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6.349: Reading this poem next to the page it’s taken from–it makes the poem cut deeper. Everyone in this scene is just blowing off Percy and glad he’s gone (or pretending to be glad he’s gone because they are mad at him) except for Molly. Ron especially is so flippant about it, and the bit about the mashed parsnip–gah the way you made this painful poem from all that is really impressive. I love that it’s centered on the page, and how it dwindles down to loss, emphasizing how much of a loss this moment is. Percy is lost to his mother and his family, and Percy himself has lost all of them. I love that you end with that.
6.650: Oh my goodness, Percy isn’t even doing anything in this scene and Ron wants to go back and hit him. I love how this poem you made is so full of longing and bitterness. The repeated “come back” and the “he seemed to struggle” seems to me like Percy wants to go back to his family, but he just…can’t.
I love these poems!
Yours,
Noelle
Hello Hello!
5.72-73: Okay so Percy thinking as an angry cat is the most genius description of him. And the “and it got worse” is so telling. Percy doesn’t really chill out as he gets older. If anything, he gets more agitated as the war continues and he gets wrapped up in it and separated from his family. The “everyone knew he didn’t belong” breaks my heart.
5.84: Side note: i love how you are playing with the formatting on this set of poems! I love how this one tumbles down the page visually, which accents the way the words are tumbling out of control. All the -ing endings combined with the em-dashes creates this frantic energy, I love it!
5.618-619: This one is so scary. I love how the tension mounts with all the lines in italics/parenthesis. The “let it happen” followed by “a horrified delight” scares the crap out of the reader well before we get to the bottom to see “I’m afraid.”
Yours,
Noelle
Hello Hello!
4.55: I feel like you’ve captured how stressed Percy is here. He’s trying so hard to do his job, but he’s in this house which is VERY FULL of distractions. And when he asks for a little consideration he just…doesn’t get it. I think the “just noise, all of it” is very telling.
4.90-91: “desperate nobody” breaks my heart. Percy’s boss has literally no idea who he is.
4.416: This poem makes me wonder how much Percy realizes about Mr Crouch’s situation. Does he know why Crouch “isn’t well?” I love how the repetition of the “isn’t well, not well at all” feels so brusque and fussy.
4.424-425: The brusque and fussy continues with “not at all, not at all” The “unpleasantly familiar” is sort of chilling.
4.618: I love how this poem points out how upset and scared Percy probably is, since he’s been hauled in for questioning about his boss. The “faltering at the cold” and the way it just stops is a little nerve-wracking (in a good way!)
Yours,
Noelle
Hi Melanie, I saw this as one of the finalist for the Inkys, and I had to come check it out!
But ohmygawd, I was not ready to be emotionally gutted! How you've managed to leave me completly wrecked in such few words is beyond me. I love how the first poems ends with the word loss becaue there is such a feeling of just that.
And the second poem. Such beautiful imagery. I can almost hear the moment, you know? It's just amazing.
<3 Quilly
Lord, I am not ok! But then again, every single time I read one of these Percy poems I am not ok! Even though he leaves somewhere between GOF and OOTP, I still read this as THAT moment. The words you've chosen certainly pack one hell of an emotional punch and I can see why this has made it as a finalist! Congrats, btw! <3
You've absolutely wrecked my heart before noon.
<3 Courtney
3.62 is just so perfectly Percy. I really feel like Percy's pride is both is biggest ally and his greatest foe. His need to prove himself - even to himself - is what allows him to be heartily, solemnly, deeply, marvelous - and he doesn't mind if it takes the fun out life because he has enough pride to carry him through it. It's easy to see how others could look at him and judge him for it and and have this "oh just lighten up" view of him but Percy has bigger expectations of himself so he doesn't care what they say. I think he has this "my goals aren't too big - yours are just too small" way about him that makes him who he is.
And then 3.267 is a perfect follow up because if he would put his pride aside and let himself have fun, he would risk his worst nightmares coming true. He has such impossible standards for himself, and he feels like others have it of him too, and he cannot let anyone down. I also like the repetition of the Percy had a nightmare because it feels like a neverending thing. It's constantly happening, a fear that never leaves him.
Love, Quilly.
