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Hello!! I have been waiting for what feels like FOREVER for this chapter, haha!
That's a neat piece of magic with the syrup bottle and piece of parchment, and how it seems to have summoned some help almost immediately. I wonder if this charm works in a similar way to how Voldemort summons his Death Eaters via their Dark Marks.
I wonder what ship the map-maker is a captain of? Curious. Interesting and diverse collection of people to come to their rescue. Unfortunate that one of them had to leave a wedding in a hurry. Luckily it wasn't their own! At first, I thought the drunk man was Mundungus Fletcher, but obviously not, unless he went by the name of Victor back then...
Oh, hahaha!! Sirius has been Polyjuiced into a girl!! I love how he's having to concentrate on his walk and then buys a pink ice-cream because he assumes that's what girls would naturally choose. How unfortunate that he runs into a group of boys, one of whom starts to hit on him!! I bet he doesn't forget the name Sean Gordon in a hurry! What will happen when he gets to Grimmauld Place and he's still a girl? I hope for his sake his mother doesn't find him before he transforms back into his normal self!
Glad to hear Feather got some credit for saving the map-maker's life. GO KITTEN!!
Pins x
Author's Response:
I imagine the magic with the bottle and parchment (which was probably way too convenient - I know, I know) would have more in common with Sirius’s two-way mirror, than the Dark Marks, but the effect did turn out similar.
Wow, what if Grace had left her own wedding? That could have been very dramatic. Anyway, too late 😄
Nope, Victor is not Mundungus. I don’t really know who he is, yet, but he is certainly not Mundungus. Would anyone willingly change their name to Mundungus?
Sirius didn’t feel very comfortable in a girl’s body. It might have been fun, if he was not trying to evade a bunch of Death Eaters.
You are right, Sirius will remember Sean. Considering that Hogwarts is not that big, I believe they are bound to cross paths again.
Will Walburga see Sirius while he is still polyjuiced? Well….
Feather deserved a lot of credit for her bravery. She doesn’t mind the spotlight :) :) :)
I very much appreciate that you are still keeping up with this story. Thank you for reviewing and for being so wonderful. 💖💖💖
Oh a cliffhanger! Very interesting. I'm so curious about the mapmaker and who he is. Why is his shop so hidden (I like the inclusion that Sirius knows all about protection spells, I also think its sort of sweet how Sirius thinks about going back for his father for help too). What does Voldemort want with him? "Take my advice, boy," he said, his voice weak. "Keep to lesser evils. Let those wretched things stay forgotten." Does he mean Horcruxes here? How does the mapmaker know about them? Very interesting hints there.
Oh I'm so glad Feather is okay. I'm a complete and utter cat person and I was so worried about her, what a clever kitten she is to take the mapmaker the wand. I really like your description throughout this of the cavern and a ship, I could really picture the scene in my mind's eye. Really interesting chapter, looking forward to more.
Author's Response:Yey! Thank you for reviewing. I hope the map maker's back story will not be disappointing but it will take while to get to it.
Sirius will probably end up very upset with his father, but so far he is his better parent.
I think it is safe to say they are not talking about horcruxes. If I have not completely messed up canon chronology, Voldemort has already made most of those.
Feather seems to be quickly winning hearts. I am so happy abut that. She is a favourite of mine.
Thank you so much for your lovely reviews. They are much much apreciated.
Transferred from HPFF...
Oh very good! I love the last part with the map-making marauder! I love little flashes to canon like that and how things tie in with the book. I wonder who he is. Very cleverly done.
I also really like your characterisation of Orion, he’s not someone who ever gets much development in things I read and if he does, it’s usually as a blood-obsessed abusive parent. Your characterisation was very refreshing.
Can’t wait to read more.
Transferred from HPFF...
Love this! I really liked how Walburga punished Sirius by threatening his friends, that’s very clever and much more of a punishment for him than if she’d been violent towards him. It was very cruel and very calculated and cleverly written.
I like the idea that Sirius has already received some magical tuition before he goes to Hogwarts and I thought that potion was very original. I wonder what Sirius will do with the bit he sneaked away. I liked the way you wrote the potion making, it was engaging and informative but without being boring.
I’m also liking the relationship between Regulus and Sirius. If I have one criticism it’s that they both sound a little older than they’re supposed to be, especially Regulus. But I always find children hard to capture and it doesn’t take anything away from the story.
Author's Response:I really hope I am managing to portray how cold and cruel I think Walburga must have been.
It makes sense that a family like the Blacks would have tried to give a head start to their children, doesn't it? I expect most ambition driven, old blood families would have taken a similar approach.,
I had fun with that potion :D He could use it for so many things...
