FanficTalk Archive
Unleash Your Fandom
Absolutely gorgeous writing once again. You say so much with so little this chapter, and the way you write these characters and their chemistry and the angst of a break up combined with the pull of returning to something familiar that maybe they're both holding onto too tightly just makes me want to check this fandom out. It's just wonderful.
I am entirely unfamiliar with this fandom, but I want to start as many Inky noms as possible before casting all my votes, so I had to check this out anyway, and frankly, you don't need to be familiar with this fandom to understand the emotions happening here. Your writing is stunning, and it's so clear why this was nominated for the descriptions category, because that is certainly the highlight. You have such an effortless way with words, the whole chapter flows so smoothly and is almost poetic in its details. And the pain and hurt and difficulty of what the MC is going through here comes through beautifully. Really lovely.
Laura,
I am always amazed by your ability to turn a word, to paint a canvas with your words. I snickered a bit when your character was thinking that her description was a metaphor of sorts. Of course, it’s a metaphor. This is Laura’s writing. It’s one big figurative language (and just to prove the point, the next line “silence is a rope” is definitely a metaphor.) You’ve hit the moment of breakup perfectly. You know it’s metaphorically over but if you walk away it’s physically over too. (Getting over emotionally. . . but that’s probably for the next chapter.)
Beautiful writing!
I love that chamomile is the last chapter. I associate this tea with like sleepy time/bedtime, so I think it's very fitting you would end with this type of tea as a title. I also thought you wrapped this series up SO WELL with the inclusion of the white and gold dishes, white and gold being prominent colors used in other chapters. The motion of water and how it's falling into the cups...you used water for more than just tea in this, and I appreciate the continuation of it here up until the very end. Though in this scene, like with the movements, there's a sense of control and finality about everything. She is determined to care for him one more time in a way that is meaningful, but that's it.
I really loved this ending:
"slow and steady and sun-like
she's ready"
Because there is a surety in the sun rising. And there's a surety within her that this is the right thing. I loved that!
Excellent series, Laura! Everything you write is so thoughtful and lovely and this was no exception!
~ Courtney
There's a franticness to this single sentence stream of consciousness that sort of emulates how you feel when you're either highly caffeinated or drunk or both. I think too how her mind is jumping both between the actions occurring and her inward thoughts and feelings also clearly defines that particular state of mind when you are under outside influence.
And gosh there is a fear too and a desire to keep the peace. Which like, I think its natural whenever you are in a heightened state from alcohol and you care about the two people who have been fighting. I also like how it fades into nothing more than just the color of the lights and it stops suddenly, almost like she's blacked out or fallen asleep.
This chapter feels different from the others. There is a messiness on both the outside and inside in this chapter. Whereas before there's also been this outward image portrayed of "everything's fine/mostly fine" but inside is where all the messy emotions lie. Anyway, I appreciate the versatility of emotions and scenarios you have conveyed throughout this whole series! It really makes this collection special. :)
~ Courtney
Well you know I looked up the meaning behind chrysanthemum's and they tend to herald the start of autumn, but can also mean friendship, happiness, and well-being...which of course, is kind of the antithesis of how our main charrie is feeling at the moment. But the fact that her ex is in the middle of friends and she's sort of on the outside looking in...I think that is also very telling. The metaphor about homing pigeons also adds to the melancholic nature of this chapter. They always know where to go home and roost and while she's found him, similar to how a homing pigeon might, he's not "home," anymore and that is sad.
I particularly liked this phrasing though: "she weaves a latticed trail through the crowd to the other side - of the road, the river, the room" this sort of leads me to believe that they continuously cross paths that extend beyond this specific moment and she is constantly having to redirect herself to resist being drawn to him like a homing pigeon would be to its home.
This was a short, yet mighty chapter from an emotional standpoint!
~ Courtney
Laura, I love the mix of modern and "traditional," vibes that this chapter gives off. Like modern in the sense of the building, which serves to represent the current situation of things, but "traditional," in the way relationships are formed by way of match making and stuff. And also, the idea of saving gold in a vault in like a mountain or deep in the ground just feels like a very "old timey rich person," thing to do as well. But then there's this modern take on meeting in the stacks of a library, which is probably an unlikely place for a well to do union and stuff.
Also jasmine in itself feels like a very elegant fragrance, so I found that to be a very fitting type of tea to pair with this chapter.
I also think the conflict of "I want to be like your Mom, but I hate all this gold, but I love you," speaks of wanting to have an image of something, but not necessarily the substance behind it. Which I think could be a commentary about how society makes us feel like we should aspire to share our lives with a partner and should aspire to these high standards of wealth and living. But sometimes people don't want that. Or they think they do and then later on they don't.
