Name: PinsandKneazles (Signed) · Date: 18 Mar 2022 11:32 AM · For: Supernova

Hi Mel, I'm here for a galazy review! Glad to have come across this story and thought I'd delve in :) And having just read the end-note first (of course), I realise that you wrote one of my favourite WIP stories (The Morning Waffle) - can I persuade you to dust it down and re-post it here as I really did love it?

 

Anyway, back to this story. What a sweet start; James is about to play a match for Puddlemere United, but he still has time for a pleasant conversation with a young fan and some kind words of advice. 

 

UGH NO!! James did not deserve that, a double bludger attack to the arm :( 360 days a year is a better number and I think the Romans used a 360-day calendar, back in the days before anyone in the western world knew about the earth orbiting the sun. Love Lily's comment about James pulling weird faces even when unconscious, haha!

 

What devastating news :(( Harry delivered it as sympathetically as he could, and my heart broke a little when he said he couldn't care less about the Quidditch or James's tears...but if Quidditch is James's life, what's he gonna do now?

 

:sadeyes:

 

Meera <3

 

 

 

 

Author's Response:

Hi Meera!!

 

Ahhh I can't believe you remember The Morning Waffle!?!? :heart eyes: I really did enjoy writing it and I do hope to get back to posting at some point. I need to fix a few things that were either just shit writing or kind of problematic (Melanie 12 years ago was even more imperfect than she is now, though I feel that's pretty typical). Also back when I was writing it I was absolutely pantsing the plot so there's that too. XD

 

But anyway yes, this is James's little origin story that I did for a fun challenge. The first few chapters are an angst fest haha -- but in later chapters I get to introduce Fred and Albus which is fun (and Hugo sort of indirectly). I really do/did enjoy writing them. Thank you for reading this and encouraging me to pick up TMW again -- it might be the kick in the arse I needed.

 

Melanie <3

Name: potionspartner (Signed) · Date: 12 Jul 2020 12:11 PM · For: Supernova

The interaction with the little fan was a great way to show that James isn’t your stereotypical arrogant sports player. He has a softer side (although he does love his dose of adoring fans too.)

Ouch! What are the changes of getting hit by two bludgers within two seconds. The match was well paced and logically sequenced-easy to follow until two bludgers came out of nowhere.

Okay, Harry we agree that the calendar is rather annoying but it still has to lie up with rotations and revolutions--remember astronomy class back at Hogwarts. Banter among siblings  (and chiding/correction of language by parents) was amusing and established that typical relationship. James seems obsessed with the date or maybe that’s just demonstrating that his brain is still a bit fuzzy.

If anyone understands being a Seeker, it’s Harry, so he’s a good one to explain it to him and his laughing and response at the end. Were they harsh or supportive?

 

Great job, Melanie. Looking forward to the next chapter.

Name: LadyMarauder (Signed) · Date: 24 Jan 2020 04:45 PM · For: Supernova

Ahhh I loved this opening chapter so much! 

 

I thought it was a really great start that the story begins with the little boy meeting his idol, because it could be anyone meeting their idol with the excited conversation and asking for an autograph - I’ve been there. Picture a nine-year-old me meeting David Beckham… story for another day!

 

Anyway, James’s reaction was perfect and it comes across even from the opening that James adores Quidditch, and obviously from David’s excitement, he’s clearly a great player. It was a really good set up for what was to come at the end of the chapter.

 

Your description of the match was great. Quidditch games can sometimes be a little boring to read if it isn't done right, as it can just be huge chunks of match commentary, so this was spot on for me. Little chunks here and there mixed with James's inner monologue, gave it just the right balance and made it really interesting. Then came the injury...two Bludgers! That was so harsh, I can't believe you could do that to James, YOU MONSTER! 

 

Ahem, sorry about that. The ending was really, really heartbreaking. His realisation that his career is pretty much over must have been really awful for him and you brought that across so well. The description of him trying not to cry, but it having the opposite effect just felt so realistic. His conversation with Harry at the end really made me want to cry for him.