I completely understand what you mean about them sounding too old. I struggle with finding a way to convey the meaning I want using a child's vocabulary and way of speaking :(
Thank you for this wonderful review. Thank you even more for the constructive criticism. :)
*Transferred review from HPFF*
OMG,I had my hands over my eyes for most of this chapter!!
Walburga has me terrified. It seems there are no lengths to which she wouldn't go to prove a point or punish someone. Does the woman have any shred of maternal instinct in her at all? Poor Kreacher. There's no wonder he turned out so sour and unpleasant with masters like the Blacks, but it makes his extreme devotion to Walburga in the 5th book seem pretty strange and twisted.
I wonder what Voldemort wants with the map-maker, and if the cavern is the same one that Dumbledore took Harry to in the 6th book?
Oooh - one of Sirius's relatives is involved in all this. Someone short. Can't be Walburga; I can't see her casting a weak Crucio; Bellatrix, maybe? Or someone we're yet to be introduced to? Is she akin to a Voldemort "secret weapon"? I can't believe I missed this bit the first time I read this chapter.
Great use for the Anima brew! It's a shame Sirius didn't get to hang onto it and do something crazy with it at school, but at least it was put to a worthwhile use.
And out of all the characters I was MOST worried for the kitten, so I am so so glad you mentioned that Feather got through the incident unscathed. Phew!
I've just realised I seem to spend an inordinate amount of time talking about Feather; I just love cats, okay?! And I LOVE the idea of Sirius with a cat...
Looking forward to what's coming next; will Sirius and the map-maker make it out of the doughnut shop safely??
Keep on writing; I love your story! And thanks for introducing me to the homonculous charm on the HP Wiki!!
PnK x
Author's Response:
--I’m sorry 🤣 . I might be going too far with Walburga. She probably needs some redeeming qualities. But she does believe she is doing what is best for her sons.
You are absolutely right about Kreacher. Stockholm syndrome could be one explanation.
And I know this chapter was dark, but come on… I wouldn’t kill a kitten 🤣🤣🤣.
The cavern is a different one, though now that you mentioned it, the resemblance is pretty big. Voldemort, as usual, is after power.
And Sirius family is involved, of course. It is one of the reasons he will try to dissociate from them so early in his life, by choosing Gryffindor.
I would love your comments even if all you talked about was Feather. She is adorable :) :) :)
Thank you so so much for reading and reviewing! ♥ ♥ ♥
Hello again!
Oh whoops - did the kitten knock the water jug over? I wonder what attracted her attention through the window.
Who is the balding man that Walburga is conversing with and where are they going? This all seems highly unusual, given Walburga's opinion of anyone who isn't pure-blood.
I'm surprised the family let Mr Chiselski into their home if he dresses in (almost) Gryffindor colours, haha. If Sirius ends up in Gryffindor, will they blame him, I wonder?
The Anima brew sounds a lot of fun, but what a high-maintenance chore! I hope Sirius finds a good use for it if he takes it to school with him.
Walburga is pure evil. At first, I wondered whether there was going to be any Voldemort involvement when she left the house dressed as a muggle, but this was almost worse. What a cruel way to treat Sirius and his friends - very effective because there's no way that Sirius could defy her - but plain nasty. Imagine wanting to treat your own offspring like that.
I'm really enjoying this story.
PnK
Author's Response:Kitten was being curious. Kitten is nosy. 😺
Mr. Chiselski was dressed in Gryffindor colours... I am an idiot!!! 😂😂😂
Sirius will find a very good use for the Anima brew, and sooner than expected :)
Walburga IS evil... I am sorry to say she will probably get worse.
Thank you so much for reading this!!! 💖💖💖
That sounds like an absolutely horrible set of nightmares :((( That was very thoughtful of Regulus to bring him some breakfast.
What a grim punishment - owl droppings are revolting - and what a brilliant way of evading it! I love how creative the boys are at finding tasks for the owls although it must have been pretty tedious to write all those letters to relative sthey hardly know!! I wonder how long it took Regulus to paint a 5-ft portrait of Feather for his Aunt?? And why on earth do the Black family need twenty-two owls?! Did the boys leave the family with any owls or did they come up with enough work to occupy them all?
I don't think I've read any other fics with Orion in them. I've always imagined him to be a male version of Walburga but how you've written him is far more interesting. I hope he features more in your story.
Who is the 'old marauder' with the chest that won't open and the homunculus map? I guess there is some sort of tie with the marauders' map - the name and the nature of the creation? Love the link with canon here!
Love your story so far and looking forward to reading more.