Ooooh Percy ::sobs::
would have given all the gold in Gringotts I liked this line because it's also a good reminder that Percy's ambition was never about money, you know? Like, his desire to be great and prove himself and be successful came from wanting to prove himself as worthy, not from wanting to be rich. It hurts all the more that in his search for that, he somehow manages to do the exact opposite and "disappoint" his parents and his siblings.
Also the to laugh along with everyone else is lovely because Percy can teach himself almost anything, be successful in all his classes, become Head Boy, land his dream job, etc, but he can't teach himself to be as easy going as Fred and George or as charasmatic as Bill and Charlie. Not to say that he is lacking, but that he is often feeling like he's the butt of the joke rather than the one laughing along with everyone else, and that has to be hard.
Another brilliant one!
Love, Quilly.
Ahhh Melanie! Here to woo Cyclops & this is just the coolest idea ever!
I love the fact that each of these poems can relate to the page they came from - but also manage to encompass who Percy was in the entire series. Like, in that first poem, of course he vanishes, quite literally, into Platform 9 3/4 but, also, in the books we often don't see him as Percy, a person, but just as "one of the brothers." This is mostly due to the fact that we are viewing everything from Harry's POV but I should also think that Percy often felt lost amongst being one of many brothers and his importance - or ability to stand out - often vanishes. Also I like the almost there line because it feels like every time he gets close, to impressing his parents, to proving himself, something happens, and he finds himself feeling defeated/needing to prove himself again.
Which leads me to that second poem. Because I think his desire to prove his worth is sort of drives him to this desire for genius/perfection, and it does affect him greatly.
And then that last poem kind of brings back full circle to the idea that he will always be a "brother" and though that role sometimes made him feel invisible, he also cared greatly for his family, you know? I especially love that last three lines: at last, cool logic, burst into tears. It just felt very Percy and how he tries so hard to keep it together and be collected but he, of course, must have these moments were he's no longer able to keep it together and the fall is all the heavier for it.
Love, Quilly.
MELANIE, WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME?
Oh my god imposter syndrome Percy?! Omg why am I about to cry?! Because it's so accurate it hurts! He wants to do it all and be the best and urghhhh :melts into seat and slides down onto the floor in agony: You really have a knack for just hitting me hard in the feels with such minimal words, it's freaking brilliant!
OMG AND IT HURTS WORSE THE FURTHER I GO! :sobs: His worst fear is his life amounting to nothing and nobody ever noticing him for doing something grand, isn't it? And you totally show that here in this second poem and I AM NOT OK.
"deep
in
doubt
desperate
nobody"
^^ STOP DOING THIS TO HIMMM!!! :sobs:
"He needs
comfort
he could rely upon."
^^ OK BUT LIKE THIS IS TOTALLY FUCKING SAD. Because the general overall perception of Weasleys is that no one really CARES or GETS Percy and I am SADDDD. (Maybe Molly a wee bit, but even she has moments of like "idk what to do with this kid of mine," and JESUS I AM NOT OK READING THESE).
"There was no
glance
to see how he felt
for once."
^^ WHY IS NOBODY LOOKING AT THIS POOR BOI SUFFERING IN SILENCE?!
"not at all, not at all
happy about this at all;
he would rush
home
if they were open."
NO. NO. NO. MADAME WE ARE NOT DOING THIS. Except we are doing this and I am going to start crying now, ok? All you need to do is mention "Percy," and "home," and we all sort of just knows where that story is headed and it's never ok. We're never ok whenever we read things like this. I think your take on Ignatius has like forever changed my general perception that perhaps Percy WANTED to go home but COULDNT no matter how much he WANTED to. And as a result, I have never been the same again.
But. But. You repetition of "at all," really gives us this urgent feeling. And also because those words are generally "absolute." Like "Courtney is not at all ok reading this series of poems." Just kidding. But damn. You have really just ripped my heart out of my chest here. And I think that those two above reasons are also why I have so many feels. I can FEEL HIM wanting to run home and he CANT and it HURRRTS.
Ok, I sort of love how there is this full cycle moment where the beginning has this general anxious feel to it and then you end on the same note. Anxiety manifests in different ways and I think you show both avenues of "taking on too much," and then "forgetting basic self care." It's not done in a way to glorify it, but rather shine a light and show this to us in a character that we can surmise likely has suffered silently in this way. And if it's not canon, you have made it my canon. So congrats. Ok, I need to breathe. Because I don't think I was breathing the entire time I was reading all of these, tbh.