Anyway, I felt like once again you're saying a whole lot through very few (yet meaningful) words.
~ Courtney
The word hibiscus in itself just kind of explodes on your tongue when you say it. And it evokes a tropical, fruity sort of connotation. So the imagery of being on a beach as you describe it, really suited the title of this piece. I also like the contrast between the beachy imagery with the bitterness of the words being spoken. Pet names do sort of suit to young romance, right? So of course, someone who is more mature and/or not willing to remain romantic might have opinions about using them. I also wonder if our two characters here are opposite in the way that one is more of a romantic than the other? Especially since there's kind of this shame associated with using pet names.
That end line though really speaks to dating in our modern world though. I immediately thought of ghosting and how some people just can't disengage with one another like in generations past. But also, it could speak to a desire to not wanting to say anything because it's more comfortable to exist, even if you aren't truly happy?
There's a lot of dual meaning to be found in this chapter (or so I think), so I really found it to be a thought provoking chapter! :)
~ Courtney
Also, the appearance of water in both this chapter and the previous one caught my attention as well. Water is used to make tea, but also exists in other forms. Yes, such a basic concept, but the fact that there is rain in this chapter and water is leaking through the roof a bit while it's also boiling in a clay pot, the whole flow of that was exceptionally graceful. I don't know if it was intentional, but I just felt this very melancholic flow to the opening of this chapter in the way you described both things.
Also, the appearance of rain often signals rebirth or a new beginning and we definitely get the sense that this is not the rebirth or new beginning our narrator was seeking. Reusing a party for a different function has got to be exceptionally difficult. I wonder if the dress she wears is the dress that was intended for the engagement party. Because that makes it sad. A graduation party is meant to be a happy occasion, celebrating a significant milestone. But given the circumstances of the breakup, this celebration is tempered with a sadness.
But the tea in this one feelings comforting. With how you depict it as warm and then she's leaning into Luo Qingyang. In previous chapters the mentions of tea were like tea in a less than stellar form or a yearning for a tea that did not exist. Here there is some comfort, so I wonder if we're close to the rebirth moment in the following chapters! :)
Well done and beautiful writing as always, Laura!
~ Courtney
This idea that sadness can permeate into things that don't fully understand it like the ocean and other fish was really intriguing to me. Just as the thought that we as humors find solace or despair in things that don't necessarily cause direct harm to us. And I feel like that's what is happening here in this chapter.
Also there is something about floating in a calm sea while there's a storm of emotion inside of you that is very poetic as well. I do like the idea of oolong tasting of melons. I immediately thought of people who salt their melons lol. I know that is not what is happening here, but I think the contrast between sweet and salty is very palpable within this chapter.
"there's no reference points in the ocean; no red-lit shop signs or gleaming glass-sided towers to string a path home, just
blue and nothing and nothing and blue"
^^ I really found this to be poignant as well. Sometimes all you can do is exist through a break up and sometimes that is enough. But the despair is so heart wrenching in this statement and I sincerely hope our guest does not float out to sea because I am really enjoying this series! :)
~ Courtney
This is a really interesting chapter Laura! There's a little bit of chaos with the internal swearing, but even with the chaos, there is still control because she cannot bring herself to say the words out loud. And then even with all the anger swirling around inside of our character here, she remains collected enough to pour the tea, to pick out the right tea cups, and still find some semblance of peace in spite of all the wild emotions roiling within her.
Also, maybe it's just the ceremony that prompted you to select green tea. But I know that green tea is also good for your mind and I think that it's significant that you chose it here when there's all this internal conflict happening...and then she doesn't even drink it. So yeah, it's like a rejection of that bit of self care.
Anyway, I was very intrigued by this one! Fab job!
~ Courtney
So I know nothing about tea (coffee just owns me :P), but after researching darjeeling and discovering that it is kind of fruity and effervescent, I started looking for things in this piece that might mirror that. I think in the brightness of the clothes that you describe and in the starlight, I can see that. But there is a hastiness about our narrator's departure and a lingering pang of bitterness about her leaving, which contrasts to the described taste of darjeeling.
I did think it was significant that a champagne yellowed dress could be "soured dark," whether by the experience of who they were wearing it for or when they were with that person, but I thought the choice of color and those words was telling that something that was once bright and sweet was now ruined. And now I'm wondering if these prompts all deal with "ruined tea," or tea not in its best form. I guess I'll just have to keep reading to find out! :)
~ Courtney
Laura, here to spread some love for the reviewing event!
