Name: WriteYourHeartOut (Signed) · Date: 18 Feb 2024 03:43 PM · For: Chapter 1

A lot of really unique choices in this story! I love the idea of twins who find out only one them is magical. That's really interesting to imagine happening! And it's cute, too, to have a twin as a love interest for George. It's interesting that she's had a crush on him for awhile, because she seems pretty stand-offish with him at the hospital, and even turns him down for tea, but perhaps there's a reason for that we'll discover later, or maybe she's just shy. I'm curiosu about why a skiving snackbox would cause hospitilization, though! Is it just that Muggles can't handle them and therefore shouldn't eat them? I'd love to see some of those things expanded on, cause I am definitely intrigued! Also you've made another big choice in saying Paul McCartney is the twins father! That's a pretty huge deal! LOL Anyway, I hope that her next meeting with George is under better circumstances and that she's a bit softer with him, as he seemed genuinely apologetic. It's a nice start to a story.

Name: Oregonian (Signed) · Date: 03 Nov 2023 02:21 AM · For: Chapter 1

Hi, Delaney.

I remembered having seen multiple comments about this story in the past, as to whether it was okay to include a living celebrity in the narrative.  So I was curious to see what the story was about when I saw that it had been accepted for posting.

That was a quirky start to your story -- Annie's sister being hospitalized after ingesting a Weasly Brothers canary cream.  I had to look up canary creams to remind myself of what happens if you eat one.  It turns out not to be dangerous -- you just transform into a yellow-feathered canary for one minute, then revert to your normal form -- but I see how it would be shocking and alarming to Nellie when it happened, and one minute would seem like an eternity in the midst of a crisis.  So I can understand that she was taken to St. Mungo's to check for lingering aftereffects, despite her feeling "fine" after the episode was over.  Perhaps people were a little over-reacting by saying that Nellie was "injured," but adulterating someone's food or drink as a joke is pretty bad behavior.

I see that Marcus Belby, a wizard, offers to take responsibility for the mishap, but we never learn why he felt he was to blame. Did he carelessly leave a canary cream lying around? 

At any rate, it makes for a fortuitous chance meeting between Annie and George.  Sparks of an old romance?  George seems to be willing to strike it up again by offering to share a cup of tea.  But Annie declines.  "Not right now."  At first I thought that meant she had some important thing to do at that moment, but no, she just goes home and feeds the cats.  (The cats probably think that was an important thing to do!)  Maybe she wants to take time to think about it.  George can still make her heart flutter, but what happened 2 or 3 years ago that makes her hesitate?

I like the two cats.  :)

I see that you have mentioned Paul McCartney in the story, and also his son James.  Do they actually play any role in the story, or must they stay strictly as part of the backdrop?

Good luck with the rest of your story.  You can never go wrong with a good romance! <3  thank you for writing!

Vicki

 

Author's Response:

The canary cream may have a reaction for a wizard but since Nellie is a muggle it might have an adverse reaction. Marcus gave it to her and brought her to St. Mungo's. Maybe it is a bit of an over reaction but I needed something.

 

James does make a few more appearances and so does Paul and the rest of the alive Beatles and Paul McCartney's brother too. George Harrison is Annie and Nellie's godfather and Dhani (George's son) is also a wizard but a halfblood. I haven't decided if Heather Mills is a witch or a muggle though.