My heart. MAKE THIS BOY HAPPY DAMNIT. ;)
<3 Courtney
~* 103 rising through the ranks *~
Galazy Reviewing :D :D :D
Enough pride to take all the fun out of life. I. NEED. TO. HAVE. EMOJIS. TO. REVIEW. PROPERLY. :ELMO FIRE!: At this point I'm just screaming the same compliments, but they are so well deserved. I mean honestly I can't fathom searching a page and limiting myself to just those words and then creating something so complex and layered and intersting and full of character. Like HOW?!?!?!
And then in the second one, it just captures the idea of his motivations and choices so perfectly. Honestly if these were just poems you wrote from your own choices of words, phrasing, ect. I would still be all :heart eyes: about them but to know the method of making these just jumps it all to eleven!
Expertly done.
- Jacquelin
Author's Response:Jacquelin, I can't tell you how happy I have been reading these reviews! Thank you so much for reading these poems.
And yes, in the second poem -- re: his motivations and choices -- 100%, like he's terrified to be disappointing!
<3 Melanie
Galazy Reviewing :D :D :D
But I don't know why I put smiley faces at the start of this because all I want to do is burst into fucking tears!!!! I am seriously blown away that you're able to make these happen. Like legit the idea itself just sounds so painstaking and tedious and I don't have that sort of patience. XD
But I'm so glad you do beacuse this is incredible. The idea that he's on the outside looking in, that he's missing out, that he's somehow less or somehow broken that he can't just be part of their fun and innocent mischief. How did you break my heart in less than 30 words?!?!?!
Amazing job. I don't even care that you only have one for this book - I can't believe you did that. It's so powerful and so clever and just perfect. Seriously. I sound fake - but I mean it.
- Jacquelin
Author's Response:Ohhh thank you so much! :sob: I ewas really happy with this one because I felt like it just encapsulated so much about him and how he's just kind of built differently to everyone else. I'm really happy you liked it. <333
Here for the Galazy Event :D :D :D
What a cool concept for poetry! I've not heard of this before, but it's such an innovative and creative idea - and you've freaking crushed it by the way. Wow. To only have a fixed set of words to work with and still be able to pull out these incredibly emotive and easy to follow lines is just :chefs kiss:
And I see the Percy-ness in all of these. I'm not certain of all the contexts, I'll muse a bit in a second to see if I can get them - but even without knowing the situations or the settings, they just all really scream Percy to me and that's so incredible.
Okay, is the first on the platform? Where all the brothers are there? And then the second one - I really have no clue, but boy does it just shriek at the top of its lungs XD and the third one. </3 Is the third one about Fred dying?! AHHHH cool logic - burst into tears. I seriously could never have made something like this. It's so beautifully done. A.MAZE.ING.
- Jacquelin
Author's Response:Hi Jacquelin, thank you so much for stopping by to read these!
Yes, the first was on the platform, first time Harry sees all the Weasleys. The second one I want to say is when they're at the welcome feast and Harry is asking Percy if Dumbledore's a little mad and Percy says, "Mad? He's a genius! But he is a bit mad, yes." XD
And the third one is from when Dumbledore is awarding points for the trio having rescued the stone, and obviously Percy's "My brother" there is SUCH a different tone because in the book Percy is bragging about Ron having beat McGonagall's chess set. :pleading eyes emoji:
<3 Melanie
i loved the previous poems, but these to somehow really hit hard, you know? and i love that you put them together in the same chapter because it feels like they sort of build upon one another, but then again, they are both facets of percy’s personality so that’s not surprising at all.
the first one just makes me feel like it’s really contradictory in what it says, marvellous and then enough pride to take all the fun out of life, but it does make me think of percy and how he’s just really, fully himself and doesn’t try and pretend otherwise even when people might expect differently of him because of his family, first because of who bill and charlie were in hogwarts and then later when the twins come about and wreak havoc and ron, who is harry’s friend…none of those things are percy and he’s also proud of who he is and who he is trying to be and he relishes in that fact….up until it all comes back to him badly and we know how that ends. but hopefully, he finds himself and happiness again after all the bad stuff.