"the teacup in her hands is cold - the tea is cold, too, the heat leached out of it"
^^ it IS a metaphor of sorts. I loved how there was this slow reveal of a relationship gone cold and how there's not only individual disappointment but familial disappointment as well. That leads me to believe that this was a serious relationship and those are the most difficult to leave, particularly whenever there's history and a strong connection that remains.
"the butterflies in her stomach are asleep, for once."
^^ I also thought this was very telling as well and another indication of those first flutters of happiness one feels in a relationship and how they now remain dormant. That is just such a lovely way of conveying that sentiment, Laura.
I am always blown away by the way you express certain emotions through these metaphorical phrases. This chapter/story is no exception. I'm looking forward to seeing more about the different kinds of tea and how they align with the stories you have in this collection. Great job! :)
~ Courtney
oof, laura, this one hit
i love the metaphors of the ocean and of grief; they work so well here because they can both feel endless and you can either sink or swim with both. and i thought it was interesting that you kept bringing up salt and i wonder if it was on purpose because the whole salt in the wound thing - i'm not sure what the connection here is, exactly, but i know it sometimes makes things more painful
and that last line was really brilliant because in the same way you can be lost at sea, you can be lost in grief and just keep floating until you eventually see land or you eventually start to pull yourself out of the weight of it
excellent with this as always <3
*written for R&D*
Oh. Oh no. I don’t like the sound of that last line at all. I mean, I know it’s the last piece in the collection, but still. Ominous doesn’t even begin to cover it.
I’m not going to pretend that I know what she’s going to say, other that it’s some version of good-bye, and that’s so fitting for the end of this collection. It was so beautiful, I might even cry a little.
I have enjoyed this collection very much, with your poetic prose and your vivid scenes, and even though I don’t know the backstory and I hardly know the characters, I feel like you have introduced me to them in a very intimate way.
Bravo!
Pix
Ok, THIS one is a fantastic rush of movement right after a hard swing, and I love the condensed motion and the confusion, and the way she’s re-evaluating her feelings here, with the two men who were - not necessarily fighting over her, because I didn’t see what started it - but it’s clear that she’s being removed from the situation, perhaps for her safety, but it also removes her from being able to respond to what happened, and I’m just left with this feeling of wanting her to say something to either of them, or to both of them, to let them know which way the situation should have turned, or is turning, or will turn. But it’s all up in the air in this moment.
It is glorious!
Pix
Oh wow. She’s in for it now. She knows what she wants, and yet she’d rather be wanted than to admit her own want. Interesting. And I just had chrysanthemum tea the other day, and it was sweet and at the same time, too sweet… and also, at the same time, it needed that spoon of sugar.
So I think I understand this.
Pix
Hi! Congratulations on finishing this collection! I am here to finish reviewing it!
“The headache of cream”... never heard that phrase before, but it’s going to live with me for a long while now. You really have a way with cool phrases, and I love how it paints such a clear picture of what the characters are feeling. It’s hard, when she’s so sure of her own feelings, to be able to express them in a way that she thinks he will understand. Is it the ostentatiousnes of it all? Is it the way they are so open with their wealth?
I mean, they did bring up in conversation that matching people based on similar ranking is usually done, and how it doesn’t matter, and looking at this through her eyes, it very much matters. She doesn’t connect with the external of it at all. I don’t think it’s the wealth per se. I think it’s something deeper. And I think that’s the part she’s going to have a hard time explaining.
Awesome piece!
Pix
laura! here to spread some holiday cheer <3
these little flash fiction pieces keep getting better and better, and i think this one is my favorite so far. i could honestly feel the tension and the anger from the very beginning, and i imagine part of this could be cathartic, too. she's screaming in her mind how much she hates him, and yet, she's very calmly preparing tea and plotting her next move in revenge. there's something almost kind of eerie about it, and i love how you can create such a powerful moment in less than 500 words and it's so, so good
and the final image of her tossing the tea - even though it's traditional, you can tell that it's almost symbolic for her as well, that she wants to let go of this resentment and anger and move forward. and now that she's let those thoughts in and kind of come and go, maybe she can start to move on
also, i have noticed that you're writing this out of chronological order, which is very interesting because i do love a good non-linear plotline
excellent work with this as always, friend <3
laura! [*SNOWBALL*]
your words always manage to pack a punch, and it's incredible the agnoy you can make me feel in less than 200 words. this moment should be so beautiful, the two of them reconnecting, but she knows what it is - and you remind us of that in a single sentence at the very end
but i also love how beautiful your words are; the beginning is slow and it captures the movement of the light so wonderfully, and it really paints a picture of what's happening in that room. and this - when did your legs get so long - really feels like a gutpunch, too, because it's clearly been a while since they've been together - and it makes that last line hurt even more
another excellent piece of writing, friend <3
laura! *tosses snowball*
i'm so happy to be back on your ap. your writing is so gorgeous, as always; i always admire your ability to take single moments in time - and especially single moments in relationships, and it can be the most heartbreaking thing. i love how jiang is at least honest with herself. she knows she can't stay here and she doesn't even want to stay here. and the moment is so painful because jin doesn't fight her, either - the why would you make more tea? is almost like why would you still stay without him saying it
i can honestly feel jiang's disappointment in this moment, but i feel like there's a part of her that hasn't quite registered that it's over. and that's why she stays, because she doesn't want to really admit to the pain and the loss of the end of a relationship and it makes me want to hug her a little bit
excellent job with this, friend <3 happy holidays!
