it had a lot of potential. Willow seems like someone who can grow a lot since she's got a lot to prove to her disinterested family. I wonder now, after reading what you've published, whether you're happy with the direction you took at first; do you plan to keep everything you have and just add or make major changes in the structure, too? If you're going big, do you think you'll spend more time on characters like you've done in this version or do you want to add more description to fill out the scenes more? Do you find one style to be more fun to write than others? For me, I know when I leave something for a long time, it becomes harder for me to change anything - it's like the concrete has set, I guess. Are you concerned that changing your story after it's been on the shelf a while will be harder for you? Good luck when you get back to writing this - I look forward to reading what you produce.
George
Author's Response:Hi!!! Thaank you for the review!!! This story is a rewrite of an older version that was on HPFF. I have since lost the original chapters and am going in blind on the rewrite. I am trying to make it better but without the original chapters, this is difficult. I have forgotten much of what was in the original chapters. I even forgot the names of many of the chapters I had. I will get back into this soon. Things have been crazy in RL and it has been hard to find time to even sit down and be online much less write. I also have a major project I am working on that is taking up much of my free time but fear not, I shall work on this more! I would appreciate any and all feedback you will have on this story going forward!
Much appreciation and love,
Meg
Hi, Meg! Here for the Review Swap. I chose this story because it is multi-chapter (so far).
I appreciated the first paragraph which introduces us to Willow briefly but succinctly. I was sorry to read that Willow's parents didn't like her much because of her defiance of typical pureblood/Sltherin prejudices. Most kids her age or some years younger automatically accept what their parents tell them about politics, religion, society, etc., and strive to please their parents, but Willow doesn't. She seems to have an independent, free-thinking spirit. It will be interesting to see if this spirit is expressed even more in the relative freedom of the boarding school..
I'm wondering where her parents are at this moment, if Willow has a bedroom at Malfoy Manor and dines with Lucius and Draco. Does she live with Lucius and Draco while her parents live elsewhere? (Are they still alive?) Rereading the chapter, I see the line "Willow reads over her supply list and looks up at her family." On first reading, I assumed that meant her extended family (uncle and cousin, who we know are at the table), but upon rereading, I wondered if it meant her immediate family (mother and father) who might be at the table also but not saying anything. Let me know if Mr. and Mrs. Silver are there, and if so, why everyone is living at Lucius's house.
Interesting that Willow's social views resulted in threats from her family that they might not let her go to Hogwarts. Those threats look as if they were no more than a bit of gratuitous cruelty since in the end they do let her go. You'd think that if they didn't like her, they'd be secretly glad to get her out of the house.
I noticed that Draco's complaint to his father -- "Father, she will ruin the trip! Don't bring her!" -- was reminiscent of what Dudley Dursley said when he objected to Harry's being brought along on family trips. The difference is that the Dursleys acquiesced to Dudley's demands and brought Harry along only if no babysitter was available, whereas Lucius doesn't put up with whining and tells Draco so, sharply.
The trip to Diagon Alley is briskly told, which is good, since we have all read about what happens during a trip there to buy school supplies, so no need to dwell on it. I noted that Lucius withdrew money from his Gringotts bank account for both his son's supplies and his niece's supplies. This made me wonder again why her parents aren't paying (if they're still alive). But maybe they will reimburse Lucius later when he presents them with the bills.
We can see that Willow is a sensible girl when you say in the final paragraph that she is grateful for even a low-key birthday party. She knows that the difference between any sort of party and no party at all is much greater than the diffference between a lavish party and a low-key party. They acknowledged her birthday; that's what counts. So she goes to bed happy and eager. She's an interesting character. I expect she will be able to take care of herself.
A good start. I wonder what will be coming up for Willow during her first year at Hogwarts. Thank you for writing, and for doing this swap!
Vicki
Author's Response:Hi Vicki!!!
Thank you for reviewing this story!!! It doesn't get much love. I am rewriting the original version of this story. I kinda fell off the bandwagon with the rewrite. Willow's parents are alive, they just don't really bother with Willow. They prefer to let Lucius deal with her. They can't stand her views on pureblood supremacy. I will have to get back to updating this story. Maybe this will be my next writing project. I hope you will read more of this story!!!