and the second one first made me laugh because it’s so witty and funny, but that’s just on the surface, and so when i think about percy and how that was his nightmare it’s also all sorts of sad. it probably wasn’t the worst nightmare he ever had, but it really makes me think of anxiety and how that’s super relatable…so i feel for him, i really do.
i hope you continue with this collection, all of the poems are really unique and i love the way you crafted them!
kris / ss voyager
i thought this was such an interesting take on percy and his character! i mean he’s usually so so reserved or at least he likes to present himself that way, with, yk, a cool head, focused on the future (whatever that means in any given situation, whether it’s his studies while he’s still at hogwarts or his job when he starts working at the ministry, he takes it all so so seriously), and it’s something that we really just associate with his character without thinking, or at least i hadn’t before?, about what lies underneath.
and so with this poem i really loved how you sort of scraped back this outward layer of percy and gave us what he’s really feeling underneath his exterior cool. he wants to laugh and joke around, he want so to be part of the group, he wants to fit in with his family, but at the same time…the pull towards that future he also desperately wants really just kinda tears at him, yk? and in the poem i loved seeing him bare in a way…like yes, *this* is also percy weasley, but the very carefully guarded secret percy weasley and he will absolutely never let anyone know about that part of him. but you’re a master at writing percy and getting to what’s underneath so the way you crafted this poem was just amazing in both its simplicity and what it means for percy as a character and that’s why it’s so so brilliant!
kris / ss voyager
Hi Melanie! I’m here for Prize Review 5/7 :D
3.62: OMG If this isn’t the perfect description of Percy, I don’t know what is. He is indeed heartily and solemnly marvelous, and he certainly has enough pride to take all the fun out of life. He’s so busy being perfect, that there isn’t all that much energy left for having fun. Or maybe it’s more that at this point in his life, Percy’s concept of fun means doing things or acting in ways that are undignified. So how could he want to have fun when he has so much important marvelous dignity to maintain?
3.267: Like Hermione, I imagine that Percy’s worst nightmare (other than losing a family member, which is so horrible he’s probably never even contemplated it at this point) would be letting down an authority figure that he admires. And he must admire Professor McGonagall as his head of house. So when she comes storming into the common room in the middle of the night and is upset with him because she at first thinks that he’s let the partying go on this late, I imagine that his stomach is dropping into his shoes, and he’s quite upset. But on a deeper level, this would be his Boggart—him failing at something, and having someone he respects call him a failure.
Yours,
Noelle
Hi Melanie! I’m here for Prize Review 4/7 :D
This one is just so sad! Okay, I’m sorry if this interpretation is way off, but I’m going to run with it. So, as much as Percy sets himself apart from others—because he’s smarter, and works harder, is more dedicated, etc—I wonder if there’s maybe a part of him that would actually like to be a part of the group. Like he’s in this family of very social people, many of whom are excellent at charming other people, and getting other people to like them. And then there’s Percy, who’s on the outside of it all, almost as an act of self-defense. Like, he doesn’t get the jokes. Everyone else is laughing, and Percy doesn’t even get what is funny—but that doesn’t mean that he *wants* to be left out. It’s just easier than trying to operated inside this group of people who are strong where he is weak, and are always playing to their strengths and are usually socially rewarded for it. So I feel like this poem is Percy taking a minute and wishing that maybe he could be like everyone else, if just for a minute.
Yours,
Noelle
Hi Melanie! I’m here for Prize Review 3/7 :D
I LOVE the concept of what you’re doing here. In 1.92 we meet Percy for the first time. I think you capture how surprised Harry must have been to see this red-headed boy suddenly vanish in the middle of a busy train station. And you crafted a perfect introduction to Percy—the third brother, and how Harry sees him about to hit the wall between the platforms, and then suddenly he’s gone. Very clever!
In 1.123, I like how this whole poem could apply to either Dumbledore (whom Percy and Harry are talking about in the book at this moment, and whom Percy is calling a genius in the text) OR Percy himself. Dumbledore and Percy are both geniuses, and have the sort of personality traits that can lead them into trouble—they keep going on doing what they think is right, regardless of the consequences to themselves personally, interpersonally, etc. They’re both quite Gryffindor-ish in that way, even though they both have traits of the other houses as well. But this personal code that they operate under, and that nobody can sway them from, is very Gryffindor.
