Name: TreacleTart (Signed) · Date: 02 Feb 2020 12:21 AM · For: Chapter 4: Determination

Hey Lex!

 

I'm here to leave you another review for the CDMC Event - Round 2!

 

So I get Harry's frustration. He's obviously been thrust into an incredibly unfair circumstance, but is now really the time to start being a jerk about Draco's background? Ron is dead. The Dark Lord likely knows where they are and what they're searching for. He's likely coming for them. And instead of hauling ass to get far away, they're chasing Draco around in the forest because of an unkind comment.

 

It seems like Draco is taking on a bit of Ron's roll from the books, which is fun to play with. It's always interesting to think of how things might've happened had someone not been there or had someone different been there.

 

OMG. I AM SO RELIEVED. YOU DIDN'T ACTUALLY KILL MY PRECIOUS BABY RON!

 

Alright. So everyone is locked in the dungeon and Hermione is being tortured by Bellatrix. This section seems to pretty much follow along with canon with a few changes here and there. I do really like the idea of Draco freeing Dobby and Dobby coming back to save him and his friends. It does a lot to distinguish Draco from the other Purebloods.

 

Awww! Yay! Finally a Draco/Harry kiss. That seems fitting that it would be right after a crazy escape from Gringotts on the back of a dragon.

 

I like how you've expanded Draco's role in the end of this story. I like that he tossed Harry a wand and I thought the moment when Harry is rushing off to battle and whispers I love you to Draco was very sweet and quite fitting.

 

Ummm...my heart when Harry sees Lily and James for the first time.

 

All in all, I thought you made some really interesting changes to the story, but I do think it would've benefitted from being told over more chapters. So much happened in each chapter and in such a short span of words that it felt a bit rushed in places. I'd have liked a bit more time to see Harry and Draco's relationship develop too. It's still a good story as it is, but there is definitely a lot of room to expand it (and I'd certainly read more of it too if it was!)

 

Good work! I'm headed off to check out more of your AP now.

 

~Kaitlin

 

P.S. That piece of fan art is absolutely gorgeous!

Name: TreacleTart (Signed) · Date: 02 Feb 2020 12:02 AM · For: Chapter 3: Perception

Hey Lex!

 

I'm here to leave you another review for the CDMC Event - Round 2!

 

Alright, so Harry is having nightmares about Voldemort again, but at least this time he's being honest and telling everyone what is going on. I think they need to know what's happening to him to adequately fight what the Death Eaters are doing.

 

Of course, Draco is coming along on this adventure now.

 

WAIT! HOGWARTS IS ABANDONED?!

 

Aww poor Sirius and Remus being abandoned like that. How horrifying to finally find Harry and to be raising Draco and to have them just disappear to who knows where. I mean I know they know the kids are likely off to try and fight Voldemort, but that has to be just terrifying.

 

I suppose having Draco with them would provide a lot of insight into the Death Eaters and Voldemort's actions.

 

OMG. I WAS NOT EXPECTING THIS. HOW DARE YOU? MY POOR HEART. Ron storms off like he does in canon, but then he gets captured by Voldemort and killed. That's awful. My poor baby. How could you? I am a bit surprised though that Voldemort killed him so quickly. I'd imagine he would've tortured him slowly to try and extract that information. Maybe even tried legillimency on him?

 

And how awful for Harry to witness Ron being killed. I mean I know they aren't necessarily as close as they were in the books, but its still so cruel to have him bear witness to that.

 

~Kaitlin

Name: TreacleTart (Signed) · Date: 01 Feb 2020 11:47 PM · For: Chapter 2: Inevitability

Hey Lex!

 

I'm here to leave you another review for the CDMC Event - Round 2!

 

It seems a bit odd to me that Remus would take Harry into Diagon Alley when he knows the Ministry is likely searching for whoever the unregistered apparater was the day prior. Considering that they were unregistered, I'd think the wand shop would be watched since that would be a good first place for a new wizard to go.

 

Wow. This was quite the wand selection ceremony. How terrifying to be literally trying to select a wand while all of the buildings around you are being attacked. I'm glad that Harry was finally able to find one, but I almost worry that maybe it wasn't the right one for him because it was so rushed.

 

I see the Order of the Phoenix and Dumbledore's Army still exist in this universe. It's nice to see a whole bunch of friendly, familiar faces.

 

I like that Harry and Draco are bonding over their shared tragic experiences. It's pretty terrible to think that Lucius would have beaten Draco and then allowed Bellatrix to torture him. I don't care what excuses Harry comes up with about there being war pressure that causes it. That is horrifically wrong. I'm glad that he's safe now with Remus and Sirius.

 

Wait. So Dumbledore is alive, but hasn't come to talk to Harry at all about his life or his family or what's going on? That seems a bit odd.

 

Wow. So a lot happened very quickly in that chapter. So many events from so many different books kind of have all been mashed into one much shorter timeline. I think in some ways it felt a bit rushed, maybe like you were trying to get everything set up in this chapter for what's coming in the next.

 

I do like that Harry and Draco are opening up to each other more. I think they both really need that comfort and support.

 

~Kaitlin

Name: TreacleTart (Signed) · Date: 01 Feb 2020 11:29 PM · For: Chapter 1: Happenstance

Hey Lex!

 

I'm here to leave you another review for the CDMC Event - Round 2!

 

Wow. There is so much variety on your author's page! It takes a lot of skill to be so versatile.

 

You do a great job of immediately setting up how miserable life is at the Dursley's for Harry. If it isn't bad enough that they make him do hard manual labor and don't feed him well, you have Vernon reminding us that they're also verbally abusive to him as well. Instead of being worried about the fact that he's having horrible nightmares, he's threatening and chastising him.

 

Ooh wow. This is an AU. I'm bad at reading the details of stories. Lol. It's really sad to think of Harry never having had the chance to escape the Dursleys. I mean it's bad enough that he had to deal with them till he was eleven in the book, but to imagine having to deal with them constantly till he was seventeen was even worse.

 

Oh man. He accidentally apparated in anger and desperation. That's a really interesting concept. I've always wondered what would happen to a wizard who was never taught to control their magic.

 

It sure is lucky he bumped into Draco in the middle of muggle London. And then Draco is on speaking terms with Remus and Sirius. Smart thinking to bring Harry to them. AND OMG WHAT?! Lily and James are still alive, but have been in hiding for all of this time? I have so many questions right now as does Harry, I imagine.

 

Okay, so Draco has been kicked out by his family and is living with Remus and Sirius. I'd love to hear more about that. And now him being at the scene of an unregistered magical person apparating is going to cause a bit of chaos. I'm excited to see what sort of cover story Remus comes up with.

 

My only little bit of concrit on this chapter is that there are couple of areas where you sort of break into summarizing instead of showing us what is happening through description and action. It isn't anything major and I know you have a lot to explain for all of the changes in the story to make sense. I just thought maybe a bit more of that description you're so good at would have helped some of those areas a bit.

 

All in all, a good chapter!

 

~Kaitlin