I am super familiar with hibiscus tea. I love hibiscus tea, and agree that it’s a great pairing with young, happy vibes and a beautiful life with so much to look forward to, and summer and the beach. I am also very nervous about what you’re going to pair it with. So far, it’s been angst and sadness and longing for distant things that cannot be touched, and I just want to give this girl several hugs. And a punching bag. She sounds like she might need one of those.
Okay, yes. She definitely needs that punching bag. I love how you paint this full picture of exactly what happened without telling us exactly what happened, and if that’s not mastery of subtext, I don’t know what is. I really loved the craft you put into this one.
Speaking of craft, I read in some writing piece, from an author I highly respect, a piece of advice on plotting. It comes to mind here, because the author specifically states that you can’t write a scene where someone is just “sitting around, drinking tea”. Her point is that something in the scene must change for it to be a scene.
Obviously, this piece is a brilliant, high-art example of how to write an entire story that revolves around drinking tea and makes it work. Because every scene is packed with so much intensity, and the tea is a part of the character’s experiences, and if this wasn’t such a sad, sad bit of remembrance for this character, I’d be laughing in delight at how well you are making this format sing with all the colors.
I thoroughly enjoyed all of this. Again, I don’t know the fandom, but I hope, for this character’s sake, that she gets some happy tea times at some point. Otherwise, I’m going to have to come back with a needle and thread and try to patch my heart up before the next installment.
Pix
Okay, I haven’t had silver needle tea, but I have had generic white tea, so I’m pretending I have a reference point for this flavor. I know I like it, but I’ve only had the stuff that comes out of a bottle. I should rectify that.
But I don’t think I want this particular tea at this particular moment. The sky has opened up and let her know that it cries the way that she can’t right now, in the middle of this canceled celebration for a thing that won’t be, in lieu of a thing that is, but let’s not spoil the food.
“Elegance that is all supernatural” is my favorite phrase.
Also this:
“The stiff way Jin Zixuan had used to hug her, as though he wasn’t quite sure how it worked”
… is adorable and sad and filled with so much packed into it that I just want to frame it and hang it up somewhere to examine closer when I’m not filled with so much of this melancholy that you’ve served up.
I’m glad the sky is crying for her. Someone’s gotta let all of that out.
Pix
I am familiar with oolong, and I actually like this flavor of tea. Would drink it without the sugar. It’s got more punch than the green tea, but then seventeen always packs a bigger punch than sixteen.
I’m a big fan of the sea and sea metaphors and anything having to do with pulling nature into words. Specifically sea salt. It’s the way I knew I was close to home on the highway, when I could smell the salt in the air, even with the windows rolled up.
You make wallowing look so, so pretty! Stop that! Lol. No, don’t stop. This is also great!
Pix
Okay, this is interesting, because as the flavors of these teas are becoming more familiar, these moments are becoming more intense. What exactly are you doing with this? Whatever it is, I am here for it!
That first paragraph is so intense, all those ripped up, furious thoughts using the word that she hates, just :chefkiss: about all of that. I love how the presence of the tea gives her a sense of calm, like it’s her friend soothing her down from her ledge.
This is super cool, the way you are using the tea ceremony to center her, as she plans her next move. I love how these traditions are steeped in purposeful movements that also still the mind, and how this is something she needs to do in this moment. The tea sounds delicious, but the purpose of throwing that first cup away is so symbolic of what’s happening on the inside.
How you built up the tension was fantastic, because even though I knew it was part of the ritual, I actually felt the loss of that first cup of tea. Because I was so wrapped up in the words that I almost forgot about that being a thing.
Love this!
Pix
Any access or use of the FanficTalk Archive is conditioned upon compliance with our Site Guidelines and Terms of Service and the Copyright Policy and Privacy Policy contained therein. Should you have any questions about them, you are very welcome to contact any of our archive validators. For advanced searching, please click here.
Any characters, source code, text, or titles contained herein which are recognizable as copyrighted material are the sole property of their owners.