In 1.305, you’ve given me chills. While in PS, this moment is joyful—Dumbledore is handing out extra points at the end of the year feast and Ron has just been awarded a bunch of points for beating McGonagall’s chess set—this poem is all about Fred. The storm breaking is the Battle of Hogwarts, and then the wall collapsing on Fred, whose smile is frozen in a joke in death while everyone else’s smiles are fading, and then Percy is crying out “my brother, my brother” for Fred while he shields Fred’s body, unwilling to leave it. And Percy—cool logic that is—is finally crying, overwhelmed by emotion. (At least this is how I’m reading it—lmk if I’m totally off base, lmao)
These are so cool!
Yours,
Noelle
tag ☆
i really love the idea of blackout poetry even though i've never tried it (when i write poetry it's only bc of personal stuff so not really thought out oops) but i think it adds this super clever layer to the poems, like they could have dual meanings or even triple - the actual poem, the page(s) they were created from and the overall plot of the book (series) and i feel like you did such a great job with these!
all three of the poems are super gut punchy but especially the second and third one (which was crushjng!) - i absolutely love how in the context of percy they're almost painting these totally opposite parts of who he is.
cool logic bursting into tears vs genius, even if it made him sick read standalone are just so amazing, especially considering your limited word choice from just found words, but read together as a pair in quick succession just hit differently and...so much worse (but lol in a good way!). they show us so many layers to percy's character in a seemingly simple way, hust going for the jugular and the core of who he is that might be overlooked when reading the book text but i love this character study of him through these poems, i think you wrote them amazingly.
☆
kris
LORD MELANIE THAT FIRST POEM THOUGH.
It hits hard emotionally. Because upon initial read I was all "Aww Percy, why must you take the fun out of your own life by being so solemn all the time, my dude." But upon second glance, I took to heart the word "marvelous," behind all those adverbs and it's almost like he relishes who he is to the point of saying "eff you," in his solemnly marvelous Percy sort of way, to whatever other people expect of him, just because he is a Weasley. It's almost like you're brining about this idea that he must be "fun," and all other things that his Weasley siblings are, but he's not and he's all "I don't care," about it. Which just feels very Percy, tbh.
And poem #2 makes me feel so bad for him, carrying around this great weight of expectation around all the time. It's so unfair that his life circumstance has thrust him in this type of position and that he internalizes it like he does. It's probably his greatest nightmare to be consistently compared to Bill and Charlie, and he likely is because of how closely knit this community is and how much those two overachievers have achieved in their short span of life. And it's like a living nightmare of his that he constantly has to face that I think you show here as well.
Anyway, I don't know if you intended these things in these two poems, but I took them as such. I really love that you're doing this. It is super cool and probably pretty hard to do, so I appreciate all your efforts in writing these.
<3 Courtney
PS Tag! ((I will die trying to bring this back LOL))
What a fascinating idea for creating poetry - I've never come across the term 'blackout poetry' before, but this is so cleverly constructed. Persumably, the third brother refers to Percy - almost there, then quite suddenly, he wasn't. Is this a reference to his almost-but-not-quite defection and turning his back on his family?
The second verse; A genius - even if it made him sick. You know, Percy has always reminded me a little of Mary in Pride and Prejudice; never quite fitting in with the rest of her less-bookish family. I can see why Percy did what he did, even if it wasn't the right course of action.
Oh no. That third verse. This is Fred and Percy in Fred's final moment :((( And Percy is left to survive it. We all talk about how Fred's death must have impacted George, but Percy was THERE.
