Name: prideofprewett (Signed) · Date: 15 Mar 2022 10:46 AM · For: living on borrowed time

Deni, congrats on posting some original fiction here! This is such a fascinating introductory chapter! 

 

The way you describe Pluto's confinement and treatment throughout the proceedings of going upstairs (which we learn is an unusual thing in their routine) really speaks to this loss of agency and by extension, humanity. I am infinitely curious about Pluto, what they are, if not human, and you've sort of alluded to the fact that they might have special powers or not be entirely human. Anyway this does not excuse the loss of agency, but it's just something that I picked up on from reading this. 

 

I also sort of like that you're keeping us reader's in the dark as Pluto is being kept in the literal dark throughout this entire sequence. And then we se a sliver of light against the night sky alongside them as they are presented with this choice. I don't know if you intended it to feel that way, but that was my big takeaway from this opening chapter.

 

Anyway, I am most intrigued by what this research entails, what makes Pluto particularly special that they are both "the subject," but also qualified to conduct the research, who Dr Anwir really is and his motivations, who Aleina is (she has to be someone important because she has a name and other associated attributes to her, whereas the other personnel in this place do not), what is this place that Pluto is confined in...you stir up some great initial questions that make me want to read on to learn more. 

 

Well done!  

 

<3 Courtney

 

~* 98 rising through the ranks *~

Name: RonsGirlFriday (Signed) · Date: 06 Feb 2022 11:59 PM · For: living on borrowed time

Tag Deni!

 

Oh my gosh, this is a stunning opening chapter to this OF. I am absolutely gripped. First of all, the idea described in the story notes is wonderful, and then I love the way you're slowly unfolding the events and the truth about this world and Pluto in this chapter. It's so deliberate, never rushed, and I kind of felt like I was holding my breath throughout the whole chapter because I wanted to know more more more.

 

Your descriptive writing in this is just ahmazing. It's gorgeous and clear and I can see everything. The details you choose to communicate. The way you set a scene. The way you fold it in with all of Pluto's other thoughts.

 

We get a very strong sense already of what Pluto has suffered via the tone of this and the references to doctors and wires and experiments, where you don't have to be explicit but we know exactly what's going on, and we know she's been broken and she's seen as something subhuman. The way she thinks about the stars to sort of go to another place when they're doing things to her. :(

 

And then at the end here, even without you having to tell us all the details of how it is her powers interact with the magical world, we see it starting to unfold -- how even just having a glimpse of outside through glass starts to return strength to her, and that in turn affects the outside, which gives her more strength and it all feels very symbiotic. 

 

I am so eager for you to post more, this is an absolutely stellar idea and I love it.

 

<3 Melanie

Name: maraudertimes (Signed) · Date: 11 Jan 2022 02:30 AM · For: living on borrowed time

Deni!!! I am here for our swap and i can’t wait!!! <3

The note on this story is so interesting, i can’t wait to meet pluto and discover exactly what her abilities are, and perhaps there may be someone interesting that she meets who could be super hot and willing to help her out in this situation but i am getting ahead of myself so lets dive in!!!

Oh dang okay who is Aleina, and what did she do that has Pluto wanting her to hating her so easily? I’m guessing something worse started happening than the experiments…

Okay so already stars and constellations and the like are going to be very important but HOW?!?!? GIVE ME MORE DENI!!!

I have to wonder how long Pluto has been down there that ‘upstairs’ is just known as somewhere she doesn’t go. Also i feel so bad for her, she seems so broken just letting them move her wherever, but i hope that this is just so she can keep other parts of herself whole, by letting them break the unimportant ones?