 

Your characterisation was great and I loved the interactions with all the family, though Al seems to work a pretty full on job - that sounds interesting. Anyway, I'm looking forward to finding out where this takes James and his career. 

 

Great chapter! - Tasha xx

Name: Crimson Quill (Signed) · Date: 23 Jan 2020 10:24 PM · For: Supernova

 

Hey!

 

I've been meaning to check out your authors page for a while. I thought the concept of this story was really good. It's not something that I've seen before. I love how you showed James in his Quidditch life with his little fan. I thought it was really cute because it just shows the reader what a nice guy he is as well. I think we see a lot of cocky JSP but I really enjoyed how you've written his character so far. I think the fact that he is really nice boy kinda really gets the angst about his injury more emotional. I'm really feeling for him.

I really like your description of the Quidditch. I always find it difficult to write these kinda scenes but I love the description in those scene. I think it was really effect the way that you've describe James' feelings towards Quidditch. You're really pushing that the emotional heart strings. I think the little tradition about touching the doorframe was such a cool little detail that I just really love in stories.

I love the scene in the hospital. I think his family are going to be quite important in him coming to terms with what happened to him. I love Lily and Ginny especially "Back in the day I made quite a career out of gawking at your father's lifeless body, so I suppose I'm a glutton for punishment," I really like this quote, it's so on the nose. I laughed at it but it's almost dark but it has ginny's trademark sass to it which I love. I do like seeing Ginny and Harry as parents. Harry is doing some of his best parenting in the last section.

 

I think you've done such a good job at writing the initial reaction from James. The reaction feels like real like that first moments of disbelief from James. He is trying to see the positive and he isn't really listen to what Harry is saying. he just doesn't want to believe it. I really feel that. It is really crushing when he has that first moment of realization. I thought you do such a good job at evoking the emotion within James with that his inner monologue about things never being the same was hard hitting. I'm just glad that Harry is there for James, letting him be upset. I think men do feel like they have to say sorry for being emotional. I'm really glad about how you wrote Harry's reaction to that.

 

I'm really looking forward to seeing what you're going to do with this story but there is just so much you could do with this story. I can't wait to see how you're going to tell James' story. Great job on this first chapter!

 

Abbi xx

 

Author's Response:

Hi Abbi! Thanks so much for stopping by my AP and picking up this little story. I was happy to finally finish it after so many years.

 

I frankly still think of this version of JSP as a wee bit cocky, which sometimes in retrospect I wonder whether I didn't play up as much as I wanted in this fic, but I think I sort of get at it obliquely here and there, whether in this chapter or future chapters. But anyhow, I do think he is a really good soul in general here.

 

Thank you for your comments on the Quidditch scene (definitely not my forte), as well as him touching the doorframe!

 

You're right about his family, and they will feature pretty prominently in the last few chapters. Writing Harry and Ginny as parents is frankly a delight. Harry seems he'd be a slightly more reserved sort, but still supportive and steady, and Ginny loving but direct and getting her little kicks from saying things for shock value to her kids.

 

Thank you for reviewing!

Melanie

Name: clairevergreen (Signed) · Date: 23 Jan 2020 08:30 PM · For: Supernova

Hello! Here for the HPFT review event :)

It has been a while since the last time I wrote a review, so bear with me if it's utter nonsense :P

I will say, I do love a good James Sirius story, especially one that focuses on Quidditch.

I love how you just dumped us right into the middle of the story without any overly long explanation about what had happened before the moment the story began. The fact that a little kid is asking for his autograph and his mom blushed when James smiled at her was more than enough to let us know just how good he was without you needing to ramble on and on trying to prove it to us. James seems so sweet and down to earth and I'm really excited to see how his personality plays out later in the story.