WAIL
Thanks for the heart-break. Brilliant and ... yeah, that. <3
Meera x
hey there mel!! i'm criminally late for this review swap, honestly, but i'm here?? finally??
i love blackout poems - i love all poems, tbh, but blackout poems in particular have this lovely dual quality to them: the actual poem there itself but also the narrative behind it from the original text, which is so cool and allows for so much cleverness to go on with the way the author writes it and uses the page and blacking out to bring the second story out of it.
and this is just so so cool. i love the way it all revolves around percy and even if you don't say his name - and even if it wasn't in the title of the collection lololol - i think it would still be obvious it's percy: the idea of genius even when it hurts him, that he's almost too clever for his own good because it blinds him, the third brother vanishing - which he does, fairly literally in books 5-7 - and that final section with the 'my brother, my brother' and that horrible, horrible (but clever!) ghost of fred's death. it's just so clearly percy and it brings out his isolation, imo, from the others with the vanishing and the genius, but also the way he's still one of them - irrefutably part of the set, no matter how much he tries to and perhaps wants to vanish out of it. he's still the third brother and that doesn't change, whatever it is he does.
that last section is so so good. like, i love the way the whole poem kinda condenses percy's personal journey through the series into a single, short, simple - but clever! - poem. it works so so well and it's so so good and you really isolate the heart of his journey: the cleverness and the pride, in that he can't see his cleverness is blinding him and can't admit that perhaps he's not as clever as he thinks he is, and the awful way it ends at the final battle - almost worse, perhaps, than if it had been him who had been hurt.
the way you constructed this poem is so clever, too. i know it's like, you chose the words from the page - but ahhhhhh it's so good and so poetic and so punchy?? like, the repetition of 'my brother, my brother'; the way the wall being smashed is described with the simile of a storm bursting - that image of thunder and the lightning and the shock it can give you when it's loud and you don't expect it - it's just. so good and works so well. and choosing words from a pre-set lot can almost be harder than choosing your own because you're limited in what you can pick and here you've just shown off how good you are at picking the right words, even from a super limited selection :P
also, it's a small thing but i love the idea of percy being described as 'almost there' - it's like he's a work in progress before he goes missing (er, to the ministry lol) which is actually a really neat way of describing a teenager especially - because you really are just a work in progress then, you're so young and so inexperienced and it really kinda hits home the naivity he perhaps had.
ahhhh this was so good, i'll definitely have to check out the others at some point!!
laura xx
Again, such amazing capture or snapshot of percy's struggle, brilliant!That elemen t that makes him different, the sadness or seriousness he just can't shake, and while others take it easy, he can't, and it's so hard sometimes, and people who don't experience don't understand it. I am having too many feelings right now because of a four line poem, woman! But thank you, I love all that you do, never stop!
Eli
Author's Response:Thank you so much for these comments -- I was actually really proud of this one, I felt like it just encapsulates that feeling of being different but WANTING to be the same and you just AREN'T. It's not that you think you're better or you hate fun, you just don't know how to be "normal."
Thank you again! <3
*WEEP*
what
how
Melanie!
I refuse to talk to you!
...
Ok, so, this is perfect? You've done such a good job with these. I loved the first part, and then the second two, the reflection of who Percy was and how it sometimes hindered him, and then the third one...I think I know what it means and just...god, it's perfect and you're a genius but also WHY, when will the pain end??
Loved this, friend!
Eli
Author's Response::hides:
Yes... the third one is exactly what you're thinking. I was STUNNED honestly when I realized I could pull those lines from that page to make that poem. Making these poems is super fun when they come together like this.
Thank you for reviewing, I'm glad you liked!! <3
Aww omgawsh, Melanie, even though you could only come up with one for this book, I think this is a stunning poem! Percy longing to give the gold he doesn't have, just to fit in (whether with his family or his peers), it's so terribly sad. But such a universal feeling. So even when Percy is all "I don't need this," yes, lowkey, you do need this, my dude. I think you did a lovely job with this one, and it packs a powerful, emotional punch.
<3 Courtney
Author's Response:Thank you so much!! The feeling of like... being an outsider and aloof but WANTING to be able to connect with people on their level and just having no idea how to, it's really very heartbreaking (and tbh something I have experienced a lot). I was really proud of being able to piece this one together with these lines and I'm glad you liked it!! <3
Wow, I really love this, and think you did a great job conveying Percy's character arc in these few poems here. I really enjoyed the first one, because like woah, foreshadowing for what's to come of Percy. :)
And the last one, I absolutely LOVED "cool logic // burst into tears." Such a "high emotion, Percy," way of putting things. And ouch, yes, "the fourth and third // a storm broke." I felt that one pretty aptly.
Excellent job!
<3 Courtney
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