Thank you again for this review for our swap! I'll be doing yours in a bit. Gotta do chores and work first.
Meg aka DanyFire
Loving her meet Ron! Perfect!
Author's Response:Thank you! I need to rewrite the remaining chapters of the original version of this. This story is pretty much a rewrite of my original copy.
Love this intro! And love Willow too! Love this
Author's Response:Thank you! I tried to make this better than the original version. I was working on rewriting this story.
Hi, I'm back again.
I enjoyed Willow's eagerness to start Hogwarts and finally break free from her family. Once again, this was very reminiscent of Harry's experience with starting at the magical school: the way he couldn't wait to escape the Dursleys' abusive house and find his place in the world he truly belong to, the way he immediately made on the train the friendship that would last a lifetime... I think it was nice that Willow has already met Harry, Ron and Hermione and how welcoming they've been of her.
I have to admit, I would have liked this chapter to be a bit more expanded as well. More about the Trio's reaction to Willow, maybe some more dialogue among them (I was a bit surprised that none of them, not even Ron, questioned the presence of a Malfoy in their compartment). More description of the Dementor attack (how did Willow feel? Did she remember some bad experience in particular?) In general, some more detail about what was going on and Willow perceptions and emotions about it. It would make the story more enthralling and the flow smoother.
I'm still very curious about where you want to take the story and what Willow's experience at Hogwarts will be like.
Thank you for the swap for now, it was very nice.
Lots of love,
Chiara
Author's Response:I plan on going into details about these things later, possibly as a flashback or something. As for the trio's reaction to her, that will be discussed as well, at the Sorting. I am writing that bit later today. I hope you aren't too disappointed in my storytelling skills. I tend to go back to things and expand on them later. I don't know why but It is the way I write. If you have any questions, feel free to ask. I have enjoyed this review swap as well! Thank you! :)
Hello! Finally here for our swap, sorry if I had you wait a bit...
Eleven year old getting ready to Hogwarts, that's always so exciting to read! :) I like the background you gave Willow, with the link to the Malfoy family, her looks reflecting it, but the fact that she is a bit of an outsider because of her different views and beliefs. A bit like Sirius was in the Black family, right?
I found quite funny the dynamics between the two cousins and the rest of the family, reminded me a bit of Harry with the Dursleys, with the noticeable difference that Lucius is strict on his son, too, and won't just indulge him in every little whine. I liked the characterization.
I do have a little bit of CC for you, too, I hope you don't mind...
Grammar-wise, I noticed that you jump a lot with tenses, I think it would be better to stick to either present or past.
Content-wise... while I understand the differences between Willow and her family and why they would create a bit of a fracture between them, I would have loved a bit more context to it. Why doesn't she share their beliefs? Has she talked to someone who's made her see things in a different light? Why is she hoping to befriend Harry? Does she know him only by fame? Or from Draco's telling? Does she argue with her family a lot? How does their dislike show in everyday life? Was it firstly brought by some episode in particular? These are just a few hints, in case you decided to expand this first chapter a little bit more...
That said, I like the idea behind the story and how you've developed it so far. And I'm curious to see what happens next and how Willow will adjust at Hogwarts, if she will actually be sorted in Slytherin or end up in a different house, how she will fit in with the Golden Trio (supposing she will) and what will be her role inside the plot of PoA (this is PoA year, right? Do you know it is my favourite book/movie in the series? Something to do with a certain werewolf I'm slightly in love with...)
Moving to chapter two now.
Lots of love,
Chiara
Author's Response:Don't worry. I love Remus too. Weird for a Slytherin, right? Anyway, thank you for your review! Your concerns about why Willow is different will be explained later on in the story. I don't want to give spoilers so I will leave it at that. As for my jump in tenses, I tries to keep that under control but I guess I missed a few jumps. I am usually good about that. Maybe I've just gotten rusty cause I haven't written much in a while. I will be better about that. Oh and yes, this is PoA year but I have a few tweaks up my sleeve. ;)
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