PnK
Author's Response:Regulus is a sweet boy :) Too bad Walburga has a lot of influence over him.
The boys pretty much wrote the same letters to most of their relatives. They didn't care much about what they were writing.
I don't imagine the 5-ft portrait was any artistic masterpiece. It probably mostly took a lot of ink 😂
And why the family needs so many owls? I am not sure. But I am convinced they had them :D
They did leave a couple of owls, in case someone actually needs to send out mail.
As for the 'old marauder' and the map - I always thought that the marauder's map seemed like a very complex piece of magic to have been randomly created by four teenage boys. Neither of the teachers, nor even the headmaster possessed an instrument like that, which would have been very useful on multiple occasions. So this will be my lackluster attempt to give it a backstory 🙃
Thank you for noticing all the important bits in this chapter. Thank you for reading :) :) :)
Another good chapter! I love the dialogue, it feels really natural and flows really well and I love how it conveys a wizarding family and the types of things they’d be talking about. I like the glimpse into the giants and the hint at the rise of Voldemort. I LOVE the teasing about the sorting! Thought that was brilliant and very original! I also like how your dialogue adds characterisation in so few words, it gives the characters distinct personalities and that really adds depth to everything.
Author's Response:Thank you so much for the detailed review. You are amazing! I really appreciate the time you took.
I am glad you liked the teasing. I had a lot of fun writing that bit.
Your reviews make me smile :) :) :)
Clever opening to this chapter! The fact that we start with the latter half of a spoken sentence makes me feel as though I've just walked into the room and stumbled upon this conversation. Orion fascinates me; he seems to be quite a contrast to his wife. I doubt Walburga would have had anything positive to say about Rowena's squib relative.
I love how dark this fic is at the moment, apart from KITTEN!!! OMG. That was JUST the dose of cuteness this chapter needed to balance out the rising evil.
Bellatrix is already a piece of work, isn't she? But Sirius is right; burning poor Kreacher's hands is only going to delay the pudding. Which sounds delicious, by the way!
Your characterisation and creativity are amazing!
PnK
Author's Response:I feel like I'll run myself into a dead end with my charecterization of Orion, but I'm very hapy that so far he seem intriguing :)
KITTEN is a very important character 😂 Kitten is cute. Kitten is smart. Kitten is awesome!
I am glad you enjoy the dark parts in this. I didn't initially set off to write it like that, but it just makes sense in my head. Bellatrix is ... grrr 🤐🤐🤐
I expect Sirius will have much more fun once he gets to Hogwarts.
I very much appreciate your reviews. Thank you! 💖
Transferred from HPFF
Hello!
I thought I'd drop by and check out your story. What a great opening chapter to introduce us to Sirius' home life and his neighbourhood. I feel for Robin because she's obviously sad she's not yet received an owl; is she a squib or is her brother a muggle-born? I kind of feel like she might feature in the future as a potential partner for Sirius (or I might have read that completely wrongly, haha).
The portrait telling Sirius to run added a funny yet sinister touch. Looking forward to reading on and finding out what happens in the next chapter!
PnK
Author's Response:
Thank you for dropping by and taking the time to review. ♥ ♥ ♥
Robin's brother is muggle born, and at this point I don't know what Robin is. She was supposed to be a muggle, and only feature in the first chapters but I also feel like she would make an awesome witch. Well, this is so far a plotless WIP, so please bear with me :D.
I am impressed you noticed the bit with portrait. There is this song I had come across called "Run boy run" and it was playing in my head when I was writing this, but I never thought the feeling would come across.
You are a very perceptive reader!
Hi! I'm transferring the reviews I did on HPFF over here, except I've added to this first one because it was a bit rubbish.
I really liked this. I love the idea that Sirius has found some Muggle friends that he's sneaking off to play football with. It feels very much like something he'd do. I also think you captured him being young very well and I liked the accidental magic that was included. I was intrigued by Robin and I like that she recognised what he is. Is she a Squib or is she younger than Sirius? I wasn't too sure with the mentions of not getting her letter yet.
I really like your style too, it's engaging and funny without being silly and I look forward to reading more.
Author's Response:Thank you for transferring this. Your reviews were never rubbish. They made me very happy back on HPFF and this one makes me very happy now. I am glad that you think I have captured Sirius well. :) I am actually doing some small revisions on my chapters, based on what you mentioned before, about my characters sounding older than they are. You were absolutely right!
Robin is a muggle in my head for now... but honestly I am writing this whole thing without much advanced planning, so things might change. Reading your comment, I actually like the idea that she is just younger, because that means I wouldn't have to leave her behind for long.
Thank you so much fo reviewing!
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