Okay so im guessing Dr Anwir here is going to be a friend, not a foe, but i still gotta wonder if hes a little bit sinister… 

UGH THIS IS SO COOL DENI AND I LOVE THESE SORTS OF STORIES SO MUCH, I LOVE SOMEONE WITH POWER ON A LEASH FOR “THEIR OWN GOOD” AND THEY INEVITABLY GET STRONGER AND (hopefully) ESCAPE AND UGHHHHHHHH SO COOOOOOOLLL

If you couldnt tell i am very excited for this so pleeeeaaaasssseeeee update this soon okay?? Thank you for the swap lovely, this is AMAZING

 

Lo <3

Name: Felpata_Lupin (Signed) · Date: 07 Jan 2022 09:48 AM · For: living on borrowed time

Deni!!! :O

Oh, my! This is so good! Really, it's breathtaking, your descriptions, the atmosphere, the darkness... it's just stunning! And so, so sad...

Poor Pluto... and I'm already wondering, what will be the price? Because the offer is too good, and I don't trust Dr Anwir one bit... but after months, years, of that non-living, of being subjected to all kinds of tests and tortures, deprived of any sparkle of humanity and life energy... you know she's going to accept, no matter the price, right? I do wonder what his goal is, though... and I'm a bit scared to find out...

I'm intrigued by Aleina, too... I used to look forward to the sound of her heels on the cold, sterilized tile, a friendly face and a warm hug. Almost as if she is a link to her humanity... or was in the beginning... why did her visits stop? Is it because of what Anwir said? Because whatever she was hoping to gain from her tests didn't bring the results she hoped and she just lost interest? I'm curious to learn more about these researches... I'm also curious to learn more about Pluto's powers, and the reasons why she (and the others like her) is seen as dangerous by this society...

I'm fascinated by her link to the sky and the stars. I'm guessing her powers have something to do with that? And... did I already mention how much I love your descriptions? The ending there, with the storm, and the feelings it brought to Pluto! It's so beautifully written and so, so effective! Everything was so effective! I could feel her apathy in the beginning so strongly. You just have a wonderful style, it's beautiful! <3

This is brilliant, and the fact that it is your first OF project even more so! I always have the biggest esteem for people having the confidence to dig into OF and then share it! So congratulations on this brilliant work and thank you for sharing it with us! :D

I'll definitely be back when you post more! <3

Big snowball hug,

Chiara

Name: Crimson Quill (Signed) · Date: 06 Jan 2022 08:50 PM · For: living on borrowed time

 

Hey Deni!

 

So OF is so exciting and you already know that I'm so proud of you for getting your ideas out there. This story has so much potential! I'm going to start with the ending of the chapter first because this is what really stood out to me, I thought connection between the weather and how it made her feel was so perfectly played. she was creating it and you really did so well to bring that moment to life in such a powerful and vivid way. I love how you show that she was regaining some power back into her life. I feel like this whole chapter was like watching Pluto open up like a flower does to light. It was so good.

 

I also like the beginning too, that shock of light into Pluto's sleeping status. There is an air of confusion for both Pluto and the reader so it feels like I'm already connecting with her character even though we don't get to find out a lot about her in this chapter but just a couple of moments to suggest who she was before this happened to her. There is obviously such a story to be told here and you've teased it well. I think you do a really good job in this chapter at showing Pluto's mental state like she doesn't really know who she is. There is a numbness to her which is very powerful.

 

I think this story is going to lend itself to some beautiful and powerful scenes later in the story which I'm already so excited about. This chapter is giving like the stranger things/fifth element vibes from how she is kept like that but like darker. I can't wait to see Pluto's journey because there is a million different things you can do with this really vivid, interesting concept. This chapter did a really good job at setting the backdrop for the story. I need chapter 2 already!

 

Abbi xx

 

Name: grumpy cat (Signed) · Date: 05 Jan 2022 11:26 PM · For: living on borrowed time

you already know i love this but it's amazing and i love how original your idea is and i love lil demon!adjacent pluto and i love how she gathers up that storm at the end and how it makes her so so so damn alive when you've done such an amazing job of writing her fully numb, like zero feelings or whatever, just like she sparkled for a lil bit, but anyhow i love everything about this

 

?????