I cannot imagine how much pain he must be in after the kind of injury not even magic could fix. And for it to end his dream career? That would honestly kill me. Adding his family into this chapter like you did was a brilliant move. I love how Harry and Ginny interact with each other and none of their banter seems forced at all. Ginny repeatedly insisting that it was March 1st was a perfect comedic relief to the tense and life altering conversation that had to happen next. And Harry's last line killed me. I love that he's clearly a supportive dad no matter what the circumstances are and I really can't wait to see more of them interacting later on.

I will definitey be back again for the next chapter. Can't wait to read more!!

Name: cambangst (Signed) · Date: 20 Jan 2020 03:43 PM · For: Supernova

Hi, Melanie! I had some spare time and I saw that you were the last post in Review Tag. It was a perfect coincidence.

 

James seems like a really good guy. I loved the interaction between him and his young fan. The way that he made a point of taking the time to talk to the lad and insisted that they be on a first-name basis. You can tell that James sincerely loves interacting with his fans, which makes him a pretty solid guy in my book. Sure, we could find out all kinds of things about him later on, but at least he's good with the kids.

 

He rose about twenty meters higher than the rest of the players and started scanning the stadium methodically, his dark brown eyes focused on everything and nothing. -- That's exactly what I'd assume you would need to be a great Seeker. Intense but diffuse concentration, which sounds like a contradiction until you think about it. 

 

Getting to the scene with James's injury, this was a place where I wish you'd given us more. I'm guessing that this isn't ultimately a story about Quidditch, but still it felt kind of abbreviated. James is a highly-rated professional Seeker, so it stands to reason that he'd have to be pretty good at spotting and avoiding bludgers. I think it would be neat to know how whether something was distracting him when that first bludger managed to make contact, or whether a Chudley Beater made a particularly good play. Just a few more details to make the moment fit with James's stellar reputation.

 

In James's hospital room, I thought you created a nice tone of dramedy with a bit of tragedy thrown in. Tramedy? The Germans probably have a word for this. Anyhow, the bit about February 29th vs March 1st was a nice little running gag to keep the scene from feeling too heavy. I think it also emphasized the tension running through the entire family. James is not going to be able to play Quidditch at a high level, certainly not right away, possibly not ever again. The family knows this and they know he's going to be crushed by the news. It's easier to bicker over the date than to face that head-on.

 

Harry was probably the best choice to deliver the news to James, being both a Seeker and a person who's dealt with his share of bad news in life. He isn't unkind, but he's honest and pragmatic. The odds are not in James's favor. And his response to James apologizing was perfect. Perfect Harry. Perfect dad. Just perfect all around.

 

Everything flowed really nicely in this. You write very well and it's easy to get immersed in the story. I'll definitely check out more of it!

 

-Dan

 

Author's Response:

Dan, thank you for giving this story some love!

I'm going to start out with your con crit about James's injury; I completely understand where you're coming from, and I agree with you and will probably go back and end up revising that at some point. It does strike me as being some lazy writing, and even when I was editing up the chapters before posting them here from HPFF, the thought occurred to me but I guess I was also having a bout of lazy revising. :P I guess the thought in my mind as to why the Bludgers seemed to come out of nowhere is that once the Seeker has actually located the Snitch, he literally can't take his eyes off it or risk losing it again, so that might account for him having more of a blind spot and being more vulnerable at that point. But obviously, this information is much more useful in the story than in a review response!!

I'm glad you liked the beginning interaction with the boy! Sometimes I wondered it might come off as hokey, even though in reality I meant it to be slightly stereotypical and idyllic.

Like I said in my author's note, I could have scrapped all the silly elements of the original challenge and done away with the line about 360 days vs 365, but I thought it did lend itself nicely to that oddball conversation in the hospital, and something I've always loved about HP is those bits of quirk, even verging on the ridiculous, even while dealing with serious topics, so I kept it -- I'm glad you liked it!

Germans really do have the best words for describing things there are no English words for. I wish I did know one for this!

I really, really adore writing parent-child moments, and I'm happy you liked Harry's and James's interaction here.

Thank you again!

Melanie